In The Journey Training, one thing we encourage people to look at is their own value. How many of us have have been told that we are worthless? How often have people made fun of us, called us names, laughed at our mistakes, or ridiculed decisions we’ve made?
Too often we take these things in and use them to assess our self-worth.
I saw a great illustration of this once. A speaker took an old, used $50 bill and asked, “Who wants this $50?” Everyone in the room raised their hand. Then he proceeded to crumple it up, throw it around, stomp on it, and curse at it. When we was done, the bill was wrinkled, crumpled, partially torn in the middle, and missing a corner. There was even a brown stain on it that probably came from whatever was on the bottom of his shoe.
To the quiet room he asked again, “Who wants this?”
Every person in the room still said “Yes!” Why? Because no matter what it had gone through, it didn’t lose it’s value.
No matter where you’ve been or what you’ve been through, you have the ability to love. You have the ability to inspire, to help, to give, to encourage. You have incredible value. You just have to make the choice to believe it and to act on that belief.
If you need help seeing this truth, check out our website at www.thejourneytraining.com.
A few years ago I bought
S. Truett Cathy. Yes. The founder of Chick-fil-A. I bought him. Here’s how it went down…Truett had organized a fundraiser for
Winshape Foundation and one of the activities was an auction where the prize was a weekend with Truett himself. I jumped in on the bidding and I actually won! So I jokingly refer to it as “
when I bought Truett Cathy.”I took my 10 year old son Connor with me, hoping this billionaire would inspire him. But in the end, I got as much if not more out of the trip than Connor did.
The first thing we did was visit the Chick-fil-A home office. One of our favorite things was the car collection. There are a number of cool cars, but none topped… (wait for it)…. The Batmobile! They actually have The Batmobile from the 2nd Batman movie with Michael Keaton. Next we went to see Truett’s farm and his two HUGE barns. I use the word “barns” loosely, because these were not normal “barns.” They have concrete floors, great lighting, they’re super clean, and they are filled with more than 50 cars. Totally cool!
While we walked, Truett talked about something very insightful that I will never forget. He spoke about how people waste so much money getting the things that they want. They get loans and they create risk for themselves and their families rather than the slower and safer route of saving and investing to reach their dreams. At the time Truett was 83 years old and mentioned that he was 70 before he started his car collection. His point was that if we waited and did things right, we could have many of the things we dreamed about.Is there anything that you’re pursuing right now that you should wait until later to have? Do the math. What could it cost you to be in such a hurry? And what could it save you if you waited?
Right now I am waiting for my dream car to arrive. My 1969 Ford Mustang GT 500 is almost finished and it will be arriving any day. I am excited about being able to drive it. I am also excited that I waited until the right time.
When I was growing up, Thanksgiving at my house would start pretty much like everyone else’s Thanksgiving. But as the day wore on, things would begin to change. Mom would drink more and more as the day progressed. By the time dinner came around 4p, there would normally be wine or beer at the table. When the sun went down and night time came, the fighting began.
Some of you can relate to this while others can’t fathom what it was like.
As I got older and more mobile, I was able to switch things up a bit. I had a number of close friends around town and, being a teenager, I was pretty much hungry all the time. So my strategy on Thanksgiving included showing up at 3-5 Thanksgiving dinners throughout the day. I would find out when friend or family was eating and plan my day accordingly. When I was engaged to Noell, she went with me on what she called my “Turkey journey”. At that time it included my mom’s house, the Colliers, the Connors, and often the Tedfords.
Even after we were married, the Colliers would often save a seat for me in case I decided to show up.
There is a time and place for everything. Even for giving. It was hard for me to focus on giving to others when my life was in turmoil. The problem is, that even though I may have felt justified in my lack of thanksgiving, the choice to engage in it, kept me in that frame of mind.
Recently I was doing some research on Oxytocin, the enjoyment chemical in your brain. When you give something to someone, you release Oxytocin. It is released when you think about good things, when you go on an enjoyable vacation, and when you see an old friend again. It may be released when you go shopping on Black Friday (Noell Greeno). If you’re enjoying something, your brain doesn’t know one activity from another. When you think about good things in your life. Maybe a vacation you’re going on, maybe seeing an old friend. Maybe Black Friday shopping. (Noell Greeno!!) In this context, your brain can’t tell the difference between actually doing an activity and just thinking about it, so it releases Oxytocin in both cases. Therefore, just THINKING about things you’re thankful for can actually put you in a better mood.
Recently I started making a list each night of what I am thankful for that day. Doing this puts my mind where it needs to be in order to be truly thankful. An added bonus is that instead of checking off tasks from the day, it helps my brain actually search for meaningful things.
One thing that stands out to me right now that I am thankful for is the amount of time people have invested in me over the years. They may not have been aware of it, but that open seat held for me each Thanksgiving was an investment in me. And there were so many who did similar things for me back then. Because of those investments in me so many years ago, we now reserve extra space at the Greeno table for people who need to just “drop by”. I can’t remember a holiday meal where we didn’t have at least 1 extra person at our table and I remember some where we had nearly 20.
So today I am thankful for so many things, but right now I am grateful for the opportunity to invest in other people. I know that through “small” investments like these we really can change the world.
I am truly blessed. I have great friends. Like everyone else, I have different levels of friendships. (These names are not scientific in any way. They’re just some general groupings I came up with on the fly…)
- Facebook friends. Over 1500 of them. Many of them are friends, others are acquaintances. Some I’ve yet to meet in real life.
- Casual friends. The kind that you get together with 2 or 3 times a year.
- Consistent friends. Ones that you hang out with, go to dinner with, see movies, etc.
- Close friends. These are the ones who you can vent with, be real with, be honest with – and when you do, they don’t run off with their panties in a wad.
How many friends do you have from those last two groups? If you don’t have as many as you would like, look in the mirror. You have the kinds of friends that you are yourself.
Here are a few keys to having friends:
- It’s a two-way street. I have guy friends I invite to go see movies with (one of my favorite ways to “escape”), play paintball with, or go to dinner with. When I meet someone new that I connect with, I will often add them to this list of friends in the future. I really enjoy spending time with these guys. But it’s important that they invite each other (and me) to do things as well. Otherwise it’s a one-sided deal.
- Look for opportunities to help them. I have helped friends move, repair houses, throw parties, drive them to the airport, etc. For many people, “Acts of Service” is one of their primary love languages, so these things speak to them more than others, but everyone appreciates being taken care of like this.
- Be real with them. If you’re struggling, let them know. A good friend will want to help. For some dumb reason, we often think that we can put a mask on and hide what’s going on inside. But good friends tend to see right through that. They may not know details, but they can tell when something’s off. Tell them. Let them help like real friends do.
Want good friends? Be the friend that you’d like to have.
How good a friend have you been lately?
One thing I’ve learned about myself is that I often see things from a different perspective than most people. But, like anything else, there are advantages and disadvantages to every perspective. For example, creative marketing comes fairly easy to me. Other things, not so much…
In The Journey Training, one of the experiential exercises we do is focused on changing your perspective. We experience the phenomenon of perspective every single day.
Recently I was at a friend’s wedding. My 9-year-old daughter wanted to go, so I brought her along as my date. Here are some of the things I saw at the wedding:
- A slow-moving ceremony.
- O.K. snacks (a sweet and sour bar – interesting concept).
- Boring rituals to endure until it’s over.
Here is what my daughter saw:
- Every single movement of the bride was one of a beautiful princess.
- All of the colorful snacks were yummy!
- Dancing with daddy was fun!
- Watching daddy dance with mommy was fun!
- All of the attention she got from mommy and daddy was fun!
- Did I say that the entire wedding was fun?
Once I saw what my daughter saw, I realized that I had experienced a remarkable and memorable event! From now on, I will do my best to see things through new eyes (and it always helps to bring my favorite girl and one of my favorite princesses along for perspective)…
Here are some interesting facts about time:
- We all get the same amount per day
- How we use our time is a choice
- Once time passes, we can’t get it back
If we each get exactly the same amount of time per day, why can some people do more with it than others? Why are some wildly successful in their careers, family life, and passions while others seem struggle to just get basic things done? I believe the answers can be found in the second fact – how we use the time we are given is a choice.
I sometimes hear people say, “Everything comes easy for him” or “I’d be successful, too, if I’d been given the chance.” I even said, “He got his college paid for and his career handed to him” about one of my friends. And I’ve had people tell me, “Of course you lost the weight. If I had The Biggest Loser, I’d lose the weight, too!” Unfortunately this is all too common. We tend to make excuses of why we don’t have what we really want when it’s really more about how we use the time we are given.
Every person I have talked to who is successful in a business, their family, or their skill tells me the same thing – they’ve put the time in. They were handed a choice of what to do with their time – whether to watch TV or spend some time with their kids. Maybe to play golf on Saturday or to work on that client’s file they’ve wanted to land. Each choice is not right or wrong – but they do have a price & benefit. The price might be your golf game might suffer, but the benefit might be that you land those clients that make your business successful. The price might be that don’t get to find out who was voted off the island but the benefit is a closer relationship with your children.
Remember, the choices aren’t right or wrong, they are just different. What we can’t afford to do is walk around blaming where we are on outside circumstances instead of our choices. When we do this, we fall into a victim mentality – a mentality that we do not control our own destiny, but the things that happen to us do. We need to practice a responsible mentality – that we are where we are because of the choices that we have made. When we practice a responsible mentality, we can do the most important thing: change our choices to change our results! But when we blame our failures on outside circumstance and practice a victim mentality, we give away the very power we have to change our life – our right to choose.
I urge you to stop making up stories about why others are successful in an area and you are not. Ask them how they built their business, built their family dynamic, or became an awesome guitar player – I’ll bet they’ll tell you they chose to work their tails off and put in the effort to get what they really want.
Remember that friend of mine I thought got his college paid for and his business handed to him? Actually, his father made him pay for his own schooling, and he worked long, hard hours for the first 5 years of his business to build it to where it is now – a multi-million dollar company. So when I see him playing golf on Saturday, I know the truth about his success. He earned it – by choosing to spend his time getting what he really wants. And I lost the weight on The Biggest Loser by choosing to work hard – 7 to 8 hours per day – and no one handed me that. I worked for it!
