True fulfillment sometimes eludes us at every turn. We grind through everyday life doing what we do, and sometimes we pause for a moment, only to find ourselves feeling empty. We ask ourselves, “Is this all life has to offer? Is this all I can expect out of my journey?”
So we set goals, create dream boards, and make ourselves promises – composed of the things we think will fulfill us. These things might include money, title, a dream car or new toy, or maybe a new home. Sometimes, we blame our lack of fulfillment on our spouses and carry resentments, or we choose to separate, or even divorce, in search of what will fulfill us. And our church – if they’d only see things my way and treat me better I’d feel fulfilled. I’ve seen this “hamster wheel” go on and on in people’s lives, including mine, and it’s time for all of this to stop.
Searching turns up little fulfillment
I’ve found that those who leave their church, spouse, or job in search of fulfillment often find themselves leaving their new one when they feel unfulfilled again, sometimes in just a few years. This is because outside influences cannot bring us fulfillment. And neither will achieved goals, the dream car or the new house. They might for a while, but we soon find that wherever we go, there we are. The common denominator is us, not others or other things.
Now, I am not saying to just sit idle and not strive for what you want. That is a part of life! But I am saying that things, title, money or others will never make you feel fulfilled. These things are great, but can often be distractions for what we are truly called to do.
The Flow is what Fulfills
Matthew 26:6-13 tells of a woman who poured out everything she had for Jesus. Some proclaimed it was a waste, and it could have been used for something better. That is when Jesus answered them and explained that in her heart, she had done a beautiful thing! Do you think she felt fulfilled when Jesus said this? What would you give to hear those words out of His mouth? He also said in Matthew 25:31-46, ‘‘truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.” He is describing “The Flow.”
My good friend Bob Harrison often talks of The Dead Sea. It is dead because there is only inflow and no outflow, and all of the minerals and normally healthy things that flow are trapped and can’t flow out again. This causes the water to become so toxic that nothing can live in it.
I believe our lives are like the sea. We were meant to pour out what we have so we can be filled again. If we don’t, we soon find that we are unhappy in our Dead Sea of a life. This is where we ask ourselves, “Really? I thought money would make me happy. Now I find I still have the same problems I did when I was broke – they’re just more expensive!” The same happens in marriages, churches, and in every area of life.
The journey to fulfillment isn’t found by filling yourself up. True fulfillment comes by pouring yourself out. It begins with your love, moves to your time and energy, and finishes with whatever you have to give. And it’s the one thing God guarantees – that if you test him in your tithe, or pouring yourself out to the things of God – you’ll see a blessing that is “pressed down, of good measure!” That, my friends, is the definition of fulfillment!
So I ask you, what are you running from? What are you chasing that you believe will fulfill you? Life is full of seasons, and we are filled up to be poured out. Where in your marriage can you sow seeds? Where in your church can you plug in and find relationship? What do you have to give that will bring the true fulfillment you are looking for? Listen to Desert Song carefully and ask yourself: what season am I in? What season am I headed for? And what purpose can I find for the struggle I am in?
Final Thought
I identify with this in my food addition and compulsive overeating. In fact, I believe that all of our addictions stem from searching for something that only Jesus can fulfill. His instructions to us weren’t to labor to find things to fulfill us – they were to labor to rest in what He has done. And when we pour out by loving and serving others, we find the peace that surpasses understanding that we long for, and the fulfillment we have always dreamed of. When we do this, I believe our focus turns from our addictions to Jesus, and we can finally rest in that peace – His peace. And then we can quit trying to find it by running from our current situations or chasing a “fix” that will make us feel better.
Have you ever found yourself in an argument with someone – perhaps your spouse, a family member, or a business partner – and you just couldn’t come to an agreement? Perhaps it’s not totally their fault. I know, I know… You’re always right, right?
A friend of mine told me that in the past she always said her dream home was a white home with a wrap-around porch. When she’d tell her husband about this, he’d say, “No way! Brick is what we’ll have!” She’d grit her teeth and think to herself, “Why is he so controlling?!” When I asked her, “What happened?” She told me she finally gave in and they now live in a brick home – which she loves! She said, “Utilities are cheaper, it protects from the elements so much better, and the resale value is much higher than a frame house like I wanted. I’m so glad we chose brick!” I asked her to explain why she was willing to give up her dream home. She continued, “I asked myself: Is my husband crazy? Nope. Is he stupid? Nope! Does he love me? Yup! Then there’s got to be a reason for that!” She chose to consider a positive possibility rather than a negative one.
When she chose to see things from a different perspective, that perhaps her husband had their best interests at heart, she was willing to let go and accept his decision – and now she’s happier for it! After hearing this story, I began thinking of all the things in life there’s got to be a reason for. All the fights, all the disagreements, and all of the decisions we make! I began to dig a little deeper and concluded that in life, we tend to make up stories about why someone does what they do. Sometimes, those stories are true; and sometimes they aren’t!
On the way to a hike, my son and I were driving by the casino when the car in front of us turned into the parking lot. It was 7:45am! I said, “That’s sad.” My son asked why it was sad and I told him, “If someone was pulling in to the casino that early, they must be an addicted gambler.” I was an addicted gambler years before and identified with them. He then said, “How do you know dad? They may be celebrating their birthday with family and meeting everyone there for breakfast.” Man, what wisdom! What a different perspective! He looked for a positive possibility rather than a negative one.
Later on the hike, I told that story to my Bootcamp and one of my trainees said, “She might have been going to work to provide for her kids.” WOW! That’s a possibility, too! Why am I so judgmental when I don’t know the real story? And the only way I’d know the real story is if I asked.
So many times in life, we make up stories and judge people by our own deductions of what their true intentions are. Perhaps we should just ask what they are rather than assuming something negative! If my friend had asked her husband why he wanted brick, he could have explained it to her. Maybe no argument would have ensued!
Then I thought if I quit judging people so harshly, I’d see the positive possibility instead of automatically gravitating to the negative one. And I promise; if you’re the one who gravitates to those negative possibilities, you’re not alone! Many people come to The Journey Training with behaviors that create unnecessary friction, drama, and negative outcomes in their life – and they don’t even know why! By the time their training is over, they’re not perfect; but at least they know some of why they do what they do. Then, if they choose, they can begin to change it – and in turn create a better life!
I promise you, whether you tend to choose the positive possibility or the negative possibility, there’s got to be a reason for that. Are you ready to find out why? Sign up for Threshold class in The Journey Training and open your eyes to a whole new world!
FREE Mini Journey Training
Discover How To Find More Passion and Purpose In Your Life!
People all over the country debate politics, religion, and morality. My friends? We debate over the location of a bathroom.
Four years ago, two friends and I were at the Rose and Crown Tavern when one asked the other where the bathroom was. The other friend said, “It’s in the back corner.” The one came back from the bathroom and insisted that the bathroom was NOT in the corner. This was debated for the rest of the meal.
Four years to the day later (thanks to Facebook’s on this day feature), the three of us returned to the Rose and Crown, or as we know it, the place where the bathroom is or is not in the corner. We were seated at a table with a straight view to the bathroom. Perfect!
Despite the noise of a tavern, on a Thursday night with Karaoke, the debate produced a healthy discourse. One of my friends said something that I thought was “being right is your perspective.” What she actually said was, “reality is your perspective.” Either way, WOW! Now the bathroom issue is getting somewhere.
Much of our reality, how we experience the world, is viewed only from our own personal perspective. One person may go to a corner bathroom. Another person may go to that same bathroom, but see the hallway that’s 6 feet from the corner as a part of the bathroom, and therefore, it’s not in the corner.
I’m going to go THERE and bring up politics – a very relevant experience of perspective.
You and I could watch the same channel playing the same speech, but our convictions, views, and experiences lead us to very different perspectives. Our reality of that speech can be very different.
“Being right is about your perspective.” Part of what made the bathroom debate last 4 years is the need to be right. Sometimes, we feel like we just have to be right about something and we just can’t allow ourselves to believe that what the other person is saying can possibly be right. We turn simple discussions into competitions where there has to be a winner. That means someone also has to be a loser. Is that really what we want?
In The Journey Training, participants learn to change their “I’m right!” perspective to “I acknowledge your position. This is my position…” This language and perspective change fosters healthy communication with active listening.
What was my position on the bathroom issue you ask? I see BOTH perspectives. The restroom hallway is not in the corner, but the door to the ladies room is in the corner! Just call me Switzerland!
Listen patiently. Listen attentively. There’s nothing frustrating like having a thought or ideas and having the listener ignore you or maybe not quite “connected.” Listen to what they have to say. Don’t be in a hurry to make excuses. Listen first. This sets the stage for turning the conversation more productive. Frustration can also be on your end later. How many times have you been frustrated at not getting all the information and realize, you were the one that didn’t effectively listen to all the facts? Listen patiently. Listen attentively.
Apologize.
Apologize for what happened. Don’t take it personally. It’s not likely something you did directly, but apologize anyway. More often than not, the listener needs to hear you recognizing what happened and to take responsibility. “I am so sorry!”
Solve.
The next step is to actually solve the problem. That’s the least we can do. Create a systematic solution in a creative and loving way. Did you offend the listener? What could you do differently in future conversations? How can you make the interaction better and create a better understanding for the next time you need to have a crucial conversation? Most of the time the listener wants… wait for it… to be heard and apologized to (“Listen” and “Apologize.) No excuses. Listen. Apologize. Then solve the problem, going the extra mile whenever possible.
Thank.
Thank them? Absolutely. Many times a listener will not say anything further to us, but if they bring something negative to our attention, that is an opportunity for us to get better at serving them. Yes, I said serving.
Proverbs 15: 31-33
“If you listen to constructive criticism, you will be at home among the wise. If you reject discipline, you only harm yourself; but if you listen to correction, you grow in understanding. Fear of the Lord teaches wisdom; humility precedes honor.”
We should always be serving others with understanding. That alone deserves a “thank you!” That heartfelt gratitude on our part may be all it takes to turn them from frustration to acceptance and appreciation.
My wife, Noell, says a phrase all the time: “Would you rather be right or happy, because you can’t always be both!” We even have an exercise at The Journey Training about being right or happy.
“In his grace, God has given us different gifts for doing certain things well.” Romans 12:6 NLT
Is it better to have had and lost than to never have had at all? While you ponder that, allow me to share something that used to be a major pet peeve.
I used to get highly offended when someone would complain to me about their car being in the shop, or having to lend it to someone else. How could they possibly get around for a week with no car?
Why did this bother me? I have a visual impairment, so I can’t drive. I get around with the help of my family, friends, public transportation, and most recently, Uber. I have always had to figure out how to get from place to place, so from my perspective, a week with no car is minor. I confess that my thinking was judgmental. I have also come to respect the significance of the inconvenience. It comes down to potential.
Potential consists of latent (existing, but not developed) qualities that have the capacity to be developed. I’ve never been able to legally drive, so while the desire is within me, the capacity to do so (legally) never has existed. The potential is not there. However, the quality has been developed in those who do drive, and therefore, when a car is in the shop, they are not able to use their full mobility potential.
My potential, on the other hand, lies in the ability to get around extremely well despite my inability to drive! I am known for adventures like getting to a friend’s concert 100 miles away and back in 16 hours. I have potential to ask for help and creatively coordinate plans and rides…because it’s what I’ve always done! I have the potential to build amazing relationships from the car rides.
Are you tapping into your full potential? The Journey Training can provide you with tools to explore your potential and act on it! Don’t sit at home and mope because you don’t have a car. Drive (or ride) on over and sign up for the next class!
Prayer: Heavenly Father, help me understand that my potential is not defined by my circumstances.
Journal: What potential do I have that I am not using to the fullest?
Post/Tweet Today: Tap into your full potential! #limitless #triumph #thejourneytraining
Do you have a child just starting their first day of Kindergarten? Are they in middle school or high school? Are they beginning their senior year of High School or they just graduated and they are leaving for college and the beginning of their adult life? Or, Lord help you, do you homeschool your kids?
Whatever stage of schooling your kids are in, there are always some sort of emotion for moms attached to our kids going back to school. I cried all 6 times I took my kids to their first day of Kindergarten. I missed them so much during the day! Middle school…..distance makes the heart grow fonder and I really needed to miss them during the day so I was so excited when they got home from school! My oldest son started college last year and it’s my 2nd son’s turn this year. It is bittersweet because they are becoming responsible adults….but don’t need me as much as they used to. My friend Debbie has an entirely different perspective as she has always homeschooled her children. When I finally have some breathing room and time to do anything, she is booked solid educating her kiddos.
Getting kids ready to go back to school is not a simple thing, especially if you have multiple children going to multiple schools. There are clothes to buy, endless school supplies to gather, sports teams to sign up for, and right after school begins…forms to fill out, MORE school supplies to purchase, clubs to sign up for, band, drama, orchestra, and on and on and on. Remember, your kids are experiencing all of this stress with you! With all of this craziness, have you ever stopped before it starts and ask your kids what theywant to accomplish this year? What are their goals? We, as parents, always have goals for our children but they will only accomplish them if our goals line up with their own goals.
My challenge for you is to set aside at least 1 hour, with each of your children, to sit down and ask them about their goals for the upcoming year. If you will be interrupted at home, go somewhere else. Take them out to lunch or go to a park. Turn your phone off, and give them your undivided attention. Completely focusing on them gives them permission to open up and be vulnerable with you! Tell them that you want to support their goals, not just make goals for them, and you want to challenge them to reach for something that will help them grow.
With all of these goals, ask them what their reason or motivation is for setting this goal (it can be just for fun even). Also have them consider the time and financial commitment of each activity and make sure it does not become overwhelming.
Help them make SMART goals:(Specific Measurable Achievable Relevant Timely)
Listed below are some areas in which they might want to set goals.
Sports – What sport? What team? What position? Extra training needed?
School clubs – What clubs? Do they want to join a new one or be involved in club leadership?
Musical instruments – What instrument?What chair do they want to work for? Do they need private lessons?
Drama – Do they need a drama coach?Do they need your help to practice?
Goals for grades – Advanced courses?
Hours of sleep at night – If this goal isn’t set, many of the other goals will not be achieved.
Job / no job – This is a money versus time question….which is needed more.
Exercise – This can be as simple as taking a walk with you every day.If you have a dog, you have an easy reason to walk.
Making friends – Have them look at their friends and make sure they are surrounding themselves with people that support them, not drag them down.
Social activities/events – This is very important.It teaches them how to relate, communicate, and socialize with others. Plus…it is FUN!
Ask them if there are any other goals they want to set.
The point is not to add stress, just to teach them to set and achieve goals. Celebrate with them when they reach each goal! This will also give them another reason to discuss what is going on at school with you. Take this opportunity to make another connection with your kiddos! You won’t regret it!!
FREE Mini Journey Training
Discover How To Find More Passion and Purpose In Your Life!
