One thing I’ve learned about myself is that I often see things from a different perspective than most people. But, like anything else, there are advantages and disadvantages to every perspective. For example, creative marketing comes fairly easy to me. Other things, not so much…
In The Journey Training, one of the experiential exercises we do is focused on changing your perspective. We experience the phenomenon of perspective every single day.
Recently I was at a friend’s wedding. My 9-year-old daughter wanted to go, so I brought her along as my date. Here are some of the things I saw at the wedding:
- A slow-moving ceremony.
- O.K. snacks (a sweet and sour bar – interesting concept).
- Boring rituals to endure until it’s over.
Here is what my daughter saw:
- Every single movement of the bride was one of a beautiful princess.
- All of the colorful snacks were yummy!
- Dancing with daddy was fun!
- Watching daddy dance with mommy was fun!
- All of the attention she got from mommy and daddy was fun!
- Did I say that the entire wedding was fun?
Once I saw what my daughter saw, I realized that I had experienced a remarkable and memorable event! From now on, I will do my best to see things through new eyes (and it always helps to bring my favorite girl and one of my favorite princesses along for perspective)…
Here are some interesting facts about time:
- We all get the same amount per day
- How we use our time is a choice
- Once time passes, we can’t get it back
If we each get exactly the same amount of time per day, why can some people do more with it than others? Why are some wildly successful in their careers, family life, and passions while others seem struggle to just get basic things done? I believe the answers can be found in the second fact – how we use the time we are given is a choice.
I sometimes hear people say, “Everything comes easy for him” or “I’d be successful, too, if I’d been given the chance.” I even said, “He got his college paid for and his career handed to him” about one of my friends. And I’ve had people tell me, “Of course you lost the weight. If I had The Biggest Loser, I’d lose the weight, too!” Unfortunately this is all too common. We tend to make excuses of why we don’t have what we really want when it’s really more about how we use the time we are given.
Every person I have talked to who is successful in a business, their family, or their skill tells me the same thing – they’ve put the time in. They were handed a choice of what to do with their time – whether to watch TV or spend some time with their kids. Maybe to play golf on Saturday or to work on that client’s file they’ve wanted to land. Each choice is not right or wrong – but they do have a price & benefit. The price might be your golf game might suffer, but the benefit might be that you land those clients that make your business successful. The price might be that don’t get to find out who was voted off the island but the benefit is a closer relationship with your children.
Remember, the choices aren’t right or wrong, they are just different. What we can’t afford to do is walk around blaming where we are on outside circumstances instead of our choices. When we do this, we fall into a victim mentality – a mentality that we do not control our own destiny, but the things that happen to us do. We need to practice a responsible mentality – that we are where we are because of the choices that we have made. When we practice a responsible mentality, we can do the most important thing: change our choices to change our results! But when we blame our failures on outside circumstance and practice a victim mentality, we give away the very power we have to change our life – our right to choose.
I urge you to stop making up stories about why others are successful in an area and you are not. Ask them how they built their business, built their family dynamic, or became an awesome guitar player – I’ll bet they’ll tell you they chose to work their tails off and put in the effort to get what they really want.
Remember that friend of mine I thought got his college paid for and his business handed to him? Actually, his father made him pay for his own schooling, and he worked long, hard hours for the first 5 years of his business to build it to where it is now – a multi-million dollar company. So when I see him playing golf on Saturday, I know the truth about his success. He earned it – by choosing to spend his time getting what he really wants. And I lost the weight on The Biggest Loser by choosing to work hard – 7 to 8 hours per day – and no one handed me that. I worked for it!
If there is one thing I’ve learned from sports, it’s that you don’t have to be the best to win. Let me give you some examples.
On my high school football team, I didn’t “fit” my position. I was 5’11” tall and weighed 165 pounds my senior year – and I was the Strong Tackle. The head coach told the offensive line coach over and over not to start me, but coach Epps saw that what I lacked in size, I made up in heart. He fought for me to keep my position. Going against 250-300 pound defensive linemen wasn’t easy, but I found a way around it. After analyzing the situation, I thought, “Well, if they aren’t on their feet, they can’t make a tackle!” so when we ran the ball, I’d just take out their legs. It hurt when all that weight would crash down on top of me, and my hurt shoulders still feel it when I’m in the gym today, but they made very few tackles! When we passed the ball, I remembered Newton’s Law of Motion: An object in motion tends to stay in motion. I’d just let them decide which way they wanted to go, then I’d get underneath them and encourage them to go there! I’d use their weight against them! Success!
In wrestling, being just over the line of heavyweight proved tough! My opponents were MUCH bigger than I was! So I just began by trying not to get pinned. Then I tried to take every advantage I could! But I must say that using my teeth when an opponent flipped me onto my back and I couldn’t breathe wasn’t such a prudent decision – I ended up disqualified that day! However, I did take advantage of the referee’s whistle on the match next to ours! When he blew the whistle and my opponent on top thought it was ours, I turned and tackled him to take a 1 point lead with 5 seconds left! I had beaten a man almost twice my size!
I also played basketball when I was younger. I was never fast or tall, so how would I be able to score points? Well, with a basketball goal in our driveway and two older sisters who were good at it, I learned to shoot from the outside! I could swish a shot before the defender could get close enough to block it!
Then there was baseball. I was a little overweight and very slow. If hit the ball in the infield, how would I ever get to 1st base? So I worked on placing my hits and would punch it just over their heads into the outfield! At least I got to first! Now second was a different story.
My point is that you don’t have to be the best at what you do, but you do have to be a problem solver. Analyze the situation (look), Figure out solutions and multiply them what works), and determine what to get rid of what doesn’t work).
The next time you are up against some odds, follow those three steps! Analyze and try, multiply what works, and stop what doesn’t work. Even if you don’t become an expert at it, you will become better than you were before, which in any sense spells SUCCESS!
I remember a story I once heard my friend Brian Klemmer tell. It went something like this:
Once there was a frog named Andy Average frog. He fell into a rut left by a wagon in a rainstorm. He tried and tried, but he just couldn’t jump out of the rut! It was just too deep. Then Freddy Fabulous frog hopped up. He asked, “Hey down there! What are you doing in that rut? Jump out!” Andy Average frog answered, “I’ve tried, but it’s just too deep. I can’t jump high enough to get out!” Freddy Fabulous frog was perplexed.
“Sure you can,” he said, “Just do a double back flip tuck jump out!” He then jumped down into the rut and did a double back flip tuck jump out of the rut. Andy Average frog tried, but he hit the side of the rut and slid back in. Freddy Fabulous frog said, “Well, just to a triple-gainer out of the rut! Here, I’ll show you!” He jumped down into the rut and did a triple gainer out of the rut. Andy Average frog tried, but again he hit the side and slid back in. Freddy Fabulous frog became frustrated and said, “Well, I hope you get out. I gotta go down to the pond and see what’s up!”
About 30 minutes later, Freddy Fabulous frog was down at the pond when along came Andy Average frog. Freddy Fabulous frog smiled, “How did you get out! Did you do the double back flip tuck jump out or the triple gainer?”
Any Average frog answered, “Neither.” Freddy Fabulous frog then asked, “Well, how in the world did you get out of that rut?” Andy Average frog answered, “Well, another wagon came along and the wheels were in the rut. It was either get out or get squashed! So I just got out!”
The moral of this story is when you really want to get something done, apply a little pressure and you’ll be surprised what you are capable of doing!
Imagine your situation right now. In some area of your life, you may be in a rut. Well, it’s time to get out of that rut. The situation you’re in isn’t all bad, because it will make you grow. If you didn’t have to work to get out, you’d probably just stay in the rut! Birds have to peck their way out of their egg. A seed has to push its way through the dirt to the surface to be what it was meant to be. A rubber band doesn’t go very far if it’s not stretched on your finger! And the farther you stretch it, the farther it goes! A ball doesn’t bounce very high if it’s not thrown hard against the ground. And the same applies to you. So apply a little pressure, a little urgency, a little accountability to get you out of your rut!
I’ll bet you’ll get out in no time!
The other morning was a good teachable moment for my son David. He woke up, came into the living room, and screamed, “Oh no! I left my binder at the main High School! It has all my stuff in it! What am I going to do?! Oh no!” I calmly replied, “Get in the shower and get ready for school.” He continued to panic, and I told him again, “Get in the shower and get ready.” He asked me, “Don’t you care that I might get bad grades if we don’t find it?!” I again replied, “Get in the shower, and get ready for school.”
When he came out, I told him to get in the car so we could go to the main High School and look for the binder. He replied, “It won’t be there! Someone probably took it! The band room won’t be unlocked! I don’t even know where the office is!” I remained silent and drove. Again, David asked, “Dad, don’t you even care?!”
We pulled up to the school and sure enough, the band room was locked. David came out in a panic, “I told you! We’ll never find it!” Then I asked a student where the office was located. He told us and David went to the office. They told him the band room would open at 7:30am when the band director came in. We drove back over to the band room, and David went inside and he came out carrying the binder. He got in the car in silence looking straight ahead. He looked at me and said, “It was the first thing I saw when I walked in.” We laughed and I proceeded with the teachable moment.
The night before, we had watched the movie GRAVITY with Sandra Bullock and George Clooney. I said, “Do you know what I noticed last night in the movie? When she panicked, she couldn’t function. She couldn’t focus or do anything at all! Then, she’d calm down, breathe in and out, focus, and get herself out of the situation.” He answered, “Dad, that’s a movie!” I then told him, “Most people die in life threatening situations because they panic – they worry about what might happen before it happens. Survivors find ground and center, breath in a controlled manner, and then respond to the situation by doing what they can do now.”
When we worry, we often live out the worst possible scenario. I’ve found in life that the worst possible scenario rarely happens. If you worry about it, you’re guaranteed to live that scenario in your mind anyway! What a waste! Mark Twain said, “I’ve had a lot of worries in my life, most of which never happened.” Luke 12:25-26 says, “Can all your worries add a single moment to your life? And if worry can’t accomplish a little thing like that, what’s the use of worrying over bigger things?” (NLT)
As a man in the airport once said to me when I was in a panic, “STOP! You are scaring yourself!” So I tell you, do what you can do in the moment. Worry accomplishes nothing. Figure out what you can control, and do that.
I then told David, “I told you to get in the shower and get ready for school because there wasn’t anything we could do until we got there. When we got there, if we couldn’t find the binder, then we’d cross that bridge. And look, that bridge didn’t even have to exist – except for your worry creating it in your mind.”
