Since winning The Biggest Loser, I’ve spoken in 7 countries and 40 states about my journey. The experience has been awesome, but a look at my life made me consider a change. I was ready to get back to my roots in Land Surveying and stay home for a while, choosing moments. All that time away changing others’ lives was sometimes at the cost of the very ones I loved most! My wife Darci, my son David, and my daughter Mary Claire are my family. I want nothing more than to see them happy, but at times I was barely seeing them at all! I decided 100 flights a year was no longer going to work, and it was time for a more stable situation so I didn’t miss their life.
What caused me to come to this conclusion? Looking at my life from different perspectives. When I was in Buffalo Gap, Texas at Shades of Hope Treatment Center, Tennie McCarty reminded me to hit the pause button when things get tough. So one day when I felt stressed about leaving when my family needed me to stay home, I hit the pause button. I just rested in the fact of where I was, what I could control and what I couldn’t control. I had signed a contract, so I had to go. What that moment caused me to do was amazing. Let me explain.
Moments are a matter of time
Our lives are made up of moments – moments of our life’s history. It is also made up of future moments. Where are we going to be a year from now – or even 10 years from now? I know I can’t control the past, so what good is it to worry? I can, however, control my future. So what can I do to change my situation now? What if I continue to chase my dreams like this? And what will that cost me?
These are all choices that I have to make, and I used Tennie’s advice to deal with it. I remembered back when I had a cassette recorder as a kid, and the buttons that were on it. There was a play button, rewind, fast forward, pause, and record. I decided explore how I could use these buttons to help me answer all of those questions. The following is what I discovered.
Pausing the moment
Hitting the pause button allows you to stop, think and feel. Sometimes we don’t take the time to do that. We bulldoze through our life, reliving the same situations over and over again. Just by pausing, you may see something you have missed. Have you ever heard “stop and smell the roses?” How many times have we pressed on without stopping, thinking and allowing ourselves to feel instead of stuffing feelings and moving on? Thinking things through can often lead to insight and peace with where you are right now, as well as whether or not where you are is what you intended or want.
Fast Forward to a future moment
By fast forwarding, we can see the possible results of our decisions. Instead of acting automatically I like to pause for a moment, and then fast forward to where I might end up, how I will feel, and who it will affect. “If I eat that cake, I’ll regret that decisions long after the thrill is gone.” Too many times we give up what we really want for what we want right now. Is this choice going to move me a step closer to my goal or perhaps stall me – or even move me further away? Darci once asked a recovered alcoholic how he had 4 years success with sobriety. He told her, “I fast forward to the next morning and how I will feel. I hate hangovers, and my day will be wasted. I’ll also feel terrible inside. It helps me choose not to drink.”
This is great to do, but choosing to live only for the future may also cause us to miss the opportunities of the present. Chasing your dreams and goals at the cost of the present moment comes with a price. In Ecclesiastes 1, it talks of all we do to strive, and when you finally catch your dreams that it was all chasing the wind. It’s the experience I want to savor– the journey – not the prize. For me, the Journey is the prize.
Rewinding to the past
Hitting the rewind button has benefits, but also can be dangerous. For a time after winning The Biggest Loser, I chose to live in the past. I was the Biggest Loser ever, and the world champion of something! That accomplishment was incredible, but it also came with a cost. I had to learn that is was not me, but it was an event. It did not define me, but was a great accomplishment. The danger of me continually hitting the rewind button to that moment could make me miss the current moment, and cost me the future I truly wanted. It is now time to move on with my life. I’ll always be the Biggest Loser, but I refuse to live in the past. If I continue to celebrate my past victory, I may miss the opportunity to create new victories.
From a different perspective, we may also be able to hit the rewind button to revisit a time of strength and motivation. We may need that motivation right now. Rewinding to moments of victory can inspire us to new heights, and remind us of just how far we’ve come!
Even further, if we continually hit the rewind button to revisit past abuse, pain or negative events of our life, it can cause us to re-create our “pit” and lead us to remain in it. Revisiting past events to remind us what we conquered is good, but we must be diligent not to create what we most fear and do not want.
Choosing to play
Choosing to play means stepping into your purpose – now – not in the future and not in the past. Where can we make a difference now? Who do we believe we are called to help? Who is most important to us, and are we choosing other purposes over them? Sometimes, focusing on making a difference in things at the cost of who and what is most important to us can cause us to miss our life.
When we record
Choose to live in the moment and make memories. Each moment we make important is being recorded, so we should chose to focus on making good memories. Choosing to make good memories and not bad memories is often a choice that we control. Sure, there will be memories that aren’t good and that we can’t control. And there will be choices we can make to create those positive memories that will propel us into our true purpose.
Choosing the moment
Choosing the moment is an important choice. And doing that means we need to first hit pause and stop, think and feel. Then choose to rewind to a past experience for strength, motivation and hope. Fast forward and think about the consequences of your choice, how and who it will affect, and whether it moves you closer to your goal or further from your goal. Don’t “chase the wind” at the cost of the moment. Your purpose is now, where you are. Not at some distant point in the future, or in a better situation. Choose to play right where you are, with the people God has put in your life, and in turn record great memories that will be stepping stones to what you truly want.
I’m choosing that right now. I didn’t crave going back into Land Surveying. I don’t hate it – I love it! But would it cost me my dreams? I kept telling myself that, and in turn I was costing myself my true dream – my family. My kids are going to get the father they need and deserve. My wife is going to get the husband she desires and craves. God is going to get the Danny that will change the lives of whomever crosses his path – whether it be in 7 countries and 40 states, or right here in front of me. I’m still going to travel and speak – only less. I’m planting myself here in Tulsa for now, and I’m fine with that!
Don’t miss your life. Sign up for The Journey Training and learn what you might be giving up – and what you might gain in the process! Hitting the pause button for a weekend might propel you into the life you really want!
FREE Mini Journey Training
Discover How To Find More Passion and Purpose In Your Life!
My oldest son came home from school today with his graduation cap and gown. He is a senior and will graduate 3 days after Mother’s day. I feel a combination of joy, sadness, pride, ….and nausea! Do my kids really NEED me?
Whenever my kids have a champion moment that signifies they are growing up, I am so proud of them and happy for their future, but…it adds to a growing feeling that I am becoming less and less needed in their lives.
I decided that the best way to find out what they need from me, their mom, was to ask them, so I did and here is what they said:
My 18 year old son, Connor said, “What I need from my mom is”:
Advice, not instruction – “I want and need your advice from your life experiences….I also want to make my own mistakes.”
Privacy – “Knock before coming in my room…and then wait for me to say come in. I’m not hiding anything, I just need some privacy”
Respect my time and schedule – “I like being able to help you out, I just don’t like it when you assume I don’t have plans and you plan something for me.”
Communicate Family Plans – “I actually like family time, I just want to be able to plan around it, otherwise, it makes family time feel like frustration rather than fun.”
Positive Reinforcement – “ I need to be told when I do something right, not just when I do something wrong. I need to know you are proud of me”
Love – “I know you love me when you support my ideas and when you tell me you love me.”
My 16 year old son, Casey said, “What I need from my mom is”:
Communicate Family Plans – “I really like our family time, but I don’t like canceling my plans because I wasn’t told family plans have been made.”
Support – “I need your support when I have a new idea! I need encouragement and you to help me not quit when I want to give up.”
Support – “I also want your support by you going to my school functions and my orchestra concerts and me. It makes me feel like you are proud of me.”
Hugs – “Believe it or not, I like it when you hug me….even in public!! It doesn’t embarrass me, it just lets me (and everyone else) know that you love me.”
Positive Reinforcement – “I need to be told when I have done well. It encourages me to repeat the good stuff.”
Love – ”When you tell me you love me I know that you do…actually, everything you do for me tells my you love me!”
My 15 year old son, Chase said, “What I need from my mom is”:
The Basics – “I need you for a place to live, food, money, and presents!”
Support – “It means a lot to me when you go out of your way to go to my band stuff. I like that we have that in common. I also appreciate your help paying for all of my band trips and going on them with me!”
Advice without intrusion – “Basically, don’t get involved in my love life! It’s embarrassing!”
Sometimes a hug – “(it’s ok if it is all the time, not sometimes) I like that you hug me in public, my friends are actually jealous, cause you’re a cool mom!”
Obedience – “I know this will never happen but you asked what I need from my mom so….I thought I’d try to slip this one in.”
Love – “Making time for me and my activities shows me that you love me”
My 12 year old son, Cameron said, “What I need from my mom is”:
Advice – “I need your advice on how to handle situations at school…but not about girls!”
Support – “I need you to help me pay for my band trips (of course) but I also really like it when you go on the trips with me. I like seeing that you are proud of me.”
Hugs – “Any time, anywhere, in front of anyone! I know you love me when you hug me!!”
Communication – “I need you to tell me when family stuff is planned ahead of time. I don’t like getting ready at the last minute.”
Time – “I need you to spend time with me alone, just you and me!”
Love – “I know you love me when you give me hugs, time together, and gifts….I like gifts…”
My 11 year old daughter, Savannah “Savy” said, “What I need from my mom is”:
Cuddles – “I just like to cuddle with you and talk about my day! Hugs and kisses are always needed too!”
To be taught things – “I need you to teach me to do things that I don’t know how to do, like doing my own hair and putting on make up.”
To be available – “I need you to be available for me to talk to you about school and about my day.”
Time – “I need time alone with you. It doesn’t matter what we do.”
Love – “I know you love me when you help me with my homework and you make time for me.”
My 10 year old daughter, Sydney said, “What I need from my mom is”:
Money – “I’m too young to make enough myself so I need you to pay for stuff for me.”
Hugs, Kisses & Cuddles – “I like this all the time but especially when I am upset! You are my “happy place” when I am sad or upset.”
Time – “I like it when we spend Mom/Syd time. I get all of your attention that way.”
School Lunch – “I like it when you come to my school and eat lunch with me. It makes me feel special that you go out of your way for me for lunch.”
Love – I know you love me when you tell me you love me and when you hug me and rock me….I’m not too old for that!!!”
As you can tell, I didn’t filter their lists…. I was amazed at how easily these answers came out of them as if to say, “of course I need you mom”, all the while I am telling myself a story that they don’t need me. Their needs change as they get older but they don’t go away. I still call my mom when I’m sick for her to tell me what medicine to take and for her to say, “I’m so sorry you feel bad.” Even as an adult, that still helps!
I have shared these insights from my children not to tell you that these are the needs of your children, rather, to show you what you can find out if you ask! Sit down with your kids one on one and ask them what they need from you as their mother. Tell them there is no wrong answer and let them have fun with it!
The last thing on each of their lists was answering the question of how they know that I love them. Be sure and ask them this question. Listen carefully to this answer from your children and you will hear the answer to the greatest need they have for you….your love!
The book “The Five Love Languages for Children” (or teenagers) by Gary Chapman, is a great tool that tells you how you can “tell” your child that you love them through a language that they understand.
So, do my kids really NEED me? If you are like me, and you wonder if your kids need you or if they know you love them… ask them! It is the only way to know.
FREE Mini Journey Training
Discover How To Find More Passion and Purpose In Your Life!
In the Journey Training, I often use the phrase “choose and move.” I love this statement, and so I use this all the time. When I am driving, if you’re a passenger in my car, you would possibly hear me yell, “C’mon buddy, choose and move!” How about when this happens at the mall? It is December at the mall, walking down the corridor, hundreds of people around me. Everything is moving along at a good pace, kind of like a herd of cattle, until someone stops right in front of you. You come to a screeching halt to avoid running into them, and then everyone behind you is doing the same. Not choosing and moving caused a 9 person holiday pileup.
Even if I don’t know exactly what to do, I choose and move. I may not have all the facts, but I will make a choice and act on it. Sometimes I will move without all the facts, and it ends up messing things up, and other times I may wait, producing an outcome that is not what I wanted.
I have 6 kids, and one thing I have learned is when to tell your kid is sick. I remember my son Casey once came in to me, about 18 months old and had a certain look. As a parent, you just know! I knew what this look was, but I knelt down and started trying to over-analyze it. He was whining, and kind of crying. “How are you feeling Casey, does your head hurt?”
“No”, he whined. I had him breathe in and out, then I put my hand on his stomach, and I felt it turn…HOLY POOPY! I knew what was about to happen.
I yelled “NOELL,” grabbed Casey, threw him on my shoulder and bolted to the bathroom, which was on the other side of the house. We made it half way there before he exploded, puking everywhere; since we were running to the bathroom it was like crop dusting. I got him to the toilet, and we got him all situated. Then, once the adrenaline stopped, I assessed the situation. He started throwing up down the hall, so it was at head height on the west side wall, for about 17 feet. When we tried to set him down by the toilet, in the adjustment, he belched out another, and that took care of most of the restroom. It was in my ear, on my glasses, and right into my mouth. By the time Noell got there, I looked like I just got out of battle, and stood in my suit, dripping, spitting, and wiping whatever Casey had for breakfast and lunch off my glasses.
If I hadn’t made a choice and moved, the situation could have been significantly worse.
When I know I need to move on something, here is why I am passionate:
The window of opportunity may not be open long.
I may lose the passion if I delay
Once I get it done, I can move on to other things.
What do you need to move on today?
You can learn tools such as these fromThrive15.com an online 24-hour a day “edutainment” “edutainment” platform that helps people learn from Millionaires, Moguls and everyday success stories like me. You can use my access code 2inspire and get a FREE 30 day membership.
FREE Mini Journey Training
Discover How To Find More Passion and Purpose In Your Life!
It’s been 5 years since winning The Biggest Loser. I’m not perfect, but I’m still 200 pounds down from my heaviest. To sustain a 200 pound weight loss for over 5 years hasn’t been easy; in fact, it’s been a lot harder than losing it in the first place! The true battle began once I stepped off the scale as the World Champion of Weight Loss back in December of 2009.
Life can hand you challenges, and those challenges can become distractions. I’ve been handed many in the last 5 years, and at times I have failed those challenges and backslid into some old, bad habits. In fact, 2 years ago I had to make some decisions to get the train back on the right track and begin to make progress again. Will Rogers once said, “Even if you’re on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there.” So how do you face those challenges and distractions, and keep yourself moving forward? It begins by managing you.
I have found that you spend the most time with one person: YOU. And that being the case, accountability begins with you! Managing yourself takes discipline and self-control, but simpler than that is it just takes a plan.
Make Some Deadlines, Create Some Expectations
For years, I managed Land Surveying crews. If I wanted something done, I’d give them a deadline. Without a deadline, we can tend to have the “there’s no rush” attitude. But when we have a deadline on something, things tend to get done! Deadlines in your life begin with goal setting. In The Journey Training, I teach goal setting by setting time specific goals. If you just set a goal without a deadline, there’s no urgency to get it done! So whatever you need to do in your life, whether it’s lose weight, find employment, sell things, or save for retirement, take the end result and break them up into smaller goals. Let’s use weight-loss as an example.
If I want to lose 50 pounds, the first thing I need to do is set a time frame. So my goal becomes lose 50 pounds in 6 months. Then I break that up into even smaller goals. My long term goal is 50 pounds in 6 months, and I now set a short term goal of losing 10 pounds in 1 month. And even further than that, I want to set a weekly goal of lose 3 pounds in 1 week. So now I have a deadline. Get on the scale in 7 days and be down 3 pounds. Without that deadline you can set for yourself, 50 pounds seems impossible. How big does 3 pounds sound? To me, it sounds do-able!
Just as you’d manage others, you’ve got to manage yourself. Set a deadline for yourself and put it out there. Tell others of your deadline. Ask them to check on you when it comes and see how you did. Do what a manager would do for his team – set a deadline and create an expectation.
FREE Mini Journey Training
Discover How To Find More Passion and Purpose In Your Life!
A few years ago, I was on a quest. I was proving a point, I was getting off my ask.
It started with a trip I wanted to go on, and asking everyone I knew for $25 for the trip. I told everyone that I had the money, so I could afford to go, and I don’t have to go. All the same, I asked if they would give me $25 so I can go to the Bob Harrison Increase event seminar in Hawaii.
Taking action in life is something few do. Napoleon Hill, author of Think and Grow Rich, says “taking action is a true measure of intelligence.” There countless books on the concept.
My time with Myles Munroe was a perfect example of this.
One of my goals during that trip was to have lunch, breakfast, or dinner with every speaker of that conference, so I had to look for opportunities to take action. I knew it certainly would not happen by accident. If I was looking for it to be an accident, then I needed to make that accident happen. I first saw Myles Munroe at the airport, and introduced myself at the luggage pickup. I did not feel our relationship was at the point to ask him yet, though. So I waited.
Later in the week, I found a iPhone on a table, ringing, but with no one answering it. So I picked it up and looked at the pictures. It was Dr. Munroe’s. When I went to give it to him, I used that opportunity to ask him to lunch. He graciously said yes, so we set a time.
On the day of our visit, it ended up being quite the group. I had not specifically asked for a private lunch, and Myles had invited 11 other people besides the two of us for a total of 13 at lunch that day. During that time, I found out many incredible things about this leader.
I asked him how he spent his time. I asked him about some hard decisions. I saw his interaction as a husband since his wife was there. I saw his interaction as a father, since his daughter was there. (I found out she loves our Polynesian sauce and since she lived in Bahamas, she did not get much anymore, so I pulled an Arthur, and mailed her a case)
At one point I excused myself to go to the restroom, and gave the waitress my credit card, ensuring I would cover the bill. At the end of the lunch his protege was confused, and was not happy that he did not get to pay. He was kind of vocal about it.
Then it happened. Here is the biggest thing I learned…
The gentleman said that Myles was his mentor, and even in this event he has not been able to get time with Myles alone. When he said it, it seemed that he might be irritated specifically at me. Without missing a beat, Myles interrupted him and said something that I will never forget.
He said to his mentee, “Here is the difference, You did not get time with me alone because you did not ask. He asked,” and gestured to me. Then he continued “And he paid the bill because he made it happen.”
Sometimes we just do things automatically, without thinking it through completely or analyzing it. We just do.
This particular meeting sealed what I already knew to do. Ask. It validated to me that many of us do not get the opportunities because we do not ask or seek out opportunities.
Myles Munroe knew how do this.
FREE Mini Journey Training
Discover How To Find More Passion and Purpose In Your Life!
