In our culture of Instagram and hashtags, people are always posting pictures with #nofilter. The person posting the picture is promoting the fact that the picture hasn’t been edited. There is no lightened effect or any coloring added to the photo. The photo is authentic. It’s completely real and I’ll be honest, when I see that hashtag, I’m frequently in awe of the picture because it is so rare to see unedited photos anymore.
I heard Pastor Andy Stanley preach with the theme #nofilter. He said things and put things on the screen that you wouldn’t expect to hear in a church sermon. He was putting it all out there. But that kind of authenticity reaches people! Andy has a reputation for preaching good wisdom for Christians, but common sense for anyone listening who is not a Christian.
What would life be like if we all lived with no filter? I don’t mean where we said and did every single thing that came to mind. I mean, what if everyone around you was truly living authentically, being comfortable in their own skin and being REAL with themselves and others? I believe there would be less fear and doubt. There would be greater vulnerability with one another, which would build intimacy.
When I attended The Journey Training‘s first class, Threshold, people were unfiltered right out of the gate. It even surprised the team how fast our group got authentic with a group of perfect strangers! That unfiltered authenticity built special relationships. It fostered an environment in which I was comfortable removing filters even I had.
Maybe we won’t be seen in the best light. Maybe we will show our flaws. Maybe others will see we aren’t perfect. They’ll see the real deal. They will see us. #nofilter.
I vaguely remember being normal. I was 7 years old and in the second grade. That is the last time I remember being normal. Since then, I’ve been me. So exactly who am I? I am someone who has never taken a bite of food without placing a label on it – labels like “I shouldn’t be eating this” and “I can’t let mom know” and “I’ll just skip the next meal to make up for it.” Yea. I’m that guy.
Many of you know exactly what I’m talking about. Many of you know of people like me, but you just can’t relate. Every bite of food, every meal, every treat, every drink – they’ve all been my adversary. I’ve never been able to truly enjoy a meal like others I know – without the guilt and shame that come with it. And every meal is a pound that will show up on my body. Guaranteed.
A Taste of Victory
I was 15 years old. I hadn’t had a girlfriend in almost 4 years. You know why? Because of my weight, of course! Who could love a guy like me? OH! Just a minute…mom brought home some Doritos! OH NO! I did it again! Ate the whole bag! I’ll never have a girlfriend… 🙁
Wait! I’ve got it! “Mom, will you buy a large jug of that low-calorie Italian salad dressing from Sam’s Club? I know it’s eight dollars, but it’ll be so worth it! And bring home 4 heads of iceberg lettuce, too. Thanks!” Now I’ve got to run that mile around the block. All I have to do is go out my door, run up the street, down to 3rd street, around the park to Crosby, then back home. That’s a mile. I’ll do that every morning and every evening. “What? Did I put anything on the salad? Yea, sure mom! I did.” There is no way I’m putting cheese, or anything else on my salad! That’s extra calories! I’ll just tell them I did and they’ll never know.
“What mom? All of the Diet Coke cans in my room? I’m only drinking 1 or 2 a day, I promise!” Ha! She’ll never figure out that I remain full of Diet Coke and have no room for food. And it’s ZERO calories! A win-win, right?!
What you’ve just read above was a picture of the summer between my 10th and 11th grade year. I left school at 240 pounds, and came back to enroll at 165 – I had lost 75 pounds in three months! As I walked through the gym, I could hear the voices whispering,”Is that Danny Cahill? WOW! He looks GREAT! I never knew he had it in him! Maybe he’ll ask me out on a date!” I felt worthy for the first time in 9 years. And it came with my weight – a connection I would never, ever lose.
The Oklahoma 500
Soon after getting married, it began again – the weight gain. 200, then 250, then 300, then 400, then almost 500 pounds! I was a wreck! I just couldn’t stop eating! And please, don’t ask me to do anything. I just want to sit – it hurts too much to stand!
That’s when I felt that same urge I felt at 15 years old again – I would find a way to lose the weight! And along came The Biggest Loser. I made it on the 3rd show I tried out for, lost 239 pounds (by burning 8000 calories daily while eating somewhere in the realm of 800 calories) and popped out of the paper at 191! I had lost 239 pounds! I felt like that guy in the gym, walking across to enroll in my junior year. I could hear the fans, my family, the press, everyone talking like they did that day 23 years before when I disappeared fat to reappear thin! Even Meredith Vieira and Ann Curry flirted with me on the Today show! I had it made, right! WRONG!
Here we go again
So fast forward 5 years, and the weight is creeping back on. The food is calling my name again and the bites are shameful, the meals are threatening, and my life is still in a shambles! It’s like nothing has changed!
This is the struggle many people have. The battle with the scale goes on and on, and no matter how hard we seem to try, nothing works! The weight comes back with a vengeance and we fail over and over again. The shame gets even more magnified with each failure and the guilt is so heavy it makes it hard to live. But wait! There’s another fad diet right around the corner for me to try – and lose – and eventually fail at.
The truth
The truth is that there are more things at work than simply one thing. There are many perspectives to why we cannot keep the weight off. First and foremost, our worth cannot be tied to our weight. God isn’t more proud of us if we are 175 than if we are 400 pounds. He loves us the same. He wants us healthy, but more than that, he wants us happy. And that’s a good start. No matter where you are, the “WHY” to get healthy cannot be only aesthetic. And we have to learn to love ourselves regardless of our failures and victories.
Second, we are ALWAYS on a diet! The definition of DIET is “the kinds of food that a person, animal, or community habitually eats.” Guess what? You can change your diet, but you are always eating a diet! The real question is what diet is the healthiest and best for you? What is sustainable – that you can live with for the rest of your life? Can you really eat all protein for the rest of your life? Are you really going to drink shakes for your meals 3 times a day forever? Are you really going to eat iceberg lettuce with Sam’s Club low-calorie Italian dressing and drink diet coke until you die?
Third, there’s bodily science. I learned this the hard way after damaging my metabolism by the large deficit of energy I expended vs. eating those 7 months on The Biggest Loser. My Leptin levels (a hormone that controls your hunger) were completely depleted and has barely made it back to 50%. My brain says I’m hungry after eating a full meal!
There are lots of reasons it’s hard to keep weight off long term. I am in the process of finding my balance, and after all these years I think I might be as close as I’ve ever been. The difference between the 8 year old Danny and the Danny of today is clear. I know my worth – regardless of my weight. And I know God loves me the same. So my “WHY” isn’t to be loved any more. My “WHY” is to be healthy and happy and live a long life. And I can’t think of a better “WHY”, can you? And I know one thing for sure. My past failures don’t predict my future – and I know there is hope for me yet!
I am so thankful for the times in life when the light bulb comes on – the champion moments that occur when we least expect them. I didn’t think visiting my lifelong “bestie” in Wichita would be one of those times. I was packing for the trip to meet her last Sunday and Monday – she was traveling from MN to Wichita to watch her son play in a college golf tournament. We hadn’t seen each other in a number of years due to busy lives and distance but we still keep in touch. I was stressed out about what to pack, what to wear, why had I not lost some weight, gotten my hair cut….Will she think I look good or have aged a lot…. completely forgetting that she has been my closet friend for 46 years and has seen the good and bad, all of it!
I have always loved being around her and we always seem to pick up where we left off. She is always smiling and when we were kids she was always up to something. I have always admired her love for life and outgoing personality. A few years ago she was diagnosed with MS. I wondered if she would be the same, surely that kind of diagnosis changes a person but not her. I wondered how she was still happy and encouraging to me and others. I was telling her what an inspiration she is to me and that her attitude, in the midst of adversity, is simply amazing. I told her I wanted to be like that but that is something I struggle with and maybe it’s a personality thing. She said you just worry way too much!! The choice comes in the surrender – true, 100% surrender to God and being who he created you to be.
I went back to my hotel room later that evening thinking about true surrender. I picked up a book I had taken along for the trip in case I had some time to read. “Confidence of a Champion” by Tim Marks. I started reading a section of the book which contains a passage from “The Greatest Miracle in the World” by Og Mandino. The passage is amazing – it talks about the miracle of you and me.
- Never, until the end of time will there be another such as YOU.
- YOU are the rarest thing in the world
- God brought forth a one of a kind, rarest of the rare – YOU!
- YOU are a priceless treasure possessed of qualities in the mind and speech and movement and appearance and actions as NO other who has ever lived, lives or shall live.
Why have you valued yourself in pennies when you are worth a king’s ransom?
How can YOU – one of a kind you be anything less than invaluable? YOU are EXTRAORDINARY!
Why is it that we worry that we aren’t good enough? I began to realize like never before that a worried life is not a surrendered life. Worry steals joy, peace and my greatnesss – the very greatness God created me for. Sometimes it takes a special friend or mentor who is walking a truly surrendered life to remind us of who we really are and who we belong to – to remind us we were great all along.
So, our lives don’t always end up looking like our dreams that we had as small children, right? Life sure can throw curveballs!
I mean, if you had asked me as an 8 year old, where I would be in my mid 40’s I would NEVER have told you that I would be a divorced, single mom of 3 teenagers. In fact, that kind of thought wouldn’t have even been an option in my mind. However, like most of you know, life throws us some curve balls from time to time.
One of the major curve balls I experienced was after 19 years of marriage; my high school sweetheart/husband looked me in the eyes and said, “ I no longer choose you. I want a divorce.” In that moment I wanted to crumble to the ground and disappear, however, for the sake of my children, I knew I had to be strong. So, I decided, ok, if this is happening, I’m going to have to turn into Wonder Woman – nerves of steel, able to carry the world on my shoulders – in order to keep life moving forward for my kids. My plan worked great for a while. People who knew me would say things like “ wow, you are so strong,” “ I could never handle this as well as you are, how are you doing it?” On the outside I was focused, determined, and unaffected by the curve ball life had just thrown me. My kids didn’t see me cry and they saw mom doing her best to make life as good as she could for them.
Then, I met some wonderfully amazing people at The Journey Training, who challenged me to see relationships, my life, and myself from a different viewpoint.
At the Journey Training, they created a safe place for me and gave me full permission to feel. They had shown me that life is not meant to be done alone and that its highly important to be real with others.
They share a quote by Walt Anderson; “ We’re never so vulnerable than when we trust someone – but paradoxically, if we cannot trust, neither can we find love or joy.”
Because of the curve ball life had thrown me, I had stopped trusting and had lost my love and joy for life. I thought I was showing my kids how to be strong and move on but in reality I was modeling how to hide your emotions and be fake.
I decided to take the new knowledge and tools that the Journey Training provided me and make a change in my life. I opened up and was real with some awesome people who truly cared about me. This reopened my heart to the joy and love for life. I also realized that I needed to implement these tools with my kids in order to help them.
Now, as a parent, I don’t share everything with my kids because they don’t need to shoulder adult responsibilities. However, I was able to open up and be real with them about what was happening in our lives and how I felt at times. By being vulnerable and real with them, it gave them the opportunity to trust me even more and to find their voices to share with me what they were feeling. It brought us closer together as a family and I looked like Wonder Woman to my kids while still being as vulnerable as a lobster in my time of growth and adjustment.
When we try to be the super hero, we shut others out and isolate ourselves. When we choose to be vulnerable and real and trust others, we allow for them to step into their amazing vulnerable selves and we can do this thing called life together. Only then are we open to fully feeling and experiencing the great love and joy our Creator truly desires for us in life.
I want to share with you a story:
There was a cheerful girl with bouncy golden curls was almost five. Waiting with her mother at the checkout stand, she saw them: a circle of glistening white pearls in a pink foil box.
“Oh please, Mommy. Can I have them? Please, Mommy, please!”
Quickly the mother checked the back of the little foil box and then looked back into the pleading blue eyes of her little girl’s upturned face.
“A dollar ninety-five. That’s almost $2.00. If you really want them, I’ll think of some extra chores for you and in no time you can save enough money to buy them for yourself. Your birthday’s only a week away and you might get another crisp dollar bill from Grandma.”
As soon as Jenny got home, she emptied her penny bank and counted out 17 pennies. After dinner, she did more than her share of chores and she went to the neighbor and asked Mrs. McJames if she could pick dandelions for ten cents.
On her birthday, Grandma did give her another new dollar bill and at last she had enough money to buy the necklace.
Jenny loved her pearls. They made her feel dressed up and grown up. She wore them everywhere–Sunday school, kindergarten, even to bed. The only time she took them off was when she went swimming or had a bubble bath. Mother said if they got wet, they might turn her neck green.
Jenny had a very loving daddy and every night when she was ready for bed, he would stop whatever he was doing and come upstairs to read her a story.
One night when he finished the story, he asked Jenny, “Do you love me?”
“Oh yes, Daddy. You know that I love you.”
“Then give me your pearls.”
“Oh, Daddy, not my pearls. But you can have Princess–the white horse from my collection. The one with the pink tail. Remember, Daddy? The one you gave me. She’s my favorite.”
“That’s okay, Honey. Daddy loves you. Good night.” And he brushed her cheek with a kiss.
About a week later, after the story time, Jenny’s daddy asked again, “Do you love me?”
“Daddy, you know I love you.”
“Then give me your pearls.”
“Oh Daddy, not my pearls. But you can have my baby doll. The brand new one I got for my birthday. She is so beautiful and you can have the yellow blanket that matches her sleeper.”
“That’s okay. Sleep well. God bless you, little one. Daddy loves you.”
And as always, he brushed her cheek with a gentle kiss.
A few nights later when her daddy came in, Jenny was sitting on her bed with her legs crossed Indian-style. As he came close, he noticed her chin was trembling and one silent tear rolled down her cheek.
“What is it, Jenny? What’s the matter?”
Jenny didn’t say anything but lifted her little hand up to her daddy. And when she opened it, there was her little pearl necklace. With a little quiver, she finally said, “Here, Daddy. It’s for you.”
With tears gathering in his own eyes, Jenny’s kind daddy reached out with one hand to take the dime-store necklace, and with the other hand he reached into his pocket and pulled out a blue velvet case with a strand of genuine pearls and gave them to Jenny.
He had them all the time. He was just waiting for her to give up the dime-store stuff so he could give her genuine treasure.
How many of us as followers of Christ claim to have our trust in Jesus? I mean it’s the “good Christian” thing to say, right? But do we really trust Him? Do we actually believe and live the words we proclaim?
I have spent some time lately asking myself these questions, and my response was sobering. When I got brutally honest with myself, I found that my actions and past track records had reviled that my trust had not been in whom I so religiously claimed but rather in my own petty efforts. That’s what they (your efforts) are by the way, petty, repulsive in fact, to God. I know that may sound blasphemous initially, but let me expound.
First, lets look at what the word “trust” means. According to Google the definition of the word trust means: 1 Firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something. 2 Confidence placed in a person by making that person the nominal owner of property to be held or used for the benefit of one or more others.
You see, I grew up in church and in ministry so my life, to say the least, was lived on a stage, front and center, whether I liked it or not. Everything I did, said, or even thought was open for all to see and to my dismay, also to be critiqued. On top of that, I am an otter/retriever making me the ultimate people pleaser. I love people, I care about people, and I care entirely way too much about what people think. Life had become one giant production, leaving me desperately seeking the approval and applauds of my audience. I sought after anyone and anything that remotely sounded like a round of applause while claiming, “Jesus is my rock and in Him alone do I trust”.
Do you see where this is going? Silly me, I was so desperately searching for the approval and praise from everyone except from the only one that truly mattered. I didn’t really believe in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of Christ. If I had, I wouldn’t have wasted all those years in efforts in trying to become someone worthy of value and love, but would have realized I was created and born worthy.
When Christ shed His precious blood 2,000 years ago and rose again with the victory over death its self, He enabled you and I to wear the robe of righteousness and purity as if we had never heard words: sin and unworthiness. God only sees us as the pure and precious masterpieces he planned and created from the beginning because of Christ’s sacrifice on the cross. We can’t do a thing to earn it because the price has already been paid; the debt is paid in full! So when I stated that our efforts are repulsive to Him, it was to make the point that if we truly trust in Christ, then we would already know that we don’t have to do a thing to earn his love or approval because we would know that Christ already has won that approval on our behalf. All we have to do is just be who God created us to be.
So how does this have anything to do with the pearl necklace story? It has everything to do with it. When you know you can whole heartily trust God because you have confidence placed in Him by making Him the nominal owner of property of your heart to be held or used for your benefit, then you can trust Him with everything you have and trust everything He tells you. Or like the story, anything He would ask of you. Most of the time I don’t understand why God is telling me to do something but because I trust Him, I know that whatever He is asking me to do is only going to lead me to the real genuine treasure that He has had all along for me. All I have to do is trust Him and give Him my best. But giving Him my best isn’t working to be my best but rather realizing that I’m already His best.
Do you believe you’re God’s best? He says you are; do you trust Him?
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