“Christmas is the perfect time to celebrate the love of God and family and to create memories that will last forever. Jesus is God’s perfect, indescribable gift. The amazing thing is that not only are we able to receive this gift, but we are able to share it with others on Christmas and every other day of the year.” ~ Joel Osteen
Memories that last forever are the ones where something significant happened. When I was growing up, many Christmases were the same; get up early, run into the other room, look for presents under the tree (on the years we had one) and rip into the presents! I also remember a bowl of nuts – not normal ones – but some that were weird looking. I recognized the peanuts, walnuts, and some weird shaped triangular ones that I always used the metal nutcracker we had to open them up. If you follow my blogs you know that I am a slow learner, so I ate them every year and thought, “Yuck, why are these out?” Still there they were, every year. In fact they may have been the same nuts over and over! Then at night Mom would get drunk and what had started as an amazing day usually ended with yelling and tears.
My incredible wife Noell and I decided to make new memories. One of the things we started doing that has since caught on is giving gifts. Not just presents, but gifts. These gifts are given more infrequently than most other gifts, but are free and unlimited! And they can literally change someone’s day and make a memory that will last forever.
You don’t have to be strong to do this; just a little brave. And you have to take off the mask you usually wear, which is something many first learn how to do in The Journey Training.
Just sit down with someone you love, hold their hand and look them in the eyes, and tell them the gifts you see in them. For example, I would do this: I hold my wife’s hand, look her in the eyes, and tell her, “The gifts I see in you are an INCREDIBLE wife, one that knows when I hurt and won’t show it, one that gently nudges me to put the phone away and pay attention to the kids. You are the mother of my kids that I prayed for all my life. Your love for others is one that is unparalleled.” Then I hug her and tell her I love her.
Then I’ll move on to my kids; I do this individually with each of them in the same way. I would share with them how proud I am of their leadership (Connor), how their optimism and smile helps motivate me daily (Casey), how they amaze me with their musical talent (Chase), how their heart for giving and to help others makes me want to do more for others (Cameron), how I love watching them take care of others around them, and that I can’t last a single day without a hug from her (Savy), and how she has the gift of tenacity and pushes through until she gets what she wants (Sydney), and how it inspires me. I do this one by one; looking each of them in the eye and making sure each of them know how much I love them.
Sure, they can open a toy that they may forget about later, but they won’t forget when time stood still, and I as the man of the house I showed them my love, and at the same time I showed them how to love others.
Try it this Christmas. I know you (and they) won’t be disappointed. You’ll give a gift that will never grow old, be forgotten, or be something they didn’t want!
If you’ve ever wondered exactly what The Journey Training is all about, this pretty much sums it up. We just show God’s love in a new and different way.
It’s been 5 years since winning The Biggest Loser. I’m not perfect, but I’m still 200 pounds down from my heaviest. To sustain a 200 pound weight loss for over 5 years hasn’t been easy; in fact, it’s been a lot harder than losing it in the first place! The true battle began once I stepped off the scale as the World Champion of Weight Loss back in December of 2009.
Life can hand you challenges, and those challenges can become distractions. I’ve been handed many in the last 5 years, and at times I have failed those challenges and backslid into some old, bad habits. In fact, 2 years ago I had to make some decisions to get the train back on the right track and begin to make progress again. Will Rogers once said, “Even if you’re on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there.” So how do you face those challenges and distractions, and keep yourself moving forward? It begins by managing you.
I have found that you spend the most time with one person: YOU. And that being the case, accountability begins with you! Managing yourself takes discipline and self-control, but simpler than that is it just takes a plan.
Make Some Deadlines, Create Some Expectations
For years, I managed Land Surveying crews. If I wanted something done, I’d give them a deadline. Without a deadline, we can tend to have the “there’s no rush” attitude. But when we have a deadline on something, things tend to get done! Deadlines in your life begin with goal setting. In The Journey Training, I teach goal setting by setting time specific goals. If you just set a goal without a deadline, there’s no urgency to get it done! So whatever you need to do in your life, whether it’s lose weight, find employment, sell things, or save for retirement, take the end result and break them up into smaller goals. Let’s use weight-loss as an example.
If I want to lose 50 pounds, the first thing I need to do is set a time frame. So my goal becomes lose 50 pounds in 6 months. Then I break that up into even smaller goals. My long term goal is 50 pounds in 6 months, and I now set a short term goal of losing 10 pounds in 1 month. And even further than that, I want to set a weekly goal of lose 3 pounds in 1 week. So now I have a deadline. Get on the scale in 7 days and be down 3 pounds. Without that deadline you can set for yourself, 50 pounds seems impossible. How big does 3 pounds sound? To me, it sounds do-able!
Just as you’d manage others, you’ve got to manage yourself. Set a deadline for yourself and put it out there. Tell others of your deadline. Ask them to check on you when it comes and see how you did. Do what a manager would do for his team – set a deadline and create an expectation.
Everyone has heard the phrase “risks and rewards,” and most of the time people associate it with money and riches. Please don’t get me wrong, though; it does have its place with money and riches, but that is not always the case.
Every day we have to take risks to get rewards. Some of us think “I am not a risk taker,” but that is not really accurate. Think about what your average day looks like, how many risks do you take each day to get simple rewards.
Most of the time it does not stop us, is fact most of the time we don’t think about it.
- Odds of getting hemorrhoids – 25 to 1… but we don’t stop using that part of our anatomy do we?
- Odds of getting in an transportation accident – 69 to 1, but we don’t stop driving.
- Odds of slipping in the shower – 1 in 2232, and please, PLEASE don’t stop showering.
- Odds of having an accident using fireworks – 1 in 19,556, but it does not stop most of us from blowing stuff up.
- Odds of getting hurt in an amusement park ride – 1 in 257,000, and we still do it.
Every time we step out of our house we have risk. But, we also have reward.
Everything in life has some kind of risk vs reward.
The question is, how many opportunities do we have in our lives that we choose not to step out a take a risk to achieve. Many of us live in fear, and we may not realize it, but we let it control us.
Here are 5 tips to moving forward despite risks:
- Stop and breathe. According to an article at www.livestrong.com “Why Does Deep Breathing Slow You Down?”
Deep breathing relieves stress and anxiety due to its physiological effect on the nervous system. Breathing slowly and mindfully activates the hypothalamus, connected to the pituitary gland in the brain, to send out neurohormones that inhibit stress-producing hormones and trigger a relaxation response in the body. The hypothalamus links the nervous system to the endocrine system, which secretes the hormones that regulate all activities throughout the body.
- Look at the options. Weigh out all the risks. Much of the time when we slow down and look at the options, some of the risks really are not as scary as we think.
- Write it down. Look at the reason this is a concern. Even making a positive or negative list may work. Just sit down and write it.
I once read a University of Chicago study that shows that writing down our negative thoughts or worries about an upcoming important event has a calming effect on us. The actual act of writing our thoughts down forces us to give coherence to stressful thoughts, which not only lessens the intensity of these thoughts but can even negate them. The study has shown that pressure-filled situations can deplete a part of our brain’s working memory and make us less effective to remain calm and think clearly.
- DON’T over analyze it. We can get very caught up in the “what ifs”, but if the “what ifs” take over, then you will never launch. That’s why the 1st three points are crucial. If you are over analyzing, go back and do one of 1, 2, or 3 again.
- Pull the trigger. If you have ever fired a gun, you know that when you have a gun all lined up, there is a point where you say “I’m pulling the trigger now,” and your brain releases chemicals that rush through us, and now you feel yourself pulling that trigger. This “rush” happens the second you make a solid decision to make a move.
What reward are you looking for today that you need to evaluate the risk on?
Looking back at my life, I’ve have had so many “if” moments.
“If I would have just…” or “If only…” Have you had any of those moments in your life? Well, regrets are easy to hold on to, but when life seems to be repeating the same results, maybe it’s time to change the game.
When I was young, I seemed to get myself in the same situations over and over again. I knew those situations were toxic and debilitating, but I kept finding myself in the same situation, always behind and trying to catch up. One thing I learned in my training was that I often unknowingly make decisions that create my reality. It’s usually true that people find themselves in the same situations because they inherently don’t stop doing what creates that situation. How do we change that? When it’s time for a change, what should we change? And how do we know what we do will work?
During The Biggest Loser, I hit a plateau. I worked out over 40 hours that week and lost only 1 pound. It scared me, because I knew that the clock was ticking, and each day I didn’t lose weight was a day my competitors could be gaining ground! So I said to myself, “What one thing can you change now that I haven’t done before?” I called Jillian Michaels for help, and she said something powerful to me: “Change it up.”
But what do I change?
How do I know it will work? Well, I would change 1 thing at a time and see if that makes a difference. Why only 1 thing? Because if I changed 10 things, how would I know which change worked? And if nothing happened, how would I know 1 of those changes worked while another sabotaged my success? So I would change up one thing at a time, and see what happens. The first thing I did was rest. Bob Harper always told me, “There’s no time for rest. You can rest after the finale!” But I knew I was exhausted, and my body was tired, so on the advice of Jillian I took the weekend off and ate 2,500 calories per day to refuel. Then, I changed up my diet by changing 1 thing and my exercise regime by changing 1 thing. That week I lost 8 pounds. IT WORKED! Those small decisions worked!
Where in your life are you stalled? Is it in a relationship? Maybe it’s your finances or health journey? I have a task for you. Ask yourself, “What one thing can I do now that I haven’t done before?” Like a row of dominos that have been lined up and tipped over, removing just 1 domino may stop the fall! Maybe it’s one thing you need to add like a boundary, a healthy food, or a savings plan? Maybe it’s one thing you need to take away such as a wall you’ve put up in your relationship, an unhealthy food you eat, or a monthly expenditure? Just making one small change can affect your outcome greatly. But you won’t know if you don’t try. Begin to make small changes and stop looking at the length of the journey you have to go, and you just might travel leaps and bounds in the area you are stuck! But it is up to you? Are you willing to do one thing?
That one thing for many people is attending The Journey Training. Countless people have testified that it has been the one decision that has made the most difference in their lives since attending. The Journey Training isn’t like a normal seminar, which gives very little lasting change. It is an experience that will give you tools and discoveries that you will walk with into every area of your life. The choice is yours, and you do have the right to choose. Choose YOU, Choose The Journey Training. Sign up today for the next Threshold class at www.thejourneytraining.com
A few years ago, I was on a quest. I was proving a point, I was getting off my ask.
It started with a trip I wanted to go on, and asking everyone I knew for $25 for the trip. I told everyone that I had the money, so I could afford to go, and I don’t have to go. All the same, I asked if they would give me $25 so I can go to the Bob Harrison Increase event seminar in Hawaii.
Taking action in life is something few do. Napoleon Hill, author of Think and Grow Rich, says “taking action is a true measure of intelligence.” There countless books on the concept.
My time with Myles Munroe was a perfect example of this.
One of my goals during that trip was to have lunch, breakfast, or dinner with every speaker of that conference, so I had to look for opportunities to take action. I knew it certainly would not happen by accident. If I was looking for it to be an accident, then I needed to make that accident happen. I first saw Myles Munroe at the airport, and introduced myself at the luggage pickup. I did not feel our relationship was at the point to ask him yet, though. So I waited.
Later in the week, I found a iPhone on a table, ringing, but with no one answering it. So I picked it up and looked at the pictures. It was Dr. Munroe’s. When I went to give it to him, I used that opportunity to ask him to lunch. He graciously said yes, so we set a time.
On the day of our visit, it ended up being quite the group. I had not specifically asked for a private lunch, and Myles had invited 11 other people besides the two of us for a total of 13 at lunch that day. During that time, I found out many incredible things about this leader.
I asked him how he spent his time.
I asked him about some hard decisions.
I saw his interaction as a husband since his wife was there.
I saw his interaction as a father, since his daughter was there. (I found out she loves our Polynesian sauce and since she lived in Bahamas, she did not get much anymore, so I pulled an Arthur, and mailed her a case)
At one point I excused myself to go to the restroom, and gave the waitress my credit card, ensuring I would cover the bill. At the end of the lunch his protege was confused, and was not happy that he did not get to pay. He was kind of vocal about it.
Then it happened. Here is the biggest thing I learned…
The gentleman said that Myles was his mentor, and even in this event he has not been able to get time with Myles alone. When he said it, it seemed that he might be irritated specifically at me. Without missing a beat, Myles interrupted him and said something that I will never forget.
He said to his mentee, “Here is the difference, You did not get time with me alone because you did not ask. He asked,” and gestured to me. Then he continued “And he paid the bill because he made it happen.”
Sometimes we just do things automatically, without thinking it through completely or analyzing it. We just do.
This particular meeting sealed what I already knew to do. Ask. It validated to me that many of us do not get the opportunities because we do not ask or seek out opportunities.
Myles Munroe knew how do this.
I’ll never forget it. I was playing a gig and half way through the 3rd set I noticed my zipper was down. How embarrassing! I was rocking out, acting like the coolest thing in the world, and everyone was staring at my underwear, not my bass guitar! I was so embarrassed!
My friend later told me, “I was going to tell you, but I didn’t want to embarrass you.” WHAT?!?! As if NOT telling me saved me any embarrassment! It caused more! I told him, “Next time, TELL ME!”
The fact is you know what you know, you know what you don’t know, but you also don’t know what you don’t know. Let me explain. I know 2+2=4. I also know that I can’t speak German. But there are a number of things that I don’t know even exist. In many areas I’ve been walking around in ignorance, making decisions and not even knowing they were destroying my dreams; just like playing that gig with my fly down. If someone knew something you didn’t know that might help you, wouldn’t you want to know it? Are you sure?
Well, I can tell you that there are things about you that, if someone told you, might hurt you. I remember the day it all came to a head. I was sitting on the couch when Mary Claire walked in. She said, “Daddy, I want to be just like you.” I was flying high then! Who wouldn’t want to be just like me, right? She continued, “I want a belly just like yours.” That line echoed throughout my brain. You see, I was 460 pounds, and my stomach was 69 ½ inches around. That is C-R-A-Z-Y! I got angry. Not with her – with me. I stared at myself in the mirror. I didn’t like the man staring back at me.
I was a mean man; angry at myself and in turn angry at everyone else! I treated my family like dirt, and most of all I was probably the poorest role model my kids could have! Oh God! Mary wanted a belly – JUST LIKE MINE! NOOOOOOOOO!
Well, that did hurt, but I can say that becoming aware of how my anger and obesity was affecting my family, a change became possible – I no longer didn’t know what I didn’t know. Of course I knew I was obese, but I was oblivious to what my obesity was causing in my life and in the lives of those around me. After Mary told me, I could deny it or I could weigh it. I weighed it heavily – and I cried.
She was right. She did want to be just like me – and I didn’t ever want that to happen.
What are you walking around with that you don’t know about? How do you come across to people? Are you rude without even realizing it? Are you running scared and hiding out from your responsibilities? Or is your fly down? One way to find out is to ask. Simply find someone and ask for a little feedback. Ask them how they see you. Ask them what you can work on. Find out what you possibly don’t know.
I sent a mass-text to many of my friends a few years ago. I asked, “Name my greatest strength and my biggest weakness.” What I found was that many of my friends gave me the same feedback – both in strengths and weaknesses. The feedback “impatient” came back the most. Boy is that true! I am so impatient with my family, friends, in almost anything I do! I cut people off mid-sentence. I get angry and aggravated very quickly. I sure need patience. That feedback has helped me in my life. Did it hurt to hear it? Sure! Was it helpful to hear it? YOU BET!
Don’t fret when people give you feedback. Tell them you’ll weigh it carefully, and that you acknowledge their experience of you. Then weigh it and deal with it. Hearing those areas in which we are weak can help us strengthen them and get exactly what we want! And we might not play a gig with our fly open.
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