I went to a get-together last night that made me start thinking. The question was asked, “What is worship to you?” As I sat and listened to the different responses, one part of everyone’s answer that was in common: a connection with God.
Many were there, and while we all had that common thread we all also had our own personal experiences and ways that we worship. I was so inspired by many that I almost felt my answer was inadequate. Instead of beating myself up I asked myself, “What can I do to make it more meaningful and to build my relationship with Christ to be even stronger?” That’s how I went to bed.
When I woke up the next morning for the strangest reason I was thinking about funny tech-support stories.
So, I got up and Googled it. I remembered the stories where they asked the customer, “Do you have the power on?” And when the power doesn’t come on the all-important question becomes, “Is it plugged in?” I started putting my questions to myself the night before into these tech-support scenarios. Is the power on? Better yet, am I plugged in?
Let me see; I do my daily devotions, although I allow life to get in my way more than I should. What about my prayer life? How often do I actually talk to God? I do, but not as often as I should. I usually pray after I read my daily devotional – for a good day, to keep my family safe, for new and present clients, for friends and other requests. I pray with my kids each night before bed & sometimes before we eat. When I see a prayer request on FB, I always say a little prayer right then because if I don’t I’ll probably forget. And, as most people, I pray when life gets tough. I guess in my own trouble-shooting, I guess my power is on.
But am I really plugged in? It doesn’t matter how many times you push the power button if it isn’t even plugged in. It’s more than going through the motions of going to church, daily devotions, and saying routine prayers. If I’m really plugged in I have a constant connection with God. I know He’s always there for me, but how often do I break that connection? A common occurrence for many. I often think, “I can do it myself” or “I’m too embarrassed or ashamed” (as if He doesn’t already know). Or “It’s too small to ask God for help” or even “this doesn’t really matter.”
Get out of your own way
I watched a comedian, who referred to a tech call where eventually the customer was asked if there was a child that lived in the house. There happened to be a 9 year old girl, and within a few minutes the problem was solved. The problem that the adult mind couldn’t get it done. Hmmmm, a child. In Matthew 19:14, Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of Heaven belongs to such as these.” Then it hit me. I need to come to Jesus as a child. I may have the power on by going to church, performing praise and worship, or participating in drama ministry – all of which are very important, but if I’m not plugged in and have that connection with Jesus, my relationship with Him doesn’t grow.
How am I approaching these things? Sometimes I wonder if Jesus possibly has a double meaning. Of course He is welcoming children, but maybe He was also telling us to come to Him like a child. We are like children – little two year olds that are full of independence and insist on trying it themselves – until we reach for our parents.
Remember the embarrassing secret story your parents actually already knew, and they hugged you to help you feel better. And remember that balloon you took to daddy to fix after it had popped? Dad just smiles because it’s such a precious little question, and then he gets you another balloon. Then he beams as you run off telling everyone how your daddy can fix anything! Just like our parents, God steps back and allows us to try to do it on our own. Then He welcomes us with open arms when we finally give it to Him. He embraces us in those embarrassing moments and lets us rest in the peace of knowing He is a forgiving God, full of grace for His children. In His arms there is no need to be ashamed. And, He smiles at us when we come to Him with our own “broken balloons.” Nothing is too small to take to Him. And how He must feel when we share with others that He can fix anything – even though it might not be how we envisioned He’d fix it.
Know His heart – and connect
Our relationship with Him isn’t meant to be complicated. It is as simple as a Daddy/child relationship. I see through my trouble shooting that the key to moving into a deeper relationship with Christ is to first make sure I’m plugged in and the power is on. Then I must go to my Heavenly Father as a little child to their daddy. I must stop breaking our connection. I must remember that I don’t have to do any of it by myself – I can rest peacefully in His arms no matter how embarrassed or ashamed I am, knowing He will forgive me and that He loves me. And that nothing is too small – or too big – for God to take care of.
The next time find yourself doubting, in fear, or in pain, first you should try some simple tech-support questions. I think you’ll find that He has every answer you need.
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She said “Don’t get me anything for Valentine’s Day,” so I didn’t. Wrong move! After a conference I went up to one of the speakers and asked him, “What has made you so successful?” He looked toward me and after pausing for a moment said, “Two words: Good Judgement.” I was puzzled – I mean, how do I get this? So I asked him, “How do you get the wisdom to make good judgement?” He smiled and replied, “Bad judgement!”
The Journey Training is a program that excels in providing tools for people to look in the mirror of their life, evaluate their responses, and then take steps in the direction they truly want to go. Though we are not a seminar focused solely on marriage and relationships, we’ve found that when someone focuses on themselves and begins to make improvements, it always has a positive impact on their spouse or significant other.
We polled several alumni from The Journey Training classes to help create the best Valentine’s Day yet. No. It’s not a “Top Ten Best Restaurants” or even the “Top Five Best Gifts,” it’s even better than that!
Here are the top 20 things NOT do in a relationship on Valentine’s Day… according to our real-life responses on Facebook for their most epic Valentine’s Day fail!
1. Okay, the worst present I ever got Holly was about 10 years ago. I got her a “gift certificate” to a nail salon. I was in a hurry that day so I printed it on the home printer – all official with the logo of the salon and I wrapped it. However, in my rush I actually forgot to “buy” the gift certificate at the salon. Not good – not good at all. She later took the fake certificate to the salon, proceeded to argue with the employee for almost an hour, demanding she redeem it for her Mani-Pedi. Really…not good at all.
2. I was given a nose hair trimmer, if that was not gross enough, I later found out he bought it for $1 at a garage sale.
3. My ex bought me a laser hair removal package for a gift once. I guess he thought he was married to a Sasquatch! It was extremely painful to redeem!
4. We had been married TEN years when my husband gave me pierced diamond earrings for Valentine’s Day. But my ears aren’t even pierced. We have now been married 40 years & he will always be the love of my life. He tries very hard to please me.
5. I once got Jeanette a strawberry margarita… in a can… from a gas station! She said it tasted like gasoline mixed with alcoholic Kool-Aid. I really thought I was winning when I bought it. I most definitely did not win.
6. Seriously, my brother-in-law got my sister a scale! Yes, you heard it right. He said, “Well I knew you wanted to lose weight, so I thought it might help.”
7. I got here a shotgun so “we” could go duck hunting. We’ve never been duck hunting together and the shotgun still hasn’t been fired. It was my gift to her on our 2nd wedding anniversary.
8. A Rice Steamer! Should have seen the look on her face.
9. Speaker stands for MY surround sound system, and a set of pots and pans.
10. A cordless lawn trimmer.
11. I bought her an elliptical machine. “Thanks… wait. What are you trying to say?”
12. I got her a box of Cascade and a $20 bill! Still not sure why she didn’t like it.
13. An ex-boyfriend gave me a picture of himself. No frame. Not even a nice picture. Just a photo printed from Walgreens.
14. We are always throwing out food from the refrigerator that had set too long without eating, SOOO… I thought, wah-lah! “A food preserver.” Yeah she’ll love it!! Vacuum sealed freshness. HA! We have never used the dang thing. Still have it though!
15. I am hoping this gives some guys some wisdom! I mixed up the Christmas presents once and took the wrong gift to my in-laws. You should have seen the look on my mother-in-law’s face when she received edible panties & hand cuffs from me!
16. I got nothing but a card and it was terrible, not even romantic at all and I told my husband I hated it. He gave me the EXACT same card 2 years later. What an insult!
17. A few years back, I was so busy at work that I worked right through Valentine’s Day… and on the 15th I gave my wife a card, flowers, and candy and was planning dinner thinking it was Valentine day.
18. My husband has always been a poor gift giver, even after I have told him “I would really like such-n-such,” he still gives me nothing. Zilch, nada, nothin! So when I came home to find a gift on his side of the dresser, I was excited to think that my man finally got me my first Valentine’s gift after 6 years of marriage! It was a beautiful, super soft, plush white Teddy Bear with a red bow. I was in love thinking about how much he loves me. I carried that bear around all day admiring it and thinking about him and searching the house for the chocolate I knew he had probably gotten me. He came home that evening, sees me holding the bear, smiles, and says, “Do you like what I got my mom for her birthday?” AGH! Her birthday is on the 16th and I can officially say 23 years going strong and still no Valentine’s Day gifts. So now I buy myself flowers, hand him the receipt, and say thank you.
19. My worst Valentine’s gift was… A box of chocolates… YES! My husband knew I was on a diet/no sugar and he ended up eating them. I’ve always wondered if he bought them for himself to enjoy.
20. One year I waited until the last minute, and I knew my wife loves coffee, so I went and bought her a coffee cup with her favorite saying on it. The gift looks sort of plain so I bought chocolates and candy to fill it up. One problem: I bought her all of the candy that I like, not that she likes. And then I ate the candy myself! (Well, it was just sitting there staring at me!) The second problem is every time she drank coffee in the morning she was reminded of that horrible gift I gave her…and ate myself.”
So what are the common threads? Guys want to purchase our gals things that WE want, not things that SHE wants. I know that we want to look cool – like we have it all together. The bottom line is if you don’t know what to get her, ASK her. Sometimes I am afraid of the reaction that says, “You should know me well enough that you don’t need to ask!” If that is what you’re afraid of, then I need to ask this. Is it worth your epic fail being on this page? ASK!! If you are looking for a group of guys to keep you out of the Doghouse, try one of our Guys Nights!
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I recently watched the Netflix Original Documentary Making a Murder and found myself frustrated and angry. While watching, I’d begin talking to the television, leaving my kids thinking I’d gone crazy. The height of their wonderings came to a peak when I threw the channel changer across the room while yelling, “What is wrong with them! Can’t anyone see it’s a set-up?!
We connect the dots
We often make up stories with limited information. I often find myself completing sentences of others in my own head before they finish. And often, I find out I’m wrong. Sometimes I make up the ending of a story just as it begins, and my actions usually reflect that made up ending in my head!
One example can be seen in my early years of marriage. Darci and I were struggling financially, and I was focusing on lowering the bills. I began to ask her to turn off the lights as she left rooms, and only turn on the lights while she was using them. She looked at me in amazement and proclaimed, “Do you realize how minuscule a light is on our electricity bill?” I would usually reply with the Benjamin Franklin quote, “Small leaks sink great ships.” She’d eventually reluctantly agree to say, “I’ll try.”
Day after day, I would come home with every light in the house on. I’d ask her again, each time slightly louder, but it seemed to never happen. The story came to conclusion inside my head. It consisted of “She doesn’t care what I think” or “She can’t hear what I’m asking of her” or even “She’s doing this on purpose to shove it in my face!” With each story, my anger grew; so much so that I eventually decided I would once and for all let her know how important it is to me – by punching a hole in the bathroom wall! Darci stood there frightened. She didn’t know what to do. Would I hit her next time? Would I destroy our home? She didn’t know and she was afraid.
Information leads to reasons
If I’d asked myself a question this might have been avoided. “Does she love me?” And I knew the answer was yes. Then there’s got to be a reason for it, right?
My rage subsided and I asked her, “Don’t you care about me…about what I say or need? I feel like my requests go in one ear and out the other.” I was sad, and in turn the stories I made up made me angry. She answered, “Yes I care about you and your needs. I just keep forgetting. I’m not doing it on purpose.” We made up and I apologized, but the hole in the wall was still there for me to fix – one of many casualties I’ve created by jumping to conclusions.
Later, after finding out Darci’s personality, it’s pretty normal for her to forget things like that – to be ultra-focused on the task at hand and sometimes forget the rules. She did love and care about me – she just sometimes forgot. My personality focuses on what is not being done more than what is being done. Hmmm…Since finding this out, I tend to pause before jumping to conclusions so quickly.
Patience and questions cure stories and thoughts
Back to the Steven Avery case, I quickly posted on my Facebook page my frustrations with the authorities in Making a Murderer. I won’t give away the documentary but since then I began to investigate and ask questions. I found all sorts of evidence and testimony that the documentary left out – just like the story in my head about the lights! Evidence and testimony I never saw that, if I had seen, would have given me answers and perhaps changed my opinions of the case. Netflix seems to have left that out to create the uproar you’ve probably been hearing about in this decade old case. I can’t say if he is guilty of murder or not, but I can say that I was absolutely sure he was innocent before hearing the other side of the story.
Ask for the information
When you find yourself offended, angry, sad, lonely or in fear, ask questions. Chances are you are just making up a story and jumping to a conclusion that isn’t even there. Confronting the situation with calm questioning and stating how you feel can give you the answers and reasons you need to make a better decision. The act of asking questions alone and realizing that your vision could be blurred can sometimes cause a pause and calm the situation enough for you to see a different perspective. Before condemning, choose to see their side of the story, and you just might not create a hole in the wall you’ll have to fix later!
The Journey Training can help with things like making up stories that you may not be aware of. Perhaps you are operating in ways that continually frustrate you; that if you could see a different perspective and make a different choice, would allow you to create the life you truly want. Sign up for the very next Threshold class to learn dozens of tools like this that you can immediately implement in your life, creating the life you truly want and not the one that creates a frustrated you!
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I don’t think there is a more polarizing vegetable. At the mention of them the reactions are generally one of “Yuck!” Some people say just the name leaves a bad taste in their mouth. I, however, am one of the ones in the other camp; I happen to love them.
I didn’t grow up eating Brussel sprouts; in fact, I didn’t even try them until I was in my twenties. I think that made the difference. Those who were forced to eat them before their palate was ready have rejected those poor little miniature cabbages for all eternity.
How often do we do the same thing with certain habits?
Experience changes things
Say you tried dieting before you were fully ready to commit. You wouldn’t have much success, right? Perhaps you thought to yourself, “I hate dieting! This isn’t for me,” and you just gave up and never tried to diet again because of that early failure.
Allow your palate to mature and give it a second (or third or fourth…) try. As we grow and change throughout our lives, we are more able to see connections that we couldn’t before. Our experiences in different parts of life are able to shape our thoughts and decisions in the rest of our life.
Take money for example. As an impulsive young woman, I had to have a tight grip on my finances. I had to know exactly what my bank balance was and what my upcoming bills were before I would allow myself to go to the mall.
I thought constantly about how much was ok to spend and where the line in the sand would be on my spending limit, whether it was for a new clothes or groceries. I couldn’t simply enjoy going out with friends, I obsessed over what I would allow myself to spend on dinner. I stopped eating out altogether at one point, choosing to eat at home and meet up with everyone else later. All of that worrying was what I thought budgeting was.
I told myself that worrying was the only way of being smart with money. In effect, I let my money control me. I hated it! When my husband and I first got engaged, I happily gave him pretty much total control of the money and budgeting. I gave away my power with it and for years, I would avoid any conversation that was centered around money.
Fear breeds avoidance
Being afraid of money isn’t healthy. I just wasn’t mature enough to learn how to budget properly and find a way that made me comfortable. This is still something that I struggle with, due to some deeper issues, but I’m slowly (very slowly!) finding ways to make my budget work for me and not the other way around.
Face your brussel sprouts!
Maybe you have been avoiding brussel sprouts for too long. Try them in a different way. Try them roasted instead of boiled. Or sautéed up with bacon and cranberries. Instead of counting calories and being afraid of food, find a different diet that works with how you are NOW. Instead of being afraid of money, find a budget plan that works with your lifestyle (and personality). Instead of forcing yourself to date the way everyone else does, find something that works for you.
So the next time you hear your friends talk about Brussel sprouts, don’t just shudder and say “Yuck!” Think about how you can see them in a different light.
Christina is a graduate of The Journey Training. The Journey Training is an experiential training that can help you see different perspectives, conquer your fears, and find different directions to success. Perhaps you’ve been struggling with something even though the answer has been right there in front of you. Maybe you just need to pause, take a breath, and step sideways so as to see things from a different perspective. The Journey Training can help you do that! Sign up for the next Threshold class today!
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When I was writing my book Lose Your Quit in 2011, I noticed something: that every experience I had on The Biggest Loser built on an experience before to create something completely different. I also noticed that these experiences were similar to experiences I had previously in my life. This time they were magnified by television and also, I believe I was better equipped to deal with them – maybe because I had visited them before.
Life is Fractal
Fractal Geometry is an amazing thing. When I first heard of it, I didn’t quite know what it was. Simply, it is a recurring pattern found in mathematics that is also found in nature. Wikipedia puts it like this: “A fractal is a natural phenomenon or a mathematical set that exhibits a repeating pattern that displays at every scale. It is also known as expanding symmetry or evolving symmetry. If the replication is exactly the same at every scale, it is called a self-similar pattern.”
I believe that life is built on fractal and self-similar patterns. I’ve heard that “history repeats itself,” which I believe is not only a natural thing, but it is a God created thing. First, let me explain Fractal Geometry in nature. If you look at a tree, there is a correlation between the distances between the branches on the trunk, and the twigs on the branches. That same mathematical pattern is reproduced in the veins on the leaves. It is also seen in everything from snowflakes, pine cones, and even in the meanders of a river. I believe it I also found in our lives.
I relate these situations in my life. The first home I can remember was a house in Del City, Oklahoma. I was four years old when we lived there. I shared a room with my two sisters, and my grandma lived with us. That house was HUGE! When I got married, I bought the house for Darci and I to live in. Let me tell you – that house is SMALL! 700 square feet to be exact! Two bedrooms, a living room, 1 bathroom and a small kitchen. It had no laundry room and a detached garage. Why did it seem so big as a kid, and so small as an adult?
Experience Shrinks Things (or does it?)
“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” I want to poke whoever wrote that in the eye! When we were kids, a simple, “What’s wrong with you?” can cut to the core. Maybe you thought, “there must be something wrong with me if they’re asking” or “there’s all kinds of things wrong with me.” When someone says that now, it has less impact on me, or at least I’d like to think it does.
In life, we experience similar pain at different points of my life. When we were asked what was wrong with us as a child, that can be repeated with “why did you do that?” or “that’s not what I would have done.” We even begin to ask ourselves that question: What is wrong with me?
When someone hurt me as a child, it made me feel a certain way. Since then, I have experienced other hurts that produced a similar feeling, and my actions and thoughts go back to that point when I was a child – along with the feelings. It makes me subconsciously relive that old hurt, and in turn I feel I am no further down the road in my life. In fact, I am much further along, and that self-similar pattern creates an opportunity for me. I can revert back to that child and react in a childish way, or I can use my experiences and deal with the situation in a different, healthier way – like I did on The Biggest Loser.
Respond, don’t React
When I was on the Black Team on the show, I found myself alone. My team had an alliance, and I wasn’t a part of that. To make a long story short, my team threw a weigh-in with the goal of self-preservation, and when they lost they planned to vote me home. And to top things off, Jillian Michaels – my coach – knew about this and coached them through it! I felt betrayed, and it took me back to the child that felt like I didn’t matter when all everyone talked about was his older sisters and how great they were. Every year, the teacher usually said, “You’ve got quite a name to live up to!” And guess what – I spent my entire life trying to live up to expectations that I had put on myself – that I could never achieve no matter what I would accomplish.
Each time I “revisit” an event that takes me back, I tend to react just like that child. I throw a temper tantrum, cry, feel hopeless, and if it makes me angry, I rage! I feel that these recurring events in our life – that are fractal in nature – are opportunities. They are opportunities for us to choose a different, more productive path for ourselves than we did in the past.
When I was betrayed on The Biggest Loser, I raged at first. Then I collected myself and remembered what my rage brought me in my past. I went back to when those events seemed much larger in my life. I wanted a different outcome this time! So I weighed my opportunities. I could punch Jillian out, or perhaps my teammates. OUTCOME: Jail. I could quit the show and give up. OUTCOME: Opportunity Loss.
I chose different. If I was the Biggest Loser of the week (lost the most percentage of weight), I was immune and they couldn’t vote me off. I chose to respond rather than react by kicking it into high gear and lapping everyone! OUTCOME: Record Holder for 7-weeks in a row double digit weight loss, and the Biggest Loser ever among the men of the show, and let’s not forget $250,000 and the title of The Biggest Loser! I’LL TAKE IT!
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I chose different. If I was the Biggest Loser of the week (lost the most percentage of weight), I was immune and they couldn’t vote me off. I chose to respond rather than react by kicking it into high gear and lapping everyone! OUTCOME: Record Holder for 7-weeks in a row double digit weight loss, and the Biggest Loser ever among the men of the show, and let’s not forget $250,000 and the title of The Biggest Loser! I’LL TAKE IT!