What are you Afraid of Anyway?  By Carla Willingham

What are you Afraid of Anyway? By Carla Willingham

“What are you afraid of anyway?  ”Let’s face it. We’re all afraid of something. Thunderstorms, snakes, heights, darkness, public speaking – or maybe being alone or taking on a new challenge; whatever it is, fear is fear and we all deal with it at one time or another. Whether we realize it or not, fear often times is a big factor in our lives.

But what exactly is fear? If you break it down, fear can be described simply as:

False

Education

Appearing

Real

Fear from perceptions

My fears may not necessarily be like your fears, but they are no less real. I personally find clowns to be delightful and funny, but have a friend who cowers in fear at even the mention of them. While I don’t believe she will ever encounter an evil clown who intends to do her harm, her perception of clowns prevents her from seeing them any other way.

Is her fear real? Yes, it certainly is.

Fear from experience

A person very close to me had an automobile accident recently and had to get past the fear of being behind the wheel again. The fear of having another accident was very real, but if they hadn’t worked through the fear, they would have been left with no way to get to work and provide for their family. Fear can be so powerful that it can impede your ability to even do some of life’s necessary functions. You can literally become a slave to fear.

Bondage from fear

It seems at times that there is no way to avoid becoming prey to the spirit of fear. Fear is a very powerful emotion and succumbing to it can be very easy. On the other hand, overcoming fear doesn’t seem to be as easy as falling victim to it. Sure, fear exists; otherwise, courage wouldn’t exist. But far too often our fear can be magnetized into something much bigger, causing us to hesitate, or even turn and run! The good news is that much of the time, a fear is a nothing more than a lie from the enemy. You can overcome it and you can break free from it.

“Feel the fear, move through it, do it anyway” – Jillian Michaels

The Journey Training  can give you the tools you need to overcome fear that is hindering you from living the life you desire and deserve. Each person that has attended The Journey Training has had to overcome some fear that they had in their lives. Whether it was a fear in the past, a fear of the future, or even a fear of change. Signing up for the Training may have been the first step through fear for many.

Living a life free from fear is possible. How do I know? Because I was once wounded by fear and let it hinder me from living life fully. And sometimes, I just have to look in the mirror and say “What are you afraid of anyway?” Maybe you should let The Journey Training show you how to get the tools to identify and overcome fear. Life lived without being slave to the spirit of fear is a good life indeed.

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Watch Your Step!  By Alison Loyd

Watch Your Step! By Alison Loyd

 

 As a person with low vision and poor balance, I’ve heard my whole life, “Watch your step.” My family and friends don’t want me to trip on a curb, uneven step, or my own two feet! Even with the warning, I sometimes still fall. I pick myself up, collect anything that went flying, and move on. It was just a curb, no big deal; the knees are used to it.

On the occasion that I fall down the stairs, however, I’m not as quick to bounce back. I usually end up hobbling on a twisted ankle for days.

One step at a time

When using a GPS, we need to know the destination. While we may like to be aware of the next few steps, we can’t skip steps. When building a house, you can’t put up the walls until you lay the foundation.

Since taking the leap of faith to leave my job, I’ve had the privilege of networking with some incredible people. Each person I meet leads to another opportunity or lead. With each meeting comes quality conversation, new ideas, confirmations, convictions, and valuable relationships.

Overcoming a misstep is a lot easier than overcoming a giant tumble.

Most of the time when I trip, I don’t know the step is there, or I don’t have time to process the warning. If I know I’m going to fall, I will be afraid and will question taking the step.

One of the interviews that was offered to me came with a whole stairway of questions in my mind. Is it feasible to start immediately? Will I move? When will I move? What about this obligation or that obligation? All of these issues were raised in a matter of moments of accepting the interview! I felt so overwhelmed, I fell UP the stairs! I had to stop, allow God to hold my hand, and just go to the interview. After all, that was the only guaranteed step.

“Be aware of your surroundings.” 

Yet another phrase I’ve heard most of my life that holds a lot of truth: be aware of your surroundings. When a driver is courageous enough to let me navigate,

I have to pay extra close attention to where we are. Walking by myself or crossing a street requires my entire focus. I can’t get distracted…it never ends well. In the same way if all I think about in an interview is everything that is coming afterwards, I won’t interview well. I have to stay present and aware. 

“That’s one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind.”

Like Neil Armstrong, The Journey Training likes to dream big! To make the giant leap to our dreams, we have to take small steps. If your dream is financial freedom, you have to start by writing down your income and expenses. If you want to lose 50 pounds, you can break it down into steps of a few pounds at a time. If you want an awesome job, you have to start with a search!

Where does your stairway lead? What’s your first step? You’re next step?

In the Journey Training, it is amazing what happens in each class. The people that end up in the room together always seem to offer exactly the perspective needed by the class to choose each of their next steps. Alison, and all the graduates of The Journey Training are proof of this. Through their very real struggles and life lessons, the rest of the class learns valuable perspectives of their own lives, allowing them to choose the next step for them with a little more insight. Watching your step can become a lot easier when you have a little perspective. Who knows? Maybe the very next threshold class is your next step!

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Choosing Moments

Choosing Moments

Yep. I went and got a job!

Since winning The Biggest Loser, I’ve spoken in 7 countries and 40 states about my journey. The experience has been awesome, but a look at my life made me consider a change. I was ready to get back to my roots in Land Surveying and stay home for a while, choosing moments.  All that time away changing others’ lives was sometimes at the cost of the very ones I loved most!   My wife Darci, my son David, and my daughter Mary Claire are my family. I want nothing more than to see them happy, but at times I was barely seeing them at all! I decided 100 flights a year was no longer going to work, and it was time for a more stable situation so I didn’t miss their life.

What caused me to come to this conclusion? Looking at my life from different perspectives. When I was in Buffalo Gap, Texas at Shades of Hope Treatment Center, Tennie McCarty reminded me to hit the pause button when things get tough. So one day when I felt stressed about leaving when my family needed me to stay home, I hit the pause button. I just rested in the fact of where I was, what I could control and what I couldn’t control. I had signed a contract, so I had to go. What that moment caused me to do was amazing. Let me explain.

Moments are a matter of time

Our lives are made up of moments – moments of our life’s history. It is also made up of future moments. Where are we going to be a year from now – or even 10 years from now? I know I can’t control the past, so what good is it to worry? I can, however, control my future. So what can I do to change my situation now? What if I continue to chase my dreams like this? And what will that cost me?

These are all choices that I have to make, and I used Tennie’s advice to deal with it. I remembered back when I had a cassette recorder as a kid, and the buttons that were on it. There was a play button, rewind, fast forward, pause, and record. I decided explore how I could use these buttons to help me answer all of those questions. The following is what I discovered.

Pausing the moment

Hitting the pause button allows you to stop, think and feel. Sometimes we don’t take the time to do that. We bulldoze through our life, reliving the same situations over and over again. Just by pausing, you may see something you have missed. Have you ever heard “stop and smell the roses?”  How many times have we pressed on without stopping, thinking and allowing ourselves to feel instead of stuffing feelings and moving on? Thinking things through can often lead to insight and peace with where you are right now, as well as whether or not where you are is what you intended or want.

Fast Forward to a future moment

By fast forwarding, we can see the possible results of our decisions. Instead of acting automatically I like to pause for a moment, and then fast forward to where I might end up, how I will feel, and who it will affect. “If I eat that cake, I’ll regret that decisions long after the thrill is gone.” Too many times we give up what we really want for what we want right now. Is this choice going to move me a step closer to my goal or perhaps stall me – or even move me further away? Darci once asked a recovered alcoholic how he had 4 years success with sobriety. He told her, “I fast forward to the next morning and how I will feel. I hate hangovers, and my day will be wasted. I’ll also feel terrible inside. It helps me choose not to drink.”

This is great to do, but choosing to live only for the future may also cause us to miss the opportunities of the present. Chasing your dreams and goals at the cost of the present moment comes with a price. In Ecclesiastes 1, it talks of all we do to strive, and when you finally catch your dreams that it was all chasing the wind. It’s the experience I want to savor– the journey – not the prize. For me, the Journey is the prize.

Rewinding to the past

Hitting the rewind button has benefits, but also can be dangerous. For a time after winning The Biggest Loser, I chose to live in the past. I was the Biggest Loser ever, and the world champion of something! That accomplishment was incredible, but it also came with a cost. I had to learn that is was not me, but it was an event. It did not define me, but was a great accomplishment. The danger of me continually hitting the rewind button to that moment could make me miss the current moment, and cost me the future I truly wanted. It is now time to move on with my life. I’ll always be the Biggest Loser, but I refuse to live in the past. If I continue to celebrate my past victory, I may miss the opportunity to create new victories.

From a different perspective, we may also be able to hit the rewind button to revisit a time of strength and motivation. We may need that motivation right now. Rewinding to moments of victory can inspire us to new heights, and remind us of just how far we’ve come!

Even further, if we continually hit the rewind button to revisit past abuse, pain or negative events of our life, it can cause us to re-create our “pit” and lead us to remain in it. Revisiting past events to remind us what we conquered is good, but we must be diligent not to create what we most fear and do not want.

Choosing to play

Choosing to play means stepping into your purpose – now – not in the future and not in the past. Where can we make a difference now? Who do we believe we are called to help? Who is most important to us, and are we choosing other purposes over them? Sometimes, focusing on making a difference in things at the cost of who and what is most important to us can cause us to miss our life.

When we record

Choose to live in the moment and make memories. Each moment we make important is being recorded, so we should chose to focus on making good memories. Choosing to make good memories and not bad memories is often a choice that we control. Sure, there will be memories that aren’t good and that we can’t control. And there will be choices we can make to create those positive memories that will propel us into our true purpose.

Choosing the moment

Choosing the moment is an important choice. And doing that means we need to first hit pause and stop, think and feel. Then choose to rewind to a past experience for strength, motivation and hope. Fast forward and think about the consequences of your choice, how and who it will affect, and whether it moves you closer to your goal or further from your goal. Don’t “chase the wind” at the cost of the moment. Your purpose is now, where you are. Not at some distant point in the future, or in a better situation. Choose to play right where you are, with the people God has put in your life, and in turn record great memories that will be stepping stones to what you truly want.

I’m choosing that right now. I didn’t crave going back into Land Surveying. I don’t hate it – I love it! But would it cost me my dreams? I kept telling myself that, and in turn I was costing myself my true dream – my family. My kids are going to get the father they need and deserve. My wife is going to get the husband she desires and craves. God is going to get the Danny that will change the lives of whomever crosses his path – whether it be in 7 countries and 40 states, or right here in front of me. I’m still going to travel and speak – only less. I’m planting myself here in Tulsa for now, and I’m fine with that!

Don’t miss your life. Sign up for The Journey Training and learn what you might be giving up – and what you might gain in the process! Hitting the pause button for a weekend might propel you into the life you really want!

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A Monument of Memorial

A Monument of Memorial

“Grandpa, what was the war like?”

“Well son, it was a little bit of hell, a little bit of fun, a little bit of excitement, a little boring at times; it was a little of everything – just like life.”

A Monument of Memorial

This answer sticks with us to this day, because our lives turned out to be one battle after another. We had to learn how to fight and keep on fighting, how to win, how to rejoice and be thankful – and then how to do it all over again. (From the opening of Losing Big, by Danny & Darci Cahill)

Remembering is important

Memories are powerful tools. They can help us avoid pain, allow us to succeed at tasks, and keep us on track. They also have another purpose: remembering the sacrifice of others. On this Memorial Day, I reflected about what might have happened had the greatest generation not sacrificed so greatly.

I didn’t have much of a relationship with my Grandpa Charlie. He suffered from alcoholism and I rarely saw him. Because of this, many memories of him aren’t great. But I remember one Christmas when he was there. I was looking at the Nazi bayonet he’d brought back from World War II and asked him, “Grandpa, what was the war like?” And I got a great gift in his answer. However, it took me years to understand it.

Now on Memorial Day I remember what my grandpa did during World War II. I choose to remember him as a hero and not for the mistakes he made. Perhaps we should choose to do that more with the people in our lives – especially ourselves.

Monuments of Memorial

When our son David was eight, he was hospitalized with Stevens-Johnson syndrome. If you don’t know what that is, I pray you never have to find out. In late stages the death rate is high. We were unsure of his future, and also unsure of what he’d face if he survived. He was misdiagnosed until an infectious disease specialist walked in, looked at him, and immediately knew what it was. He had recently treated the only other known case in Tulsa a year before. David wasn’t out of the woods, but with that diagnosis he had a chance! Today he is perfectly normal! When I need to know that we’ll make it through, I remember what God did for David – He’s a monument of memorial.

A Marriage Monument

Sometimes it can seem all is lost when we find ourselves in seemingly hopeless situations. When Darci and I wrote Losing Big, we weren’t sure what to expect, but the process of reliving those pain and victories in our past became a memorial of what God has done in our lives. We are still fighting that war called life. And in those moments of hopelessness, we need to remember how God rescued us and helped us overcome.

In Losing Big, Darci and I tell the story of our marriage, 6-months in. When we were ready to give up, God intervened. It happened the morning after a horrible night. While lying in bed, we were staring at the ceiling feeling hopeless when I said, “Something’s got to change.”

Darci paused. Then she replied, “I want to go back to church.”

Darci threw in the towel – not for our marriage – but for trying to do it alone. She knew in her heart that although it seemed impossible, with God all things are possible! (Matt 19:26) With that single decision, our marriage was set on a course for success. Was it easy? No. But we had a solid foundation to place everything on. Even when we didn’t trust each other at times, we could choose to trust God. And that was enough. We slowly began to see each other how God saw us – fearfully and wonderfully made.

Build a Monument of Memorial so you won’t forget

In Joshua 3, God stopped the flow of the Jordan River to allow the nation of Israel to cross. He then instructed them to bring 12 stones from its bottom to the shore. Here’s what happened next: (Joshua 4:6-7) “We will use these stones to build a memorial. In the future your children will ask you, ‘What do these stones mean?’ Then you can tell them, ‘They remind us that the Jordan River stopped flowing when the Ark of the Lord’s Covenant went across.’ These stones will stand as a memorial among the people of Israel forever.”

So that we don’t forget, we celebrate Memorial Day each year to honor the fallen of our country. It is because of their sacrifice that we live in the greatest nation on earth. Everyday life can make us forget, so we need a Memorial Day to remember.

Make yourself a Monument of Memorial

In typical The Journey Training fashion, I’d like to ask you to do something. Take a piece of paper and write a few incredible things God has done for you in your life. Then find something to represent and memorialize those events. I use a polished stone for David, a 1944 Dime for my grandpa, and a list of 10 beautiful things I keep on my phone for Darci. When I need hope, I pull them out. The stone for my son – that God will make all things work together for our good. The dime for my grandpa, that there is a calling on our life no matter what mistakes we make. And the list for my wife – that God has given me the perfect wife, even when shallow vision may think otherwise.

These memorials help me through those tough times – those times when it seems there is no hope. And with them I remember that there is always hope.Losing Big

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Stress, More or Less

Stress, More or Less

 

Stress is a funny thing.  During The Biggest Loser, stress management was a life or death situation.  Too much stress and your weight loss would dwindle. Too little stress and you’d be too comfortable and forgo the workouts.  Jillian and Bob were all about keeping your stress level perfect – in balance.  Let’s look at the word “stress” and what it means:  Stress: A state of mental or emotional strain or tension (pressure) resulting from adverse or very demanding circumstances.  Synonyms: strain, pressure, tension, worry, anxiety, trouble, difficulty.  Causes: Deadlines, frustrations, demands.

Stress is normal

Stress is a natural physical response from your body when you feel threatened or when you are out of balance.  It is the “fight or flight (or freeze)” response.  Stress is the natural reaction to protect you from harm.  It is a survival mechanism.  It can give you extra strength, help you rise to meet challenges, and keep you on your toes.  It sharpens your concentration or drives you to excel and work hard when time is short. That being said, stress can also kill you.

Stress, when in overdose, can cause damage to your emotional or physical health.  It can ruin your mood, productivity, strain your relationships, and affect your life.  Out of balance, stress is an enemy. In balance, stress is just a part of life.

Stress is inevitable

It’s not a question of if you will experience stress; it’s a question of when.  And sometimes it’s all around you and you don’t even realize it – you may not even know how it’s affecting you – and those around you.  Have you ever been told, “You sure are grumpy lately.” Or “Is there something wrong?  You’re just not yourself today.”  That could be a sign that stress is upon you and you just weren’t aware of it.

Stress can look different for different people and in different situations.  You can be in the “fight” mode, seeming angry, agitated, and even looking for a fight.  You might fidget or be overly emotional, ready to pounce at the slightest inconvenience. Or you could be in the “flight” mode, and appear withdrawn or shut down.  You may seem spaced out or even tired and depressed.  And you could even be in both modes at once – shut down, but ready to attack on a whim!

How do you handle stress?

How you handle stress can depend on a number of things.  It can depend on your emotional maturity, network of support, confidence in your ability to handle situations, or your attitude.  In The Journey Training, we teach about different personality traits.  One personality may hate spontaneity, while another thrives on it!  What stresses you out may be fuel for another.

Optimistic people can generally handle stress in more healthy ways than pessimistic people.  An optimist takes challenges head on, often seeing the problem as a challenge.  A pessimist usually sees a problem as a problem, and a situation that could cause pain and hurt in their life.  Pessimists worry about things before they even happen, causing stress in their life.  Once, Arthur and I were at the airport in San Francisco.  We had planned to sit by each other to discuss a training we just went through during our time of designing The Journey Training.  When we got our tickets, I saw that we weren’t sitting with each other.  I freaked out!  My status on the airline is supposed to avoid this!  I kept saying, “We have to sit together!  I want to talk about what we’ve just gone through!”  Arthur said, “It’ll all work out.”  I replied, “It had better!”  He then replied, “Worst case scenario is that we don’t sit together.”  I then said, “That had better not happen!”

When we got to the counter, I began my rant and was explaining to the attendant all the reasons this shouldn’t – and couldn’t – happen!  This airline employee, who was from a foreign country, raised his hands and said loudly with his accent, “STOP!  YOU ARE SCARING YOURSELF!”  Arthur began laughing profusely.  I was confused – until I realized that I had created a bigger problem than it actually was.  To Arthur, it wasn’t that big of a deal not to sit next to each other for 3 hours.  For me it was a catastrophe!

When we boarded the plane, the two men who were sitting in the aisle between us wouldn’t budge!  They were “aisle hounds” as I like to call them.  It turned out I sat beside a man that lived with the creator of American Aikido – something Arthur and I were going to talk about!  It turned out to be a divine appointment!  I was creating a problem where there was just a hiccup – or a detour.

Am I stressed?

Probably the most important thing in how you are able to handle stress is your knowledge and awareness of it.  If you ignore it, or stuff your feelings when they come to the surface, you’re more prone to the explosions that can cause damage to your physical health as well as your emotional health and relationships.  Like I said before, stress is a part of life.  How you respond to stress is the key to making it work for you and not against you.

Stress can come in many forms.  It can be financial problems, big life changes such as moving or buying a house, or deadlines that you feel you may not be able to handle. It can come from your children or family, work or school, or just feeling as though you’ve got to do it all.  It can look like worry, an all-or-nothing attitude, unrealistic expectations, or even perfectionism.  The crazy thing is that although stress can come from many different sources and look very different at times, your body doesn’t know the difference.  It handles all stress the same way.  Because this is the case, you’ve got to direct the responses of stress in a more healthy way.

Stress induced response

When stress hits, you can do a number of things to turn the tides on how you handle it.  There are several ways to avoid those damaging levels of stress.  In The Journey Training, we teach that when feelings arise, you must give them a healthy voice.  This doesn’t mean yelling at people and raging, but it does mean getting those feelings out in some healthy, non-abusive way.  This may look several different ways.  We teach that though journaling you can process your feelings and seek why you feel the way you feel.  You can do this with a journal, or even through processing with a buddy.  You can also deal with stress by turning that energy in to a physical exertion such as exercise or cleaning out that garage you’ve been needing to tackle!  In one way or the other, the physical energies that stress causes don’t go away, and they should be let out in a healthy manor.

Sometimes you need to avoid stress.  There was a relationship in my life that always caused stress. I was trying to get on The Biggest Loser television show and this certain person was completely negative about it. Every time we talked, the conversation either turned into a political argument or a Biggest Loser dream bashing. I decided to quietly move away from the relationship. I’d answer texts and emails, but I always was “too busy” to take their call – on purpose.  I knew when I picked up the phone, an argument would ensue.  In this way, I successfully avoided the stress and was able to stay focused on my goal.

When you can’t avoid the stress, you can change the situation by changing what you can: your response.  You can respectfully let your feelings and concerns be known, or explain why the situation is painful or stressful to you.  You can choose to find a compromise instead of being that “all-or-nothing” person.  You can’t change other people or even the situation at times, but you can always change the way you respond to the situation!  You can change YOU.

In AA, the serenity prayer asks for God to give you the serenity to accept the things you cannot change, the courage to change the things you can, and the wisdom to know the difference.  I was having sort of a stressful time in the relationship with another friend, so I decided to talk to my pastor and get some counseling on the situation.  His response was, “Are you expecting this person to be different than what they are?  Are you surprised they do that? It just seems to be the way they operate.”  This opened my eyes that the power was in my hands.  I had a choice: I could avoid the person or accept that this is how they are. Why would I expect any different? That simply piece of knowledge helped me heal my relationship with my friend.  My expectations were simply too high, and I shouldn’t have the expectation of him acting different than he naturally does.  My choice was to accept him or avoid him.  I chose to accept him the best I could.

The Truth about Stress

Stress is inevitable.  You must avoid it when you can, embrace it when you can’t, and learn the amount that is healthy for you.  Stress can motivate you or break you and decline your health.  So how much is the right amount?

I equate your life like a guitar.  With no stress, the strings have no tension.  You can’t play a single note.  Turn the tuning peg too much and the tension becomes too much, causing the string to break, and it loses the ability to be useful. But with the right amount of tension on each string (or each area of your life), beautiful music can be played. Your guitar must be in tune, each string given the proper amount of tension to vibrate at the exact speed to make the notes work perfectly together.  This is balance.

When your life is out of balance, with too little or too much stress, your song is quelled.  Too little stress and you are too comfortable, and in turn you become stuck.  Too much stress and you’re stretched too thin, and eventually, you break and are no good to anyone.  But the right amount and a beautiful song is played called life.  Avoid stress when it gets too much, and apply a little pressure when you get to lax, and your life will turn out just fine!

While I was on The Biggest Loser, Jillian Michaels and Bob Harper – and all of America watching – applied just the right amount of stress to make me sing a beautiful song.  Now, it seems too much stress has left me tired and worn out, and in response I have gained too much weight.  It’s time for me to re-prioritize and cut some unhealthy stress, I need to add some useful pressure to my life.  Will you join me in singing a song to affect your own life and that of those around you? Will you tune your guitar to make beautiful music?  In the end, ask yourself one question when a stressful situation hits.  Will it matter tomorrow, or next week, or next month, or next year?  If not, let it go.  If so, find the strength to change what you can, accept what you cannot, and pray for the wisdom to know the difference.

Danny facilitates monthly in an experiential training called The Journey Training.  In this weekend-long seminar, attendees are taught the self-awareness needed to make positive changes in their lives.  Sign up now for the next Threshold class and begin singing your new song today!

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