Sometimes I don’t get it. Why would anyone like to live in Alaska? It’s cold for most of the year, with Grizzly and Polar bears that will eat you alive. I’ll bet the internet connections are troublesome, too. Yet, there are people who will move there. I wouldn’t ever want to move there.
There are also restaurants I can’t stand. I won’t name the restaurant, but it serves hamburgers. I think it’s just an overpriced burger that isn’t even that great! And yes, I have friends that will say, “Let’s meet at <that burger joint> and talk some things over!” I’m thinking anywhere but there! I hate that place! How can anyone like that place? The fact is, what you don’t know may be why.
Can’t give it back
Once I was at a Christmas Party, and we played Dirty Santa. This means we all brought a wrapped gift with no name and put them under the tree. We then drew numbers and drew from 1 to 45. Number 1 went first. He/she opened the gift. Then it was Number 2’s turn. They could either pick a wrapped present or “steal” an unwrapped one they wanted. I was number 2. I didn’t really want a DVD of a movie I had seen, so I opened a new gift. It was a squeegee; you know, it had a handle and you clean your windshield with it.
My thoughts immediately went to, “Great, I’m stuck with this!” I mean, who would want a squeegee at a Dirty Santa game? As the game went on, I say incredible presents that I would give anything to steal had it been my turn. Pretty soon, each time they called number, I stood and jumped up and down, yelling, “Squeegee! Squeegee! You know you want this squeegee!” Everyone would laugh and I’d sit back down when they’d say, “No way! You’re stuck with that!”
What’s not important to you may be important to others
They called another number, and there I was – jumping up and down – using every sales tactic in the book to get that squeegee out of my hands! And a man stood up and walked right up to me and said, “I’ll take that squeegee, thank you very much!”
The room erupted in laughter! I was thinking, “Is this guy an idiot? What is he thinking?!” Everyone was shocked that he actually took a squeegee! And as he walked away from me, he said, “I’m a truck driver, and my squeegee just broke! This is answered prayer!” The room erupted again, this time in applause!
Don’t judge too quickly
When someone reacts a way you cannot understand, remind yourself, “There’s gotta be a reason for that.” When someone enjoys something you don’t enjoy, remind yourself, “There’s gotta be a reason for that.” When someone wants something you don’t want, remind yourself, “There’s gotta be a reason for that.” Their reasoning may differ from yours, but the reason may be a valid one too them.
I once facilitated a couple who told me a story. They were choosing a house and he wanted brick when she did not. She made up a story that he was just not wanting to give her what she wanted. She finally gave in and they got brick. She just asked herself a simple question: Does he love me and want the best for me? Her answer was yes, so she realized that there’s gotta be a reason for that. Now, 15 years later, she is so glad to have brick! It doesn’t need to be painted or maintained, and it give you better insulations and protection from the weather! When she told him she was now glad, he replied, “I was only trying to give you the best – to take care of our family the best way I could.” And she saw his reasoning – his perspective.
Reasons are relative
The next time someone treats you wrong, there is a reason for that. It’s probably because they were hurt, because hurt people hurt people. When someone cuts you off in traffic, take a breath and realize there’s a reason for that. Maybe it’s because they are rude, but maybe they are in a hurry to get somewhere, scared that if they’re late one more time they might lose their job. Both are possible reasons, but I find peace when I choose to believe the better one. Stress is relieved and I just a happier person.
InThe Journey Training, we talk about how we “make up stories” and connect the dots – sometimes jumping to the wrong conclusion. We also talk about how every choice you make has an end result. By reminding yourself there’s gotta be a reason for that, you’ll diffuse arguments, lower your stress, and possibly see things from a different perspective. Our trainees are given dozens of tools like this to help them live a happier, more productive life – giving them the results they want! Why don’t you sign up and see what stories you’ve been making up in your life? You probably just made up a story while reading the last paragraph, too… And that is why you should sign up today!
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Do you ever feel like you are in the right place at the right time, yet you just don’t feel fulfilled? Has anyone ever told you that you are, “Looking at it all wrong?” Let me humor you with an account of my trip to the Grand Canyon and the lessons I learned on the way.
My 3 month old and I were smushed into a van full of missionaries and after 20 hours of driving we arrived at our destination – The Grand Canyon. Ahh! We arrived just as the rain was stopping. I made it! Now what? If I only sit in the van, I am at the destination. But am I enjoying the full experience of being there? No. Is my purpose of being there simply to check in on Instagram? No. Obviously there has to be more as to why I struggled to get to this destination.
So I got out of the van and stretched in the drizzle soaked parking lot. As I breathed that glorious air, I listened to the birds singing, the leaves rustling in the wind, and people ooo-ing and ahh-ing. Now I have arrived. But is this all there is? All I could see were some trees, a pile of cement blocks that marked off some parking, and overflowing trash cans – some view! Really? This is why people come to the Grand Canyon? I was not impressed and I wanted to get back into that van and head home, unsatisfied and disappointed. Maybe I missed what I was supposed to be doing. There I was, standing in a cement jungle a thousand miles away from my husband holding a fussy baby. UGH! I wanted to go back home. That was me quitting and giving up on the reason I traveled this far.
My friend saw me standing next to the van and said, “Hey, you’re looking at it all wrong. Don’t stand here staring in the parking lot! Turn around and see the beauty of the Grand Canyon! Come on. Look this way!” Well, let me tell you, once I turned away from the parking lot and focused on the Grand Canyon, I saw it – and it WAS beautiful! It was much more than I expected, and it took my breath away. The sun caught the last of the rain clouds and the most magnificent rainbow appeared! It beamed over the Grand Canyon from one ridge filling the entire sky all the way to the other ridge, brightly proclaiming that God keeps His promise! Finally, I was standing at the Right Place, in the Right Moment, and Facing the Right Way.
Looking in the right direction gets your eyes off of your parking lot of problems which can leave you feeling frustrated, irritable, wanting to quit, and going nowhere. Looking in the right direction can bring you to see the vastness of God’s purpose and plan for your life. While standing in that position with my vision refocused, my purpose became crisp and clear. I would have missed the rainbow if I had continued staring at the parking lot. But someone helped me adjust my focus and I didn’t miss it!
What is your Right Place? It is the place where God has led you. It could be a place of employment, a place to eat, a place to serve, and even a place for entertainment. Don’t miss your Right Place by staying home. And don’t be afraid to make adjustments once you are in that place.
What is your Right Moment? In the book of Esther it says, “For such a time as this.” In Ecclesiastes it says, “To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven.” Now is the time. You are in the right season, but are you facing the right way? Do things look blurry, unfocused and uncertain? Don’t be afraid to look around, turn around and see the bigger picture. There is a view that is much better than you can imagine by adjusting your focus.
I was in the right place at the right time facing the right way. You can be there, too.
Answer these questions: Am I in the right place? Is this the right moment? Am I looking at it from the right perspective? Do I need to change my focus?
If any of these answers were “YES,” consider attending The Journey Training to obtain the tools you need to refocus your vision. Like my friend who turned me around and changed my perspective, The Journey Training will come alongside you on your life’s journey to help you turn from a parking lot view to the Grand Canyon view. Come and see how your new vision of life can be beautiful and fulfilling. You just might find that you’ve been there all along…just not facing the right way!
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Perspective: “a particular attitude toward or way of regarding something; a point of view.”
Almost two years ago, Lisa and I made the decision to move to Nashville Tennessee so that I could continue to grow a consulting firm located there and stop traveling so often from Dallas. We ended up choosing a new home that was under construction and we were able to still make most of the final design choices. It’s a beautiful home with most of things we have always wanted, including genuine hard wood floors.
If you’ve had real hard wood floors, you know they take some work to keep them looking nice. Last weekend I had the opportunity to clean and mop all of the wood. As I was working I became focused on the scratches that Duke, our 2 year old – 90 pound black lab, has created. There are lots of scratches and some are very deep. I began to get very angry about what he has done to our beautiful new floors. I also got mad at the builder for not doing a better job or using more durable materials. Let’s just say that I really started to scrub the floor! Can you relate to this story?
REMEMBERING WHY!
Suddenly, I was overcome with a new feeling and thoughts that stopped me and moved me to tears. I believe I was overcome by the Holy Spirit, and God was using this moment to show me a new perspective. In that moment, I really looked at the scratches and was reminded of the reason we got Duke in the first place.
Almost three years ago, we lost Boomer, our faithful friend of 14 years. Boomer was a 14 year old chocolate lab and he had been our daughter’s best friend since she was four years old. Amanda loved him more than anything and she was heartbroken and somewhat lost without him. It had been about 8 months and Amanda desperately wanted a new puppy as we were about to make the move to Nashville. Lisa and I wanted to wait, but we knew that we had to help Amanda through this transition. We found Duke when he has 9 weeks old and he moved to Nashville with us.
A NEW PERSPECTIVE
In that moment, I was able to look at those scratches from a whole new perspective. It’s not the builder’s fault that we have scratches in our floors. It wasn’t a stupid or bad choice that we made to get Duke as a puppy and move with him into a brand new house.
It was the RIGHT CHOICE made for the RIGHT REASONS! We chose him because our daughter needed him. And because we love our daughter more than anything on this earth – more than those bona fide hard wood floors. Duke is a part of our family because we made a choice based in love!
The scratches aren’t bad. The scratches are BEAUTIFUL! They are reminders of the love we have for our daughter and the love we share in our home.
1 Peter 4:8 says, “Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.”
Since the cleaning, I see Duke and the things he does differently now. Does this mean that he will never make me mad again? No, I’m sure it doesn’t. After all, I’m not perfect and he is still a puppy whose body is way bigger than he realizes. I’m sure he’s going to damage something else in his lifetime.
But I do realize that I get to choose how I see him and remember why I love him. I can choose to stop focusing on the negative things, like the scratches. I can choose a different perspective before anger, guilt, shame or fear ruin a good and beautiful thing. That’s what I can control – my perspective.
What about you? Is there something in your life that you might need to see from a different perspective? In The Journey Training, we give you the opportunity to do just that. Come join us for the next class, Threshold.
A NEW DEFINITION
Perspective: “a simple word that can change everything.”
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When I was writing my book Lose Your Quit in 2011, I noticed something: that every experience I had on The Biggest Loser built on an experience before to create something completely different. I also noticed that these experiences were similar to experiences I had previously in my life. This time they were magnified by television and also, I believe I was better equipped to deal with them – maybe because I had visited them before.
Life is Fractal
Fractal Geometry is an amazing thing. When I first heard of it, I didn’t quite know what it was. Simply, it is a recurring pattern found in mathematics that is also found in nature. Wikipedia puts it like this: “A fractal is a natural phenomenon or a mathematical set that exhibits a repeating pattern that displays at every scale. It is also known as expanding symmetry or evolving symmetry. If the replication is exactly the same at every scale, it is called a self-similar pattern.”
I believe that life is built on fractal and self-similar patterns. I’ve heard that “history repeats itself,” which I believe is not only a natural thing, but it is a God created thing. First, let me explain Fractal Geometry in nature. If you look at a tree, there is a correlation between the distances between the branches on the trunk, and the twigs on the branches. That same mathematical pattern is reproduced in the veins on the leaves. It is also seen in everything from snowflakes, pine cones, and even in the meanders of a river. I believe it I also found in our lives.
I relate these situations in my life. The first home I can remember was a house in Del City, Oklahoma. I was four years old when we lived there. I shared a room with my two sisters, and my grandma lived with us. That house was HUGE! When I got married, I bought the house for Darci and I to live in. Let me tell you – that house is SMALL! 700 square feet to be exact! Two bedrooms, a living room, 1 bathroom and a small kitchen. It had no laundry room and a detached garage. Why did it seem so big as a kid, and so small as an adult?
Experience Shrinks Things (or does it?)
“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” I want to poke whoever wrote that in the eye! When we were kids, a simple, “What’s wrong with you?” can cut to the core. Maybe you thought, “there must be something wrong with me if they’re asking” or “there’s all kinds of things wrong with me.” When someone says that now, it has less impact on me, or at least I’d like to think it does.
In life, we experience similar pain at different points of my life. When we were asked what was wrong with us as a child, that can be repeated with “why did you do that?” or “that’s not what I would have done.” We even begin to ask ourselves that question: What is wrong with me?
When someone hurt me as a child, it made me feel a certain way. Since then, I have experienced other hurts that produced a similar feeling, and my actions and thoughts go back to that point when I was a child – along with the feelings. It makes me subconsciously relive that old hurt, and in turn I feel I am no further down the road in my life. In fact, I am much further along, and that self-similar pattern creates an opportunity for me. I can revert back to that child and react in a childish way, or I can use my experiences and deal with the situation in a different, healthier way – like I did on The Biggest Loser.
Respond, don’t React
When I was on the Black Team on the show, I found myself alone. My team had an alliance, and I wasn’t a part of that. To make a long story short, my team threw a weigh-in with the goal of self-preservation, and when they lost they planned to vote me home. And to top things off, Jillian Michaels – my coach – knew about this and coached them through it! I felt betrayed, and it took me back to the child that felt like I didn’t matter when all everyone talked about was his older sisters and how great they were. Every year, the teacher usually said, “You’ve got quite a name to live up to!” And guess what – I spent my entire life trying to live up to expectations that I had put on myself – that I could never achieve no matter what I would accomplish.
Each time I “revisit” an event that takes me back, I tend to react just like that child. I throw a temper tantrum, cry, feel hopeless, and if it makes me angry, I rage! I feel that these recurring events in our life – that are fractal in nature – are opportunities. They are opportunities for us to choose a different, more productive path for ourselves than we did in the past.
When I was betrayed on The Biggest Loser, I raged at first. Then I collected myself and remembered what my rage brought me in my past. I went back to when those events seemed much larger in my life. I wanted a different outcome this time! So I weighed my opportunities. I could punch Jillian out, or perhaps my teammates. OUTCOME: Jail. I could quit the show and give up. OUTCOME: Opportunity Loss.
I chose different. If I was the Biggest Loser of the week (lost the most percentage of weight), I was immune and they couldn’t vote me off. I chose to respond rather than react by kicking it into high gear and lapping everyone! OUTCOME: Record Holder for 7-weeks in a row double digit weight loss, and the Biggest Loser ever among the men of the show, and let’s not forget $250,000 and the title of The Biggest Loser! I’LL TAKE IT!
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It’s the beginning of the year, and most people are eyeing new goals – or the ones they never got around to finishing last year. For me it’s different this year. I’m addressing one I created a need for in 2015. I gained 30 pounds.
It’s been a tough year
This year in October, the cast of Season 8 of The Biggest Loser met at the National Institute of Health (NIH) in Bethesda, MD. We were excited to hug each other and talk over memories, but we were called there for a reason. During the trip, I learned some important things. We all have struggled with our weight after the show – some more than others – but everyone has struggled.
We went to NIH to get our metabolism tested again. You see, during my season on The Biggest Loser, the government tested our metabolisms before we began, in the middle of the process, at the final weigh-in, and 2 years after the show. They found that our metabolisms slowed despite retaining most of our muscle mass. They had speculated that if we kept the muscle, our metabolisms wouldn’t slow as much. They were wrong.
After the show, my resting metabolic rate (RMR) was 1500. Two years later it was 1650, and now it is 1800. When I began it was over 3000! They expected it to slow, but 6-years after I am at 79% of a normal man’s RMR, which puts me behind the 8-ball! Your RMR is the amount of calories you burn resting – doing nothing – and I’m at a 450 calorie disadvantage. They suspect it is because of our rapid weight loss paired with our rapid energy expenditure. I burned about 8000 calories per day while only eating about 15% as much. Our RMR’s haven’t bounced back like they thought it would. Our bodies have changed – despite packing on some additional muscle and our weight increasing.
All of that said, I gained 30 pounds this year, and I cannot become a victim to my circumstance! So what do I do now? I set a goal.
Success begins with a goal
When you set a goal, it should be attainable with real measuring points to hit along the way, whether the goal is financial, physical, spiritual, or relational.
First, you should come up with a precise goal statement. It should contain what you want in measurable form, a time frame in achieving it, and it must be realistic. To simply say “I want to lose weight” isn’t enough. We want to be specific.
Here are my goals for 2016
I want to lose 30 pounds in 3 months. I have an amount to lose, a time frame to achieve it, and it is achievable.
For financial, you might say I want to pay off $5,000 in credit card debt in 2016. It is measured in amount and time, and that could be done.
Maybe I want to spend 15 minutes a day reading the bible in 2016. Yes! If I’d said 1 hour a day, I’d ask if it were realistic to spend over 6% of my waking hours reading. I’d say no – but less than 2%? Okay!
Write your goal statement and put it everywhere – on your refrigerator, mirror, desk, phone – everywhere!
Taking steps
Next you should set 3 goal action steps. Getting started begins with taking steps. Make them specific. Not “work out 1 hour every day.” 7-days a week is too high, setting you up to fail.
My action steps look like this:
1. I will eat lunch in the office four days a week.
2. I will work out three times a week in the gym, including an additional two hours of cardio.
3. I will weigh-in once per week and measure my achievements. Those three steps I can handle!
Each step, you may need to break down even further. If your first step is join a gym, you might break that down to
1. Visit three gyms this week
2. Choose one and sign up
3. Set up an auto-draft payment.
So, create your specific and measurable goal statement for 2016, and create 3 attainable action steps to get you moving. Now you just have to start moving – step by step! And if you need help, reach out to me! I have an online coaching group that can help you set and achieve your 2016 goals! You can email me at danny@thedannycahill.com.
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I chose different. If I was the Biggest Loser of the week (lost the most percentage of weight), I was immune and they couldn’t vote me off. I chose to respond rather than react by kicking it into high gear and lapping everyone! OUTCOME: Record Holder for 7-weeks in a row double digit weight loss, and the Biggest Loser ever among the men of the show, and let’s not forget $250,000 and the title of The Biggest Loser! I’LL TAKE IT!
