I was getting my oil changed and as I sat in the waiting room another car pulled in. A very overweight man got out and seemed to struggle as he made his way inside to sit next to me. I said, “I’m 2000 miles overdue for this oil change!” He answered, “I never wait. That is what makes cars wear out. It’s not the driving; it’s not maintaining it that causes serious problems.” What a true statement!
Then I asked him, “When are you going to start maintaining you?”
He looked shocked, so I thought I had better tell him who I am. He had never watched the Biggest Loser, so I pulled up my before picture on my phone. He gasped. “That’s you? Oh my! How long ago was that?” After telling him that less than 5 years ago I was 460 pounds, a tear formed in his eye. I told him he could make the choice to begin his change today. It won’t happen overnight, but if he doesn’t give up and if he will lose his quit, he will get there, too.
Moments like that make me realize how lucky I am to be alive, and especially to have been given the opportunity of The Biggest Loser. But it starts with maintaining your health day by day; and the great thing is that no matter where you are – with your weight, your debt, your marriage, or your career – you can begin today and actually repair most, if not all, of the damage done! I thank God that I quit smoking in 1996, paid off my gambling debts between 2004 & 2008, and lost 239 pounds in 6.5 months during 2009! If you didn’t know my story you might think I’d always been healthy! In fact, that is what he told me – “I never would have thought you used to be 460 pounds.”
And this is what I told him: “Your car is replaceable. You are not replaceable. Please make a change and give yourself the same care you give your car. You are too important to break down!”
The Journey Training is a way you can stop your normal life for a few days, and take the time to do some valuable maintenance on your life. We’ve had over 150 people come through the training and all have said they are so glad they came. You will learn about yourself, and you’ll learn about others! If your life has a few “knocks” in the engine, enroll today for a “tune-up” and get more “miles to the gallon” in your life! A little “simple maintenance” can do wonders!
In life, being alone is never a good choice. I know – there are some who will say, “I like being a loner. People just get in the way!” Well, if that’s how you usually think, your personality is just like mine. The truth is having a buddy with you is always better. Two are better than one. Let me explain.
When I went to The Biggest Loser, it was a singles season. I was excited about that for all the reasons I stated above! I didn’t want someone else holding me back. I didn’t want to have to worry about anyone but me. I definitely didn’t want someone else’s performance be tied to my own! If I messed up that was ok, but if my partner did, I would always wonder if I could have won alone.
Well, on the very first day, we were asked to choose a partner. A woman named Liz called my name. I was so happy that I had not been chosen last. It was kind of like back in school when two kids are picking their teams-nobody wants to be last. However, inside I was terrified! Liz was 49 years old and from Tennessee. I liked her, but I DID NOT want her as a partner. I was wrong.
The first 4 or 5 weeks, Liz was overwhelmed. She actually went to the trainer and said, “I can’t do this! I want to go home. I didn’t think it was going to be this hard!” When I heard that, I grabbed her arm and led her outside where no one could see us. I said, “Listen here Liz, you picked me as your partner, and now you’re going to give up?” I need you to focus on what we have to do! And, by the way, I know you can do this! I know your heart and I believe in you, Liz.” Liz stayed, and I had given her exactly what she needed – someone to say they believed in her. She had long stopped believing in herself.
Well, Liz and I didn’t do half bad! In fact, we were the 2nd team in history to make it to the final four together! Then, there was THE MARATHON. Yup, we had to run 26.2 miles. I was terrified – and so was Liz! Rudy and Amanda took off ahead of us However, during the marathon, we decided to stay together. When one of us slowed down, the other stayed back, too. During that marathon my hips and knees were hurting so bad that I wanted to stop. When I said that, I heard, “No Danny. You’re not gonna stop! You can do this, and I’m gonna do it with ya.” That encouragement kept me running. We finished the marathon in 6 hours and 55 minutes! Not a blazing speed, but the fact that we were 430 pounds and 267 pounds 5 months before made it a miracle. Both our strategies worked! Staying together and having a buddy made a huge difference in the outcome.
After that marathon, Liz said, “I was just glad I could return the favor! Danny was there to help me for the first 11 weeks on The Biggest Loser, and there I was there to help him finish what he started. We are a good pair of friends!” We were good buddies.
The next time you are tempted to go it alone, remember that it is proven that in stressful situations, the simple fact that you have someone to share it with lowers your blood pressure, stress level, and cortisone levels. There is a scripture that I love. It is Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 which says, “Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their labor. For if they fall, one will lift up his companion. But woe to him who is alone when he falls, for he has no one to help him up. Again, if two lie down together, they will keep warm; but how can one be warm alone? Though one may be overpowered by another, two can withstand him. And a threefold cord is not quickly broken.”
Who’s your buddy? Who will you turn to on your journey to lift you up, encourage you or even carry you?
Do you ever have moments in your life when you shut down and just stop participating? When you “take your toys from the playground and just go home?” Sometimes we are unaware of exactly what triggers these feelings and emotions so we end up doing something we don’t want to do to sabotage our situation and in turn, our relationships.
Maybe it’s during a debate with your spouse, sibling or parent. Maybe it’s around a specific individual that seems to always makes you feel “less than.” It might be an overwhelming situation that is lurking – just waiting for you to face it – and you avoid it at all cost because of the dread you feel. These situations can make you withdraw from life.
I remember when I first began to gain weight. I was dating my future wife. She was always wanting to go out with friends. When I started busting out of my clothes and my belly began protruding, I would make up any excuse to just stay home. I’d say, “I have to work late” or “I have to practice my music for the gig.” The truth was that I just didn’t want to go out and let people see how much weight I had gained. I refused to participate in my life, and in turn my relationship with my wife. I hid and the problem grew. In fact, at one point, it grew to a whopping 460 pounds!
I’m sure there are areas and times in your life that you’re “not participating.” Signs of being withdrawn can be addictions to food, video games, alcohol, work or anything! Maybe you notice that you have very few or even no relationships in your life. You might get upset during talks with your spouse, so you throw your hands up and walk away, leaving the situation unresolved.
We all have areas where we are not participating. These areas tend to keep us stuck – not moving forward in our relationships with others and in our goals and dreams. The answer is that you must begin to participate in your relationships and situations, work through the issues – not run around them.
I finally began to have relationships. I started going out with my wife instead of avoiding the issues and not participating. Through it all, I began to slowly move forward in my life and out of the traps I had set for myself.
In The Journey Training, we often see people who are playing the “Don’t Participate” game in their lives. The great thing is that by end of the training, these people have participated more in a few days than they have in years. It helps them to begin moving forward again by getting un-stuck.
It’s like that messy attic or cluttered garage that needs to be cleaned out. When it seems overwhelming and you don’t know where to begin, just start by picking up one thing. Now that you’ve started participating again, you will likely be able to see the next thing you need to do – and before you know it, you will have cleaned out the cobwebs and found your dreams again!
Who doesn’t love accountability? Well, at first thought, probably no one! The thoughts that run through my head are “I have to tell someone my secrets” or “I don’t want to have to answer to anyone else!” You might even be thinking, “I’m successful, I don’t need to be accountable. I’m accountable to myself.” Well, if the concept of accountability isn’t your favorite thought, then let’s explore the idea further.
I was on an airplane traveling to a speaking engagement a while back. While on a plane, I like to relax or read my current book or periodical. I left my book in the overhead bin because I wanted to relax. For some reason, I opened the seatback pocket and pulled out a magazine. I read about a high school runner who eclipsed the 4-minute mark for his mile and won the race that day. For a world class runner, that is a big deal – but for a high school runner, that’s amazing! But when you look a little further, you see that the second place runner also broke the 4-minute barrier too! When the winner was asked how he did it, he said, “Well, I was being pushed every step of the race. When I thought about pacing, there he was – right behind me. I would have never achieved this had it not been for my competition.” When the 2nd place finisher was asked how it felt to lose the race but break that milestone, he said, “I never could have done it had I not been chasing my opponent with everything that I had. I wanted to slow the pace, but he kept me accountable and I just ran!”
Accountable means “being responsible for some action.” Being accountable means to take responsibility for your actions; or equally responsible for your inaction. And let’s face it; it’s usually your inaction that keeps you from your dreams and goals!
The second place finisher may not have gotten the gold medal but he got something even more incredible – the achievement that most runners never see – a sub 4-minute mile! Who cares if you win or lose if you are that successful? I can’t sit here and say that if I had 10-million dollars that I would regret not making eleven!
Another situation can be seen on The Biggest Loser during my season of Second Chances. I had accountability out the wah-zoo! When people ask me how I lost 239 pounds in 210 days, I always cite the accountability factor. First, there was Rudy. He lost 234 pounds and 52.94% of his body weight. I beat him by losing 239 pounds and 55.58% of my body weight. When asked how I did it, my quote on the finale show was, “I’ve spent most of my time trying to catch up to this guy <pointing to Rudy>!” In fact, it is touted as the greatest race in the history of The Biggest Loser. On any other season except season 7 and 8, Rudy would have won – just like that 2nd place finisher in the mile. However, we needed each other to keep us accountable in order to accomplish what we did.
You see, accountability is not a bad thing; it’s the thing that will get you what you want the most – success! You need someone pushing you or you’ll never go as far.
In the Journey Training, we help people set goals and visualize dreams. Then they meet people in their own class to help them achieve those dreams – but only if they’re willing to be accountable! Remember, accountability = responsibility. That means that not being accountable = victim mentality! As for me, I welcome accountability – will you?
On the journey of life, resistance to change can exposes itself in many ways, ranging from foot-dragging, to sabotage, to even outright rebellion. Studying universal sources of resistance gives us the ability to see when we may be resistant to change ourselves. Here are several warning signs to watch out for:
• Excessive Uncertainty.
To some, change can feel like walking off a cliff blindfolded. This anxiety can cause us to push back from anything we view as “change.” We all naturally seek self preservation and safety, so it is common for people to choose to remain in misery to avoid the uncertainty of change. As the saying goes, “Better the devil you know than the devil you don’t.”
• Everything seems different.
Change naturally brings new things into our lives. But we are creatures of habit. Since we are often lulled into daily routines, change often jolts us into consciousness, often in uncomfortable ways. We can resist change if it shines a spotlight on things we’d rather have stay the same.
• Loss of face.
Change is a departure from the past. We can perceive change as admitting that we have done something wrong that requires a change. If we buy into that thought process, we often resist change to save our ego and perceived reputation.
• Concerns about competence.
If changes mean that our current skills become obsolete, we often resist change so that we don’t have to learn new skill sets. If things would only stay the same, we would not have to feel like we are not up to the new task.
• More work.
Change is indeed more work. Those closest to change are often overloaded and resist it in an effort to reduce the load.
• Past resentment.
The ghosts of the past are always lying in wait to haunt us. Old wounds can be reopened in times of change.
• Ripple effects.
Change can create ripples and affect others around you. These ripples can lead to disruptions in routines, workflow, and even in the way we think.
* Have you found yourself resisting change lately? If so, do you see things like these cropping up within you? How have you dealt with them?
Everyone of us has tapes. OK, OK maybe you’re too young to know what a “tape” is. Call them tapes, CDs, records, mp3s — whatever works for you. What I am referring to is something that plays in your head. See, everyone has stories we tell ourselves about ourselves. The problem with this is that we actually listen to the stories. We actually believe them.
My friend Mike told a story about this at The Journey Training once. It went something like this…
“Let’s say we put 110 guys in a room. 99 of them are amazing people and one of them was a scumbag. Who would you walk out with?”
Sadly, every one of you likely had a person come to your mind when picturing the scumbag. And many of you ladies unfortunately see yourself walking out with him. Why is that?
At The Journey Training we have had hundreds of people come through, hear this illustration, and almost all of them can tell you why so many see themselves walking out with the jerk. It’s not because of what people around them say. It’s because of the “self-talk” they say to themselves. It’s the tape they play and listen to in their heads about themselves.
When we see people in movies standing in front of a mirror saying things like, “I’m beautiful!” and “I am worth a million bucks!”, we often laugh. But practices like that are actually healthy things to do. Check out what this article from WikiHow says about building self-worth:
“Healthy self love is about being your own best friend. Self love is expressed not through preening oneself all day and constantly announcing how great you are (those are signs of intense insecurity); rather, self love is about treating yourself with the same care, tolerance, generosity, and compassion as you would treat a special friend. Treat yourself with care, compassion, and respect. Avoid overlaying how you think other people see you; how does it help you to capitulate to their idea of you?”
See? There IS some validity to psyching yourself up and going out to find that person that you used to think was out of your league. Remember: They may feel exactly the same way and think they don’t deserve YOU!
