I’ll never forget it. I was playing a gig and half way through the 3rd set I noticed my zipper was down. How embarrassing! I was rocking out, acting like the coolest thing in the world, and everyone was staring at my underwear, not my bass guitar! I was so embarrassed!
My friend later told me, “I was going to tell you, but I didn’t want to embarrass you.” WHAT?!?! As if NOT telling me saved me any embarrassment! It caused more! I told him, “Next time, TELL ME!”
The fact is you know what you know, you know what you don’t know, but you also don’t know what you don’t know. Let me explain. I know 2+2=4. I also know that I can’t speak German. But there are a number of things that I don’t know even exist. In many areas I’ve been walking around in ignorance, making decisions and not even knowing they were destroying my dreams; just like playing that gig with my fly down. If someone knew something you didn’t know that might help you, wouldn’t you want to know it? Are you sure?
Well, I can tell you that there are things about you that, if someone told you, might hurt you. I remember the day it all came to a head. I was sitting on the couch when Mary Claire walked in. She said, “Daddy, I want to be just like you.” I was flying high then! Who wouldn’t want to be just like me, right? She continued, “I want a belly just like yours.” That line echoed throughout my brain. You see, I was 460 pounds, and my stomach was 69 ½ inches around. That is C-R-A-Z-Y! I got angry. Not with her – with me. I stared at myself in the mirror. I didn’t like the man staring back at me.
I was a mean man; angry at myself and in turn angry at everyone else! I treated my family like dirt, and most of all I was probably the poorest role model my kids could have! Oh God! Mary wanted a belly – JUST LIKE MINE! NOOOOOOOOO!
Well, that did hurt, but I can say that becoming aware of how my anger and obesity was affecting my family, a change became possible – I no longer didn’t know what I didn’t know. Of course I knew I was obese, but I was oblivious to what my obesity was causing in my life and in the lives of those around me. After Mary told me, I could deny it or I could weigh it. I weighed it heavily – and I cried.
She was right. She did want to be just like me – and I didn’t ever want that to happen.
What are you walking around with that you don’t know about? How do you come across to people? Are you rude without even realizing it? Are you running scared and hiding out from your responsibilities? Or is your fly down? One way to find out is to ask. Simply find someone and ask for a little feedback. Ask them how they see you. Ask them what you can work on. Find out what you possibly don’t know.
I sent a mass-text to many of my friends a few years ago. I asked, “Name my greatest strength and my biggest weakness.” What I found was that many of my friends gave me the same feedback – both in strengths and weaknesses. The feedback “impatient” came back the most. Boy is that true! I am so impatient with my family, friends, in almost anything I do! I cut people off mid-sentence. I get angry and aggravated very quickly. I sure need patience. That feedback has helped me in my life. Did it hurt to hear it? Sure! Was it helpful to hear it? YOU BET!
Don’t fret when people give you feedback. Tell them you’ll weigh it carefully, and that you acknowledge their experience of you. Then weigh it and deal with it. Hearing those areas in which we are weak can help us strengthen them and get exactly what we want! And we might not play a gig with our fly open.
As a Boy Scout leader, one of the funnest games we would play is something called “Tell it like it isn’t.” I would get all the boys, put them in a circle, tell them a story. I would intentionally make up a funny or creative story (Surprising right?). The boys would tell each other the story, they could not repeat it or ask for explanation. all along the way, you could visibly see the story getting more and more odd based on the expressions of the boys who were hearing the story from their friend, almost like, “Did they really say that?” By the time it got to the end of the line, you generally would not get anything close to the same story. Too often we hear things or read emails and we are confused by it, but we don’t want to ask for clarification because of a number of reasons. What if what I think they said is true? What if they think I am stupid? What if they get mad I had them repeat it? Do any of these ring true?
If you are to communicate completely with other people, when you are not positive what you heard is true, it is important to ask them to clarify.
This actually happened today. A friend from out of town was staying with us overnight because she wanted to come early to volunteer for the Journey Training, so we had her sleep over. At dinner the next night, she made comment about Noell and I engaging in extracurricular activities at 6am this morning. (Technically termed Coitus) I asked “What are you talking about?” She told me, “I heard Noell say ‘O Arthur, O Arthur’ early this morning.”
I was horrified, “What?” There is no way that happened, and I would know. (Now if you have a smokin’ hot wife like Noell, you would know that I have no problem with that activity, I was just horrified that a guest would hear that)
I immediately got with Noell, and we started really thinking about this morning. Then I remembered what had happened last night. I remembered, that I had a meeting with Thrive15 at 6:30 this morning, and I was asked to deliver some Chicken Minis from Chick-fil-A. (I have heard them called our yummy Crack laced Breakfast Chicken) Well I thought I would go above, make it huge, and pick up some special donuts. Noell was supposed to order them for me. Sadly, they give us the frequent flyer discount at the donut store, and have a personal ring tone for my wife. I got up at 5:30, got ready, and at 6:05 I kissed my wife goodbye and asked her if she ordered the donuts. She snapped out of bed, and flung the covers off, and shouted “O ARTHUR, O ARTHUR,” (then quieter said) “I am so sorry.”
Meanwhile our friend all day carried around the thought of a very awkward moment of what she heard. All she heard was coming out of my room, Noell yelling, while being compassionate, “O Arthur,” with a sense of sorrow in her voice due to what she forgot.
Was either one wrong? Not necessarily. She connected some dots based on what she heard. This is actually something that our brain does naturally.
Can you think of a time that you heard the wrong thing, and then went the wrong direction with it?
I have done it sadly, multiple times.
Its quite natural, but it’s what you do with it afterwords that will make the difference.
My dad always told me, “Never buy a brand new car! As soon as you drive it off the lot, it’s worth thousands less than when you signed the papers!” I always wondered why that was true, but it is. Just try it! Buy a $20,000 car and drive it home. Then put it up for sale. It might only have 10 miles on the odometer, but you won’t get anyone to buy it for what you paid.
The value of a dollar is exactly that: a dollar! Then why does a car depreciate? One reason is because it becomes “used.” A car usually lasts a certain number of miles, and the longer it is driven, generally the less it is worth. My old truck, which my daughter’s friends call “The Hobo Truck”, has well over 220,000 miles on it, rust on the sides and scratches all over it! I even wrecked that old GMC, and my friend fixed it with a Chevy front end! It’s such a rag-tag truck, but I love it. It has taken me to all kinds of places; to see my kids perform, to my job, to the tryout of The Biggest Loser, and to so many great places creating so many great memories – but I doubt anyone else would find the kind of value in it that I do. To them, it’s just a junky old truck.
What about you? What are you worth?
So often we have let others determine our value by their thoughts and actions. When we were young, the opinion of others meant little to us. When we began to learn to walk, we fell down again and again – and people laughed! But we didn’t care. We got up and tried again and we eventually succeeded, but not before a thousand laughs and chuckles. Yet we didn’t let it bother us one bit.
Somewhere along the way, we began to care about what others think about us – perhaps just a little too much. The “you’ll never amount to anything” that a teacher said, or the “You’re ugly” or “You’re stupid” that a person said when we were young became so imprinted on our hearts that it caused us to depreciate in value. When we failed at something in front of others and were laughed at, we felt like a failure instead of an explorer that simply hit a bump in the road. And when we were picked on or hurt and abused by someone, it caused us to question our value and worth. Well, I am going to tell you something: You are worth the same, if not more, than the day you were born.
Remember that dollar? No matter how old it becomes or how many hands it passes through to become used and abused, torn, tattered and neglected – it’s still worth a dollar. Yet I see so many people who think they’re worth so little – just because they’ve been used, abused, torn, tattered and neglected. They feel small. They think, “Who am I to think I can do that?” or maybe “Who would want me as a friend?” I see it every day, and it breaks my heart. I still feel depreciated at times. Why will we will hold a dollar in our hand and no matter what, we know is worth the same as any other dollar! In fact, the older it gets, it can actually appreciate! An old dollar bill can be worth thousands of times its original value! Then I ask: why can’t you?
No matter what they say, you are beautiful. No matter what they think, you are awesome. No matter how they treat you, you are worthy. Still don’t believe me? Then do me a favor: take out a dollar bill, crumple it up, throw it down, stomp on it, and cover it with dirt. Then pick it up, shake it off and take it to the store and ask for change. I’ll bet you they give you a dollar’s worth!
Graduates of The Journey Training consistently say they feel more valuable in most areas of their lives after completing our courses. Do you want to get back the explorer in you that’s not afraid to try again – no matter what they say? Sign up for the next Journey Threshold class and see where it leads you. It led me to become the Biggest Loser in the history of the show!
The definition of Beginning is as follows: “The point in time or space at which something starts.” Many of us see our lives as a dash – that dash on our headstone between when we were born and when we die. Although our dash is our entire life, I believe our life is like an investment: past results do not guarantee future performance. If you look at the fine print in the top mutual funds they will all have contain disclaimer. Why? Because the future is unwritten, and that’s a good thing!
We all fall down. The stock market rises, and it corrects – and sometimes even crashes! It’s a part of life. Our crash doesn’t define us or determine our future. How we respond to our crash defines us and determines our future. If you’re in a crash or have experienced one in your past, and don’t like where you are now, the good news is you can begin again.
I doubt anyone reading this has never felt hopeless at some point; hopeless in your finances, marriage, faith, health, weight, or maybe your job. That’s one thing we all have in common. Hopelessness is a direct negative result of the feeling pain. The good thing about pain is that it can also have a positive result: healing and growth. Healing and growth happens when we look at our pain – our crash – and we learn from it. If past performance guaranteed future results, we’d be finished. Thank God we can begin again! So, the million-dollar question is: How do we begin again? Well, I can tell you how I did it – by losing my regrets.
One day on The Biggest Loser, I made a terrible choice. I played a game that resulted in me having to eat a 780 calorie cupcake – and that’s not good when you’re in a weight-loss competition! I made a mistake! I crashed. I immediately began beating myself up about my bad decision. Coach Mo noticed this, came up to me and gently said, “Someday you’re going to have to be okay with your choices.” Later that day, Jillian Michaels, my trainer on NBC’s The Biggest Loser, had me on the treadmill and was killing me when she asked, “Danny, what’s wrong? Something’s bothering you.”
I got off the treadmill, sat down, and told her, “Jillian, I am so stupid. I played the game, ate the cupcake, and now I’m in trouble. I had to eat 780 calories more than the others and I may go home. I am so stupid!”
She replied, “So you’re going home, huh?”
“I could!”
Jillian said, “Well, that depends on you, not your stupid decision.” She went on to explain to me that holding on to regrets – the decisions that made you crash – will be your downfall, not the decisions themselves! You take your good decisions and run with them! You take your bad decisions and learn from them – use them to fuel your next step. That will determine your future.
That day, I grew – The pain and regret I felt began to cause hopelessness, but I worked through it and found healing & growth. I decided to begin again, right then and there! I laid down my regrets and worked harder that week than ever before – and I set a record on The Biggest Loser by losing the most weeks in a row of double digits, 7 weeks, beginning that very week! I dealt with my past, lost my regrets, and I was able to begin again.
What have you carrying from your past? Are there things you need to lay down and begin again? The Journey Training can help. I began losing my regrets in my training, and you can begin again with the next Journey Threshold class! Just make a new decision; a decision to lay down your regrets and begin again!
Have you ever heard the saying “You tend to create what you most fear”? Well, most of my life, I’ve been looking for trouble!
I don’t know about you, but it’s sometimes hard to understand why Murphy’s Law used to be the theme of my life. Over the years, I began to see a correlation with what I was seeking and what I was finding. Let me explain:
In Matthew 7:7 (NIV), it says “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.” I always viewed this with asking God for your desires, needs and wants. Lately, I’ve began to see a different perspective.
My pastor Orlando Juarez of The Bridge Church in Bixby told me a story. It went something like this:
There were two young boys who went to visit their grandfather. They loved to visit Grandpa because he had this awesome tractor they could play with in the back yard and a garden they could explore! When they arrived, they ran in and said, “Grandpa! Grandpa! Can we go play in your backyard?”
He answered, “Of course you can!” Then he added, “But don’t you spit on my bush!”
The boys just looked at each other in confusion and shrugged, and then they ran outside and shut the door behind them. The grandfather peeked out the window and watched as they walked out, looked at the bush, looked at each other, and spit on the bush before running to play! Why did they do that? Spitting on the bush would have never come to mind if Grandpa hadn’t brought it to attention. But when he brought it to attention, the kids gravitated to it. I now look at life the same way.
When we speak and think of the worst case scenario, we can tend to subconsciously set into motion things that will bring that scenario into existence! Most of the time, we don’t even realize it! It’s kind of like the guy that says, “I can do anything but that…anything but that and I’ll be alright!” And then he does that!
Whatever you seek you will gravitate to and find. This can also be seen in Job 4:7-8 (NLT). It says, “Stop and think! Do the innocent die? When have the upright been destroyed? My experience shows that those who plant trouble and cultivate evil will harvest the same.” In my life, what I have concentrated on has generally come to pass. Not always in black and white, but in general, we reap what we sow. And the choice is ours.
Galatians 6:7 (NLT) says, “Don’t be misled—you cannot mock the justice of God. You will always harvest what you plant.” So why do we point out spitting on the bush? Why do we dwell on the negative – the rules – what not to do and who we should NOT be? Let us focus on who we are, what we truly want, and who we should be.
Don’t go looking for trouble; chances are you’ll find it!
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