Have you ever heard someone say, “That was a defining moment?” Have you ever stopped to think about what that really means?
We all know the obvious “life changers” like getting married, having children, or graduating from college. They could even be negative such as the loss of a loved one, an automobile accident, or a divorce. But what about the other ones?
You may be wondering which ones I am meaning. I’m talking about those defining moments that make up who you are. Have you ever wondered why you do the things you do? And on the other hand, why you don’t do the things you should do?
We are a product of our experiences. We don’t always remember our experiences. For example, we learn at an early age that when we cry, help would come. Perhaps I began to associate my feeling with food, because my mother probably fed me to make me stop crying. Could that be a small part of the reason I grew to 460 pounds – and continue to struggle with food, especially when I am lonely, in pain, or angry? Who knows? But I want to find out! You can read about some of my defining moments at TheDannyCahill.com
The truth is when we are born, our incredible brain starts recording every experience we have, along with the outcome, and we form beliefs – beliefs that serve us and beliefs that don’t serve us. We are a product of our beliefs. Most of the decisions we make are not made by us – they are made by our beliefs. And most of our beliefs were created by memories we may not even remember.
This simple knowledge can help us to change our behaviors. If you chop the weed off at the surface, it will grow back. But if you dig up the root, you can remove it for good. The same thing goes with our behavior. If you want to change the behavior you must get to the belief – the root – of why you do what you do.
Change is an inside-out transformation; not outside-in. Want to change your behavior – and in turn your results? Then find out where your beliefs may be missing the mark. The bible verse, “Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.” (Romans 7:20 NIV)
The good thing is that you can change. Each month in The Journey Training, we watch people find some of those beliefs that produce behaviors they don’t want anymore. They can deal with that “weed” and pull it up for good! If you’d like to learn more about The Journey Training, just go the www.thejourneytraining.com.
“Christmas is the perfect time to celebrate the love of God and family and to create memories that will last forever. Jesus is God’s perfect, indescribable gift. The amazing thing is that not only are we able to receive this gift, but we are able to share it with others on Christmas and every other day of the year.” ~ Joel Osteen
Memories that last forever are the ones where something significant happened. When I was growing up, many Christmases were the same; get up early, run into the other room, look for presents under the tree (on the years we had one) and rip into the presents! I also remember a bowl of nuts – not normal ones – but some that were weird looking. I recognized the peanuts, walnuts, and some weird shaped triangular ones that I always used the metal nutcracker we had to open them up. If you follow my blogs you know that I am a slow learner, so I ate them every year and thought, “Yuck, why are these out?” Still there they were, every year. In fact they may have been the same nuts over and over! Then at night Mom would get drunk and what had started as an amazing day usually ended with yelling and tears.
My incredible wife Noell and I decided to make new memories. One of the things we started doing that has since caught on is giving gifts. Not just presents, but gifts. These gifts are given more infrequently than most other gifts, but are free and unlimited! And they can literally change someone’s day and make a memory that will last forever.
You don’t have to be strong to do this; just a little brave. And you have to take off the mask you usually wear, which is something many first learn how to do in The Journey Training.
Just sit down with someone you love, hold their hand and look them in the eyes, and tell them the gifts you see in them. For example, I would do this: I hold my wife’s hand, look her in the eyes, and tell her, “The gifts I see in you are an INCREDIBLE wife, one that knows when I hurt and won’t show it, one that gently nudges me to put the phone away and pay attention to the kids. You are the mother of my kids that I prayed for all my life. Your love for others is one that is unparalleled.” Then I hug her and tell her I love her.
Then I’ll move on to my kids; I do this individually with each of them in the same way. I would share with them how proud I am of their leadership (Connor), how their optimism and smile helps motivate me daily (Casey), how they amaze me with their musical talent (Chase), how their heart for giving and to help others makes me want to do more for others (Cameron), how I love watching them take care of others around them, and that I can’t last a single day without a hug from her (Savy), and how she has the gift of tenacity and pushes through until she gets what she wants (Sydney), and how it inspires me. I do this one by one; looking each of them in the eye and making sure each of them know how much I love them.
Sure, they can open a toy that they may forget about later, but they won’t forget when time stood still, and I as the man of the house I showed them my love, and at the same time I showed them how to love others.
Try it this Christmas. I know you (and they) won’t be disappointed. You’ll give a gift that will never grow old, be forgotten, or be something they didn’t want!
If you’ve ever wondered exactly what The Journey Training is all about, this pretty much sums it up. We just show God’s love in a new and different way.
My dad always told me, “Never buy a brand new car! As soon as you drive it off the lot, it’s worth thousands less than when you signed the papers!” I always wondered why that was true, but it is. Just try it! Buy a $20,000 car and drive it home. Then put it up for sale. It might only have 10 miles on the odometer, but you won’t get anyone to buy it for what you paid.
The value of a dollar is exactly that: a dollar! Then why does a car depreciate? One reason is because it becomes “used.” A car usually lasts a certain number of miles, and the longer it is driven, generally the less it is worth. My old truck, which my daughter’s friends call “The Hobo Truck”, has well over 220,000 miles on it, rust on the sides and scratches all over it! I even wrecked that old GMC, and my friend fixed it with a Chevy front end! It’s such a rag-tag truck, but I love it. It has taken me to all kinds of places; to see my kids perform, to my job, to the tryout of The Biggest Loser, and to so many great places creating so many great memories – but I doubt anyone else would find the kind of value in it that I do. To them, it’s just a junky old truck.
What about you? What are you worth?
So often we have let others determine our value by their thoughts and actions. When we were young, the opinion of others meant little to us. When we began to learn to walk, we fell down again and again – and people laughed! But we didn’t care. We got up and tried again and we eventually succeeded, but not before a thousand laughs and chuckles. Yet we didn’t let it bother us one bit.
Somewhere along the way, we began to care about what others think about us – perhaps just a little too much. The “you’ll never amount to anything” that a teacher said, or the “You’re ugly” or “You’re stupid” that a person said when we were young became so imprinted on our hearts that it caused us to depreciate in value. When we failed at something in front of others and were laughed at, we felt like a failure instead of an explorer that simply hit a bump in the road. And when we were picked on or hurt and abused by someone, it caused us to question our value and worth. Well, I am going to tell you something: You are worth the same, if not more, than the day you were born.
Remember that dollar? No matter how old it becomes or how many hands it passes through to become used and abused, torn, tattered and neglected – it’s still worth a dollar. Yet I see so many people who think they’re worth so little – just because they’ve been used, abused, torn, tattered and neglected. They feel small. They think, “Who am I to think I can do that?” or maybe “Who would want me as a friend?” I see it every day, and it breaks my heart. I still feel depreciated at times. Why will we will hold a dollar in our hand and no matter what, we know is worth the same as any other dollar! In fact, the older it gets, it can actually appreciate! An old dollar bill can be worth thousands of times its original value! Then I ask: why can’t you?
No matter what they say, you are beautiful. No matter what they think, you are awesome. No matter how they treat you, you are worthy. Still don’t believe me? Then do me a favor: take out a dollar bill, crumple it up, throw it down, stomp on it, and cover it with dirt. Then pick it up, shake it off and take it to the store and ask for change. I’ll bet you they give you a dollar’s worth!
Graduates of The Journey Training consistently say they feel more valuable in most areas of their lives after completing our courses. Do you want to get back the explorer in you that’s not afraid to try again – no matter what they say? Sign up for the next Journey Threshold class and see where it leads you. It led me to become the Biggest Loser in the history of the show!
Have you ever heard the saying “You tend to create what you most fear”? Well, most of my life, I’ve been looking for trouble!
I don’t know about you, but it’s sometimes hard to understand why Murphy’s Law used to be the theme of my life. Over the years, I began to see a correlation with what I was seeking and what I was finding. Let me explain:
In Matthew 7:7 (NIV), it says “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.” I always viewed this with asking God for your desires, needs and wants. Lately, I’ve began to see a different perspective.
My pastor Orlando Juarez of The Bridge Church in Bixby told me a story. It went something like this:
There were two young boys who went to visit their grandfather. They loved to visit Grandpa because he had this awesome tractor they could play with in the back yard and a garden they could explore! When they arrived, they ran in and said, “Grandpa! Grandpa! Can we go play in your backyard?”
He answered, “Of course you can!” Then he added, “But don’t you spit on my bush!”
The boys just looked at each other in confusion and shrugged, and then they ran outside and shut the door behind them. The grandfather peeked out the window and watched as they walked out, looked at the bush, looked at each other, and spit on the bush before running to play! Why did they do that? Spitting on the bush would have never come to mind if Grandpa hadn’t brought it to attention. But when he brought it to attention, the kids gravitated to it. I now look at life the same way.
When we speak and think of the worst case scenario, we can tend to subconsciously set into motion things that will bring that scenario into existence! Most of the time, we don’t even realize it! It’s kind of like the guy that says, “I can do anything but that…anything but that and I’ll be alright!” And then he does that!
Whatever you seek you will gravitate to and find. This can also be seen in Job 4:7-8 (NLT). It says, “Stop and think! Do the innocent die? When have the upright been destroyed? My experience shows that those who plant trouble and cultivate evil will harvest the same.” In my life, what I have concentrated on has generally come to pass. Not always in black and white, but in general, we reap what we sow. And the choice is ours.
Galatians 6:7 (NLT) says, “Don’t be misled—you cannot mock the justice of God. You will always harvest what you plant.” So why do we point out spitting on the bush? Why do we dwell on the negative – the rules – what not to do and who we should NOT be? Let us focus on who we are, what we truly want, and who we should be.
Don’t go looking for trouble; chances are you’ll find it!
In review, we’ve talked about your WHY, your WHO, and your WHAT. I want you to grasp tightly to the reasons WHY you are doing something. If you have a WHY, then the work isn’t just work – it has purpose! Also, you can’t be all you can be alone – you need some WHO’s in your life to teach you, support you, and help you! Also, you need to know exactly WHAT it is you want or you will just be chasing the wind!
Today, let’s talk about your WHEN. I often hear people say, “When we have enough money, we’ll get married.” I’ve got news for them – that hardly ever happens! Why would you let your net-worth affect the date you begin spending your life with the one you love? I also hear, “I’ll start my diet on Monday – after I eat this cheeseburger.” Tomorrow never comes and you’re just wasting time. If you could get exactly what you want, why would you put it off? You’re robbing yourself of time with what you want!
Your WHEN happens when you decide to take the first step. It’s not when you stand on the scale and hit your goal weight! It’s when you make a decision to change. It’s not when you pay the last debt payment! It’s when you cut up the cards and start paying more than the minimum payment. The length of the journey is not what is important – it’s the journey itself. The size of the step isn’t important, either. It’s simply taking one – one single step that begins a new direction, bringing you closer to where you eventually want to be! This can be with any goal; diet, business, relationship, or spiritual goal!
Too many times we are waiting for the right time, or the right place, or the right economy, or something else to begin our journey. Does what you want depend on external situations? If so, change your mind about that! Here are a few facts for you to consider:
- Proctor & Gamble was started during the Panic of 1837, the greatest economic decline since the birth of the country! Proctor & Gamble’s revenue in 2013 was $84.17 Billion.
- The three founding companies that merged in 1911 to form IBM, all were founded during the Long Depression of 1873-1896.
- General Electric was born during the Panic of 1873 which shut down the NYSE for days! The Panic didn’t stop the company who in 2013 had revenues of $146 Billion Dollars. Not bad, huh?
- General Motors was founded after the Panic of 1907, which caused major runs in which many financial institutions did not survive.
- FedEx was founded during the Oil Crisis of 1973. Really? A delivery company founded during a fuel crisis? Whoulda thunk?
My point is to stop making excuses and start taking steps. Your WHEN is today! You don’t have to know the whole plan! You don’t even have to know half the plan. You just need to know the dream or goal in your heart, and then find the next right thing to do. Your Journey begins with a single step.
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