As a Boy Scout leader, one of the funnest games we would play is something called “Tell it like it isn’t.” I would get all the boys, put them in a circle, tell them a story. I would intentionally make up a funny or creative story (Surprising right?). The boys would tell each other the story, they could not repeat it or ask for explanation. all along the way, you could visibly see the story getting more and more odd based on the expressions of the boys who were hearing the story from their friend, almost like, “Did they really say that?” By the time it got to the end of the line, you generally would not get anything close to the same story. Too often we hear things or read emails and we are confused by it, but we don’t want to ask for clarification because of a number of reasons. What if what I think they said is true? What if they think I am stupid? What if they get mad I had them repeat it? Do any of these ring true?
If you are to communicate completely with other people, when you are not positive what you heard is true, it is important to ask them to clarify.
This actually happened today. A friend from out of town was staying with us overnight because she wanted to come early to volunteer for the Journey Training, so we had her sleep over. At dinner the next night, she made comment about Noell and I engaging in extracurricular activities at 6am this morning. (Technically termed Coitus) I asked “What are you talking about?” She told me, “I heard Noell say ‘O Arthur, O Arthur’ early this morning.”
I was horrified, “What?” There is no way that happened, and I would know. (Now if you have a smokin’ hot wife like Noell, you would know that I have no problem with that activity, I was just horrified that a guest would hear that)
I immediately got with Noell, and we started really thinking about this morning. Then I remembered what had happened last night. I remembered, that I had a meeting with Thrive15 at 6:30 this morning, and I was asked to deliver some Chicken Minis from Chick-fil-A. (I have heard them called our yummy Crack laced Breakfast Chicken) Well I thought I would go above, make it huge, and pick up some special donuts. Noell was supposed to order them for me. Sadly, they give us the frequent flyer discount at the donut store, and have a personal ring tone for my wife. I got up at 5:30, got ready, and at 6:05 I kissed my wife goodbye and asked her if she ordered the donuts. She snapped out of bed, and flung the covers off, and shouted “O ARTHUR, O ARTHUR,” (then quieter said) “I am so sorry.”
Meanwhile our friend all day carried around the thought of a very awkward moment of what she heard. All she heard was coming out of my room, Noell yelling, while being compassionate, “O Arthur,” with a sense of sorrow in her voice due to what she forgot.
Was either one wrong? Not necessarily. She connected some dots based on what she heard. This is actually something that our brain does naturally.
Can you think of a time that you heard the wrong thing, and then went the wrong direction with it?
I have done it sadly, multiple times.
Its quite natural, but it’s what you do with it afterwords that will make the difference.
When I was growing up, I made a decision to change my life, to live for God and try to live as a Christian did. I started watching who I hung around with, and what I let influence my life. When I was in my mid 20s I started playing paintball. There is something thrilling about running around in the forest with guys shooting at you! This was something I did on a regular basis, and eventually I wanted to play tournaments. I wanted to win, so I joined a team that was really, really good.
Why Did I Say That?
But on this team, my teammates and I did not hold the same values. I started to notice over time that the words I chose to use were more and more colorful. I was not using them because I was mad and it was an “accident.” I was using them because they were convenient and familiar. I used these words because the people around me used them. I never once stopped to ask myself, “Why did I say that?” My wife noticed this growing habit as well. She told me once, “In the heat of battle you seem to be cussing a lot.”
Eventually, my wife’s words convicted me and I apologized to her. I then had to make the tough decision to find a new team that better reflected my beliefs and character. This new team did not win as many games, but it was far better for my both my character and my soul.
If you ever find yourself asking “Why did I say that?”, take a look at the people you spend time with. If so, it may be time for you to make some changes as well.
By the way, my new team and I eventually got better, and actually ended up beating my original team.
Everyone of us has tapes. OK, OK maybe you’re too young to know what a “tape” is. Call them tapes, CDs, records, mp3s — whatever works for you. What I am referring to is something that plays in your head. See, everyone has stories we tell ourselves about ourselves. The problem with this is that we actually listen to the stories. We actually believe them.
My friend Mike told a story about this at The Journey Training once. It went something like this…
“Let’s say we put 110 guys in a room. 99 of them are amazing people and one of them was a scumbag. Who would you walk out with?”
Sadly, every one of you likely had a person come to your mind when picturing the scumbag. And many of you ladies unfortunately see yourself walking out with him. Why is that?
At The Journey Training we have had hundreds of people come through, hear this illustration, and almost all of them can tell you why so many see themselves walking out with the jerk. It’s not because of what people around them say. It’s because of the “self-talk” they say to themselves. It’s the tape they play and listen to in their heads about themselves.
When we see people in movies standing in front of a mirror saying things like, “I’m beautiful!” and “I am worth a million bucks!”, we often laugh. But practices like that are actually healthy things to do. Check out what this article from WikiHow says about building self-worth:
“Healthy self love is about being your own best friend. Self love is expressed not through preening oneself all day and constantly announcing how great you are (those are signs of intense insecurity); rather, self love is about treating yourself with the same care, tolerance, generosity, and compassion as you would treat a special friend. Treat yourself with care, compassion, and respect. Avoid overlaying how you think other people see you; how does it help you to capitulate to their idea of you?”
See? There IS some validity to psyching yourself up and going out to find that person that you used to think was out of your league. Remember: They may feel exactly the same way and think they don’t deserve YOU!
The other morning was a good teachable moment for my son David. He woke up, came into the living room, and screamed, “Oh no! I left my binder at the main High School! It has all my stuff in it! What am I going to do?! Oh no!” I calmly replied, “Get in the shower and get ready for school.” He continued to panic, and I told him again, “Get in the shower and get ready.” He asked me, “Don’t you care that I might get bad grades if we don’t find it?!” I again replied, “Get in the shower, and get ready for school.”
When he came out, I told him to get in the car so we could go to the main High School and look for the binder. He replied, “It won’t be there! Someone probably took it! The band room won’t be unlocked! I don’t even know where the office is!” I remained silent and drove. Again, David asked, “Dad, don’t you even care?!”
We pulled up to the school and sure enough, the band room was locked. David came out in a panic, “I told you! We’ll never find it!” Then I asked a student where the office was located. He told us and David went to the office. They told him the band room would open at 7:30am when the band director came in. We drove back over to the band room, and David went inside and he came out carrying the binder. He got in the car in silence looking straight ahead. He looked at me and said, “It was the first thing I saw when I walked in.” We laughed and I proceeded with the teachable moment.
The night before, we had watched the movie GRAVITY with Sandra Bullock and George Clooney. I said, “Do you know what I noticed last night in the movie? When she panicked, she couldn’t function. She couldn’t focus or do anything at all! Then, she’d calm down, breathe in and out, focus, and get herself out of the situation.” He answered, “Dad, that’s a movie!” I then told him, “Most people die in life threatening situations because they panic – they worry about what might happen before it happens. Survivors find ground and center, breath in a controlled manner, and then respond to the situation by doing what they can do now.”
When we worry, we often live out the worst possible scenario. I’ve found in life that the worst possible scenario rarely happens. If you worry about it, you’re guaranteed to live that scenario in your mind anyway! What a waste! Mark Twain said, “I’ve had a lot of worries in my life, most of which never happened.” Luke 12:25-26 says, “Can all your worries add a single moment to your life? And if worry can’t accomplish a little thing like that, what’s the use of worrying over bigger things?” (NLT)
As a man in the airport once said to me when I was in a panic, “STOP! You are scaring yourself!” So I tell you, do what you can do in the moment. Worry accomplishes nothing. Figure out what you can control, and do that.
I then told David, “I told you to get in the shower and get ready for school because there wasn’t anything we could do until we got there. When we got there, if we couldn’t find the binder, then we’d cross that bridge. And look, that bridge didn’t even have to exist – except for your worry creating it in your mind.”
We’ve all got dreams, life goals, and things we want to make happen. So what’s the first step? Projection.
When you watch a movie, there’s a machine that takes a digital file and PROJECTS it onto a screen so the movie goers can see it. Without the projection, it’s just a file – something that is there, but it’s not being realized, or even perceived!
Your dreams, goals, and aspirations are there. They are real. They just need to be realized. And the first thing you need to do is to PROJECT it for you and others to see!
In Proverbs 18:21 it says, “The tongue can bring death or life; those who love to talk will reap the consequences.” (NLT) This is so true! Your tongue is a PROJECTOR of your dreams and goals. What you project out of your mouth has the propensity to come alive! If you continually say, “I can’t,” that is what you will bring to life – both in your head AND in your heart. Speaking life over your dreams and goals is the first step to making your dreams come alive – and it begins by convincing yourself it is possible.
I just wrote a new praise and worship song about this! I am speaking God’s truth about my problems – that what He says about them is bigger than the problem itself. And when I sing this song, the solution seems to rise up in my heart and mind, and the problem seems to fade into the background! It has happened so many times in my life – with my marriage, my finances, my weight, my music, and my addictions.
In Genesis chapter 1, “God SAID” is there 9 times. It is CREATION. We were created in God’s image, which means unlike any other being on earth, we are creators.
Each time God created something, he said, “Let…” Look at the definition of let: to cause to; make: to let one know the truth.
Let your dreams come true. Begin by projecting them into life by speaking them into existence. Write them down, speak them out; create them in your life. When you begin to believe they are possible, you’ll see progress towards your dreams. That begins by you projecting the story (your dreams & goals) with your projector (your mouth/pen) onto the screen (your mind; your ears; other’s ears; your journal; and most importantly, your heart) so life can be brought to them.
I read somewhere the following statement: “What we think is what we believe. What we believe is what we speak. What we speak is what we create (reality).” So begin to speak life, and choose to let death go.
I’ll end this the same way Darci and I ended our book “Losing Big.” This is what you should project with your mouth when it comes to your dreams: “I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live.” (Deuteronomy 30:19 NIV)
