Have you ever found yourself in an argument with someone – perhaps your spouse, a family member, or a business partner – and you just couldn’t come to an agreement? Perhaps it’s not totally their fault. I know, I know… You’re always right, right?
A friend of mine told me that in the past she always said her dream home was a white home with a wrap-around porch. When she’d tell her husband about this, he’d say, “No way! Brick is what we’ll have!” She’d grit her teeth and think to herself, “Why is he so controlling?!” When I asked her, “What happened?” She told me she finally gave in and they now live in a brick home – which she loves! She said, “Utilities are cheaper, it protects from the elements so much better, and the resale value is much higher than a frame house like I wanted. I’m so glad we chose brick!” I asked her to explain why she was willing to give up her dream home. She continued, “I asked myself: Is my husband crazy? Nope. Is he stupid? Nope! Does he love me? Yup! Then there’s got to be a reason for that!” She chose to consider a positive possibility rather than a negative one.
When she chose to see things from a different perspective, that perhaps her husband had their best interests at heart, she was willing to let go and accept his decision – and now she’s happier for it! After hearing this story, I began thinking of all the things in life there’s got to be a reason for. All the fights, all the disagreements, and all of the decisions we make! I began to dig a little deeper and concluded that in life, we tend to make up stories about why someone does what they do. Sometimes, those stories are true; and sometimes they aren’t!
On the way to a hike, my son and I were driving by the casino when the car in front of us turned into the parking lot. It was 7:45am! I said, “That’s sad.” My son asked why it was sad and I told him, “If someone was pulling in to the casino that early, they must be an addicted gambler.” I was an addicted gambler years before and identified with them. He then said, “How do you know dad? They may be celebrating their birthday with family and meeting everyone there for breakfast.” Man, what wisdom! What a different perspective! He looked for a positive possibility rather than a negative one.
Later on the hike, I told that story to my Bootcamp and one of my trainees said, “She might have been going to work to provide for her kids.” WOW! That’s a possibility, too! Why am I so judgmental when I don’t know the real story? And the only way I’d know the real story is if I asked.
So many times in life, we make up stories and judge people by our own deductions of what their true intentions are. Perhaps we should just ask what they are rather than assuming something negative! If my friend had asked her husband why he wanted brick, he could have explained it to her. Maybe no argument would have ensued!
Then I thought if I quit judging people so harshly, I’d see the positive possibility instead of automatically gravitating to the negative one. And I promise; if you’re the one who gravitates to those negative possibilities, you’re not alone! Many people come to The Journey Training with behaviors that create unnecessary friction, drama, and negative outcomes in their life – and they don’t even know why! By the time their training is over, they’re not perfect; but at least they know some of why they do what they do. Then, if they choose, they can begin to change it – and in turn create a better life!
I promise you, whether you tend to choose the positive possibility or the negative possibility, there’s got to be a reason for that. Are you ready to find out why? Sign up for Threshold class in The Journey Training and open your eyes to a whole new world!