I am so thankful for the times in life when the light bulb comes on – the champion moments that occur when we least expect them. I didn’t think visiting my lifelong “bestie” in Wichita would be one of those times. I was packing for the trip to meet her last Sunday and Monday – she was traveling from MN to Wichita to watch her son play in a college golf tournament. We hadn’t seen each other in a number of years due to busy lives and distance but we still keep in touch. I was stressed out about what to pack, what to wear, why had I not lost some weight, gotten my hair cut….Will she think I look good or have aged a lot…. completely forgetting that she has been my closet friend for 46 years and has seen the good and bad, all of it!
I have always loved being around her and we always seem to pick up where we left off. She is always smiling and when we were kids she was always up to something. I have always admired her love for life and outgoing personality. A few years ago she was diagnosed with MS. I wondered if she would be the same, surely that kind of diagnosis changes a person but not her. I wondered how she was still happy and encouraging to me and others. I was telling her what an inspiration she is to me and that her attitude, in the midst of adversity, is simply amazing. I told her I wanted to be like that but that is something I struggle with and maybe it’s a personality thing. She said you just worry way too much!! The choice comes in the surrender – true, 100% surrender to God and being who he created you to be.
I went back to my hotel room later that evening thinking about true surrender. I picked up a book I had taken along for the trip in case I had some time to read. “Confidence of a Champion” by Tim Marks. I started reading a section of the book which contains a passage from “The Greatest Miracle in the World” by Og Mandino. The passage is amazing – it talks about the miracle of you and me.
Never, until the end of time will there be another such as YOU.
YOU are the rarest thing in the world
God brought forth a one of a kind, rarest of the rare – YOU!
YOU are a priceless treasure possessed of qualities in the mind and speech and movement and appearance and actions as NO other who has ever lived, lives or shall live.
Why have you valued yourself in pennies when you are worth a king’s ransom?
How can YOU – one of a kind you be anything less than invaluable? YOU are EXTRAORDINARY!
Why is it that we worry that we aren’t good enough? I began to realize like never before that a worried life is not a surrendered life. Worry steals joy, peace and my greatnesss – the very greatness God created me for. Sometimes it takes a special friend or mentor who is walking a truly surrendered life to remind us of who we really are and who we belong to – to remind us we were great all along.
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Recently, letting go has been a recurring theme for me with all of its terrors and joys!
As a tall lanky kid with naturally curly hair, I always envied my little blonde friend with straight hair. Last summer was very rainy if you remember. Well, after years of using the straightening iron and tugging at frizzy locks, I decided to let go of the aspiration and hassle of obtaining straight hair, enjoy the natural, and let go of the dream to have something that wasn’t truly me. There has been such a freedom to let the curls out and quit fighting it! It was also an outward reminder of an inner relinquishment of some loved ones to God’s care.
I’m learning that self-acceptance involves embracing an unwanted reality about me, going with the flow so to speak, saying this is true about me and not fighting facts. Then I add that I don’t judge myself for it. In the acceptance then letting go, God is now free to change it in His way and in His time. In the lyrics of the Casting Crowns song, JUST BE HELD, “there is freedom in surrender, lay it down and let it go.” I love this concept and am growing in the liberty this process brings.
I struggle with second guessing myself often. After hearing of The Journey Training class called Launch, I was double minded about signing up. Knowing I was living my purpose and in my sweet spot, I asked Noell if the class would really be relevant. She mentioned that it was also designed to help with overcoming fears, I was much closer to being “in.” I specifically prayed about it and two days later our pastor’s sermon was on “The Jesus Who Calls You to Stop Playing It Safe.” He spoke about leaving the boat to walk on the water as Peter did toward Jesus. Loud and clear, that was my answer and I signed up that night!
Shortly thereafter, I was at an event where it became very clear that this third class of The Journey Training would involve lots of challenges, actual physical and mental challenges that were waaaaay out of my comfort zone. Yikes! Now it’s too late! I had committed, paid, and gotten a great roommate. After After hearing that a ropes course and zip line were part of the week-end, the anxiety truly began to rise. Then there was that inner AH HA moment with God, where I felt His smile on me as I recalled that these two events were actually on my bucket list! Not to mention that this was the very month of a significant birthday of mine. Ready to check these two off my list!
As Launch began, I stated that I wanted to grow in courage. Forward to Saturday morning, we did lots of team building games/exercises, each with higher commitment levels. Then it was time to step into the gear. Once strapped into the belts, I turned around to find that I had been assigned a turquoise helmet. Another smile from God as that is my favorite color, and a reminder of his partnership, love, and nearness!
Once onto the elements of the ropes course, I found it both challenging and scary in a positive kind of way. Confidence was already coming, fears being let go, though my nerves produced cold fingers and a very dry mouth. I was so looking forward to coming back to ground on the zip line just to get a refreshing drink of water…. relief, and exhilaration! Then we went outside for the next event, where it was sunny though a little windy. Tall 35, 45 and 55 foot poles with pegs were already being climbed by our brave classmates! The facilitator began explaining that once up the pole, the next challenge was to stand on it, then jump to the suspended bar hanging in space. You could touch the rope attached to your back but if you began to fall or were ready to come down, you let go of the rope! This news scrambled my brain. When in stress I hang on tighter, grasping for security and safety. Now I questioned my resolve to even give it a try. Stalling, watching, and pacing, I contemplated, then stepped forward focused, committed, and started up the pole! My plan was to not stop, forge forward and see what happened. I heard friends cheering me on, like vitamins to my soul! To my amazement I found myself standing on the pole, my feet felt riveted to it. Then I hear those amazing words again, “turn toward me and let go of the rope! Count to three and then jump,” said the guy on the ground. Somehow I did (foregoing the bar) and was safely in a free fall suspended by the very rope I had let go of.
The lessons of that experience were rich in significance. Since then I have noticed a growing trust and confidence. The lessons of that day seem to remind me that when I let go, I am safer than clutching in fear. I hear the truth within that says if you can climb the pole, you can __________________! (fill in the blank)
What is your rope to let go of? The struggle is REAL to be confident in our position of trust in Christ. Let’s encourage each other on this path away from the zone of comfort!
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So, our lives don’t always end up looking like our dreams that we had as small children, right? Life sure can throw curveballs!
I mean, if you had asked me as an 8 year old, where I would be in my mid 40’s I would NEVER have told you that I would be a divorced, single mom of 3 teenagers. In fact, that kind of thought wouldn’t have even been an option in my mind. However, like most of you know, life throws us some curve balls from time to time.
One of the major curve balls I experienced was after 19 years of marriage; my high school sweetheart/husband looked me in the eyes and said, “ I no longer choose you. I want a divorce.” In that moment I wanted to crumble to the ground and disappear, however, for the sake of my children, I knew I had to be strong. So, I decided, ok, if this is happening, I’m going to have to turn into Wonder Woman – nerves of steel, able to carry the world on my shoulders – in order to keep life moving forward for my kids. My plan worked great for a while. People who knew me would say things like “ wow, you are so strong,” “ I could never handle this as well as you are, how are you doing it?” On the outside I was focused, determined, and unaffected by the curve ball life had just thrown me. My kids didn’t see me cry and they saw mom doing her best to make life as good as she could for them.
Then, I met some wonderfully amazing people at The Journey Training, who challenged me to see relationships, my life, and myself from a different viewpoint.
At the Journey Training, they created a safe place for me and gave me full permission to feel. They had shown me that life is not meant to be done alone and that its highly important to be real with others.
They share a quote by Walt Anderson; “ We’re never so vulnerable than when we trust someone – but paradoxically, if we cannot trust, neither can we find love or joy.”
Because of the curve ball life had thrown me, I had stopped trusting and had lost my love and joy for life. I thought I was showing my kids how to be strong and move on but in reality I was modeling how to hide your emotions and be fake.
I decided to take the new knowledge and tools that the Journey Training provided me and make a change in my life. I opened up and was real with some awesome people who truly cared about me. This reopened my heart to the joy and love for life. I also realized that I needed to implement these tools with my kids in order to help them.
Now, as a parent, I don’t share everything with my kids because they don’t need to shoulder adult responsibilities. However, I was able to open up and be real with them about what was happening in our lives and how I felt at times. By being vulnerable and real with them, it gave them the opportunity to trust me even more and to find their voices to share with me what they were feeling. It brought us closer together as a family and I looked like Wonder Woman to my kids while still being as vulnerable as a lobster in my time of growth and adjustment.
When we try to be the super hero, we shut others out and isolate ourselves. When we choose to be vulnerable and real and trust others, we allow for them to step into their amazing vulnerable selves and we can do this thing called life together. Only then are we open to fully feeling and experiencing the great love and joy our Creator truly desires for us in life.
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Have you ever needed to break the cycle? Haven’t we been here before? Is that the same house we saw? Yep, we just went in a big circle. Siri is confused, or confusing you. You can relate, right?
I’ve gone in circles as well, once in a canoe. I circled myself and a kayak right into a bush. There are of course, a few times you may want to be going in circles; races, bumper cars, and doing donuts on a jet ski.
We go in circles in life. Maybe it is the weight loss yo-yo game, same fight, different day; all problems, no solution. Conversation that leads to “we are right back where we started.” I often struggle with stories that I make up in my head. They play over and over and over until I’m feeling like a broken record. It’s a vicious cycle.
How do we break these cycles?
A circle, by definition, is a “continuous curved line, which is always the same distance away from a fixed central point”.
To break the circle requires a change in distance or direction. If you’re taking all lefts, try going right or straight. If you’re me in a kayak, get a tow! If you’re struggling with weight, money, or relationships, do something different!
I see cycles break in my students sometimes. They will have a rough morning, go to Specials, and come back a changed kid. The change in direction breaks the cycle of the morning.
When those stories are playing in my head round and round, I have found that if I change what I’m doing, whether it is my physical activity, who I’m talking to, or switch from stories to songs, that breaks the cycle.
Is your life in a vicious cycle? The Journey Training offers participants tools to change their perspective, a safe place to evaluate their life’s direction. Break that cycle by enrolling in the next Threshold class!
If you’re a Journey graduate needing to break the cycle, consider enrolling in Launch and you won’t just break the cycle, you’ll go into orbit!
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There was a cheerful girl with bouncy golden curls was almost five. Waiting with her mother at the checkout stand, she saw them: a circle of glistening white pearls in a pink foil box.
“Oh please, Mommy. Can I have them? Please, Mommy, please!”
Quickly the mother checked the back of the little foil box and then looked back into the pleading blue eyes of her little girl’s upturned face.
“A dollar ninety-five. That’s almost $2.00. If you really want them, I’ll think of some extra chores for you and in no time you can save enough money to buy them for yourself. Your birthday’s only a week away and you might get another crisp dollar bill from Grandma.”
As soon as Jenny got home, she emptied her penny bank and counted out 17 pennies. After dinner, she did more than her share of chores and she went to the neighbor and asked Mrs. McJames if she could pick dandelions for ten cents. On her birthday, Grandma did give her another new dollar bill and at last she had enough money to buy the necklace.
Jenny loved her pearls. They made her feel dressed up and grown up. She wore them everywhere–Sunday school, kindergarten, even to bed. The only time she took them off was when she went swimming or had a bubble bath. Mother said if they got wet, they might turn her neck green.
Jenny had a very loving daddy and every night when she was ready for bed, he would stop whatever he was doing and come upstairs to read her a story.
One night when he finished the story, he asked Jenny, “Do you love me?”
“Oh yes, Daddy. You know that I love you.”
“Then give me your pearls.”
“Oh, Daddy, not my pearls. But you can have Princess–the white horse from my collection. The one with the pink tail. Remember, Daddy? The one you gave me. She’s my favorite.”
“That’s okay, Honey. Daddy loves you. Good night.” And he brushed her cheek with a kiss.
About a week later, after the story time, Jenny’s daddy asked again, “Do you love me?”
“Daddy, you know I love you.”
“Then give me your pearls.”
“Oh Daddy, not my pearls. But you can have my baby doll. The brand new one I got for my birthday. She is so beautiful and you can have the yellow blanket that matches her sleeper.”
“That’s okay. Sleep well. God bless you, little one. Daddy loves you.”
And as always, he brushed her cheek with a gentle kiss.
A few nights later when her daddy came in, Jenny was sitting on her bed with her legs crossed Indian-style. As he came close, he noticed her chin was trembling and one silent tear rolled down her cheek.
“What is it, Jenny? What’s the matter?”
Jenny didn’t say anything but lifted her little hand up to her daddy. And when she opened it, there was her little pearl necklace. With a little quiver, she finally said, “Here, Daddy. It’s for you.”
With tears gathering in his own eyes, Jenny’s kind daddy reached out with one hand to take the dime-store necklace, and with the other hand he reached into his pocket and pulled out a blue velvet case with a strand of genuine pearls and gave them to Jenny. He had them all the time. He was just waiting for her to give up the dime-store stuff so he could give her genuine treasure.
How many of us as followers of Christ claim to have our trust in Jesus? I mean it’s the “good Christian” thing to say, right? But do we really trust Him? Do we actually believe and live the words we proclaim?
I have spent some time lately asking myself these questions, and my response was sobering. When I got brutally honest with myself, I found that my actions and past track records had reviled that my trust had not been in whom I so religiously claimed but rather in my own petty efforts. That’s what they (your efforts) are by the way, petty, repulsive in fact, to God. I know that may sound blasphemous initially, but let me expound.
First, lets look at what the word “trust” means. According to Google the definition of the word trust means: 1 Firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something. 2 Confidence placed in a person by making that person the nominal owner of property to be held or used for the benefit of one or more others.
You see, I grew up in church and in ministry so my life, to say the least, was lived on a stage, front and center, whether I liked it or not. Everything I did, said, or even thought was open for all to see and to my dismay, also to be critiqued. On top of that, I am an otter/retriever making me the ultimate people pleaser. I love people, I care about people, and I care entirely way too much about what people think. Life had become one giant production, leaving me desperately seeking the approval and applauds of my audience. I sought after anyone and anything that remotely sounded like a round of applause while claiming, “Jesus is my rock and in Him alone do I trust”.
Do you see where this is going? Silly me, I was so desperately searching for the approval and praise from everyone except from the only one that truly mattered. I didn’t really believe in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of Christ. If I had, I wouldn’t have wasted all those years in efforts in trying to become someone worthy of value and love, but would have realized I was created and born worthy.
When Christ shed His precious blood 2,000 years ago and rose again with the victory over death its self, He enabled you and I to wear the robe of righteousness and purity as if we had never heard words: sin and unworthiness. God only sees us as the pure and precious masterpieces he planned and created from the beginning because of Christ’s sacrifice on the cross. We can’t do a thing to earn it because the price has already been paid; the debt is paid in full! So when I stated that our efforts are repulsive to Him, it was to make the point that if we truly trust in Christ, then we would already know that we don’t have to do a thing to earn his love or approval because we would know that Christ already has won that approval on our behalf. All we have to do is just be who God created us to be.
So how does this have anything to do with the pearl necklace story? It has everything to do with it. When you know you can whole heartily trust God because you have confidence placed in Him by making Him the nominal owner of property of your heart to be held or used for your benefit, then you can trust Him with everything you have and trust everything He tells you. Or like the story, anything He would ask of you. Most of the time I don’t understand why God is telling me to do something but because I trust Him, I know that whatever He is asking me to do is only going to lead me to the real genuine treasure that He has had all along for me. All I have to do is trust Him and give Him my best. But giving Him my best isn’t working to be my best but rather realizing that I’m already His best.
Do you believe you’re God’s best? He says you are; do you trust Him?
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Prior to coming to The Journey Training I was irritable, controlling and severely discontented; I didn’t know what I wanted but I knew something needed to change. My life was steeped in fear coupled with the incessant need to please others; yet I remained empty with no direction or end in sight. As I mentioned previously, I needed something but I didn’t know what “it” was or how to achieve it, let alone discover it. Pretty hopeless, huh? Yes, I was.
When I entered the rooms of the Journey Training, I immediately saw beautiful and handsome faces to which I concluded “surely they wouldn’t be able to relate to an ex-convict and recovering drug and sex addict.” After all, they looked so pristine and trouble free I thought, but I was soon to discover that my terminal uniqueness was soon to be replaced with a sense of brotherhood and community I had longed for my entire life: the desire to be accepted and loved for who I was, not the illusory of what I assumed others wished or wanted me to be. I was in for a rude and revolutionary awakening. One that would ultimately provide me with a wealth of information and tools to help me discover my “it” in a real and meaning way which up to this point had been elusive.
In his book A New Pair of Glasses Chuck C. provides a very simple philosophy which is reminiscent of the Journey Training, consider now, “uncover, discover, and discard.” Unbeknownst to me I had no idea what I had gotten myself into because that is exactly what I experienced during that life changing weekend. So what does that look like, you might ask? Let’s consider them one at a time, shall we?
Uncover
This is a frightening prospect for a chronic people pleaser like myself, but if I was going to begin a journey of health, wholeness and emotional sobriety this was where “it” had to begin. Imagine being in a room filled with virtual strangers, not to perform but to uncover making one’s self vulnerable, naked and exposed with no figs to cover a lifetime of hidden shame and guilt. Through clenched fists, a churning stomach and tear filled eyes, I did something I had never done before: I trusted someone other than myself with the truth of who and what I had been and it was the turning point for my personal journey had begun! Light was beginning to shine in my darkened tunnel called my mind.
Discover
On a giant poster board was the known quote by Albert Einstein which read “insanity is doing the same things while expecting different results.” During my discovery process I have added a slight adaptation to the afore mentioned quote “insanity is doing the same thing knowing full well what the results WILL BE!” Before coming into the Journey Training, it is safe to assume that I was insane. Perhaps not in the clinical sense, but emotionally imbalanced nonetheless. Journey taught me that I could not conquer what I was unwilling to face regardless of how scary it appeared. Looking back, it wasn’t what I was unwilling to face per se as it was, what I would discover once the mask(s) were removed. You see, my pain, in spite of its darkness became a comfortable companion for I had learned to manipulate, maneuver and mask the truth which kept me enclosed within a mental prison of my own making. By discovering I had the right to be myself, while forgiving myself and ultimately loving myself was a radical prospect indeed. One that was greater than the pain of my past.
Discard
King David once penned “Be still and know that I am God. (see Psalms 40:10a)” In a word “to be still” requires one to “let go” or “discard” former false systems of beliefs or perceptions. In Journey I was given a “contract” which is equivalent to receiving a new identity and purpose. Before I was dispassionate, fearful and weighed down by the guilt of my past and previous convictions. When asked how I perceived myself, I could only respond sheepishly “a jailbird.” Although I was walking in the land of the free, I was still imprisoned albeit the prison was a mental one instead of a physical one. However, by the end of the training I was smiling (genuinely) declaring: “I am a passionate free bird.” I gave myself permission to discard those old tapes which kept me defeated, discouraged and imprisoned. I was free to soar above my self-limiting perceptions.
It has been stated a journey of a thousand steps begins with one. This is not to suggest that it will be easy especially when you battle between your ears. But there is one thing that I can assure you and it is this: since that glorious weekend of uncovering, discovering and discarding, I have begun to walk in my “it,” I am a semester from receiving my college degree at 50. My marriage which at one time was on life support has begun to heal itself as I rigorously apply the tools learned in the Journey Training. The wounded boy who lived in fear has been integrated with his core self and is now living a life once previously believed impossible. And the results I lived to repeat have been traded in for the wonder of tomorrow. I am a liberated and passionate free bird. Now it’s time for you to discover your “it.”
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