The difference between good and bad are morals.
The difference between light and darkness are lumens.
The difference between black and white is reflection.
The difference between care and abuse is nurturing.
The difference between certainty and confusion is knowledge.
The difference between love and hate is acceptance.
The difference between the truth and a lie is honesty.
The difference between trust and doubt is a choice.
The difference between commitment and rejection is honor.
The difference between helping and hurting is contribution.
The difference between love and hate is compassion.
The difference between beauty and ugliness is perspective.
The difference between a promise and a breach is commitment.
The difference between being happy and being right is pride.
The difference between thriving and want is abundance.
The difference between courage and fear is boldness.
The difference between power and victim mentality is responsibility.
The difference between giving and taking is contribution.
The difference between success and failure is focus.
The difference between reality and acting is authenticity.
The difference between forgiveness and unforgiveness is grace.
Very little separates one thing from another, but the difference between all of them are you and me.
When I was writing my book Lose Your Quit in 2011, I noticed something: that every experience I had on The Biggest Loser built on an experience before to create something completely different. I also noticed that these experiences were similar to experiences I had previously in my life. This time they were magnified by television and also, I believe I was better equipped to deal with them – maybe because I had visited them before.
Life is Fractal
Fractal Geometry is an amazing thing. When I first heard of it, I didn’t quite know what it was. Simply, it is a recurring pattern found in mathematics that is also found in nature. Wikipedia puts it like this: “A fractal is a natural phenomenon or a mathematical set that exhibits a repeating pattern that displays at every scale. It is also known as expanding symmetry or evolving symmetry. If the replication is exactly the same at every scale, it is called a self-similar pattern.”
I believe that life is built on fractal and self-similar patterns. I’ve heard that “history repeats itself,” which I believe is not only a natural thing, but it is a God created thing. First, let me explain Fractal Geometry in nature. If you look at a tree, there is a correlation between the distances between the branches on the trunk, and the twigs on the branches. That same mathematical pattern is reproduced in the veins on the leaves. It is also seen in everything from snowflakes, pine cones, and even in the meanders of a river. I believe it I also found in our lives.
I relate these situations in my life. The first home I can remember was a house in Del City, Oklahoma. I was four years old when we lived there. I shared a room with my two sisters, and my grandma lived with us. That house was HUGE! When I got married, I bought the house for Darci and I to live in. Let me tell you – that house is SMALL! 700 square feet to be exact! Two bedrooms, a living room, 1 bathroom and a small kitchen. It had no laundry room and a detached garage. Why did it seem so big as a kid, and so small as an adult?
Experience Shrinks Things (or does it?)
“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” I want to poke whoever wrote that in the eye! When we were kids, a simple, “What’s wrong with you?” can cut to the core. Maybe you thought, “there must be something wrong with me if they’re asking” or “there’s all kinds of things wrong with me.” When someone says that now, it has less impact on me, or at least I’d like to think it does.
In life, we experience similar pain at different points of my life. When we were asked what was wrong with us as a child, that can be repeated with “why did you do that?” or “that’s not what I would have done.” We even begin to ask ourselves that question: What is wrong with me?
When someone hurt me as a child, it made me feel a certain way. Since then, I have experienced other hurts that produced a similar feeling, and my actions and thoughts go back to that point when I was a child – along with the feelings. It makes me subconsciously relive that old hurt, and in turn I feel I am no further down the road in my life. In fact, I am much further along, and that self-similar pattern creates an opportunity for me. I can revert back to that child and react in a childish way, or I can use my experiences and deal with the situation in a different, healthier way – like I did on The Biggest Loser.
Respond, don’t React
When I was on the Black Team on the show, I found myself alone. My team had an alliance, and I wasn’t a part of that. To make a long story short, my team threw a weigh-in with the goal of self-preservation, and when they lost they planned to vote me home. And to top things off, Jillian Michaels – my coach – knew about this and coached them through it! I felt betrayed, and it took me back to the child that felt like I didn’t matter when all everyone talked about was his older sisters and how great they were. Every year, the teacher usually said, “You’ve got quite a name to live up to!” And guess what – I spent my entire life trying to live up to expectations that I had put on myself – that I could never achieve no matter what I would accomplish.
Each time I “revisit” an event that takes me back, I tend to react just like that child. I throw a temper tantrum, cry, feel hopeless, and if it makes me angry, I rage! I feel that these recurring events in our life – that are fractal in nature – are opportunities. They are opportunities for us to choose a different, more productive path for ourselves than we did in the past.
When I was betrayed on The Biggest Loser, I raged at first. Then I collected myself and remembered what my rage brought me in my past. I went back to when those events seemed much larger in my life. I wanted a different outcome this time! So I weighed my opportunities. I could punch Jillian out, or perhaps my teammates. OUTCOME: Jail. I could quit the show and give up. OUTCOME: Opportunity Loss.
I chose different. If I was the Biggest Loser of the week (lost the most percentage of weight), I was immune and they couldn’t vote me off. I chose to respond rather than react by kicking it into high gear and lapping everyone! OUTCOME: Record Holder for 7-weeks in a row double digit weight loss, and the Biggest Loser ever among the men of the show, and let’s not forget $250,000 and the title of The Biggest Loser! I’LL TAKE IT!
At the beginning of the year, someone asked me a question – a question that seemed unnatural to me. “What do you want?”
“What do I want?”
I was thrown off guard because I naturally think in terms of how I can make someone else’s life better, easier, or less worrisome. When the question was aimed at me, I didn’t know what to say. After much consideration I finally declared what I wanted, “No pain!” That seemed like an easy answer because I was in my fifth month dealing with shoulder pain. Major pain! I was four weeks out from a surgery that was more involved than first thought and the surgery came after an intense four months of physical therapy.
My answer was meant to appease the person asking it because it was obvious that I was in a lot of physical pain. Yet my answer avoided the real source of my pain – emotional pain. A betrayal that had caused me so much pain that I chose to go numb rather than to feel it. If I felt it I’d have to deal with it, and I didn’t want to deal with it because it was going to take work – a lot of work.
Finding your way requires direction
Life is a journey, and the first step in a journey is to know your destination. My destination was “No Pain,” which may be unrealistic for many reasons I won’t go into here. So I changed it to a journey of healing, with the final destination of health.
Once you know your destination you can begin on the path to it. When there is pain blocking your path, you tend not to head that way. This was the difficulty in my case. Pain was blocking my path, preventing me from arriving at my destination. But in order for me to be free from the pain, I needed to face the pain and deal with it.
Flats require attention
Facing and dealing with the pain in my journey was going to be like driving a hundred miles, getting a flat tire along the way, and continuing to drive on the flat trying to get there. It only causes more damage and could make the car inoperable.
If I pull over but don’t change the flat, I’ll remain stuck and never reach my destination. If I pull out all of the tools needed to change the flat, but if I don’t use the tools, I sit still on the side of the road, watching everyone else getting closer to their destinations.
Fix-a-flat and get moving!
Sometimes fixing a situation in your life requires an extra hand – someone to come alongside you who has the tools and ability to help you. That is what The Journey Training did for me. It connected me with people who have the tools I need, so as I am on my way, I can fix the “flats” along the way. It is an empowering, freeing and self-strengthening opportunity that I recommend for anyone to attend. If you’re too afraid to begin, or you’ve begun and have a flat, reach out the The Journey Training and get the tools you need to help you along your way today! Your destination awaits!
I can be extremely self-conscious about my abilities from time to time. I am considered “the crazy guy,” the out of the box thinker. I travel all over the country speaking about crazy ideas and ventures. I even mentor others on building their own road to success. You might picture me as this courageous guy with nerves of steel, right? Wrong! I still get nervous before speaking engagements, but I do them. I recently wrote another book but what will others think of my writing?
Fear
There are stories going off in my head right now. They are very real….to me.
- I wrote this book to brag about my knowledge
- I am working to promote me, not my book.
- Who am I to be giving “tips” to others?
The list goes on and on, and I know that I am not the only one that lives with doubts like this every day!!
Courage
What am I going to do with these criticisms swirling in my head?
- Are these thoughts really true about me?
- Do I believe these things about myself?
- Regardless of what other people think, is what I am doing supporting my purpose and mission?
Once you have worked through those questions you will know better how to work through criticisms that you are dealing with.
Are any of these criticisms true about myself? Courage is not the absence of fear, it is having the fear and pushing through it. I choose to focus on my mission and push ahead.
I wrote this book to pass on that knowledge. I have been honored to co-author the book with a talented friend of mine. Bryan Smith and I are very proud of this book. Breaking Conformity is our first professional book about business. This book will help new and seasoned professionals. I have acquired so much knowledge and have learned valuable lessons from those before me, including brilliant individuals who have mentored me. It is important to share information and pass on that great knowledge to others.
Breaking Conformity will help new emerging leaders as well as veteran ones to look at business myths that plague us. It will give the rest of the story, which will help in overcoming any hurdle quickly, making the length of time to success even quicker.
As this book prepares to launch I am filled with anxiety, nervousness and fear but also pride and excitement to share this with others. I am pushing through the fear and choosing courage. How will you push through the fear today, this week, this month? Choose courage!
*Breaking Conformity is available on Amazon.com on October 19th 2015. Help us to help others by purchasing our book. Help us become #1 best sellers on Amazon!
I am where I am meant to be, when I am meant to be there.
How often do we miss purpose in the moment? How often do we look toward the future and miss what is happening now? Whether it is a chance to be kind to someone, a chance to isolate yourself and reflect, or maybe a chance to meet the love of your life? So often we forget to open our eyes and see what God is showing us in the moment. Maybe because we are constantly looking back – hurting and wishing it could change – or perhaps too much toward the future, planning what we wish would happen.
Maybe it’s time to stop looking at your past; it’s behind you for a reason. And to stop looking to your future for a moment, because your whole life can change in an instant. If you’re always looking at the last or next moment, you’re missing the moment right there in front of you.
Trust the Process
Trust the process of the moment you are in, and know that God is working in your current moment to impact your future. Sometimes we try and plan way too much; and sometimes the lesson we need to learn is being given to us in the moment of life circumstances you are currently going through.
I am currently performing at Disney World, which honestly isn’t my dream job. I’m only here till January and it is a fun job, but not the biggest career option I’ve made. I personally had a very challenging year and I felt like I was supposed to take this job for a reason, even though it was not in my “plan” at all.
Often, there are great moments where I get to do some cool things, and I’ve had some fun times. I thought I would come down here, save some money, have some fun, and just enjoy myself. Although that is happening, I feel like God is working in my life a lot more through this experience than I had ever expected.
In the last couple months I’ve prayed for humility – the power to let go of the things and people I cannot control – and for opportunities to give love to others.
Although there are some days I get to dress up like a prince and be the center of attention – which I always enjoy – I had to be trained and work in what we call “Fur”, where you are anonymously playing a character that is fully covered. I felt worthless doing this, not to mention HOT! During these shifts, I felt like I wasn’t fully using my talents. I was annoyed and grumpy every time! And then one day I was “friends with Goofy” and a woman came up to me. She hugged me and started crying – a woman in her late 40’s – because of me playing a costumed Dog! She said “you have gotten me through so much, and I’ve waited my entire life to meet you!”
Talk about a perspective shift! Since that day, I’ve had more and more experiences like this, and it’s almost always happened while I was “in fur” and not too happy about it. I began to realize that the experience is God giving me an opportunity to be humble and to serve others without them knowing who I am. God doesn’t always give you exactly what you pray for; he gives you an opportunity to make a choice and do what it is you are praying for. He is handing me opportunities to be humble.
It’s not about me
Being in the entertainment industry it’s easy to become self-absorbed while also being self-critical. It’s easy to begin seeing people as products, business and fans instead of human beings. Something I really learned from going through The Journey Training was how to see value in myself and in others. Every person has a story, and I’m learning that here at Disney World even more. No matter if I’m dancing in a parade, playing a hero, or simply in fur, I get the opportunity to practice humility. And even though they don’t know it’s me, I’m making someone’s day by serving them. Serving…such an important lesson to learn.
Before I came to Florida I had a very challenging couple weeks, full of disappointment, frustration, and fear – and definitely some regret. I struggle a lot with trusting God to take care of situations. I take on the responsibility to fix others’ lives. The reality is, you can only do so much. Many things came to a head just a few weeks before leaving home, and the fear that came over me was that I wouldn’t be able to take care of it all and see the outcome.
While being away at Disney world, I have been challenged to give space to people who are not adding to my life, and to face situations that I cannot control. And if I were home, I probably wouldn’t have let go. God planned it – with me by being here!
Lately while being on my own, I’ve been able to meet some of the most amazing “Make a Wish” kids from all over the world, seeing so many come together for a mutual love of magic and happiness. There is one thing that everyone in the world can relate to; that is being hugged, being loved, and someone taking the time to say “you are worth it.”
I’ve also learned balance and am able to love people from a distance and in different ways. I can set boundaries while still seeing everyone as equally imperfect and beautiful creatures of God.
The plan is the plan, even if it’s not mine!
This plan may not be my plan, and I’m not be getting everything I wanted, but living with humility and realizing that God has a purpose in every moment is something I will take from here and live with forever. Through this experience, I have become closer to God than ever before, and in turn, closer to the destiny He has for me.
So in your life, trust the moment. Look around you and realize that there is beauty and opportunity in this moment – right now; there is more to the greater plan than what we can see or comprehend, so dare to let go a little! Trust this moment, and know you are where you are meant to be where you are right now.
Duncan was a trainee in The Journey Training, Class 13. The insight he has received from the training has helped him see value in things he was unaware of before, allowing him to trust the process and find the value where he is right now. Each month, so many are able to find treasure in what they considered trash, allowing them to take their past and make a purpose out of it for the present and the future. If you are ready to begin your Journey, why not sign up for the next Threshold class and embark on the adventure of your life?
