Prior to coming to The Journey Training I was irritable, controlling and severely discontented; I didn’t know what I wanted but I knew something needed to change. My life was steeped in fear coupled with the incessant need to please others; yet I remained empty with no direction or end in sight. As I mentioned previously, I needed something but I didn’t know what “it” was or how to achieve it, let alone discover it. Pretty hopeless, huh? Yes, I was.
When I entered the rooms of the Journey Training, I immediately saw beautiful and handsome faces to which I concluded “surely they wouldn’t be able to relate to an ex-convict and recovering drug and sex addict.” After all, they looked so pristine and trouble free I thought, but I was soon to discover that my terminal uniqueness was soon to be replaced with a sense of brotherhood and community I had longed for my entire life: the desire to be accepted and loved for who I was, not the illusory of what I assumed others wished or wanted me to be. I was in for a rude and revolutionary awakening. One that would ultimately provide me with a wealth of information and tools to help me discover my “it” in a real and meaning way which up to this point had been elusive.
In his book A New Pair of Glasses Chuck C. provides a very simple philosophy which is reminiscent of the Journey Training, consider now, “uncover, discover, and discard.” Unbeknownst to me I had no idea what I had gotten myself into because that is exactly what I experienced during that life changing weekend. So what does that look like, you might ask? Let’s consider them one at a time, shall we?
Uncover
This is a frightening prospect for a chronic people pleaser like myself, but if I was going to begin a journey of health, wholeness and emotional sobriety this was where “it” had to begin. Imagine being in a room filled with virtual strangers, not to perform but to uncover making one’s self vulnerable, naked and exposed with no figs to cover a lifetime of hidden shame and guilt. Through clenched fists, a churning stomach and tear filled eyes, I did something I had never done before: I trusted someone other than myself with the truth of who and what I had been and it was the turning point for my personal journey had begun! Light was beginning to shine in my darkened tunnel called my mind.
Discover
On a giant poster board was the known quote by Albert Einstein which read “insanity is doing the same things while expecting different results.” During my discovery process I have added a slight adaptation to the afore mentioned quote “insanity is doing the same thing knowing full well what the results WILL BE!” Before coming into the Journey Training, it is safe to assume that I was insane. Perhaps not in the clinical sense, but emotionally imbalanced nonetheless. Journey taught me that I could not conquer what I was unwilling to face regardless of how scary it appeared. Looking back, it wasn’t what I was unwilling to face per se as it was, what I would discover once the mask(s) were removed. You see, my pain, in spite of its darkness became a comfortable companion for I had learned to manipulate, maneuver and mask the truth which kept me enclosed within a mental prison of my own making. By discovering I had the right to be myself, while forgiving myself and ultimately loving myself was a radical prospect indeed. One that was greater than the pain of my past.
Discard
King David once penned “Be still and know that I am God. (see Psalms 40:10a)” In a word “to be still” requires one to “let go” or “discard” former false systems of beliefs or perceptions. In Journey I was given a “contract” which is equivalent to receiving a new identity and purpose. Before I was dispassionate, fearful and weighed down by the guilt of my past and previous convictions. When asked how I perceived myself, I could only respond sheepishly “a jailbird.” Although I was walking in the land of the free, I was still imprisoned albeit the prison was a mental one instead of a physical one. However, by the end of the training I was smiling (genuinely) declaring: “I am a passionate free bird.” I gave myself permission to discard those old tapes which kept me defeated, discouraged and imprisoned. I was free to soar above my self-limiting perceptions.
It has been stated a journey of a thousand steps begins with one. This is not to suggest that it will be easy especially when you battle between your ears. But there is one thing that I can assure you and it is this: since that glorious weekend of uncovering, discovering and discarding, I have begun to walk in my “it,” I am a semester from receiving my college degree at 50. My marriage which at one time was on life support has begun to heal itself as I rigorously apply the tools learned in the Journey Training. The wounded boy who lived in fear has been integrated with his core self and is now living a life once previously believed impossible. And the results I lived to repeat have been traded in for the wonder of tomorrow. I am a liberated and passionate free bird. Now it’s time for you to discover your “it.”
Not long ago Holly and I were at a friend’s house enjoying a visit on their back patio. It was a beautiful warm evening, and I looked up and noticed a large and ornate wind chime hanging securely from a branch high above us. I watched the wind chime as it danced around making a beautiful soft song in the breeze. It’s funny how God often uses simple objects in nature to teach me life lessons – it was time for another one of those teachable moments.
As I looked up at that wind chime in the tree I noticed the gentle tension it’s weight was placing on the cable line it was hanging from. All the pieces were aligned and hanging neatly in place, ready for the wind. As long as that wind chime’s cable line is straight and securely anchored to a strong branch of the tree, all of the other separate parts can work together in harmony and make beautiful music when the winds begin to blow. It is the deep strength of the tree and its branch that allows that Wind Chime to operate at its full potential, becoming what it was created to be – an instrument that makes beautiful music in response to the winds of adversity. The chime was correctly aligned vertically to that branch, which made all of the other parts aligned as well. Had that same wind chime not been securely fastened to a strong tree branch, the same winds would have brought it crashing to the ground.
God reminded me in that moment that this is an example of my life. Recently I experienced strong head winds blowing against me in my life through a recent job loss. It forced me to completely reevaluate my priorities and that what I was drawing my security and strength from. Through my relationship with God, the love and support of my family and friends and the training I received from The Journey Training, I am able to see the season from a different perspective. I am resisting playing victim and am using those winds as a valuable tool to build my faith and trust in God – and to deepen my love for Him and for others. It hasn’t been easy, but being anchored into HIS tree and branches has made all the difference as the winds blow!
Think about this – what “branches” are you placing your trust in? What is your anchor to bring security in your life? Is it a career? Money? Health? Possessions? Relationships? These branches give us only false security in life and bring us temporary happiness and fulfillment that is fickle and fleeting. When the winds and storms of life’s stresses come and begin to blow on us from every side, what or Who do we cling to?
Remember this – the wind chime makes beautiful music when the winds are blowing. When it’s completely calm outside the instrument is silent. It was not created for the calm, but for the wind. Likewise, we were created to reflect His glory through the ups and downs on our Journey through life. The bible tells us in James 1 to “count it all joy when you face various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect work, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.”
We all need times of rest and renewal, but remember this – trials and challenges are a part of our journey. God uses these times to carefully shape and strengthen our character and reflect His glory and power back to the world. John 15:5 says, “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.” Rather than going through life carefully trying to avoid all hardships, focus on anchoring deep into The True Vine, accepting that we will face adversities. And know that when the winds of life blow hard on you from all directions, your life will make beautiful music to everyone around you and bring glory to Him!
I betcha won’t ever look at a wind chime the same way again…
When I was a little girl, I would eat peanut butter and jelly sandwiches all the time. They were my absolute favorite meal in the whole wide world. Part of why I loved them was because of how my mom prepared them: she would always carve a little heart in the peanut butter before adding the jelly. Food of Love!
I knew that heart was there whether I watched her make my sandwich or not. I could taste it. It was made with love.
As I grew old enough to make my own pb & j’s, I continued the loving tradition: spread the peanut butter, make a heart, add the jelly, SQUISH!
Even as a teenager, when I craved the comfort of my old favorite, I would draw a little heart and feel better about myself. I was loved.
I remember the first time I made a sandwich without a heart. I was 21 years old, in my first apartment and my roommate came into the kitchen as I was preparing my late night study snack. He watched as I spread the peanut butter and as I was about to carve out a little heart from the creamy spread, I hesitated and decided it was a childish habit. I simply dropped the jelly on top of the peanut butter and topped it off with another slice of bread. I ate it a little sadly, thinking it didn’t taste quite right.
Fast forward to a few years later, when I was making my first peanut butter and jelly sandwich on gluten free bread. I was anxious, because I knew the bread would be so different from what I was used to. I had been diagnosed with Celiac disease and had to cut out wheat in all its forms to heal my body. As much as I was tired of being sick, I didn’t want to miss out on my favorite foods.
I spread the peanut butter, telling my husband how sad I was about how it wouldn’t be the same as I remembered. With a rush of emotion, I spilled out all about how much I missed the way my mom would draw a heart whenever she made it for me. I slid down against the cabinet, crying. He sat down next to me, with my half made sandwich, and said, “Go on, draw your heart.”
The Food of Love ….how simple. A tiny act managed to turn my day around.
In the years between those two sandwiches, I had struggled with depression, feeling lost, alone, and, most of all, unloved. Now, I’m sure that not drawing a heart in my peanut butter was a symptom of feeling unloved and not the other way around, however that simple act was able to remind me that I was in fact loved. By the man sitting beside me, by myself, and my amazing Creator. He did after all make the peanuts.
As I made myself a sandwich this week, I made a pledge to myself: I will ALWAYS draw that heart in my peanut butter, because I AM LOVED.
Whether I feel it or not.
I’ve found that investment always produces return. Sometimes it’s not what we expect, but the law of conservation of energy states that energy cannot be created or destroyed, but changes form or is transferred. I know that the amount of investment I put into something is directly proportionate as to what return I get. The trick is to take the time to invest!
What to invest
Well, most would say, “I have no money to invest, so that leaves me out.” Really? What about time? What about effort? What about knowledge? There are so many things you can invest that you are left out only if you choose to be left out.
My college music professor once asked me, “Danny, how often do you practice?” My reply went something like, “Well, these days I usually don’t practice much because I’m playing all the time.” Then he said it – “Remember something Danny. There’s someone out there with half your talent that will go twice as far because they take the time to practice.” That piece of advice has stuck with me my entire life!
Being “salty” takes investment
Being a musician, I can say that the better I know a song, the better I can make it sound. Last Sunday I was hired to play a service. A few of the songs I knew really well, and then there were 3 pieces I’d never heard before. I can sight-read music, so I could play it. But I couldn’t add much “salt” to it. This means I had to keep it simple and basic so I hit correct notes instead of doing funky licks and runs – which can make an average song really stand out!
The more I practice a song, the better I know it. The better I know it, the less I have to think about it. The less I have to think about it, the more I can think about what cool things to do to make it something really special! But if I don’t spend any time practices and getting to know the music, I’m just being average, or even below average!
What to invest in
I use music as an example, but what about your job. The better you know your job, the less mistakes you’ll let slip by. You’ll be able to spend your time polishing your work instead of just trying to figure it out. This is why continuing education and hands-on experience means so much.
What about relationships? Would you say the better you know your spouse or your kids, the easier it is to be the best you can be to them? Spending time learning the love languages of those around us can pay huge dividends! I mean, if I’m always buying my children gifts when what they really need are words of affirmation, I’m getting a diminished return on my investment! They’ll love the gifts, but they’ll really love the encouragement! Taking the time asking them, “How can I love and support you” can be a simple way to learn someone’s needs – and save time trying to figure it out.
And especially, in my walk with Jesus Christ, the more I know the heart of the Father, the better I can see what he’s trying to do in my life. Instead of wondering why I’m going through the things I am going through, I try to get in the word and see what God might be trying to teach me in this moment! I know one thing, my Father’s heart is for my good, not for my demise (Jeremiah 29:11) and He wants to give me the desires of my heart (Psalm 37:4). I think for too long I’ve been praying for God to change His mind about what I want when prayer wasn’t meant for that. If my prayer is constantly trying to change His mind, I am wasting my time! God never changes. But what does? Our hearts can change.
My prayers lately have been to help me align my thoughts and desires with what God desires for me. When I come around to His way of thinking, I’ll have the peace and contentment I am looking for. So instead of “wrestling” with God, I think I’ll invest my time to get to know His heart more. I’m going to end this blog now so I can read some of His word. Happy investing all!
Have you ever thought everything’s going just fine, and then…BAM! You realize that you’ve been blind to things unseen? I have. It’s hard for us to realize that there are things that we just don’t have the ability to see without help. Yet we walk through life, often thinking we see it all and know exactly what’s going on. This attitude can be the very thing that is holding you back from your dreams!
Frequencies
When I was a music major in college, I took recording and sound engineering classes. The equipment we had back then pales in comparison to what’s available today, but the concepts are the same. I learned that the human ear can hear frequencies between about 20 hertz and 20,000 hertz. So I asked the question: are there frequencies beyond these limits? And if so, how would we know?
Well, you cannot hear 10 hertz, but I promise you can feel it! If you want your bass to really move the audience, get speakers that can handle sounds at 10 hertz. You won’t hear it, but you’ll know it is there! On the same level, what about above 20,000 hertz? Well, blow a dog whistle and see if you can hear it. You can’t, but a dog can. A dog can hear between 60 hertz and 44,000 hertz – twice as high as we can hear! And if you think that’s something, a porpoise can hear up to 150,000 hertz! I wonder what that sounds like, don’t you?
Our vision
We see our own lives and actions from our own perspectives. It is almost impossible to see it otherwise. I was in an interview with two-time Pulitzer Prize finalist Gina Kolata with the New York Times last week when she asked, “When you were gaining the weight, when did you first realize how big you were?” Well, it was when I could see myself from a different perspective when I first really knew. I saw myself on video from the neck down – we often focus on our face when we see pictures – and I was shocked. It was then I knew how bad things were and something had to change.
You see, our lives and habits change a little bit at a time. We gain a pound a week, not 10 pounds a week. We become closed off by choosing to avoid others one time, then twice, and so on. What we do every day becomes normal, so those unhealthy changes – those things that are holding you back from being all that you can be – happen slowly and become our new normal. We need a different perspective.
Feedback
We all hate it, but we all need it. If you want to know how you are really doing, ask for some feedback. You might not like what you hear, but it may give you the information you need to better yourself. We are all sending off frequencies we cannot hear, but some of the people in our lives hear them loud and clear! So ask for feedback – a different perspective – and then weigh it carefully. As my friend Tennie McCarty said to me, “You place feedback right up here on your shoulder and see if it weighs heavily on you. If it does, take it to heart and use it for your improvement. If it doesn’t, let it roll off your back and leave it behind.”
I sent a text out to everyone I knew a while back and asked, “What is my greatest strength and greatest weakness?” The most common strength I got was determination. The most common weakness was impatience. I’ve since worked on my patience, and while I’m not perfect, I’m a lot better than I used to be – thanks to that feedback!
You never know, the feedback someone gives you might be the reason you keep bombing those interviews, or why people keep you at a distance. You might not intend to be sending off those frequencies, but maybe they’re the very thing that you are sending off. The only way to know is by asking. And after you hear the feedback, say to the person you asked, “Thank you for caring enough about me to be honest.”
In The Journey Training, I see people come into their Threshold weekend sending off many negative frequencies. By the end of their weekend, I see them standing taller, smiling more, and sending off frequencies that are much more serving to them. Perhaps you’ve encountered a recent Journey graduate and thought, “What has happened to them? They seem so happy and energized!” Well, the same can happen to you, my friend. Just go to The Journey training and sign up for the next Threshold class and begin to see those things you’ve been missing!
