Since winning The Biggest Loser, I’ve spoken in 7 countries and 40 states about my journey. The experience has been awesome, but a look at my life made me consider a change. I was ready to get back to my roots in Land Surveying and stay home for a while, choosing moments. All that time away changing others’ lives was sometimes at the cost of the very ones I loved most! My wife Darci, my son David, and my daughter Mary Claire are my family. I want nothing more than to see them happy, but at times I was barely seeing them at all! I decided 100 flights a year was no longer going to work, and it was time for a more stable situation so I didn’t miss their life.
What caused me to come to this conclusion? Looking at my life from different perspectives. When I was in Buffalo Gap, Texas at Shades of Hope Treatment Center, Tennie McCarty reminded me to hit the pause button when things get tough. So one day when I felt stressed about leaving when my family needed me to stay home, I hit the pause button. I just rested in the fact of where I was, what I could control and what I couldn’t control. I had signed a contract, so I had to go. What that moment caused me to do was amazing. Let me explain.
Moments are a matter of time
Our lives are made up of moments – moments of our life’s history. It is also made up of future moments. Where are we going to be a year from now – or even 10 years from now? I know I can’t control the past, so what good is it to worry? I can, however, control my future. So what can I do to change my situation now? What if I continue to chase my dreams like this? And what will that cost me?
These are all choices that I have to make, and I used Tennie’s advice to deal with it. I remembered back when I had a cassette recorder as a kid, and the buttons that were on it. There was a play button, rewind, fast forward, pause, and record. I decided explore how I could use these buttons to help me answer all of those questions. The following is what I discovered.
Pausing the moment
Hitting the pause button allows you to stop, think and feel. Sometimes we don’t take the time to do that. We bulldoze through our life, reliving the same situations over and over again. Just by pausing, you may see something you have missed. Have you ever heard “stop and smell the roses?” How many times have we pressed on without stopping, thinking and allowing ourselves to feel instead of stuffing feelings and moving on? Thinking things through can often lead to insight and peace with where you are right now, as well as whether or not where you are is what you intended or want.
Fast Forward to a future moment
By fast forwarding, we can see the possible results of our decisions. Instead of acting automatically I like to pause for a moment, and then fast forward to where I might end up, how I will feel, and who it will affect. “If I eat that cake, I’ll regret that decisions long after the thrill is gone.” Too many times we give up what we really want for what we want right now. Is this choice going to move me a step closer to my goal or perhaps stall me – or even move me further away? Darci once asked a recovered alcoholic how he had 4 years success with sobriety. He told her, “I fast forward to the next morning and how I will feel. I hate hangovers, and my day will be wasted. I’ll also feel terrible inside. It helps me choose not to drink.”
This is great to do, but choosing to live only for the future may also cause us to miss the opportunities of the present. Chasing your dreams and goals at the cost of the present moment comes with a price. In Ecclesiastes 1, it talks of all we do to strive, and when you finally catch your dreams that it was all chasing the wind. It’s the experience I want to savor– the journey – not the prize. For me, the Journey is the prize.
Rewinding to the past
Hitting the rewind button has benefits, but also can be dangerous. For a time after winning The Biggest Loser, I chose to live in the past. I was the Biggest Loser ever, and the world champion of something! That accomplishment was incredible, but it also came with a cost. I had to learn that is was not me, but it was an event. It did not define me, but was a great accomplishment. The danger of me continually hitting the rewind button to that moment could make me miss the current moment, and cost me the future I truly wanted. It is now time to move on with my life. I’ll always be the Biggest Loser, but I refuse to live in the past. If I continue to celebrate my past victory, I may miss the opportunity to create new victories.
From a different perspective, we may also be able to hit the rewind button to revisit a time of strength and motivation. We may need that motivation right now. Rewinding to moments of victory can inspire us to new heights, and remind us of just how far we’ve come!
Even further, if we continually hit the rewind button to revisit past abuse, pain or negative events of our life, it can cause us to re-create our “pit” and lead us to remain in it. Revisiting past events to remind us what we conquered is good, but we must be diligent not to create what we most fear and do not want.
Choosing to play
Choosing to play means stepping into your purpose – now – not in the future and not in the past. Where can we make a difference now? Who do we believe we are called to help? Who is most important to us, and are we choosing other purposes over them? Sometimes, focusing on making a difference in things at the cost of who and what is most important to us can cause us to miss our life.
When we record
Choose to live in the moment and make memories. Each moment we make important is being recorded, so we should chose to focus on making good memories. Choosing to make good memories and not bad memories is often a choice that we control. Sure, there will be memories that aren’t good and that we can’t control. And there will be choices we can make to create those positive memories that will propel us into our true purpose.
Choosing the moment
Choosing the moment is an important choice. And doing that means we need to first hit pause and stop, think and feel. Then choose to rewind to a past experience for strength, motivation and hope. Fast forward and think about the consequences of your choice, how and who it will affect, and whether it moves you closer to your goal or further from your goal. Don’t “chase the wind” at the cost of the moment. Your purpose is now, where you are. Not at some distant point in the future, or in a better situation. Choose to play right where you are, with the people God has put in your life, and in turn record great memories that will be stepping stones to what you truly want.
I’m choosing that right now. I didn’t crave going back into Land Surveying. I don’t hate it – I love it! But would it cost me my dreams? I kept telling myself that, and in turn I was costing myself my true dream – my family. My kids are going to get the father they need and deserve. My wife is going to get the husband she desires and craves. God is going to get the Danny that will change the lives of whomever crosses his path – whether it be in 7 countries and 40 states, or right here in front of me. I’m still going to travel and speak – only less. I’m planting myself here in Tulsa for now, and I’m fine with that!
Don’t miss your life. Sign up for The Journey Training and learn what you might be giving up – and what you might gain in the process! Hitting the pause button for a weekend might propel you into the life you really want!
FREE Mini Journey Training
Discover How To Find More Passion and Purpose In Your Life!
I’ll never forget it. I was playing a gig and half way through the 3rd set I noticed my zipper was down. How embarrassing! I was rocking out, acting like the coolest thing in the world, and everyone was staring at my underwear, not my bass guitar! I was so embarrassed!
My friend later told me, “I was going to tell you, but I didn’t want to embarrass you.” WHAT?!?! As if NOT telling me saved me any embarrassment! It caused more! I told him, “Next time, TELL ME!”
The fact is you know what you know, you know what you don’t know, but you also don’t know what you don’t know. Let me explain. I know 2+2=4. I also know that I can’t speak German. But there are a number of things that I don’t know even exist. In many areas I’ve been walking around in ignorance, making decisions and not even knowing they were destroying my dreams; just like playing that gig with my fly down. If someone knew something you didn’t know that might help you, wouldn’t you want to know it? Are you sure?
Well, I can tell you that there are things about you that, if someone told you, might hurt you. I remember the day it all came to a head. I was sitting on the couch when Mary Claire walked in. She said, “Daddy, I want to be just like you.” I was flying high then! Who wouldn’t want to be just like me, right? She continued, “I want a belly just like yours.” That line echoed throughout my brain. You see, I was 460 pounds, and my stomach was 69 ½ inches around. That is C-R-A-Z-Y! I got angry. Not with her – with me. I stared at myself in the mirror. I didn’t like the man staring back at me.
I was a mean man; angry at myself and in turn angry at everyone else! I treated my family like dirt, and most of all I was probably the poorest role model my kids could have! Oh God! Mary wanted a belly – JUST LIKE MINE! NOOOOOOOOO!
Well, that did hurt, but I can say that becoming aware of how my anger and obesity was affecting my family, a change became possible – I no longer didn’t know what I didn’t know. Of course I knew I was obese, but I was oblivious to what my obesity was causing in my life and in the lives of those around me. After Mary told me, I could deny it or I could weigh it. I weighed it heavily – and I cried.
She was right. She did want to be just like me – and I didn’t ever want that to happen.
What are you walking around with that you don’t know about? How do you come across to people? Are you rude without even realizing it? Are you running scared and hiding out from your responsibilities? Or is your fly down? One way to find out is to ask. Simply find someone and ask for a little feedback. Ask them how they see you. Ask them what you can work on. Find out what you possibly don’t know.
I sent a mass-text to many of my friends a few years ago. I asked, “Name my greatest strength and my biggest weakness.” What I found was that many of my friends gave me the same feedback – both in strengths and weaknesses. The feedback “impatient” came back the most. Boy is that true! I am so impatient with my family, friends, in almost anything I do! I cut people off mid-sentence. I get angry and aggravated very quickly. I sure need patience. That feedback has helped me in my life. Did it hurt to hear it? Sure! Was it helpful to hear it? YOU BET!
Don’t fret when people give you feedback. Tell them you’ll weigh it carefully, and that you acknowledge their experience of you. Then weigh it and deal with it. Hearing those areas in which we are weak can help us strengthen them and get exactly what we want! And we might not play a gig with our fly open.
FREE Mini Journey Training
Discover How To Find More Passion and Purpose In Your Life!
As a Boy Scout leader, one of the funnest games we would play is something called “Tell it like it isn’t.” I would get all the boys, put them in a circle, tell them a story. I would intentionally make up a funny or creative story (Surprising right?). The boys would tell each other the story, they could not repeat it or ask for explanation. all along the way, you could visibly see the story getting more and more odd based on the expressions of the boys who were hearing the story from their friend, almost like, “Did they really say that?” By the time it got to the end of the line, you generally would not get anything close to the same story. Too often we hear things or read emails and we are confused by it, but we don’t want to ask for clarification because of a number of reasons. What if what I think they said is true? What if they think I am stupid? What if they get mad I had them repeat it? Do any of these ring true?
If you are to communicate completely with other people, when you are not positive what you heard is true, it is important to ask them to clarify.
This actually happened today. A friend from out of town was staying with us overnight because she wanted to come early to volunteer for the Journey Training, so we had her sleep over. At dinner the next night, she made comment about Noell and I engaging in extracurricular activities at 6am this morning. (Technically termed Coitus) I asked “What are you talking about?” She told me, “I heard Noell say ‘O Arthur, O Arthur’ early this morning.”
I was horrified, “What?” There is no way that happened, and I would know. (Now if you have a smokin’ hot wife like Noell, you would know that I have no problem with that activity, I was just horrified that a guest would hear that)
I immediately got with Noell, and we started really thinking about this morning. Then I remembered what had happened last night. I remembered, that I had a meeting with Thrive15 at 6:30 this morning, and I was asked to deliver some Chicken Minis from Chick-fil-A. (I have heard them called our yummy Crack laced Breakfast Chicken) Well I thought I would go above, make it huge, and pick up some special donuts. Noell was supposed to order them for me. Sadly, they give us the frequent flyer discount at the donut store, and have a personal ring tone for my wife. I got up at 5:30, got ready, and at 6:05 I kissed my wife goodbye and asked her if she ordered the donuts. She snapped out of bed, and flung the covers off, and shouted “O ARTHUR, O ARTHUR,” (then quieter said) “I am so sorry.”
Meanwhile our friend all day carried around the thought of a very awkward moment of what she heard. All she heard was coming out of my room, Noell yelling, while being compassionate, “O Arthur,” with a sense of sorrow in her voice due to what she forgot.
Was either one wrong? Not necessarily. She connected some dots based on what she heard. This is actually something that our brain does naturally.
Can you think of a time that you heard the wrong thing, and then went the wrong direction with it?
I have done it sadly, multiple times.
Its quite natural, but it’s what you do with it afterwords that will make the difference.
FREE Mini Journey Training
Discover How To Find More Passion and Purpose In Your Life!
If there is one thing I’ve learned from sports, it’s that you don’t have to be the best to win. Let me give you some examples.
On my high school football team, I didn’t “fit” my position. I was 5’11” tall and weighed 165 pounds my senior year – and I was the Strong Tackle. The head coach told the offensive line coach over and over not to start me, but coach Epps saw that what I lacked in size, I made up in heart. He fought for me to keep my position. Going against 250-300 pound defensive linemen wasn’t easy, but I found a way around it. After analyzing the situation, I thought, “Well, if they aren’t on their feet, they can’t make a tackle!” so when we ran the ball, I’d just take out their legs. It hurt when all that weight would crash down on top of me, and my hurt shoulders still feel it when I’m in the gym today, but they made very few tackles! When we passed the ball, I remembered Newton’s Law of Motion: An object in motion tends to stay in motion. I’d just let them decide which way they wanted to go, then I’d get underneath them and encourage them to go there! I’d use their weight against them! Success!
In wrestling, being just over the line of heavyweight proved tough! My opponents were MUCH bigger than I was! So I just began by trying not to get pinned. Then I tried to take every advantage I could! But I must say that using my teeth when an opponent flipped me onto my back and I couldn’t breathe wasn’t such a prudent decision – I ended up disqualified that day! However, I did take advantage of the referee’s whistle on the match next to ours! When he blew the whistle and my opponent on top thought it was ours, I turned and tackled him to take a 1 point lead with 5 seconds left! I had beaten a man almost twice my size!
I also played basketball when I was younger. I was never fast or tall, so how would I be able to score points? Well, with a basketball goal in our driveway and two older sisters who were good at it, I learned to shoot from the outside! I could swish a shot before the defender could get close enough to block it!
Then there was baseball. I was a little overweight and very slow. If hit the ball in the infield, how would I ever get to 1st base? So I worked on placing my hits and would punch it just over their heads into the outfield! At least I got to first! Now second was a different story.
My point is that you don’t have to be the best at what you do, but you do have to be a problem solver. Analyze the situation (look), Figure out solutions and multiply them what works), and determine what to get rid of what doesn’t work).
The next time you are up against some odds, follow those three steps! Analyze and try, multiply what works, and stop what doesn’t work.Even if you don’t become an expert at it, you will become better than you were before, which in any sense spells SUCCESS!
FREE Mini Journey Training
Discover How To Find More Passion and Purpose In Your Life!
