Not long ago Holly and I were at a friend’s house enjoying a visit on their back patio. It was a beautiful warm evening, and I looked up and noticed a large and ornate wind chime hanging securely from a branch high above us. I watched the wind chime as it danced around making a beautiful soft song in the breeze. It’s funny how God often uses simple objects in nature to teach me life lessons – it was time for another one of those teachable moments.
As I looked up at that wind chime in the tree I noticed the gentle tension it’s weight was placing on the cable line it was hanging from. All the pieces were aligned and hanging neatly in place, ready for the wind. As long as that wind chime’s cable line is straight and securely anchored to a strong branch of the tree, all of the other separate parts can work together in harmony and make beautiful music when the winds begin to blow. It is the deep strength of the tree and its branch that allows that Wind Chime to operate at its full potential, becoming what it was created to be – an instrument that makes beautiful music in response to the winds of adversity. The chime was correctly aligned vertically to that branch, which made all of the other parts aligned as well. Had that same wind chime not been securely fastened to a strong tree branch, the same winds would have brought it crashing to the ground.
God reminded me in that moment that this is an example of my life. Recently I experienced strong head winds blowing against me in my life through a recent job loss. It forced me to completely reevaluate my priorities and that what I was drawing my security and strength from. Through my relationship with God, the love and support of my family and friends and the training I received from The Journey Training, I am able to see the season from a different perspective. I am resisting playing victim and am using those winds as a valuable tool to build my faith and trust in God – and to deepen my love for Him and for others. It hasn’t been easy, but being anchored into HIS tree and branches has made all the difference as the winds blow!
Think about this – what “branches” are you placing your trust in? What is your anchor to bring security in your life? Is it a career? Money? Health? Possessions? Relationships? These branches give us only false security in life and bring us temporary happiness and fulfillment that is fickle and fleeting. When the winds and storms of life’s stresses come and begin to blow on us from every side, what or Who do we cling to?
Remember this – the wind chime makes beautiful music when the winds are blowing. When it’s completely calm outside the instrument is silent. It was not created for the calm, but for the wind. Likewise, we were created to reflect His glory through the ups and downs on our Journey through life. The bible tells us in James 1 to “count it all joy when you face various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect work, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.”
We all need times of rest and renewal, but remember this – trials and challenges are a part of our journey. God uses these times to carefully shape and strengthen our character and reflect His glory and power back to the world. John 15:5 says, “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.” Rather than going through life carefully trying to avoid all hardships, focus on anchoring deep into The True Vine, accepting that we will face adversities. And know that when the winds of life blow hard on you from all directions, your life will make beautiful music to everyone around you and bring glory to Him!
I betcha won’t ever look at a wind chime the same way again…
The pressure to be a ‘good’ mom is huge! We feel pressure from our kids, our husbands, our parents, other moms and dads, and MOST of all, ourselves.
I find it interesting that one of the first questions people ask when meeting someone is, “What do you do for a living.” For a mom, no matter your answer, the feeling of judgment often follows. Not that judgment always DOES follow, we just FEEL that it does. It feels like your answer will reveal whether you are a ‘good’ mom or not.
If you respond with, “I am a stay at home mom” or something similar, to someone that is not a stay at home mom, some of the ‘not so great’ responses I have heard are:
“Oh, so you don’t have a job?”
“What exactly do you do all day?:
“I’d get so bored if I stayed home all day.”
“Don’t you want to do something with your life?”
“You must have so much free time!”
“What are you going to do when all your kids are in school?”
“I would love to not have to work, you are so lucky!”
“Don’t you want to contribute something to your household?”
There are some that make judgments but most of the time, these statements are made simply because they do not know what it is like to be a stay at home mom. On the other hand, moms that work outside of the home get the same kind of pressure. When a mom answers the same question with a description of her paying job, some of the ‘not so great’ responses I have heard are:
“Oh, you can’t afford for you to stay home?”
“Are you worried about how your children are being treated in child care?”
“I would hate having someone else raising my kids.”
“At least you have nighttime to be a good mom.”
“Maybe if you were home more your child wouldn’t act out.”
“I’ll pray that you get to stay home with your kids soon!”
“If you can afford to stay home, then why do you go to work?”
“Do your kids ever feel abandoned?”
It’s easy to say, “Just ignore them, they don’t understand!” but it is much more difficult to actually do that! As I started thinking of how to spread the word that we are all good moms, I realized that it doesn’t really matter what other adults think or say. Everyone has a different ‘recipe’ for how to be a good mom and the only opinions that really matter…..are our kids….
I am writing this on a charter bus…on an 11-hour trip home from a percussion competition with my son and about 30 other high school percussion kids. I thought, maybe we need to hear their perspective of their own stay at home or working outside of the home moms…..here is what they said (with no alterations….they say “stuff” a lot)
Stay at home moms:
“I respect that she made the sacrifice to stay home with us kids and not work outside the home.”
“I enjoy her being around a lot.”
“She always tends to her kids before she tends to herself. It makes me feel important”
“I respect that she stays at home even though she would like to work, because she wants the best for us and loves us and stuff.”
“Just because she is home doesn’t mean she is not working. She is always working and doing stuff. She never stops.”
“She can always come to my band or sport stuff. It’s ok if she is busy with stuff or my brothers or sisters, but I like that staying home means she can do that.”
“I like that she is always there when I get home from school and I get to talk to her.”
“Since she is at home, I get to spend more time with her.”
“I like that she is not stressed about working and stuff.”
“I’ve never seen someone work as hard as my mom…and she doesn’t even get paid”
Working outside of the home moms:
“It’s great that she is independent and she can do what she wants.”
“I have never wished she stayed at home, it is a role model kind of thing.”
“I appreciate her attitude about the fact that she likes to work.”
“My mom has friends through work….I think it’s great! …do stay at home moms have friends?” (I laughed so hard at this one I almost wet my pants)
“She uses her work money to give me gas money…I appreciate that!!”
“I think it’s good that she can get outside of the house.”
“As a kid, you don’t think of the difference. I don’t think, I wish she stayed home”.
“She really likes her job a lot and it makes her happy which makes me happy.”
“She provides so it helps pay bills and pay for college, which I appreciate a lot.”
“She does what she loves and still makes time for me and my family. I get to see her every day.”
“I get to share her love of music with her, it is her job, and we talk about it every day after school.”
“I know we will always have insurance…she works in insurance.”
“She is willing to get another job and stuff in order for us to have what we need.”
“I respect that she is a hard worker.”
I did not get any negative comments from these kids at all! They all think their moms are the best…because they are the best mom for the kids that God gave them!
CHALLENGE
What would your kids say about you? If you don’t know the answer to this question……ASK THEM! You don’t have to limit this to whether you work inside or outside the home, ask them what they appreciate about you, what they want more of from you, and what they want less of from you! Don’t be afraid of their answers. Some may be hard to hear, but how do you know unless ask?
The bottom line is, we are all ‘working’ moms. We are working to raise our children and make sure they know we love them! Don’t ask yourself if you are being a good mom….ask your kids!
https://youtu.be/Me9yrREXOj4
When I was a little girl, I would eat peanut butter and jelly sandwiches all the time. They were my absolute favorite meal in the whole wide world. Part of why I loved them was because of how my mom prepared them: she would always carve a little heart in the peanut butter before adding the jelly. Food of Love!
I knew that heart was there whether I watched her make my sandwich or not. I could taste it. It was made with love.
As I grew old enough to make my own pb & j’s, I continued the loving tradition: spread the peanut butter, make a heart, add the jelly, SQUISH!
Even as a teenager, when I craved the comfort of my old favorite, I would draw a little heart and feel better about myself. I was loved.
I remember the first time I made a sandwich without a heart. I was 21 years old, in my first apartment and my roommate came into the kitchen as I was preparing my late night study snack. He watched as I spread the peanut butter and as I was about to carve out a little heart from the creamy spread, I hesitated and decided it was a childish habit. I simply dropped the jelly on top of the peanut butter and topped it off with another slice of bread. I ate it a little sadly, thinking it didn’t taste quite right.
Fast forward to a few years later, when I was making my first peanut butter and jelly sandwich on gluten free bread. I was anxious, because I knew the bread would be so different from what I was used to. I had been diagnosed with Celiac disease and had to cut out wheat in all its forms to heal my body. As much as I was tired of being sick, I didn’t want to miss out on my favorite foods.
I spread the peanut butter, telling my husband how sad I was about how it wouldn’t be the same as I remembered. With a rush of emotion, I spilled out all about how much I missed the way my mom would draw a heart whenever she made it for me. I slid down against the cabinet, crying. He sat down next to me, with my half made sandwich, and said, “Go on, draw your heart.”
The Food of Love ….how simple. A tiny act managed to turn my day around.
In the years between those two sandwiches, I had struggled with depression, feeling lost, alone, and, most of all, unloved. Now, I’m sure that not drawing a heart in my peanut butter was a symptom of feeling unloved and not the other way around, however that simple act was able to remind me that I was in fact loved. By the man sitting beside me, by myself, and my amazing Creator. He did after all make the peanuts.
As I made myself a sandwich this week, I made a pledge to myself: I will ALWAYS draw that heart in my peanut butter, because I AM LOVED.
Whether I feel it or not.
I’ve found that investment always produces return. Sometimes it’s not what we expect, but the law of conservation of energy states that energy cannot be created or destroyed, but changes form or is transferred. I know that the amount of investment I put into something is directly proportionate as to what return I get. The trick is to take the time to invest!
What to invest
Well, most would say, “I have no money to invest, so that leaves me out.” Really? What about time? What about effort? What about knowledge? There are so many things you can invest that you are left out only if you choose to be left out.
My college music professor once asked me, “Danny, how often do you practice?” My reply went something like, “Well, these days I usually don’t practice much because I’m playing all the time.” Then he said it – “Remember something Danny. There’s someone out there with half your talent that will go twice as far because they take the time to practice.” That piece of advice has stuck with me my entire life!
Being “salty” takes investment
Being a musician, I can say that the better I know a song, the better I can make it sound. Last Sunday I was hired to play a service. A few of the songs I knew really well, and then there were 3 pieces I’d never heard before. I can sight-read music, so I could play it. But I couldn’t add much “salt” to it. This means I had to keep it simple and basic so I hit correct notes instead of doing funky licks and runs – which can make an average song really stand out!
The more I practice a song, the better I know it. The better I know it, the less I have to think about it. The less I have to think about it, the more I can think about what cool things to do to make it something really special! But if I don’t spend any time practices and getting to know the music, I’m just being average, or even below average!
What to invest in
I use music as an example, but what about your job. The better you know your job, the less mistakes you’ll let slip by. You’ll be able to spend your time polishing your work instead of just trying to figure it out. This is why continuing education and hands-on experience means so much.
What about relationships? Would you say the better you know your spouse or your kids, the easier it is to be the best you can be to them? Spending time learning the love languages of those around us can pay huge dividends! I mean, if I’m always buying my children gifts when what they really need are words of affirmation, I’m getting a diminished return on my investment! They’ll love the gifts, but they’ll really love the encouragement! Taking the time asking them, “How can I love and support you” can be a simple way to learn someone’s needs – and save time trying to figure it out.
And especially, in my walk with Jesus Christ, the more I know the heart of the Father, the better I can see what he’s trying to do in my life. Instead of wondering why I’m going through the things I am going through, I try to get in the word and see what God might be trying to teach me in this moment! I know one thing, my Father’s heart is for my good, not for my demise (Jeremiah 29:11) and He wants to give me the desires of my heart (Psalm 37:4). I think for too long I’ve been praying for God to change His mind about what I want when prayer wasn’t meant for that. If my prayer is constantly trying to change His mind, I am wasting my time! God never changes. But what does? Our hearts can change.
My prayers lately have been to help me align my thoughts and desires with what God desires for me. When I come around to His way of thinking, I’ll have the peace and contentment I am looking for. So instead of “wrestling” with God, I think I’ll invest my time to get to know His heart more. I’m going to end this blog now so I can read some of His word. Happy investing all!
Have you ever thought everything’s going just fine, and then…BAM! You realize that you’ve been blind to things unseen? I have. It’s hard for us to realize that there are things that we just don’t have the ability to see without help. Yet we walk through life, often thinking we see it all and know exactly what’s going on. This attitude can be the very thing that is holding you back from your dreams!
Frequencies
When I was a music major in college, I took recording and sound engineering classes. The equipment we had back then pales in comparison to what’s available today, but the concepts are the same. I learned that the human ear can hear frequencies between about 20 hertz and 20,000 hertz. So I asked the question: are there frequencies beyond these limits? And if so, how would we know?
Well, you cannot hear 10 hertz, but I promise you can feel it! If you want your bass to really move the audience, get speakers that can handle sounds at 10 hertz. You won’t hear it, but you’ll know it is there! On the same level, what about above 20,000 hertz? Well, blow a dog whistle and see if you can hear it. You can’t, but a dog can. A dog can hear between 60 hertz and 44,000 hertz – twice as high as we can hear! And if you think that’s something, a porpoise can hear up to 150,000 hertz! I wonder what that sounds like, don’t you?
Our vision
We see our own lives and actions from our own perspectives. It is almost impossible to see it otherwise. I was in an interview with two-time Pulitzer Prize finalist Gina Kolata with the New York Times last week when she asked, “When you were gaining the weight, when did you first realize how big you were?” Well, it was when I could see myself from a different perspective when I first really knew. I saw myself on video from the neck down – we often focus on our face when we see pictures – and I was shocked. It was then I knew how bad things were and something had to change.
You see, our lives and habits change a little bit at a time. We gain a pound a week, not 10 pounds a week. We become closed off by choosing to avoid others one time, then twice, and so on. What we do every day becomes normal, so those unhealthy changes – those things that are holding you back from being all that you can be – happen slowly and become our new normal. We need a different perspective.
Feedback
We all hate it, but we all need it. If you want to know how you are really doing, ask for some feedback. You might not like what you hear, but it may give you the information you need to better yourself. We are all sending off frequencies we cannot hear, but some of the people in our lives hear them loud and clear! So ask for feedback – a different perspective – and then weigh it carefully. As my friend Tennie McCarty said to me, “You place feedback right up here on your shoulder and see if it weighs heavily on you. If it does, take it to heart and use it for your improvement. If it doesn’t, let it roll off your back and leave it behind.”
I sent a text out to everyone I knew a while back and asked, “What is my greatest strength and greatest weakness?” The most common strength I got was determination. The most common weakness was impatience. I’ve since worked on my patience, and while I’m not perfect, I’m a lot better than I used to be – thanks to that feedback!
You never know, the feedback someone gives you might be the reason you keep bombing those interviews, or why people keep you at a distance. You might not intend to be sending off those frequencies, but maybe they’re the very thing that you are sending off. The only way to know is by asking. And after you hear the feedback, say to the person you asked, “Thank you for caring enough about me to be honest.”
In The Journey Training, I see people come into their Threshold weekend sending off many negative frequencies. By the end of their weekend, I see them standing taller, smiling more, and sending off frequencies that are much more serving to them. Perhaps you’ve encountered a recent Journey graduate and thought, “What has happened to them? They seem so happy and energized!” Well, the same can happen to you, my friend. Just go to The Journey training and sign up for the next Threshold class and begin to see those things you’ve been missing!
Starting with Chick-fil-A in 1988 as a team member at Woodland Hills Mall and owning a franchise was not something I had aspirations to do at that time. I was an art major with no business skills other than a desire to succeed. After 25 years with Chick-fil-A, one of the most valuable lessons I teach young entrepreneurs is the art of having a mentor. I speak to thousands of people per year and I always ask the question, “Who is your mentor, who is your Yoda?”
Why do we need a mentor? As a father of six and employer of over 100 employees at Chick-fil-A, I see mentorship opportunities daily. Whether it’s someone who wants to move up within my company or with aspirations to start their own business, a mentor will help guide them in the right direction and give invaluable advice. I still look to my mentors daily for guidance on running my business or advice on being a husband and father.
What does a mentor look like?
Depending on where you are in your journey, it could look a number of different ways.
For me, one of my first mentors was a gardener at an apartment complex who I met when I was growing up. As a kid, life was hard for me. I grew up with extreme scoliosis, my mother was an alcoholic and, due to a complicated divorce, my father was out of my life when I was 13 years old. He invested time in me. He took us on hikes into waterfalls spent time with us when my parents did not have the time, or they were too drunk to take us out.
When I started as a cashier at Chick-fil-A, I was not savvy in business and had no clue how to get from where I was to where I wanted to be. I shared some of my concerns with someone I respected and he suggested that I read “Dressing for Success” written in 1975 by John Malloy. I read this book and it literally changed my outlook overnight. By simply implementing the action steps found within this book, I found myself overflowing with the confidence that comes with looking your best.
I even have mentors in my life, they probably don’t even realize their mentors. I watch them from afar, admire how they do business, and move forward similar to how they do it. They would know me well enough to greet me when I walk up, but not necessarily someone that I hang out with on a regular basis. Of those, Mart Green of Hobby Lobby and Chet Cadieux of QuikTrip, and Dr. Z (Dr. Robert Zoellner) are at the top of my list.
What kind of mentor do people need in their life?
We all need a mentor who has actually achieved success in the area of life in which we are seeking wisdom. Stay away from obese trainers and disheveled-looking style consultants. Just take a moment to ask yourself, “Who is currently doing what I am wanting to do?” or “Who has already achieved what I want to achieve?”
How do I find a mentor?
It’s not as hard as you would think. A successful mentor’s time is extremely valuable; so do not waste their time. I am a true believer that if you share your dreams, opportunities will show themselves. My system for connecting with mentors is fairly simple.
- Try to connect with someone and tell them you are available to meet any time, anywhere
- Ask for a meeting and make sure that you are focused on creating a sustainable and mutually beneficial “win-win” relationship with your mentor.
- Maybe you do need a mentor or coach. You may feel like an accountability partner will help. Clients take bigger actions, set bigger goals and think bigger when they work with a professional coach or accountability partner and The Journey Training can help you start that process.
“Who will be your Yoda?”
