I see it every January. People set New Year’s resolutions, only to watch them go down in flames a few weeks later. It’s not January yet, but have you ever set a goal or had a desire that just kept getting sabotaged over and over again? I have! And in the end, we blame everything but ourselves, going victim to the things around us and taking little to no responsibility.
What if I were to tell you that it is most likely you that is responsible for sabotaging your dreams and goals. Yes, you! Not the lack of time, or any other excuse you can muster up! If you want it, there it is – GO AND GET IT! If it were only that simple, right?
Your agenda is all about your true intention
Intentions are just that – something you plan on doing – which means you probably aren’t doing much about it right now. If I told you I intended to write a word beginning with the letter “Z”, would you say it is my true intention? Well, you couldn’t yet. I haven’t written one! But when I tell you that a Zebra has stripes, then you know for sure. Yes, it was my true intention to write a word beginning with the letter “Z”, and I just proved it. People say they are going to do thing, but so many times nothing gets done. Why is that?
I believe it is because many times we want something, but it is not our true intention to have it. There is something in the way. We’ve all noticed it and said, “Why do I keep eating badly when I just want to lose weight?” Or it might be, “Why do I keep charging things on my card when I want to be debt free?”
Our agendas are made up of priorities
When we see someone achieve the goal they set out to achieve, we might ask, “How did you stay on track?”
When I lost 239 pounds in 6 months, 3 weeks, and 5 days, no one could believe it! The world was shocked when I burst through that paper. But I wasn’t! It was my true intention. Were there things that popped up and got in the way? Yes! But I stayed on track, and to this day Darci says it was the most amazing thing she has ever seen. Because I got rid of my hidden agendas. And losing as much weight as I could became the very top tier on my priority list! When I was faced with a decision, it was easy because I knew what I really wanted.
It’s our hidden agenda that keeps us in failure
If you state a goal or desire, but it just never seems to happen, it may be because you have a hidden agenda. Let’s say I am committed to losing 4 pounds this week, but I have a lunch date every day at places that have my favorite fried foods! I will either re-schedule those lunches or change the locations, or I will most probably not lose 4 pounds this week. And if I am more committed to eating those fried foods than I am to losing 4 pounds, the goal is crushed. You see, I wanted to eat those lunches more than I wanted success. And I think we all should find these hidden agendas and challenge them so we find the success we want and deserve!
When you state a goal or desire, there will be other things you are committed to that will challenge your every decision, so you have to challenge those hidden agendas and win. In the above example, challenging them consisted of a decision to change the locations or re-schedule the lunches. Getting rid of the secondary agenda that might sabotage the first one is key. Here is a real-life example that happened last week.
A friend asked to have breakfast with me, so we met at the bagel shop. I got my coffee and banana, skipping the bagel of course because I have goals to keep! We sat down and he told me the doctors said if he doesn’t lost weight, as early as two years from now he would probably lose his leg from complications of diabetes. They were presenting him with the option of surgery, and he wanted to ask my opinion. Here is what I told him: “You have got to make your decisions ahead of time, before you are faced with a temptation. You need to get on a plan and stick to it! Don’t put it off, pre-prepare your meals on Sunday for your lunches! I grill chicken, have my meals prepared, and take them to work so my decisions are already made for me. It’s the only way you will succeed without surgery.”
He answered with, “Danny, here’s the thing. I can’t eat left-overs. I don’t know what it is, but I hate them! I only like fresh food.”
My reply was, “Well, you have to choose between losing your leg, having a dangerous surgery that doesn’t solve the problem in the end, or eating left-overs. The choice is yours, but if you say you will lose weight and bring that hidden agenda along, you might as well go ahead and buy your wheelchair.”
I don’t know what he has decided to do, but I sincerely hope he can battle the hidden agenda of not eating left-overs and make it his true intention to lose the weight and save his life.
Each month, some of the hidden agendas or, as my old friend Brian Klemmer called them – competing commitments – that people walk into The Journey Training with become uncovered, challenged, and overcome! We’ve seen great goals and dreams be achieved, but the first step was identifying what it was that was keeping them from what they truly wanted. When you identify those hidden agendas that are there, the true intention becomes a little clearer; and the path to what you really want seems to be straightened out into a shorter distance!
One thing I have found is true in my own life is Newton’s first law of motion which simply says “An object at rest will remain at rest unless acted on by an unbalanced force. An object in motion continues in motion with the same speed and in the same direction unless acted upon by an unbalanced force.” Let’s look at that law in some detail and Get it in Gear!
If your gear is stop, you remain stuck
If a bullet is in a gun, it is not in motion. In order for the bullet to begin to move, it needs to be put in gear. How does this happen? Well, it takes an unbalanced force, or a force that is greater than its current stuck situation to act against it. For a bullet, it’s gunpowder. Also, someone has to cock the hammer and pull the trigger, which is the most important part of the equation!
Many of us have a great deal of unbalanced force within us. The positive force is called potential. The gear we are in at the moment is a direct result of our choices; to change that gear, we have to decide we want change more than staying the same. If you don’t make the decision to pull the trigger, you will stay stuck. It’s when you pull the trigger that change begins.
High gear, low gear, granny gear – just choose a gear and begin!
In order for what you want to change, it’s going to take a decision. I call that granny gear. You begin to move and it is powerful, but usually at a fixed speed and not very fast – which is still okay! Remember the law? Once you begin, you will stay in motion – that is unless acted on by an unbalanced force. Believe me, once you make the decision, there will be many unbalanced forces that will come against you!
It seems when you start a diet, all of the sudden birthdays happen where there is cake and ice cream, the office decides to go to eat pizza, and you begin to see every drive-through that you pass! It never fails. It’s like the world shifts against you. If you decide to pay off debt, things suddenly break down! When you decide to start your business, there will automatically be nay-sayers who will bring a thousand reasons why you can’t! Because of this, you need a plan – goal statements and action steps to create the new reality you want.
Shift it into low gear
A plan consists of a long range goal and a series of short term goals to keep you on your path during your season of change. A long range goal might be to lose 30 pounds in 6-months, and action steps might be to join a boot camp and begin working out, to begin a meal plan and start eating healthy, and to increase my water intake. That’s a great long-term goal and action steps! Now, those action steps are shorter range goals that show you what to do now – tomorrow – next week?
Join a boot camp might have action steps like make a list of 10 boot camps in my area, call them and ask for a trial session, visit all 10 boot camps in the next 30 days. That takes the guesswork out and you now have a path. The same should be done with begin a meal plan and increase my water intake. The more you plan, the more you will thwart the unbalanced forces against what you desire – and increase the speed of your gear!
Kick it into high gear!
The third step in creating the change you want is to thwart as many of those unbalanced forces against you that you can. A key to this is your support network. People will come against you, including yourself at times. There will be nay-sayers, not who challenge your methods, but those who discount every one of them. I like challengers because they give me different perspectives as to what I might face or better ways to do things. When you think that your way is always best, you lose out on options. The nay-sayers I’m talking about are those who constantly tell you things aren’t possible.
There are also people who do not want you to change. Their co-dependency create fears that your change will separate you from them. And it very well might! If someone I know only eats out, I’ll probably not be eating with them much. You can’t let others’ decisions to stay stuck keep you stuck.
You need to surround yourself with people who want you to succeed. I have a coaching group online called SLI Society that has about 10 people in the group. The successes are incredible, because we lean on each other and hear the can do’s a lot more than the can’t do’s. It is imperative that to kick it into high gear, you find a support group to lean on, keep you accountable and keep you on track during your season of change. Their unbalanced force in the positive aspect will help thwart those unbalanced forces in the negative aspect and keep you moving forward with increasing momentum!
Gear up for change
Each month in The Journey Training, people find positive support groups, learn to set goals, and most importantly of all, find the decision to pull the trigger and begin the momentum of the change they desire! They also get a group of supporting people on a private page to give them the positive power they need. Most of all, they see the potential that they possess inside to make their dreams come true!
Often in life we are too busy to take a moment and look at things from a different perspective, whether that perspective is ours, or perhaps someone else’s point of view. Harvey Mackay said “When you wake up every day, you have two choices. You can either be positive or negative; an optimist or a pessimist. I choose to be an optimist. It’s all a matter of perspective.” The perspective you select is a choice. Yet far too often we allow ourselves to be the victim of our unwillingness to step back, move, and look at things from a different point of view.
Pictures of Perspective
That’s one of the things I love about photography… looking at something differently. You see, photography allows me to get a new perspective on something I may have seen so many times one way that I’ve become blind to it. In the movie “Dead Poets Society”, English teacher John Keating (played by Robin Williams) inspires his students to stand on a desk in order to see the world from a new perspective. “I stand upon my desk to remind myself that we must constantly look at things in a different way.”
Close to my home is a water detention pond. It was built to hold water in the event of a flooding rain. On nice days, I take walks in the field to clear my head – and I never forget my camera! Most who pass by only see a field of emptiness. However, because I am willing to slow down and change my perspective – even lie down on the ground – I am able to see new things that many will never get to see. There are times when my neighbors or passersby must think I’m crazy – crazy because I am out lying on the ground, squatting at a funny angle, or zooming in close on something they can’t see. I’m doing all of this not because I am seeing something they can’t see, but rather I am taking the time to see what they are missing, or perhaps what they won’t see. I am being intentional about viewing something from a different perspective, and in effect I am seeing things those who don’t choose to see will miss.
Practice your perspectives
Practice seeing new perspectives. Make a choice within the next 24 hours to look at something in a new or different way. It may be a place or thing, or it may even be a situation. Let me suggest a few ways you can change your perspective:
- Stand on a desk or ladder…
- Slow down…
- Change your position… Sit in a different place, or in someone else’s chair or position…
- Walk on the opposite side of the street…
- Take a different route home…
- Ask yourself how someone else might see or feel in a given situation…
- If you have a persistent problem that you have been stuck in, ask yourself how you might be able to look at it from a new point of view…and then choose do it.
Changing perspectives changes things
Perspective is a way you can change anything! After all, if you want to see something change, maybe you simply need to change how you see something.
In The Journey Training , many people come in blind to so many things in their lives – because what you do every day becomes your normal, right? Month after month we see eyes opened to a new way of seeing thing, and in effect lives are changed. We’ve seen businesses revived, marriages healed, weight-loss, increased income, and so many other results of those who have chosen to take a weekend and change their perspective. Think about it, you don’t know what you don’t know until you see it. Why not take a weekend and see those things that may be holding you back from getting all you want in life! Why not begin your Journey Training in the very next Threshold class?
As a person with low vision and poor balance, I’ve heard my whole life, “Watch your step.” My family and friends don’t want me to trip on a curb, uneven step, or my own two feet! Even with the warning, I sometimes still fall. I pick myself up, collect anything that went flying, and move on. It was just a curb, no big deal; the knees are used to it.
On the occasion that I fall down the stairs, however, I’m not as quick to bounce back. I usually end up hobbling on a twisted ankle for days.
One step at a time
When using a GPS, we need to know the destination. While we may like to be aware of the next few steps, we can’t skip steps. When building a house, you can’t put up the walls until you lay the foundation.
Since taking the leap of faith to leave my job, I’ve had the privilege of networking with some incredible people. Each person I meet leads to another opportunity or lead. With each meeting comes quality conversation, new ideas, confirmations, convictions, and valuable relationships.
Overcoming a misstep is a lot easier than overcoming a giant tumble.
Most of the time when I trip, I don’t know the step is there, or I don’t have time to process the warning. If I know I’m going to fall, I will be afraid and will question taking the step.
One of the interviews that was offered to me came with a whole stairway of questions in my mind. Is it feasible to start immediately? Will I move? When will I move? What about this obligation or that obligation? All of these issues were raised in a matter of moments of accepting the interview! I felt so overwhelmed, I fell UP the stairs! I had to stop, allow God to hold my hand, and just go to the interview. After all, that was the only guaranteed step.
“Be aware of your surroundings.”
Yet another phrase I’ve heard most of my life that holds a lot of truth: be aware of your surroundings. When a driver is courageous enough to let me navigate,
I have to pay extra close attention to where we are. Walking by myself or crossing a street requires my entire focus. I can’t get distracted…it never ends well. In the same way if all I think about in an interview is everything that is coming afterwards, I won’t interview well. I have to stay present and aware.
“That’s one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind.”
Like Neil Armstrong, The Journey Training likes to dream big! To make the giant leap to our dreams, we have to take small steps. If your dream is financial freedom, you have to start by writing down your income and expenses. If you want to lose 50 pounds, you can break it down into steps of a few pounds at a time. If you want an awesome job, you have to start with a search!
Where does your stairway lead? What’s your first step? You’re next step?
In the Journey Training, it is amazing what happens in each class. The people that end up in the room together always seem to offer exactly the perspective needed by the class to choose each of their next steps. Alison, and all the graduates of The Journey Training are proof of this. Through their very real struggles and life lessons, the rest of the class learns valuable perspectives of their own lives, allowing them to choose the next step for them with a little more insight. Watching your step can become a lot easier when you have a little perspective. Who knows? Maybe the very next threshold class is your next step!
According to the dictionary, here is the definition of handicap:
Handicap [han-dee-kap]
noun
1. the disadvantage or advantage itself.
2. any disadvantage that makes success more difficult: The main handicap of our business is lack of capital.
3. Sometimes Offensive. a physical or mental disability making participation in certain of the usual activities of daily living more difficult.
The picture is of my back – my actual back. No funny business, very real.
Life can throw you a curve ball
When I was 11 years old, I was told I had scoliosis. That meant nothing to me at the time. In my book Dysfunctional Inspiration, I wrote “While my life had been getting better, that scoliosis that I mentioned a while back had been getting worse. My mother took me to the doctor before school started, and he decided that the curvature in my spine needed to be dealt with ASAP. That meant I would need to wear a metal brace for the next two years—which were also my last two years of high school.
You’ve gotta be kidding! After everything I’d been through already, after all the hard work I’d put in, this was happening? What girl would ever consider going out with me? It would be like dating the tin man. How was I supposed to enjoy my last high school years? It was all too much. Sitting there in the doctor’s office, I started to cry. Not the feel-sorry-for-yourself kind, but actually more like the really, really mad kind. The kind where the tears stream off your face before they hit your chin kind. I was MAD! Partially at God. It was like, “Hey! I am doing every freaking thing I can, why can’t I get a break!?”
Not that it made a difference. My spine was curving into an “S,” which was not the proper shape for a spine. And it would only get worse. So I was fitted for what’s called a Milwaukee Brace; a contraption that kind of resembles a medieval torture device. It extended from my pelvis all the way up to my chin, and was made up of steel rods, fiberglass, and seat belt straps to hold it in place, and it would latch on the side, to hold my curve in place to keep the scoliosis from getting worse.
And yes – it was every bit as uncomfortable as it sounds. Sitting in a car was almost impossible—the seat pushed up on the brace until it would push up on my chin. I couldn’t even ride in certain cars—if they were too small, they couldn’t accommodate me. At school, sitting at my desk was also a challenge—I had to sit on the very edge of my seat with my legs tucked under the seat just to fit under the desk. Some desks had small openings that would tear my shirts getting in and out.
Of course, physical discomfort was only the tip of this particular iceberg. Chances are, if you’re reading this, you went to high school. In which case, I don’t need to tell you how cruel kids can be. And the sight of me clanging through the halls in my metal cage…well, I guess I was too tempting a target to ignore. They called me R2D2… they called me Robo-Boy…it was not a lot of fun. And it was certainly not the junior year I had envisioned for myself.
But something inside me wouldn’t let me fall apart this time. I had come so far—I had survived my mother’s drinking, my parents’ fighting and moves all over the country. I had found God, improved my grades and turned my life around. Maybe the old me would have given up and decided it was all too hard. But now I understood. I knew I had a choice. And I chose to live my life the best way I could.
Even today, I still have some physical limitations. I have endured many hours of back pain as my body and I wrestle to figure out just what those limitations are. Looking back, if I had to do it over again, and we had the means, I would have treated my scoliosis with surgery. Those muscles still grew, and grew wrapped around the bone, which makes certain things really painful, even today. However, I have adapted, and today I can almost always tell when I am about to have a muscle issue—so I go and rest so I can fight another day.”
Your ability (or disability) doesn’t define your worth
You have total control of your self-worth. When you look at a $100 bill, you don’t question how good it is based on how crumpled, messed up, torn or dirty it is. Its value is its value. One of the places I serve at is The Little Light House . There’s a quote there that I love. It says “our kids don’t have disabilities, they have different abilities.”
Test the limits, know your boundaries
Every one of us has limits. Even though as a teenager we behave like we don’t, we do have limits. (I wish I’d known this when I jumped off that 2nd story balcony with a bedsheet. I was trying to prove you could actually use it as a parachute!) Even though we do, it is important to test them. You need to know where your boundaries are. I know what I can do, and how much I can push it.
My wife hates it when I do stuff like this, but I know if I do something like this I will be fine to a point, then I need to rest. I know exactly what I can and can’t do. I can do this, but if I go golfing, then I am down for a week.
So my handicap doesn’t limit me; it just helps me view things from a different perspective.
