I see it every January. People set New Year’s resolutions, only to watch them go down in flames a few weeks later. It’s not January yet, but have you ever set a goal or had a desire that just kept getting sabotaged over and over again? I have! And in the end, we blame everything but ourselves, going victim to the things around us and taking little to no responsibility.
What if I were to tell you that it is most likely you that is responsible for sabotaging your dreams and goals. Yes, you! Not the lack of time, or any other excuse you can muster up! If you want it, there it is – GO AND GET IT! If it were only that simple, right?
Your agenda is all about your true intention
Intentions are just that – something you plan on doing – which means you probably aren’t doing much about it right now. If I told you I intended to write a word beginning with the letter “Z”, would you say it is my true intention? Well, you couldn’t yet. I haven’t written one! But when I tell you that a Zebra has stripes, then you know for sure. Yes, it was my true intention to write a word beginning with the letter “Z”, and I just proved it. People say they are going to do thing, but so many times nothing gets done. Why is that?
I believe it is because many times we want something, but it is not our true intention to have it. There is something in the way. We’ve all noticed it and said, “Why do I keep eating badly when I just want to lose weight?” Or it might be, “Why do I keep charging things on my card when I want to be debt free?”
Our agendas are made up of priorities
When we see someone achieve the goal they set out to achieve, we might ask, “How did you stay on track?”
When I lost 239 pounds in 6 months, 3 weeks, and 5 days, no one could believe it! The world was shocked when I burst through that paper. But I wasn’t! It was my true intention. Were there things that popped up and got in the way? Yes! But I stayed on track, and to this day Darci says it was the most amazing thing she has ever seen. Because I got rid of my hidden agendas. And losing as much weight as I could became the very top tier on my priority list! When I was faced with a decision, it was easy because I knew what I really wanted.
It’s our hidden agenda that keeps us in failure
If you state a goal or desire, but it just never seems to happen, it may be because you have a hidden agenda. Let’s say I am committed to losing 4 pounds this week, but I have a lunch date every day at places that have my favorite fried foods! I will either re-schedule those lunches or change the locations, or I will most probably not lose 4 pounds this week. And if I am more committed to eating those fried foods than I am to losing 4 pounds, the goal is crushed. You see, I wanted to eat those lunches more than I wanted success. And I think we all should find these hidden agendas and challenge them so we find the success we want and deserve!
When you state a goal or desire, there will be other things you are committed to that will challenge your every decision, so you have to challenge those hidden agendas and win. In the above example, challenging them consisted of a decision to change the locations or re-schedule the lunches. Getting rid of the secondary agenda that might sabotage the first one is key. Here is a real-life example that happened last week.
A friend asked to have breakfast with me, so we met at the bagel shop. I got my coffee and banana, skipping the bagel of course because I have goals to keep! We sat down and he told me the doctors said if he doesn’t lost weight, as early as two years from now he would probably lose his leg from complications of diabetes. They were presenting him with the option of surgery, and he wanted to ask my opinion. Here is what I told him: “You have got to make your decisions ahead of time, before you are faced with a temptation. You need to get on a plan and stick to it! Don’t put it off, pre-prepare your meals on Sunday for your lunches! I grill chicken, have my meals prepared, and take them to work so my decisions are already made for me. It’s the only way you will succeed without surgery.”
He answered with, “Danny, here’s the thing. I can’t eat left-overs. I don’t know what it is, but I hate them! I only like fresh food.”
My reply was, “Well, you have to choose between losing your leg, having a dangerous surgery that doesn’t solve the problem in the end, or eating left-overs. The choice is yours, but if you say you will lose weight and bring that hidden agenda along, you might as well go ahead and buy your wheelchair.”
I don’t know what he has decided to do, but I sincerely hope he can battle the hidden agenda of not eating left-overs and make it his true intention to lose the weight and save his life.
Each month, some of the hidden agendas or, as my old friend Brian Klemmer called them – competing commitments – that people walk into The Journey Training with become uncovered, challenged, and overcome! We’ve seen great goals and dreams be achieved, but the first step was identifying what it was that was keeping them from what they truly wanted. When you identify those hidden agendas that are there, the true intention becomes a little clearer; and the path to what you really want seems to be straightened out into a shorter distance!
Often in life we are too busy to take a moment and look at things from a different perspective, whether that perspective is ours, or perhaps someone else’s point of view. Harvey Mackay said “When you wake up every day, you have two choices. You can either be positive or negative; an optimist or a pessimist. I choose to be an optimist. It’s all a matter of perspective.” The perspective you select is a choice. Yet far too often we allow ourselves to be the victim of our unwillingness to step back, move, and look at things from a different point of view.
Pictures of Perspective
That’s one of the things I love about photography… looking at something differently. You see, photography allows me to get a new perspective on something I may have seen so many times one way that I’ve become blind to it. In the movie “Dead Poets Society”, English teacher John Keating (played by Robin Williams) inspires his students to stand on a desk in order to see the world from a new perspective. “I stand upon my desk to remind myself that we must constantly look at things in a different way.”
Close to my home is a water detention pond. It was built to hold water in the event of a flooding rain. On nice days, I take walks in the field to clear my head – and I never forget my camera! Most who pass by only see a field of emptiness. However, because I am willing to slow down and change my perspective – even lie down on the ground – I am able to see new things that many will never get to see. There are times when my neighbors or passersby must think I’m crazy – crazy because I am out lying on the ground, squatting at a funny angle, or zooming in close on something they can’t see. I’m doing all of this not because I am seeing something they can’t see, but rather I am taking the time to see what they are missing, or perhaps what they won’t see. I am being intentional about viewing something from a different perspective, and in effect I am seeing things those who don’t choose to see will miss.
Practice your perspectives
Practice seeing new perspectives. Make a choice within the next 24 hours to look at something in a new or different way. It may be a place or thing, or it may even be a situation. Let me suggest a few ways you can change your perspective:
- Stand on a desk or ladder…
- Slow down…
- Change your position… Sit in a different place, or in someone else’s chair or position…
- Walk on the opposite side of the street…
- Take a different route home…
- Ask yourself how someone else might see or feel in a given situation…
- If you have a persistent problem that you have been stuck in, ask yourself how you might be able to look at it from a new point of view…and then choose do it.
Changing perspectives changes things
Perspective is a way you can change anything! After all, if you want to see something change, maybe you simply need to change how you see something.
In The Journey Training , many people come in blind to so many things in their lives – because what you do every day becomes your normal, right? Month after month we see eyes opened to a new way of seeing thing, and in effect lives are changed. We’ve seen businesses revived, marriages healed, weight-loss, increased income, and so many other results of those who have chosen to take a weekend and change their perspective. Think about it, you don’t know what you don’t know until you see it. Why not take a weekend and see those things that may be holding you back from getting all you want in life! Why not begin your Journey Training in the very next Threshold class?
Have you ever had a job to do? I mean one that you had already fixed in your mind how you were going to do it? I mean, no matter what, it was going to be done your way. Or maybe it wasn’t a job. Maybe it was your vacation. Or the car you are going to buy. Or the puppy you are planning to get. Recently I had one – it was a book. But, something got in my way.
Turn on the light
By my bed on a table I have a lamp. Not just a lamp, but my grandmother’s lamp. It is something special to me. It also has something wrong with it. Tony has promised me he’ll fix it when he has the time. When I read a book, I enjoy reading under the light of my grandmother’s lamp before going to sleep.
A while ago I was so excited when I finally bought Arthur Greeno’s book, “Dysfunctional Inspiration.” After all, I was finally going to get to read about the famous brownie incident that Mike Tedford mentions frequently, advising that it, in fact, was something that really did happen!
I lay down to read the book and…my lamp is broken. I turn on the overhead light, but Tony he doesn’t like having it on while watching TV. I’m going to read this book in bed, so I read the first 2 chapters using the flashlight on my phone. This was a pain – not the easiest way to read a book – so I lay the book down by the lamp, and request again to Tony that he fix the lamp so I could read at night.
As the days – then the weeks – go by and I look at Arthur’s book laying unread under the lamp, I get really frustrated with Tony! Why won’t he fix my lamp when he said he would? Several times at Wal-Mart, I almost buy a cheap lamp, but I just can’t bring myself to replace Grandma’s lamp. In my mind, I can’t finish the book without Tony fixing the lamp.
As I lay in bed about 2 weeks ago, I again became frustrated. Then it was as if the lamp came on, only in my thoughts! Every morning, I do a devotion on the couch in the living room. There’s plenty of light to read. I thought, “What if I just MOVE THE BOOK?” So the next morning when I got up, I picked up the book and took it with me. After my devotional time, I read some of Arthur’s book and marked my place. And what seemed like the next day, I finished the book!
It took me over a month to finish Arthur’s book, but it seemed like a day! I got to thinking in a Journey Training way….how was this a reflection of my life? How many times am I so focused on doing it MY WAY, or being “right”, that I lose sight of the fact that there is another, and possibly quicker & easier way to do it? And why was I blaming Tony for me not choosing to read the book. Victim much? Now I pose a question: What might you be putting off? Is there another way to do it? Perhaps instead of waiting for something to get fixed, maybe you just need to “move the book!”
Every month, people enter The Journey Training wanting to be “right” so much that they end up being frustrated and not being happy! By the end of the weekend, they see so many more possibilities of how they can be happy, and that doing it their way isn’t the most important thing! What are you NOT doing? Why not sign up for the next Threshold class and find out?
“So God created mankind in His own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them.” Genesis 1:27 (NIV)
I’ve been struggling with something my whole life. For some reason, I’ve spent so many years and so much effort unconsciously tearing people down. While my heart isn’t like that at all, it was the result of many of my efforts. Being critical is a disease; and I’ve suffered from it for a long time. But something recently grabbed my attention and reminded me who I am created to be.
Family
As a youth, my sisters and I used to call each other names. It was really all in fun, but that old adage “sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me” just isn’t true. Even playful name calling can cut deep – especially children. Growing up with 2 older sisters was tough! I always had to live up to expectations. If performance wasn’t to their satisfaction, they’d let me know – usually with a knuckle punch to the arm we knew as a “froggy.” Later after they had moved out, I replaced their criticisms with those of my own. I was so hard on myself, constantly beating myself up if I messed up at all!
Then I got married and began being overly critical of my wife. It almost drove her away, and in many ways destroyed her spark. I hate that now that I look back and realize what I did. Our marriage almost didn’t survive, but I thank God every day that it did.
And then God did it. He trusted me with two beautiful children. It was my job to mold them and shape them – to help them develop into the incredible people God intended them to be! Instead, much of my criticism did exactly the opposite. It made my son feel like a complete failure and my daughter become a perfectionist who, like me, is as critical on herself as I was.
Just who were we created to be anyway?
Well, when I look at that verse, I see something amazing. The answer is all right there! “So God created mankind in His own image.” What had God done in the chapters before He created us? He created. I can only come to the conclusion that we were born to create. But create what? When I looked up the definition of create, its synonym was build. So we were created to build – or to build up.
Then why are we so quick to tear down the ones we love most? Why do we not choose to create grace?
You’re gonna have to serve somebody
Bob Dylan wrote the song You’re gonna have to serve somebody in 1979 when I was just 10 years old. I sang that song as my last performance at my church in Oklahoma City before moving my family to Tulsa. The song says it doesn’t matter who you are, rich or poor, old or young – you’ll either serve the devil, or you will serve the Lord.
If that is the truth, what choices do I have? In John 10:10 (NASB) it says, “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly.” So the choice I have is to build up or to tear down. For so long my actions were to unknowingly tear down the character of others, from my family to my friends to myself. I believe this is generally rooted in fear, and the opposite of fear is love. We were created to love.
Choose this day whom you will serve
Being who you were born to be is as simple as choosing to create life and not destroy it. To build up those in your life and those who cross your path instead of tearing down those people – especially yourself.
I’m not perfect by any means, but I know I’m better than I used to be. And it all started with an awareness of what I was creating around me. When I looked around my life and noticed that most of the people around me were being destroyed, it was a good day. Not because of the situation, but because you cannot heal or change what you don’t acknowledge. And you definitely cannot acknowledge what you don’t know. With that awareness, I could exercise my right to choose.
In The Journey Training, we see each class come in the door not knowing what to expect. Before the weekend is over, we see the creation in action! People loving each other without judgement. People building each other up! And it all begins with discovering what it feels like to be accepted unconditionally.
I’ve learned one thing thus far in life: if you want to see someone truly change, accept them unconditionally. When they feel that safety and acceptance, change is inevitable.
I watch people. Not the creepy kind of watching – just people watching. Lately, I’ve noticed how people react to and contribute to their surroundings. It is amazing to see this universal truth: Those who lead lives that are filled with drama, chaos, and turmoil seem to attract those very things. Those who lead lives filled with peace, love, and acceptance also attract those things. So what does this mean?
Sowing is a popular subject!
There are tons of books written on this subject. Just do a Google search for positive energy or sowing and you’ll see a huge list of speakers, books, and blogs. It’s a universal truth that what you sow will come back at you in spades! So think about it; where are you sowing your energy? How do you spend your time? What are you looking at on the internet, choosing for music, or choosing to read? Is it positive and uplifting or negative and full of darkness? Does it bring you momentary happiness that fades or does it fill your life with happiness that lasts? The truth is in your focus – what you choose to sow.
Reaping your own bullet
Once I fell into a depression. It lasted about a year and the cause was gossip. You see, I had spread gossip about someone which in turn hurt someone else. My personality didn’t allow grace for these kinds of mistakes, and this was a huge mistake! I had damaged a relationship between two people, and they weren’t even the subject of my gossip.
I was raised to believe that if you had gossip on someone, you had power over them. My mistake almost cost me my life. You see, at that time my children were the only thing that kept me from wishing I was gone. I was prescribed medication and started digging my way out of the darkness, but it eventually took a change of perspective and atmosphere as well. I’m sure you can relate – I couldn’t forgive myself. And I didn’t know what grace was, so I never even considered that God could forgive me. In fact, I really didn’t know God at the time so I really didn’t care…
For a while, I wallowed in it and couldn’t see a way out! And I sure couldn’t see how to find happiness. I was stuck; all I could see was the mistake. I surrounded myself with things, habits, and people that supported my view of myself. These things all confirmed my belief that I was worthless, nobody wanted me, and I wasn’t welcome. But these were LIES! The enemy wants you to believe that those lies are your reality. He is the author of deception, and he wants you to see no hope.
Grace is free – and frees others
Later, I met a man named Nick who taught me something. During his teaching on God’s grace, I sat in the back silently crying. I had never been taught that Jesus came to give grace and forgiveness. Deep down I knew that acceptance and salvation had nothing to do with rules, even though rules were what I’d been taught as a child. I was taught that to be loved, you had to be good; that salvation was hard and full of rules, and if you messed up you were no longer worthy of salvation!
What I learned is that the truth is that grace itself proves that we are all loved, and that we are all different by design! God made each of us unique – warts and all! Grace gives us permission to be who He meant us to be. Salvation isn’t about judgement, but about relationships! And grace gives us freedom!
Change first what you sow
So what does this mean? If you are struggling with your emotions, think back over the last couple of days. Have you sung praises to God, or wallowed in deep despair? Have you surrounded yourself with people and actions that lift you up or tear you down? Are you proud of how far you have come or still looking at how far you have to go?
My suggestion is to focus on the positive things, and on the positive people. Be proactive and bring the positive into your life! Be willing to do things that are out of character – go dance in the rain, find your inner child and do something you haven’t done in years – something that used to bring you joy! Start a gratitude journal. Find things to be thankful for every day. And then twice a day, and then every hour! You’ll begin to see the world differently – as God sees it! Take a step toward your dreams. It doesn’t matter how large or small. Take the time to sit and watch a sunrise, or take a friend to see God’s painting in the sky. Take the time to listen to the rain and notice its peace. Take the opportunity to watch God’s perfect timing. Give yourself Grace, forgive yourself; God already has! Know that God uses all things for good, and even your mess has a purpose; once you escape it, you’ll have a story of survival that will help others!
If you are surrounded with negativity, maybe a look in the mirror is required – a really good look! What energies are you sending out? How do you react to the small things? Are you proud of your accomplishments or a defeatist in the fact that you didn’t do more? Did you achieve your dreams or complain about how tired, sore, or time crunched you are? Do you have a mentality of scarcity or one of abundance? If you can’t see the positive in your life, ask someone who exhibits the positive traits you desire. And listen to what they have to say – really listen. Then, you’ll be a step closer to attaining the freedom you want!
Hundreds of people have found freedom through The Journey Training by letting themselves off the hook. Perhaps The Journey Training can help you begin a path of grace for yourself – and in turn set you on a course towards your dreams!
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