“What are you afraid of anyway? ”Let’s face it. We’re all afraid of something. Thunderstorms, snakes, heights, darkness, public speaking – or maybe being alone or taking on a new challenge; whatever it is, fear is fear and we all deal with it at one time or another. Whether we realize it or not, fear often times is a big factor in our lives.
But what exactly is fear? If you break it down, fear can be described simply as:
False
Education
Appearing
Real
Fear from perceptions
My fears may not necessarily be like your fears, but they are no less real. I personally find clowns to be delightful and funny, but have a friend who cowers in fear at even the mention of them. While I don’t believe she will ever encounter an evil clown who intends to do her harm, her perception of clowns prevents her from seeing them any other way.
Is her fear real? Yes, it certainly is.
Fear from experience
A person very close to me had an automobile accident recently and had to get past the fear of being behind the wheel again. The fear of having another accident was very real, but if they hadn’t worked through the fear, they would have been left with no way to get to work and provide for their family. Fear can be so powerful that it can impede your ability to even do some of life’s necessary functions. You can literally become a slave to fear.
Bondage from fear
It seems at times that there is no way to avoid becoming prey to the spirit of fear. Fear is a very powerful emotion and succumbing to it can be very easy. On the other hand, overcoming fear doesn’t seem to be as easy as falling victim to it. Sure, fear exists; otherwise, courage wouldn’t exist. But far too often our fear can be magnetized into something much bigger, causing us to hesitate, or even turn and run! The good news is that much of the time, a fear is a nothing more than a lie from the enemy. You can overcome it and you can break free from it.
“Feel the fear, move through it, do it anyway” – Jillian Michaels
The Journey Training can give you the tools you need to overcome fear that is hindering you from living the life you desire and deserve. Each person that has attended The Journey Training has had to overcome some fear that they had in their lives. Whether it was a fear in the past, a fear of the future, or even a fear of change. Signing up for the Training may have been the first step through fear for many.
Living a life free from fear is possible. How do I know? Because I was once wounded by fear and let it hinder me from living life fully. And sometimes, I just have to look in the mirror and say “What are you afraid of anyway?” Maybe you should let The Journey Training show you how to get the tools to identify and overcome fear. Life lived without being slave to the spirit of fear is a good life indeed.
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For much of my life I thought to win I had to go wire to wire. What does that mean? I used to play the horses quite a bit before giving up gambling, and it simply means a horse takes the lead out of the gate and never loses it, winning the race and never being behind. I’ve learned throughout life that things often work out a little different than I thought. Hanging in there can pay off!
It’s a long road, so hang in there
In our book Losing Big, Darci and I revisit our relationship and its ups and downs from the start. So many who know us were surprised to read our book, finding out just how close we were to getting a divorce.
“I never knew anything was ever wrong!” I hear that a lot. Or “I can’t believe you guys went through so much!” Well, we did, and we both hung in there – and it paid off. In the book, I remember a few times when I sensed problems before our marriage, and I almost called the wedding off. Darci remembered the emotional abuse she endured, so much so that she almost left me. We both remembered our addictions and how they were what ran our lives for a number of years, causing us both to almost throw in the towel on each other. But we didn’t. We may have lost a few battles, but we refused to lose the war. We were hanging in there. And it paid off.
We hung in there, and we did the impossible
Before the Revolutionary War, the British Army was the most revered in the world. There was absolutely no way we could possibly win our independence from Britain. Yet we did. General George Washington was a great man, but few know that he lost many more battles than he won. While I read His Excellency by Joseph Ellis, I learned so much about George Washington, and so much about the revolutionary war. There was much that was left to chance, but for those chances to come around, the American Army had to hang in there.
It was by hanging in there and not giving up that we had a chance to win the war. George Washington pondered the choices he had often, and one was an all or nothing battle with Britain. He opted against that, a choice that led to hanging in there long enough to be able to take advantage of a harsh winter the British weren’t used to. We hung in there long enough to use warfare learned from the Indians that help us defeat the greatest army on earth. And we hung in there long enough for the French to finally show up and help turn the tide of the war for good, insuring the creation of this great nation!
When the going gets tough, the tough hang in there!
My mantra during The Biggest Loser was “Lose Your Quit!” It just means never give up. Hang in there until the end. And that’s what I did.
When we went to the Biggest Loser Ranch, Rudy weighed in at 442 and I weighed in at 430 pounds. At the week 4 weigh-in Rudy, Rudy weighed 5 pounds less than I did. In the past, I might have given up, but I hung in there. Rudy was the rabbit, and I was the tortoise. I was hanging in there!
So many times before in my life, I ran the 99-yard dash. Yes, I said the 99-yard dash – quitting when things got hard or seemed impossible, when in fact victory was just around the corner! So many times if I’d kept going, I would have realized my dreams; but I would give up. Well, at 39 years old, I decided to hang in there – and I eventually beat Rudy to set my own records on The Biggest Loser!
Just hang in there – opportunity will come, so be ready!
In The Journey Training, I often see people come in looking ready to give up. Maybe it was tough times or an illness or maybe simple frustration. By the end of the training, as long as they hang in there and finish, they are ready to run that 100-yard dash for the first time in years – or perhaps the first time ever! I’ve heard it said that you get what you prepare for. But I’ve also found that if you just hang on – even when you lose a few battles – opportunity will rear its head. And when it does, those that are hanging in there will cross the goal line and score the winning touchdown! Trust me – I know!
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I see it every day – parents sheltering their kids from experiencing the world as they were meant to – by being involved wholly! We did it for a while, too. I remember when David was young, we never let him watch anything scary on television. It was Blue’s Clues and Elmo – which to me can be pretty scary – and that pretty much wrapped it up. We were doing him a favor, right?
Well, we thought we were, but let’s take a closer look. We took him to Disney on Ice one year, and when the “villains” came skating out, David began sinking down in his chair and closed his eyes. He was terrified! This behavior confused Darci and she didn’t know what was wrong with him! I knew what was wrong – he hadn’t eaten any dirt.
Dirt can be good for you
My mom always said, “Go outside and get dirty!” As a young boy, I was all about that! And getting dirty has its positives. Did you know exposing yourself to germs actually builds up your immune system? So a person who never gets exposed to certain things can be in danger of getting sick!
When you travel to foreign lands, you can be susceptible to germs you’ve never been exposed to, causing a danger of getting sick. You have little or no immunity to some diseases where you’ve never tread. Once you’re exposed to something, you may get sick, but then your immune system builds up antibodies that can fight off the disease the next time you come into contact with it. In fact, when you are vaccinated for something such as smallpox, they actually inject a dose of that very disease that cannot reproduce into your body. Your body fights off the disease and is programmed to make you immune.
When we saw David freaking out over the villains, we knew at that point we needed to stop being overprotective. He needs to be exposed to the world. Otherwise, he will be in for a shock in other areas of his life. We all need to be exposed to the real world. Otherwise, we’re all in for a big surprise!
Dirt is experience
I look at experience like eating some dirt. If you want to conquer something, get some experience! I remember when I first began teaching David to throw a ball. He looked hilarious! Then, as he tried again and again, he got better. Soon he was one of the best ball throwers on the team! It was awesome to watch, but without the practice and experience, he’d have never been able to throw a ball.
When I was on The Biggest Loser, I was thankful. I was thankful that I had played sports and gone through two-a-days in football. I was thankful that I “cut mud” on my Uncle Goddard’s paving crew and wore myself slick! I was thankful I wrestled – probably the hardest 5 minutes you’ll ever spend in your life. My dad exposed me to these things. Some dad’s didn’t. I saw some others on the show that never experienced the tough work I had. I think that helped me to do well on the show – that I had eaten some dirt before that time.
Get dirty to get successful
Most people want success to fall in their laps. Others try something, and at the first sign of adversity they give up. I’ve seen people (and I myself have) run the 99 yard dash over and over again. What is the 99 yard dash? It’s quitting when success could have been yours had you just kept going a little longer. I learned on my journey on The Biggest Loser that I had to Lose My Quit to win at anything in life. Success often takes time.
Huey Lewis and the News suddenly hit it big in the 1980’s, and people called them an overnight success. The truth was they had been a band for 20 years at that point! They had been playing the same style of music together for a long time before hitting it big. It’s just that people often see success and don’t see all of the work that goes into it. Huey Lewis and the News got out there for 20 years and ate some dirt – over and over again – until the time was right for their move into the big show.
Winning is a dirty business
When you fail, look at it from the perspective that you ate a little dirt. The germs you ingested made you stronger for the next time you come upon an opportunity. You’ll fail a little better next time, and eventually success will be yours! You just have to get up, brush yourself off, and start all over again.
So the next time you try to avoid failure, you just might be avoiding success! Don’t let your fear of failure steer you around the experience you need to succeed. Just get out there and eat a little dirt – you’ll eventually have everything you need to win!
Each month in The Journey Training, we see people realize that they’ve been avoiding the things that they need to experience to get what they truly want. Often, what you want is just beyond what you fear most. Why not enroll in the next Threshold class and find out just how successful you can be! I promise you, literally eating dirt won’t be a part of the weekend!
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“Well son, it was a little bit of hell, a little bit of fun, a little bit of excitement, a little boring at times; it was a little of everything – just like life.”
This answer sticks with us to this day, because our lives turned out to be one battle after another. We had to learn how to fight and keep on fighting, how to win, how to rejoice and be thankful – and then how to do it all over again. (From the opening of Losing Big, by Danny & Darci Cahill)
Remembering is important
Memories are powerful tools. They can help us avoid pain, allow us to succeed at tasks, and keep us on track. They also have another purpose: remembering the sacrifice of others. On this Memorial Day, I reflected about what might have happened had the greatest generation not sacrificed so greatly.
I didn’t have much of a relationship with my Grandpa Charlie. He suffered from alcoholism and I rarely saw him. Because of this, many memories of him aren’t great. But I remember one Christmas when he was there. I was looking at the Nazi bayonet he’d brought back from World War II and asked him, “Grandpa, what was the war like?” And I got a great gift in his answer. However, it took me years to understand it.
Now on Memorial Day I remember what my grandpa did during World War II. I choose to remember him as a hero and not for the mistakes he made. Perhaps we should choose to do that more with the people in our lives – especially ourselves.
Monuments of Memorial
When our son David was eight, he was hospitalized with Stevens-Johnson syndrome. If you don’t know what that is, I pray you never have to find out. In late stages the death rate is high. We were unsure of his future, and also unsure of what he’d face if he survived. He was misdiagnosed until an infectious disease specialist walked in, looked at him, and immediately knew what it was. He had recently treated the only other known case in Tulsa a year before. David wasn’t out of the woods, but with that diagnosis he had a chance! Today he is perfectly normal! When I need to know that we’ll make it through, I remember what God did for David – He’s a monument of memorial.
A Marriage Monument
Sometimes it can seem all is lost when we find ourselves in seemingly hopeless situations. When Darci and I wrote Losing Big, we weren’t sure what to expect, but the process of reliving those pain and victories in our past became a memorial of what God has done in our lives. We are still fighting that war called life. And in those moments of hopelessness, we need to remember how God rescued us and helped us overcome.
In Losing Big, Darci and I tell the story of our marriage, 6-months in. When we were ready to give up, God intervened. It happened the morning after a horrible night. While lying in bed, we were staring at the ceiling feeling hopeless when I said, “Something’s got to change.”
Darci paused. Then she replied, “I want to go back to church.”
Darci threw in the towel – not for our marriage – but for trying to do it alone. She knew in her heart that although it seemed impossible, with God all things are possible! (Matt 19:26) With that single decision, our marriage was set on a course for success. Was it easy? No. But we had a solid foundation to place everything on. Even when we didn’t trust each other at times, we could choose to trust God. And that was enough. We slowly began to see each other how God saw us – fearfully and wonderfully made.
Build a Monument of Memorial so you won’t forget
In Joshua 3, God stopped the flow of the Jordan River to allow the nation of Israel to cross. He then instructed them to bring 12 stones from its bottom to the shore. Here’s what happened next: (Joshua 4:6-7) “We will use these stones to build a memorial. In the future your children will ask you, ‘What do these stones mean?’ Then you can tell them, ‘They remind us that the Jordan River stopped flowing when the Ark of the Lord’s Covenant went across.’ These stones will stand as a memorial among the people of Israel forever.”
So that we don’t forget, we celebrate Memorial Day each year to honor the fallen of our country. It is because of their sacrifice that we live in the greatest nation on earth. Everyday life can make us forget, so we need a Memorial Day to remember.
Make yourself a Monument of Memorial
In typical The Journey Training fashion, I’d like to ask you to do something. Take a piece of paper and write a few incredible things God has done for you in your life. Then find something to represent and memorialize those events. I use a polished stone for David, a 1944 Dime for my grandpa, and a list of 10 beautiful things I keep on my phone for Darci. When I need hope, I pull them out. The stone for my son – that God will make all things work together for our good. The dime for my grandpa, that there is a calling on our life no matter what mistakes we make. And the list for my wife – that God has given me the perfect wife, even when shallow vision may think otherwise.
These memorials help me through those tough times – those times when it seems there is no hope. And with them I remember that there is always hope.
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“Feel the fear, move through it, do it anyway.” Jillian Michaels told me that when I was going home from The Biggest Loser. She knew I was scared of the challenge of going home and walking my journey on my own. And she also knew that if I felt the fear but did it anyway that I would become The Biggest Loser.
Face Your Fears
There can be no courage without fear. And without fear courage isn’t necessary. You can be assured that this journey we call life will rarely be without scary things – relationships, challenges, responsibilities – usually around every corner! Abraham Lincoln said, “If I am killed, I can die only once; but to live in constant dread of it, is to die over and over again.” We weren’t meant to never be afraid, but we were created to face our fears.
What do you fear?Fear can look many different ways. It can be something as complicated as becoming a parent, getting married, climbing a tree or any number of things. Most of these fears can be tied to a few basic things – like the fear of being alone, the fear of death, the fear of failure or even the fear of success. Who would fear success? Well, with great success comes great responsibility. Getting a million dollars is tough enough, but keeping it is even tougher!
Feel the fear
The first instinct we have is to run from the fear. When fear hits, we want it to go away – sometimes so bad that we will sabotage what we really want for the feeling of security. Jillian knew this when she told me to feel the fear. Denying feelings is never the answer, and it only leads to problems later. If we feel fearful of something and we avoid it, we live that life Lincoln was talking about; dying many deaths. So the first step is to identify your fear and give yourself permission to be afraid. Many of the greatest success stories began with fear. Do you think Bill Gates took dropping out of college to follow his dream lightly? His father freaked out! Yet Bill didn’t let the fear stop him. Instead he identified it, he felt it, and in turn he owned it.
Move through It
Feeling fear is a natural occurrence,and after we own it, we then have to decide what to do with it. There are healthy fears, like not jumping off a skyscraper or not walking into a lion’s den. And then there are fears that are meant to be conquered – the ones that hold us back from what we truly want. Jillian knew this, and that’s why she told me to move through it. Allowing fear to make your decisions for you isn’t always a good thing. In fact, it can make you die that death over and over again!
Dread is a form of fear, and I’ve learned that what you are dreading hardly ever turns out to be as bad as you fear. My neighbor had a dog that bit me on the hand. It was a Pit Bull, and that didn’t help things either. I wanted to talk to her about her dog and ask her to tie it up. You see, it kept getting out and roaming the neighborhood. I was afraid my young children may get hurt if it felt threatened. I put off talking to her because I dread confrontations.
Do it anyway
Finally, when the dog bit me, I decided I had to do it regardless whether I dreaded it or not! She completely understood and told me she didn’t know what to do about it. I offered to help her build a pen for it and the conversation went rather well. All that fear was for nothing! I had lived almost two years dreading this confrontation – or rather conversation – for no good reason. That fear of confrontation kept me stuck for two years, and could have even put my family at risk!
Feel the fear, move through it, do it anyway. That isn’t bad advice! You see, it’s usually our fear that keeps us stuck and holds us back from what we truly want. If we identify our fear, own it and give ourselves permission to feel it without condemnation, and find the courage to move through it to get what we truly want we have faced our fears.
Reward always takes risk
In The Journey Training, I often hear people tell me their greatest fear is being alone. That very fear usually causes them to lose relationships over and over again, by either them holding on too tightly causing people to run or by them not being willing to step out and even have a relationship for fear that they will be left alone. They in turn create what they most fear.
I’ve seen people who fear failure try so hard not to make a mistake that they aren’t willing to risk failure – and most successes come after many failed attempts. In turn, they fail before they even begin, because they aren’t willing to take the chances that are necessary to succeed. They, too, create what they most fear.
Are you creating in your life what you most fear?Are you ready to face your fears and do what it takes to get what you really want? If so, I urge you to go to The Journey Training and sign up for the very next Threshold class. Month after month we see people identify their fears, and find courage they perhaps didn’t even know they had to face it – even just a little. Every journey begins with a single step. Won’t you take yours today to Face Your Fears?
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