“Feel the fear, move through it, do it anyway.” Jillian Michaels told me that when I was going home from The Biggest Loser. She knew I was scared of the challenge of going home and walking my journey on my own. And she also knew that if I felt the fear but did it anyway that I would become The Biggest Loser.
Face Your Fears
There can be no courage without fear. And without fear courage isn’t necessary. You can be assured that this journey we call life will rarely be without scary things – relationships, challenges, responsibilities – usually around every corner! Abraham Lincoln said, “If I am killed, I can die only once; but to live in constant dread of it, is to die over and over again.” We weren’t meant to never be afraid, but we were created to face our fears.
What do you fear?Fear can look many different ways. It can be something as complicated as becoming a parent, getting married, climbing a tree or any number of things. Most of these fears can be tied to a few basic things – like the fear of being alone, the fear of death, the fear of failure or even the fear of success. Who would fear success? Well, with great success comes great responsibility. Getting a million dollars is tough enough, but keeping it is even tougher!
Feel the fear
The first instinct we have is to run from the fear. When fear hits, we want it to go away – sometimes so bad that we will sabotage what we really want for the feeling of security. Jillian knew this when she told me to feel the fear. Denying feelings is never the answer, and it only leads to problems later. If we feel fearful of something and we avoid it, we live that life Lincoln was talking about; dying many deaths. So the first step is to identify your fear and give yourself permission to be afraid. Many of the greatest success stories began with fear. Do you think Bill Gates took dropping out of college to follow his dream lightly? His father freaked out! Yet Bill didn’t let the fear stop him. Instead he identified it, he felt it, and in turn he owned it.
Move through It
Feeling fear is a natural occurrence,and after we own it, we then have to decide what to do with it. There are healthy fears, like not jumping off a skyscraper or not walking into a lion’s den. And then there are fears that are meant to be conquered – the ones that hold us back from what we truly want. Jillian knew this, and that’s why she told me to move through it. Allowing fear to make your decisions for you isn’t always a good thing. In fact, it can make you die that death over and over again!
Dread is a form of fear, and I’ve learned that what you are dreading hardly ever turns out to be as bad as you fear. My neighbor had a dog that bit me on the hand. It was a Pit Bull, and that didn’t help things either. I wanted to talk to her about her dog and ask her to tie it up. You see, it kept getting out and roaming the neighborhood. I was afraid my young children may get hurt if it felt threatened. I put off talking to her because I dread confrontations.
Do it anyway
Finally, when the dog bit me, I decided I had to do it regardless whether I dreaded it or not! She completely understood and told me she didn’t know what to do about it. I offered to help her build a pen for it and the conversation went rather well. All that fear was for nothing! I had lived almost two years dreading this confrontation – or rather conversation – for no good reason. That fear of confrontation kept me stuck for two years, and could have even put my family at risk!
Feel the fear, move through it, do it anyway. That isn’t bad advice! You see, it’s usually our fear that keeps us stuck and holds us back from what we truly want. If we identify our fear, own it and give ourselves permission to feel it without condemnation, and find the courage to move through it to get what we truly want we have faced our fears.
Reward always takes risk
In The Journey Training, I often hear people tell me their greatest fear is being alone. That very fear usually causes them to lose relationships over and over again, by either them holding on too tightly causing people to run or by them not being willing to step out and even have a relationship for fear that they will be left alone. They in turn create what they most fear.
I’ve seen people who fear failure try so hard not to make a mistake that they aren’t willing to risk failure – and most successes come after many failed attempts. In turn, they fail before they even begin, because they aren’t willing to take the chances that are necessary to succeed. They, too, create what they most fear.
Are you creating in your life what you most fear?Are you ready to face your fears and do what it takes to get what you really want? If so, I urge you to go to The Journey Training and sign up for the very next Threshold class. Month after month we see people identify their fears, and find courage they perhaps didn’t even know they had to face it – even just a little. Every journey begins with a single step. Won’t you take yours today to Face Your Fears?
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I’ve had some big moments since I attended The Journey Training weekend. Big wins, accomplishments – champion moments as I refer to them now.
Maybe they aren’t “big” in the literal since, but they are those moments when you are in the battle and you have that “ah-ha!” go off in your head. This is the “Ah-ha” that you didn’t know before and the realization that things are different now. You see the situation from a different perspective and are able to walk through it, and knowing the result is going to be good for everyone involved.
Say it out loud right now: “Ah-ha!”
“Ah-ha” is the realization that you have the answer you’ve been looking for!
Say it aloud again: “Ah-ha!” It feels good, doesn’t it? Because the feeling is right and things are aligned.
Rather than share some of the champion moments – my “Ah-ha’s” if you will – I have experienced since the beginning of my journey, I’d like to share my daily attitude and approach that has allowed me to say that beautiful expression.
I am calm because I know I am confident. I take the opportunity to listen to others and sincerely engage because they ARE important and they ARE as deserving of my time as I am theirs. I’m now more transparent because I have nothing to hide from others any longer. I know I do not walk alone anymore because my Journey people walk with me. I live knowing I have a loving group of people that know where I’ve been and what I’ve done – and they don’t judge me for it; they love me regardless and the love is reciprocated through truth.
I observe the people around me and think, “The strengths in you I see are……” as I look at them. I see their strengths as they should too – dedicated, free, passionate, loyal, fierce, honest, a fighter, an advocate and some are shiny pieces of soul candy (or spicy pieces of eye candy, however you take your medicine). When I am around others I don’t let the bad apple be my perception any longer. I love them regardless – because I just “Ah-ha’d” all over them!!
I know other’s time is precious, as is our own. Maybe we go into the bank and spend two minutes with the bank teller, or when we are standing in line at the grocery store we spend two minutes with the other person in line with us. As we carry ourselves through each day, each two minutes add up to a lot of moments; brief moments – maybe a missed champion moment as we now know it to be. Maybe that moment can influence or change the course of that person’s day – or even our own. I know that each champion moment is easy to obtain, whether it be a smile with a, “Hi, how are you doing today?” at the bank, or the gesture of fellowship with a stranger in line, those champion moments awaits us.
The “good” is there within all of us. I’m challenged to remind or show others that they have that “good” in them too. I am flowing with champion moments all day now! Kindness, love, compassion, caring, sincerity, empathy, rationality, confidence, freedom, joyfulness, understanding, thoughtfulness, interjecting, charismatic, empowered, supportive, humble, tenderness, and I’m alive and on fire because of the “Ah-ha!” and my realization that I have the answer! I am the answer, and I say loud and proud, “James lives!”
And with Him and through Him, all things are possible.
Imagine the two minutes as a sip of lemonade, a 20 ounce “Keith’s Ice Cold Beverages Premium Lemonade” preferably, and know that sip is really good, every time. There are a lot of sips in that bottle.
I ask you to stop for two minutes and offer someone a sip. They deserve it. Be sincere and spend those two minutes with that someone that you may or may not ever see again. You may change their life.
All of my Journey people changed mine.
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After the recent passing of Leonard Nimoy, I started reflecting on things he has done that have influenced me as well as my own personal experience meeting him a few years ago in true Arthur Greeno fashion.
The first thing that comes to mind is the Vulcan hand salute that we all are familiar with that usually is accompanied by, “Live long and prosper. “But do you know where that hand gesture came from? Here’s a short video of Mr. Nimoy telling the story.
Now on to my personal experience with the man best known as simply, “Mr. Spock”.
I was never a huge fan of the original Star Trek series and I connected with it long after all of the original movies had aired. Later I started watching the reruns and fell in love with Star Trek: The Next Generation and since then I’ve seen all of the Star Trek movies and nearly every episode of the various TV series from the Star Trek universe.
On April 20th 2009 Leonard Nimoy was scheduled to be one of the stars featured at the 20th annual Star Trek Expo here in Tulsa. I thought it would be cool to meet him, so I reached out to a connection I had who in turn introduced me to the owner of the event. Nearly everyone loves Chick-fil-A, so I offered to provide food for all of the actors and that opened a door for me to potentially meet Spock as well as many others.
Throughout the day of the event, I made many deliveries to the convention center, running back and forth from my store bringing fresh food for the special guests. On one of those trips, I was rolling two large delivery boxes on a dolly toward my vehicle and saw Leonard Nimoy coming in the door in front of me flanked by two large men who could only have been bodyguards. I guess that I was momentarily star struck because I didn’t see the pillar sticking out from the wall in front of me and promptly ran into it, boxes and all. “Are you all right?”, he asked. Embarrassed that I had been that clumsy – and in front of Mr. Spock, no less! – I sheepishly replied, “Yes. Thank you” and continued to my car.
Moments later as my face returned to it’s normal color I realized that I totally forgot the questions I wanted to ask him. I had been so intimidated by his star status (and my subsequent encounter with the pillar) that my mind went blank. Later I realized that if he was indeed the untouchable mega star that I had pictured him being, he likely wouldn’t have even asked if I was OK.
Looking back on that situation, there are a few key takeaways I want to share with you that I wish I had been preparing in my own life at the time:
1. My path toward my dreams won’t look like other people’s path. That’s not only OK, but it’s the way things are supposed to be.
2. The fears that we encounter are often not based in reality. We tell ourselves stories that are not true and then react to them in fear rather than in confidence because we fear what others might think or what may happen.
3. The more we practice, the better we will be when the opportunity arrives. This can be with smaller experiences or simply rehearsing mentally, but if we’ve already “been there”, we’ll be far more comfortable when the big moments arrive.
Oh, and one more thing: I heard from some of the servers in the green room at the event, Leonard Nimoy AKA Mr. Spock, chose aChick-fil-Asandwich for lunch that day.
#LLAP
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Which “you” shows up when you experience stress, do you Work On It, Not In It?
I was asked this exact question while serving at one of our Journey Training weekends.
People often think that I don’t get stressed out, but those people would be wrong. I just deal with stress differently and they don’t recognize when I am struggling with it. I tend to go through three stages when I Work On It , Not In It:
Stage 1
I begin to feel pressure, so I stop, back up, and evaluate the situation. What small things can I whittle away to reduce the stress? What can I remove, complete, or change to dial it down?
Stage 2
I begin to get overwhelmed. At this point, I try to regroup and focus so that I can dial back down to stage 1 or before. Unfortunately, if the level is rising quickly, I tend to lash out at people I love and I get short and snippy in my communication.
Stage 3
I tear up. Yes, that’s right. Cry. They are most often tears of frustration. Here’s an example of what I had on my plate that brought on Stage 3 and how we handled it.
The Hamster Ball Relay, this event is monumental in itself. The few extra minutes I had each week were invested in helping The Journey Training get going. This is on top of my normal responsibilities at my two Chick-fil-A locations and the location I am the consultant for in Kansas and don’t forget the importance being a husband, dad and friend.
Frankly, it was all too much.
My wife said something simple and profound when I needed it most: “Let me know what I can help you with. There are people who can help you.”
There’s a word for what she was telling me: DELEGATION.
I teach delegation on a regular basis, but I still struggle with it from time to time myself. I had all of the typical excuses for why I could not/should not delegate.
It was all too important to delegate
We can’t delegate, we are still trying to figure it out
No one else knows how to do it and it will take too long to teach them
As leaders, we MUST learn to get outside of what we are doing from time to time and work on the big picture so that the details don’t overwhelm us. This can help us stay healthy and effective for the long run instead of breaking down on the side of the road like so many do.
Most people who are around you genuinely want to help, they just don’t know what you need. When our pride gets in the way, we don’t ask for the help we need. What we miss is that more work can be done with more hands – and it’s often done better when each person has less to carry. They may also have gifts and talents we do not and our pride keeps them on the sidelines.
Remember these three items to Work On It, Not In It:
Step outside of the project to focus on the “BIG” picture, not the details
Ask for help, delegate the work load so each team member has less to carry
Look for ways to encourage your team to use their personal gifts or talents
Is there someone in your life you can ask if they need help?
Who can you ask in your life to help you carry the burden?
This thirty minute podcast is by Andy Stanley called, “Work On It” that I believe will really speak to you. Andy Stanley is a church leader whose principles apply to any environment.
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In past blogs I’ve talked about the “programs” that run us. Most of the decisions that we make are made by our beliefs – or the programming of our beliefs from our experiences. These “Life Programs” can be good, and they can also be devastating! It all depends on what we want in life.
OUR LIFE PROGRAMMING
Good programs might be the confidence built in us by our parents or teachers that leads us to believe we will succeed before we even begin! Some people automatically think anything they try is possible if they only put their mind to it. Others lack that confidence and in turn believe the odds are against them before they even begin a challenge.
“Whether you think you can or you think you can’t, you’re right.” – Henry Ford
The question becomes how do we change those beliefs that work against us in life? If you lack confidence, how do you gain confidence? If you continually sabotage your relationships by becoming impatient and snapping at people, how do you stop those behaviors? We all have beliefs and behaviors in our lives that need to be reprogrammed. So how do you go about reprogramming your life?
CHANGE YOUR THINKING
Well, to change our beliefs, we must first change our thinking. If you lack confidence, your ability to find it begins with your own words. Let’s try something. I want you to begin counting in your head from 10 to 1 backwards, and when you get half way done, speak something out of your mouth. Ready: GO!
What happened to the counting when you spoke? It stopped. You see, it is very hard to think on one thing while saying something out loud. Your thoughts gravitate to that action of speaking. This is how we can reprogram our lives.
If you lack confidence, you must begin to tell yourself you are confident. I know; at first you won’t believe it. But in time, with continual practice, you eventually will begin to see it – at first just a little, and later even more! If you snap at people because you are impatient, begin telling yourself that you are patient. Speak out what you want and you cannot think on something else! Remember the train that “thought he could?” “I think I can, I think I can, I think I can…” That makes sense now, doesn’t it?
MAKE AN AGREEMENT WITH YOURSELF
Find those beliefs that are holding you back, sabotaging your success, or making your relationships hard. Write down on a piece of paper what you need to be instead of those things. If you aren’t confident, write “I am confident.” If you aren’t patient, write “I am patient.” If you aren’t strong, write “I am strong.” Yes, you can have more than one. Take two or three.
Write them down and read them every morning when you get up, before you walk into a meeting, or before you get home to your family – whenever you need those things – just speak them out of your mouth. It’s good to do this while looking into your eyes in the mirror. At first this will be awkward, but soon you’ll begin to believe it!
Before I went to The Biggest Loser, I would tell myself, “I am a joyful and passionate man!” At that time in my life I had lost all joy and passion. I needed that again! I began to believe it, and I found the joy, and then I surely found the passion! Now I need focus, so I tell myself “I am a joyful, passionate and focused man!” Soon, my beliefs will change. And so will yours!
In The Journey Training, we see people enter the training every month believing wrong things about their lives. These beliefs may have been programmed by the words of others, or even their own words about themselves. By the time these people finish their training, you can see a complete difference in the way they look, walk and carry themselves. Some look physically different, while some just can’t stop smiling – and they are believing different things about themselves, too!
When will you reach for what you want – when will you begin reprogramming your life? Just remember these three simple steps.
Know your life programming
Change your thinking
Make an agreement with yourself
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You may have seen a report recently about two climbers, Tommy Caldwell and Kevin Jorgeson, who became the first to successfully free climb the “Dawn Wall” route of Yosemite’s El Capitan face. January 14, 2015 marked the end of a 19 day trek up the sheer rock face that placed them in the record books.
Seven years of planning and a lifetime of practice in completing other complex free climbs prepared this duo for achieving what many, including themselves, considered an impossible feat.
The climb took them up a path that traveled back and forth and even downward at times as they headed toward the summit. In preparation, they spent countless hours rappelling down the face of the rock to map even the smallest cracks or ledges that they could utilize to make their way to the summit. Each successful foothold or handhold represented movement toward their ultimate goal.
Aided only by safety ropes should they slip and fall, which they did multiple times (Jorgeson fell 11 times on just one section of the climb), they successfully completed each of the 32 sections or pitches before moving to the next.
At the end of each days climbing, they rested on a “portaledge,” a temporary horizontal surface with a rainfly, and suspended themselves from the face of the wall in order to get some much needed rest from the physical demands of free climbing. Every few days, supplies were delivered to the climbers by their friends on the ground who were acting as their support team.
How can you apply their achievement to your life? Are you wanting to reach a goal, quit a bad habit, or overcome an addiction?
Look at the lessons below and apply them to your situation:
Size up your challenge and plan appropriately. Lack of planning in a free climb may spell death. Fortunately, lack of planning to reach your goal or make a life change is rarely life threatening, however it can certainly result in setbacks in your attempt at change. Minimize your potential for setbacks with planning that is appropriate in complexity to the challenge at hand.
Imagine your own rock wall you need to traverse. The bottom represents where you are today, the summit – where you want to be, and the wall between the bottom and the summit are the challenges, behaviors, temptations, and old habits you’ll have to overcome to reach your goal.
• Between you and success are potential opportunities to fail or succeed.
You’ve studied your behavior patterns and have identified the potential areas that you might sabotage yourself or just make a mistake and experience temporary failure.
• Every forward step matters, even if it is a small one.
Just like the climbers, a minute ledge or foothold may be all you need to keep moving toward your goal. You may feel like some of the steps you take don’t matter, but you’d be wrong. Every step in the right direction takes you toward your new goals, so celebrate each and every one of them!
What is one small step you can take toward overcoming your old ways?
• The path usually isn’t straight and it’s not going to be easy.
Remember the saying, “the shortest path between two point is a straight line?” That may be mathematically accurate, but it is rarely the case when making life changes or achieving a goal. Just like Jorgeson and Caldwell, the path for your success will undoubtedly take you sideways and possibly backwards at times. Mapping your path ahead of time helps you keep your focus and not lose heart when you don’t “feel” like you are making progress or it appears to others that you are losing ground.
Keep in mind, even when Jorgeson or Caldwell fell, they didn’t fall all the way back to the starting point. Slipping when you reach for a crack to hold onto or when you place your foot on a small ledge doesn’t mean you’ve failed with a capital “F”, it merely means you’ve experienced a momentary setback and have an opportunity to learn how to better identify your next small step and try again for success. Successful people know that they learn as much or more from their “failures” as they do from their successes. As Arthur Greeno, a Journey Training facilitator states, “Failure is always an option. But so is Success.”
What “failures” have you experienced in the past? Did you learn from them or treat them with a capital “F” and give up? What lessons can you learn from your past setbacks that can empower and energize you toward future successes?
• Have an accountability partner and support team.
Any task that we can reach by ourselves probably isn’t stretching us much and causes us to live in comfortable mediocrity. Reach for a larger goal or develop better lifestyle choices that require you to enlist the help of others. The help may come in the form of a mentor, coach, or accountability partner. The key to remember here is that you can’t achieve great things in life alone. Everyone needs support in some form or fashion.
Even Jorgeson and Caldwell had each other and a National Geographic Camera crew for accountability and encouragement. Add to that, their family and friends were there to provide assistance and supplies when needed.
Who are your accountability partners to help keep you keep on track? Who do you have around you to provide encouragement? Who do you have to help sustain you during long treks in your journey?
It is worth it.
So why endure all of the planning, frustration, setbacks, vulnerability, and reliance on others? Because it’s worth it! You are worth it! It’s worth all of this for you to become a better you and to help you in your pursuit in overcoming “impossible” obstacles. When you become a better you, then you can help others better themselves.
For more information on Kevin Jorgeson and Tommy Caldwell’s climb of the “Dawn Wall” of Yosemite National Park’s El Capitan rock, see the links below.
