As I mentioned before, people tend to focus on the HOW to get things done. I’ve found that if the “W’s” are the focus, the HOW is no longer the issue. Success happens when the W’s come together!
Last article, I focused on the WHY you want or need to accomplish something.
Today, I will continue with the WHO’s?
There are a few WHO’s you need to think about. The first is WHO can help you. When I wanted to lose weight, I didn’t feel like I could. Let’s face it – I was 460 pounds and could barely walk from my bedroom to the kitchen! I had tried to lose weight a million times! I joined a gym, went on several different diets, and began walking. I saw limited success, but for some reason, I couldn’t follow through; I kept quitting. Perhaps that had to do with my WHY, but it had to do with my WHO also!
One evening, I walked into the living room and saw something on the TV. Severely obese people were competing in a challenge. I asked my wife Darci, “What is this?” She answered, “The Biggest Loser.” Then I saw them flash back to the last season as they showed the before & after of last season’s winner. He looked GREAT! He lost hundreds of pounds! This gave me hope, because I had hundreds of pounds to lose.
I thought, “If I could get on that show, I could lose the weight! I’d have trainers, teammates, and I couldn’t run away any more!” My first WHO’s were The Biggest Loser show (program), Trainers Bob Harper and Jillian Michaels (teachers), and the contestants (competition) who would challenge me to play hard. So I tried out, and after 3 seasons I actually made the show!
It was a singles season, which suited me just fine. But in the first week, we got paired up. Liz Young from Tennessee picked me as her partner. At first, I didn’t like this! The first 8 weeks it seemed she always wanted to quit. I encouraged her to continue, and helped her believe she could do it.We both made it to the final 4.
Then, we had to run a marathon together. It hurt; BAD! My hip was thrown out and my knees felt like they’d been hit with a sledge hammer! I wanted to quit. But Liz returned the favor and said, “No Danny! We’re not gonna quit! We can do this!” I needed a partner, even if I didn’t want one. My second WHO was my partner Liz.
Then I returned home to finish my journey. My wife had cleaned out the kitchen and began eating healthy. She had already lost 49 pounds! WOW! As a family, we ate the same healthy things (the basis for Simply Lose It, my meal plan) and with their support and the financial and emotional support of my church, friends, and co-workers, I, or should say we, ended up winning The Biggest Loser. My third WHO’s were my wife, kids, church and friends.
No one can go it alone. We all need support. Even Jesus had 12 disciples to help him accomplish what he set out to do. Why would we think we could accomplish our dreams without others! Others to support and mentor and push you when you need it! We were put on this earth to love and encourage each other.
So I have a question: WHO can you help, and WHO can help you? WHO has the tools you need to make your dreams come true? Who is your Liz? Gather a team; Play with a team! A win-win is always better than a win-lose.
Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 (NIV) 9 Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: 10 If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. 11 Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? 12 Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.
Step two: WHO ARE YOUR WHO’s?
I am sitting right now at an RTX conference. You don’t know what that is? Well, it is kind of like comic con— only for video games. You don’t know what comic con is? Well, it is a convention where people who love comic books or characters come together and connect with one another, the writers, the dreamers, and designers. They meet the writers, the dreamers, and the designers. Think that sounds “nerdy” or “geeky”?
Think again. Look at your own social circles. Everyone has specific groups that tailor to their own passions and interests. Whatever the group is—be it an RTX conference, a church service, or a college football game—people connect with other people who have similar interests.
People want to fit in somewhere, and when they find people that have the same thing in common it generates energy and power. I am a firm believer that people’s biggest need is to feel accepted. Their biggest fear is rejection. This is evident in a number of ways. For example—What we post on social media. Most people will not post things that are offensive, or that pull them out of their social arena. Or how about how we dress? Maybe you love whitewash jeans, but most people will not wear them for fear of what someone may say about living in the 80s. We shape our lives to fit in with our social groups.
Sometimes when looking for groups to be involved in, we are so desperate to fit in that we settle, or we make compromises. Here is an example: According to the Los Angeles Police department kids join street gangs for the following reasons:
“Their motivations for joining the gang are varied, but usually fall within one of the following:
Identity or Recognition – Being part of a gang allows the gang member to achieve a level of status he/she feels impossible outside the gang culture.
Fellowship and Brotherhood – To the majority of gang members, the gang functions as an extension of the family and may provide companionship lacking in the gang member’s home environment. Many older brothers and relatives belong, or have belonged to the gang.”
For people involved in gangs, the desire to be accepted and to have camaraderie is so great that they’re willing to join a street gang for it. As adults we are not much different. We want friendship and connecting points. But sometimes we can’t find the right “gang” so we just spend our time at home alone. No man is an island to himself; we are not wired that way. Don’t live in isolation. Connect with others who have similar passions and interests. Join a “gang.”
What gang are you a part of?
Too many times in life, people focus on the HOW to get things done. Throughout the Bible, you see people questioning God about HOW they were going to accomplish something. Moses made excuses in Exodus 3 & 4 HOW he would overcome his shortcomings and the extremity of his situation. He could not fathom HOW he could go to Egypt and set the people free. He was focused on the wrong thing.
The next few articles will be focusing on the W’s, not the HOW! Yes, WHO, WHAT, WHEN, WHERE, and WHY. A friend of mine once told me, ‘When the intent (why) becomes clear, the mechanism (how) appears!” Until you decide to do something, and the decision to do something is bigger than the reasons not to do something, the HOW will stop you in your tracks!
Today, I start with an important question: What is your WHY?
During a recent SLI Bootcamp, I asked a trainee, “What is your WHY?” He didn’t know what I was talking about!
When I was 460 pounds, the reasons NOT to lose weight outweighed the reasons TO lose weight. I was stuck! What was the benefit I got from being 460 pounds you ask? Well, I got to eat anything I wanted! I never had to sweat and work hard! I got to take it easy and relax. Then one day, everything changed. My daughter walked in and said, “Daddy, you are my hero!” I felt great!
Then she said. “I want to be just like you when I grown up! I want a belly just like yours.” I was mortified! How could I sit on the couch eating food when my daughter’s very life was at stake! Not just mine, but my entire family! That was an awakening! That was the day I found my WHY.
I was angry. Yes, ANGRY! Anger is a God given emotion. It isn’t bad. What you do with it is what counts! Rage is a bad way to handle anger. Motivation is a great way to handle it. I looked at myself in the mirror and said, “What is wrong with you? If she wanted to be like you, then you had better be what you want her to be!” I then saw the type of role model I was being to my family. Everything changed.
Did I immediately lose the weight? Nope. But I did begin the long process of dealing with my issues and finding my journey to lose weight! It could have been anything, but it was The Biggest Loser.
What is your WHY?
What has God called you to be, and what excuses are you making to not be it? With Moses, he was a sheep herder, not of eloquent speech, and they surely wouldn’t believe him! He was focused on HOW he was going to set them free. Not on WHO God had created him to be, and most of all, his WHY!
Step one: WHAT IS YOUR WHY?
We tend to find exactly what we are looking for. If we expect negativity, we tend to find it. If we are searching for a great experience, we often find that as well. Let me give you an example from my own life.
A long time ago I was convinced that a guy at the Chick-fil-A Home Office had it in for me. He would often call me and ask difficult questions about my store that I didn’t have answers for and then took days to return phone calls when I left messages. It all left me frustrated and I began to feel like he was trying to get rid of me. Once there was a former operator who came by my store to see me. The guy at the home office found out about this visit and grilled me about it. My frustration level grew to a whole new level and I told him that if he didn’t think I was up to being an Operator, he should come get my keys (not a wise thing to say on my part but, “Whew!” I am still here).
Here is a different way that I could have chosen to view the situation:
A long time ago there was this guy who worked at the Chick-fil-A Home Office who really cared about and looked out for me. He often called to ask me questions that would force me to stretch and grow in my thinking. It wasn’t always pleasant, but if you don’t know what you don’t know, then you can’t become better, right? Sometimes when I would call him back to get his perspective on something, he would take time to think it over before calling me back. That way he could give me the best possible feedback. On one occasion I had a former operator come to visit me and talk to me about the business. I told the guy at the home office about the visit and he warned me that even though the visit seemed like nothing, it might turn out to have negative consequences and that I might want to shy away from encounters like that. At first it made me threatened as a leader, but I later came to understand the heart behind his advice and chose to appreciate where he was coming from. I grew to be thankful for my corporate office ally.
Do you see the difference in these two stories?
The difference is me. The difference is in the way I chose to look for, in the way I chose to see the situation.
We cannot control everything that happens to us. But we CAN chose how we react to it. We CAN choose how we want to frame it and what we decide that it all means. These choices can literally change everything about the outcome, but it will ALWAYS change something within us.
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Here’s your homework for this week:
Make a conscious choice to look at every situation you encounter in the next week in a positive light. Then come back here and let us know how it went.
“It’s like I’m speaking dog.”
~Keith Boyd
Do you ever feel like you are just sitting still?
Do you feel like you NEVER get the opportunities you want? Or that things always happen for other people but not for you?
Right now I am working on a project. I am working with Keith Boyd. You see, Keith wanted to have the biggest lemonade stand in Tulsa, and for the last 2 summers he has run a lemonade stand, giving a portion of the money to The Little Light House. Instead of sitting there and watching the world go by, he took action. He knew what he wanted and he took steps to get it. And he didn’t give up when he hit roadblocks. At first, his idea to raise money was for his family to put on a play. Keith envisioned renting out the Bank of Oklahoma Center for hundreds of people coming to see the fundraiser show. Although Keith’s dreams for the fundraiser were big, he was told he needed to figure out a different way. So he did. He didn’t give up.
He went back to the drawing board and settled on a lemonade stand.
There are some fascinating statistics on this:
- 44% of people give up after one “no”
- 22% give up after two “nos”
- 14% give up after three “nos”
- 12% give up after four “nos”
Keith performed better than 44% of most people.
Two years later Keith joined with me to create the largest stand in Tulsa. Actually, it is 10 separate stands and we certainly move the most lemonade through it. Keith reached his goal.
Keith worked hard, didn’t quit, and out-performed 44% of people. That on its own is impressive, but let me tell you a little more about Keith.
Keith is 10 years old.
Keith has cerebral palsy.
Keith cannot use his hands.
Keith cannot use his feet.
Keith cannot speak.
He uses his eyes to communicate. He told me once when he is communicating without his computer, it takes him about 10 times on average to communicate the message he wants to get out. He says “It’s like I am speaking dog, and they do not speak dog! But its ok, I know it’s frustrating to them as well.”
If you want to reach your dreams in life, don’t give up. Don’t be afraid to try again when you hit a roadblock. If you try it 5 times or more, you will be in the top 8% of achievers. Don’t give up! Keep on going! Dreams are yours to reach out and grab. And when you’re feeling discouraged and tempted to quit, just look at Keith.
To learn more about Keith and what he is doing click here.
