Most of my problems in life never happened. I worry about things before a problem exists! I’m sure many can relate to this, but we all have real problems that do exist, and I’ve found that my narrow-mindedness is often the reason I get stuck in my problem.
I can’t be wrong
Most of the time when we hear something that goes against our beliefs, we automatically defend our position. It’s a natural trait. We were born to be right! But sometimes, being right can also cause you to stay wrong. Have you ever fought for your point of view only to finally look up the facts and realize you were wrong? I do it often. And it always reminds me of the wasted time I spent defending my wrong beliefs.
Just last week I was hiking with my boot camp on Turkey Mountain in West Tulsa. I was so sure we were supposed to go straight, but Mary said, “I think this is where we turn right.” I immediately began explaining why I knew we were to go straight. She gave in and we got lost. Turned out that we were supposed to turn right. And our hike ended up lasting longer than either of us expected or wanted! After the hike, she told me, “I saw a paint mark on that tree, and that’s why I knew we should have turned right.” I said, “Why didn’t you say something?” She answered, “I did, but you were so busy explaining why you were right that you didn’t hear me.”
Wrong can be beautiful.
There are times in life I wished I was wrong. When I thought I’d overdrawn my bank account, I prayed to be wrong; and I was! I’m wrong, Awesome! Let me explain another way.
If you are too narrow-minded to consider the possibility that you may be wrong, could you be deterring your own success? I see it every day; and I see it every day because I’m often guilty of it! You see, when there is a problem or a “road block” to something, it wouldn’t be a problem if you knew exactly how to solve it. First, you must open your mind and consider all of the possibilities. Sometimes, you may be looking at something from a wrong perspective – or from a viewpoint in which you just can’t see the answer – even when the answer is staring right at you. Many times our past experiences cause up to make up the story that we’re right when we’re actually far from it!
When Arthur and I get together, he tends to get frustrated with me. The nature of my job for the past 35 years has been to find out what’s wrong with something and fix it. I am a Land Surveyor and a musician. If I let a mistake go by, it could cost millions – or make a song sound really bad! So I have become very good at seeing the one thing – or note – that’s wrong, and it sometimes impairs my ability to see the things that are right. This can have value, but it also can be detrimental!
Arthur hates it when he brings an idea to the table and the first thing I say is, “Well, that won’t work because…” He says it frustrates progress. Why? Because it’s not whether the idea will work or not, but sometimes the most beautiful and powerful things were created through something that didn’t work or was a mistake – or perhaps just outside the box. If we are determined to immediately point out the flaw, something incredible might be forgotten before a different perspective can be seen and an amazing solution can come to light. Sometimes you need to stare at a problem for a while to see the solution. I tend to move on to a solvable problem that my intellect agrees with and leave the problem I’m so sure won’t work behind. And the result is often a missed opportunity. I’ve learned with Arthur to say, “That just may be crazy enough to work!”
Wrong can be AWESOME!
How in the world can being wrong be awesome? When you have an open mind. There have been few successes without failure first.
WD-40 hit store shelves in 1958. Almost everyone has seen WD-40 at the store, and there are literally thousands of uses , but the most important thing to know about WD-40 is what the name stands for: Water Displacement perfected on the 40th try. Yes, it took 39 failures to create one of the world’s most known and best-selling products. And it was perfected because of tenacity and open-mindedness – being willing to accept that they were wrong, and looking for other solutions – often where they didn’t expect.
In The Journey Training, we teach that seeing others’ opinions and perspectives is a vital part of life. Sometimes, the perspective of others is exactly what we need to see to choose differently. Each month we see people learn that they are not always right, and that’s a good thing! Sometimes, being willing to see differently is all someone needs to find a solution to the problem they’ve been facing for years.
One of the most shared traits of history’s richest and most successful people is open-mindedness. And that same trait is shared in some of the best marriages, happiest people, and most successful goal achievers. Instead of leaving your next problem behind or choosing to fight for your belief, why not open your mind and choose to see it differently. You just might find the solution you’ve been looking for!
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“The things in life I have learned from my dog” has become a very real statement to our family. Our family was recently in search of a new family pet. Little did we know that we would experience an incredible blessing through the power of love in that search.
Our family are pet loving freaks! Home would feel empty without little paws running around. We recently had to say goodbye to our fourteen year old fur baby, Beau. It was heartbreaking for everyone, and it was especially hard on our other little dog Snickers. So started our search for Snicker’s new friend. We started with putting out feelers to area vets for a rescue pet. Oh – and Petfinder is so much fun!!! I love looking at all the cute little faces in need of a home; my only problem was that I wanted them all!
With four children, the decision to adopt a second dog was a big one! There was a big disagreement among our family: would we choose another little dog or a big one? The small dog side won & we adopted the cutest little puppy we named Daisy. Although since we named her we have decided that she should have been named Miss Piggy! She is a little roly poly! Our family was excited, happy and content with our new little girl. THEN, I got a phone call.
An Unexpected Rescue
A vet I had reached out to in the beginning was on the line and said, “We have a little angel that needs lots of love. I think he is perfect for you. He is a golden retriever and lab mix. He is a very shy and cautious little guy. He has been horribly abused and is blind in his left eye. He needs a lot of love and patience.” So if adopting a second dog was not a big enough decision, we were now considering three dogs???
We called several friends for their opinions, but we were really just wanting them to talk some sense into us. Their response – “YOU GUYS ARE CRAZY! But what’s new?!”
To make a long story short, we picked up Colt that week. What a sweet dog he was but so scared and introverted. Even the tiniest noise or move would cause him to jump and withdraw; he was terrified. To be honest, I wasn’t sure how this was going to work out. Our boys had wanted a big dog to run and play with, but Colt was not that dog. I began questioning if we had made the right decision. “Was a home with active little boys, the right home for him?” Yet, we were committed to just love him and show him that he was in a safe place, and we did just that. We spent time with him, loving him, petting him, protecting him and showing him affection.
The Power of Love
WOW! This is where we saw the true power of love – unconditional love! After just 4 days of unconditional love Colt came alive! We watched a terrified little dog turn into a big, bouncy, happy and playful, energetic and trusting puppy. It has been so much fun to watch this 2-year old dog live the life of the puppy he had never gotten to be. He has more energy than our two boys combined – and that’s enough energy to run a small town! Now the three pawed amigos – Snickers, Daisy and Colt – are all so happy and home!
What have we learned from our dog?
We can be beaten down, abused and scared, but there is always hope for us to live the life we were intended. If we live life accepting that we are victims, we will remain in our own shell – hurting, withdrawn and holding people at a distance. We have to allow ourselves to become vulnerable; to share our hurts, and in turn open ourselves up to be loved. No – not everyone is going to give us unconditional love and a safe place, and we are probably not going to have someone come and rescue us either. But we can always rescue ourselves by surrounding ourselves with safe people. People who will encourage us, build us up and love us with God’s unconditional love, helping us to be all that we were created to be.
Stress is a funny thing. During The Biggest Loser, stress management was a life or death situation. Too much stress and your weight loss would dwindle. Too little stress and you’d be too comfortable and forgo the workouts. Jillian and Bob were all about keeping your stress level perfect – in balance. Let’s look at the word “stress” and what it means: Stress: A state of mental or emotional strain or tension (pressure) resulting from adverse or very demanding circumstances. Synonyms: strain, pressure, tension, worry, anxiety, trouble, difficulty. Causes: Deadlines, frustrations, demands.
Stress is normal
Stress is a natural physical response from your body when you feel threatened or when you are out of balance. It is the “fight or flight (or freeze)” response. Stress is the natural reaction to protect you from harm. It is a survival mechanism. It can give you extra strength, help you rise to meet challenges, and keep you on your toes. It sharpens your concentration or drives you to excel and work hard when time is short. That being said, stress can also kill you.
Stress, when in overdose, can cause damage to your emotional or physical health. It can ruin your mood, productivity, strain your relationships, and affect your life. Out of balance, stress is an enemy. In balance, stress is just a part of life.
Stress is inevitable
It’s not a question of if you will experience stress; it’s a question of when. And sometimes it’s all around you and you don’t even realize it – you may not even know how it’s affecting you – and those around you. Have you ever been told, “You sure are grumpy lately.” Or “Is there something wrong? You’re just not yourself today.” That could be a sign that stress is upon you and you just weren’t aware of it.
Stress can look different for different people and in different situations. You can be in the “fight” mode, seeming angry, agitated, and even looking for a fight. You might fidget or be overly emotional, ready to pounce at the slightest inconvenience. Or you could be in the “flight” mode, and appear withdrawn or shut down. You may seem spaced out or even tired and depressed. And you could even be in both modes at once – shut down, but ready to attack on a whim!
How do you handle stress?
How you handle stress can depend on a number of things. It can depend on your emotional maturity, network of support, confidence in your ability to handle situations, or your attitude. In The Journey Training, we teach about different personality traits. One personality may hate spontaneity, while another thrives on it! What stresses you out may be fuel for another.
Optimistic people can generally handle stress in more healthy ways than pessimistic people. An optimist takes challenges head on, often seeing the problem as a challenge. A pessimist usually sees a problem as a problem, and a situation that could cause pain and hurt in their life. Pessimists worry about things before they even happen, causing stress in their life. Once, Arthur and I were at the airport in San Francisco. We had planned to sit by each other to discuss a training we just went through during our time of designing The Journey Training. When we got our tickets, I saw that we weren’t sitting with each other. I freaked out! My status on the airline is supposed to avoid this! I kept saying, “We have to sit together! I want to talk about what we’ve just gone through!” Arthur said, “It’ll all work out.” I replied, “It had better!” He then replied, “Worst case scenario is that we don’t sit together.” I then said, “That had better not happen!”
When we got to the counter, I began my rant and was explaining to the attendant all the reasons this shouldn’t – and couldn’t – happen! This airline employee, who was from a foreign country, raised his hands and said loudly with his accent, “STOP! YOU ARE SCARING YOURSELF!” Arthur began laughing profusely. I was confused – until I realized that I had created a bigger problem than it actually was. To Arthur, it wasn’t that big of a deal not to sit next to each other for 3 hours. For me it was a catastrophe!
When we boarded the plane, the two men who were sitting in the aisle between us wouldn’t budge! They were “aisle hounds” as I like to call them. It turned out I sat beside a man that lived with the creator of American Aikido – something Arthur and I were going to talk about! It turned out to be a divine appointment! I was creating a problem where there was just a hiccup – or a detour.
Am I stressed?
Probably the most important thing in how you are able to handle stress is your knowledge and awareness of it. If you ignore it, or stuff your feelings when they come to the surface, you’re more prone to the explosions that can cause damage to your physical health as well as your emotional health and relationships. Like I said before, stress is a part of life. How you respond to stress is the key to making it work for you and not against you.
Stress can come in many forms. It can be financial problems, big life changes such as moving or buying a house, or deadlines that you feel you may not be able to handle. It can come from your children or family, work or school, or just feeling as though you’ve got to do it all. It can look like worry, an all-or-nothing attitude, unrealistic expectations, or even perfectionism. The crazy thing is that although stress can come from many different sources and look very different at times, your body doesn’t know the difference. It handles all stress the same way. Because this is the case, you’ve got to direct the responses of stress in a more healthy way.
Stress induced response
When stress hits, you can do a number of things to turn the tides on how you handle it. There are several ways to avoid those damaging levels of stress. In The Journey Training, we teach that when feelings arise, you must give them a healthy voice. This doesn’t mean yelling at people and raging, but it does mean getting those feelings out in some healthy, non-abusive way. This may look several different ways. We teach that though journaling you can process your feelings and seek why you feel the way you feel. You can do this with a journal, or even through processing with a buddy. You can also deal with stress by turning that energy in to a physical exertion such as exercise or cleaning out that garage you’ve been needing to tackle! In one way or the other, the physical energies that stress causes don’t go away, and they should be let out in a healthy manor.
Sometimes you need to avoid stress. There was a relationship in my life that always caused stress. I was trying to get on The Biggest Loser television show and this certain person was completely negative about it. Every time we talked, the conversation either turned into a political argument or a Biggest Loser dream bashing. I decided to quietly move away from the relationship. I’d answer texts and emails, but I always was “too busy” to take their call – on purpose. I knew when I picked up the phone, an argument would ensue. In this way, I successfully avoided the stress and was able to stay focused on my goal.
When you can’t avoid the stress, you can change the situation by changing what you can: your response. You can respectfully let your feelings and concerns be known, or explain why the situation is painful or stressful to you. You can choose to find a compromise instead of being that “all-or-nothing” person. You can’t change other people or even the situation at times, but you can always change the way you respond to the situation! You can change YOU.
In AA, the serenity prayer asks for God to give you the serenity to accept the things you cannot change, the courage to change the things you can, and the wisdom to know the difference. I was having sort of a stressful time in the relationship with another friend, so I decided to talk to my pastor and get some counseling on the situation. His response was, “Are you expecting this person to be different than what they are? Are you surprised they do that? It just seems to be the way they operate.” This opened my eyes that the power was in my hands. I had a choice: I could avoid the person or accept that this is how they are. Why would I expect any different? That simply piece of knowledge helped me heal my relationship with my friend. My expectations were simply too high, and I shouldn’t have the expectation of him acting different than he naturally does. My choice was to accept him or avoid him. I chose to accept him the best I could.
The Truth about Stress
Stress is inevitable. You must avoid it when you can, embrace it when you can’t, and learn the amount that is healthy for you. Stress can motivate you or break you and decline your health. So how much is the right amount?
I equate your life like a guitar. With no stress, the strings have no tension. You can’t play a single note. Turn the tuning peg too much and the tension becomes too much, causing the string to break, and it loses the ability to be useful. But with the right amount of tension on each string (or each area of your life), beautiful music can be played. Your guitar must be in tune, each string given the proper amount of tension to vibrate at the exact speed to make the notes work perfectly together. This is balance.
When your life is out of balance, with too little or too much stress, your song is quelled. Too little stress and you are too comfortable, and in turn you become stuck. Too much stress and you’re stretched too thin, and eventually, you break and are no good to anyone. But the right amount and a beautiful song is played called life. Avoid stress when it gets too much, and apply a little pressure when you get to lax, and your life will turn out just fine!
While I was on The Biggest Loser, Jillian Michaels and Bob Harper – and all of America watching – applied just the right amount of stress to make me sing a beautiful song. Now, it seems too much stress has left me tired and worn out, and in response I have gained too much weight. It’s time for me to re-prioritize and cut some unhealthy stress, I need to add some useful pressure to my life. Will you join me in singing a song to affect your own life and that of those around you? Will you tune your guitar to make beautiful music? In the end, ask yourself one question when a stressful situation hits. Will it matter tomorrow, or next week, or next month, or next year? If not, let it go. If so, find the strength to change what you can, accept what you cannot, and pray for the wisdom to know the difference.
Danny facilitates monthly in an experiential training called The Journey Training. In this weekend-long seminar, attendees are taught the self-awareness needed to make positive changes in their lives. Sign up now for the next Threshold class and begin singing your new song today!
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In the days leading up to Easter we often hear about what people are giving up for Lent, but when Holy Week is over, we tend to fall back into our old lives. Often these things end up being somewhat superficial. What if rather than thinking about giving things up, we started looking for things we can give away? This type of thinking involves our hearts, and giving from our hearts always leads somewhere good. If we can somehow separate ourselves from the busyness and distractions of our messy and complicated lives, we often discover things of far greater value.
Giving from the heart helps us do just that.
Many of us may be living with purpose, but are we purposely living? Each week that goes by, I learn more about what this really means. Probably the biggest principle I’ve learned lately is that the more my heart loves to give, the more opportunities I will have to receive. Let that sink in…
The more my heart loves to give, the more opportunities I will have to receive.
I am a mentor for Thrive15.com, the world’s premier online education platform that helps entrepreneurs, aspiring entrepreneurs, and “in-trepreneurs” (entrepreneurial-minded people who work within an organization). Thrive15.com created “1 for 1 HandUp Movement.” With every new Thrive15 membership given away, they give a free subscription to a U.S. Veteran or active-duty service member and their spouse. That’s what I call, “giving from the heart.”
When a farmer plants a lot of good seed, he gets a good harvest in return. When giving from the heart becomes part of our daily thinking, we will be on the lookout for opportunities to give. Chances to give may include simple things like:
Opening the door for someone.
Letting a car in front of you in traffic – and smiling.
Saying “thank you” to your children’s teachers (especially when the kids are older and we don’t know the teachers quite as well).
Connecting with a friend or co-worker that may need assistance or help, mentoring.
If a farmer plants cheap vegetable seeds, he gets cheap vegetables. If he plants premium seeds, he gets premium vegetables.If you want to take giving from the heart a step further, try including a small amount of money. The opportunities to bless others financially are endless. Here are just a few:
Get some $2 bills and give them to a homeless person or the person in front of you in line at Walmart.
Pay for the person behind you in a drive-thru.
Pick up a tray of cookies from Chick-fil-A and take them to work.
I can guarantee when you look back, you will have gained far more than you invested. Giving from the heart changes the giver as well as the receiver. What can you do this week to give to others?
At the time of this post, the video below has had over 9 million views. That’s 9 million people it may have inspired to give from the heart. What does it inspire you to do?
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Are you experiencing a “Death Spiral” in your reach for success?
I’ve been around small aircraft my entire life. My Dad is a general aviation pilot with a visual flight rules (VFR) rating. In layman’s terms, he is a private pilot that should only fly during clear weather conditions. As a VFR pilot, he is not certified to fly into weather conditions that require an Instrument Flight Rating (IFR). The reason behind these different ratings is that there are weather conditions that can cause pilot confusion. And if the pilot listens to their senses, it can cause a death spiral, ensuring a crash.
In a death spiral,the pilot has no external horizon or reference point due to low visibility. The pilot can therefore can get fooled into thinking the plane is in level flight when in fact it is in a banked turn. This happens if the pilot relies on their senses rather than relying on the airplane’s flight instruments.
If the pilot notices a drop in altitude on the altimeter, but ignores the bank indicator (the instrument that shows a turn) because they “sense” the plane is in level flight, the normal response will be to pull back on the stick to regain altitude. Since the plane is in a banked turn, pulling back on the stick only puts the plane in a tighter death spiral – heading for a catastrophic crash.
The only way to get out of a death spiral is for the pilot to recognize that their senses are wrong, gather correct information from the flight instruments, and turn back to level flight. By the way, even after the pilot makes the correction, their body will continue to “lie” to them about the position of the aircraft for up to several minutes.
Death Spiral in Life
Could you be experiencing a death spiral in your life that you don’t know how to get out of it? Let me ask it another way. Are you struggling to find success in overcoming a habit or addiction in your life – failing time after time only to sink lower and lower?
Let’s talk about losing weight for a moment. We all know that eating a healthy diet and engaging in regular exercise is a safe way to lose weight. But if you decide not to workout because you don’t feel like you have enough energy, you are essentially in the clouds and in a banked turn. Let’s say you feel badly that you didn’t exercise and you promise yourself to do it tomorrow, but right now you really want your favorite comfort food. You’ve just ignored some of your flight instruments and have pulled on the stick which only tightens your turn and accelerates your death spiral. This only exacerbates the problem as you have less energy the next day, and so on and so on. Believing your body saying “I’m too tired to workout” and responding with no activity and comfort food day after day only results in more of the same with tighter turns until you hit the ground hard. You have to believe your instruments and fly through these low visibility conditions accordingly.
In the above analogy, what are your instruments?
They are comprised of friends and family that are partnering with you for success, coaches, personal trainers, mentors, counselors, and accountability partners.
When you are believing you are too tired to work out, look to your instruments for guidance – you should expect to see that your attitude is in a banked turn and needs to be corrected to level flight before doing anything else.
Your instruments, like the pilot’s, may not be giving you information you believe. You have to choose to trust them because they are not being confused by your senses.
The reason why the death spiral is so insidious is because you believe you are doing okay (in level flight) and you choose not to believe your instruments. So it goes, “I’m okay, I’ll start tomorrow, (pulls back on stick and enters a tighter death spiral), repeat behavior, repeat behavior, repeat behavior, impact.
Where are you “banked” in a Death Spiral?
Now we’ve focused on weight as the example here, but what about your challenge? Gossip, alcohol abuse, drugs abuse, tobacco use, infidelity, pornography, etc. In each case your attitude is in a banked turn and you need to choose to pay attention to what your instruments are telling you.
In conclusion, whether flying an airplane or trying to soar to your successes, always remember to trust your instruments!
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