They say “live in the moment.” They say “be positive.” And they say “be present.” Are you staying positive? How are YOU showing up?
Staying present is more than the mantra “be here now.” This fabulous phrase, popularized by Ram Dass, is everywhere in popular culture … but that doesn’t mean people are using it correctly. True, we can’t claim to have a corner on any phrase, life philosophy, or spiritual approach. But we can tell you that in our experience, being present and being positive are not the same thing.
First, though, a disclaimer: We would never want to convey the idea that people should avoid or look down upon negative emotions. All feelings are a part of life’s journey. They provide critical guideposts to help us navigate our inner and outer environment.
However, just like those base-jumpers in the flying suits… (Google them!) we go where we look. Focus on the negative, and the present can become a very unpleasant place indeed.
Consider the following situations:
- You suffer a romantic disappointment;
- Your boss yells at you with the door open, and for the rest of the week your team members eye you with pity;
- One of your children has chosen a path you don’t agree with or that breaks your heart;
- You aren’t happy with your body;
The list goes on and on, of course. In situations such as these, many people have an immediate fight or flight reaction. Too often, they flee to the past, when things were cozier or better, and the adverse event wasn’t happening. Or they take refuge in the future, where perhaps life is rosier. Maybe they even fantasize about seeking revenge. Hey, we’re all human. But you see the problem: You’re not here now.
If you do stay in the present, your thoughts might turn toward the dismal and self-flagellating. You may utter phrases such as “I wasn’t worth loving anyway,” “I hate my boss and I’ll never enjoy work” or “I knew I should have been a better parent. It probably all goes back to that time I failed to…”
Take a Moment for Introspection…But Just the Positive Kind
Introspection is, without doubt, one of the handiest tools in your interpersonal (and intra-personal) kit. However, it can be damaging if you don’t take the right approach, which is to look for the good in each situation.
You can start by re-framing. Even with a broken heart, it’s possible to see that if someone dumps you, then they weren’t right for you. If your boss yells at you, they’re making themselves look bad. No one is responsible for your child’s actions but your child, no matter how much you might suffer from their decisions. And your body is what it is for now. If you want to alter it, you must face it with positivity, hope and a willingness to change your actions as well as your mindset.
Your elders were right: Each situation is a learning experience. You can choose to stay with that experience long enough to glean the good from it. Or, you can repeat the lesson another time.
When that feels like too much for you, and staying present becomes too heavy a burden, your spiritual community can help. If you want to learn to stay present, even in the midst of hurt and heartache, our community at The Journey Training is here for you. It’s time to become who you’re meant to be.
Have you ever found yourself in an argument with someone – perhaps your spouse, a family member, or a business partner – and you just couldn’t come to an agreement? Perhaps it’s not totally their fault. I know, I know… You’re always right, right?
A friend of mine told me that in the past she always said her dream home was a white home with a wrap-around porch. When she’d tell her husband about this, he’d say, “No way! Brick is what we’ll have!” She’d grit her teeth and think to herself, “Why is he so controlling?!” When I asked her, “What happened?” She told me she finally gave in and they now live in a brick home – which she loves! She said, “Utilities are cheaper, it protects from the elements so much better, and the resale value is much higher than a frame house like I wanted. I’m so glad we chose brick!” I asked her to explain why she was willing to give up her dream home. She continued, “I asked myself: Is my husband crazy? Nope. Is he stupid? Nope! Does he love me? Yup! Then there’s got to be a reason for that!” She chose to consider a positive possibility rather than a negative one.
When she chose to see things from a different perspective, that perhaps her husband had their best interests at heart, she was willing to let go and accept his decision – and now she’s happier for it! After hearing this story, I began thinking of all the things in life there’s got to be a reason for. All the fights, all the disagreements, and all of the decisions we make! I began to dig a little deeper and concluded that in life, we tend to make up stories about why someone does what they do. Sometimes, those stories are true; and sometimes they aren’t!
On the way to a hike, my son and I were driving by the casino when the car in front of us turned into the parking lot. It was 7:45am! I said, “That’s sad.” My son asked why it was sad and I told him, “If someone was pulling in to the casino that early, they must be an addicted gambler.” I was an addicted gambler years before and identified with them. He then said, “How do you know dad? They may be celebrating their birthday with family and meeting everyone there for breakfast.” Man, what wisdom! What a different perspective! He looked for a positive possibility rather than a negative one.
Later on the hike, I told that story to my Bootcamp and one of my trainees said, “She might have been going to work to provide for her kids.” WOW! That’s a possibility, too! Why am I so judgmental when I don’t know the real story? And the only way I’d know the real story is if I asked.
So many times in life, we make up stories and judge people by our own deductions of what their true intentions are. Perhaps we should just ask what they are rather than assuming something negative! If my friend had asked her husband why he wanted brick, he could have explained it to her. Maybe no argument would have ensued!
Then I thought if I quit judging people so harshly, I’d see the positive possibility instead of automatically gravitating to the negative one. And I promise; if you’re the one who gravitates to those negative possibilities, you’re not alone! Many people come to The Journey Training with behaviors that create unnecessary friction, drama, and negative outcomes in their life – and they don’t even know why! By the time their training is over, they’re not perfect; but at least they know some of why they do what they do. Then, if they choose, they can begin to change it – and in turn create a better life!
I promise you, whether you tend to choose the positive possibility or the negative possibility, there’s got to be a reason for that. Are you ready to find out why? Sign up for Threshold class in The Journey Training and open your eyes to a whole new world!
Most of my problems in life never happened. I worry about things before a problem exists! I’m sure many can relate to this, but we all have real problems that do exist, and I’ve found that my narrow-mindedness is often the reason I get stuck in my problem.
I can’t be wrong
Most of the time when we hear something that goes against our beliefs, we automatically defend our position. It’s a natural trait. We were born to be right! But sometimes, being right can also cause you to stay wrong. Have you ever fought for your point of view only to finally look up the facts and realize you were wrong? I do it often. And it always reminds me of the wasted time I spent defending my wrong beliefs.
Just last week I was hiking with my boot camp on Turkey Mountain in West Tulsa. I was so sure we were supposed to go straight, but Mary said, “I think this is where we turn right.” I immediately began explaining why I knew we were to go straight. She gave in and we got lost. Turned out that we were supposed to turn right. And our hike ended up lasting longer than either of us expected or wanted! After the hike, she told me, “I saw a paint mark on that tree, and that’s why I knew we should have turned right.” I said, “Why didn’t you say something?” She answered, “I did, but you were so busy explaining why you were right that you didn’t hear me.”
Wrong can be beautiful.
There are times in life I wished I was wrong. When I thought I’d overdrawn my bank account, I prayed to be wrong; and I was! I’m wrong, Awesome! Let me explain another way.
If you are too narrow-minded to consider the possibility that you may be wrong, could you be deterring your own success? I see it every day; and I see it every day because I’m often guilty of it! You see, when there is a problem or a “road block” to something, it wouldn’t be a problem if you knew exactly how to solve it. First, you must open your mind and consider all of the possibilities. Sometimes, you may be looking at something from a wrong perspective – or from a viewpoint in which you just can’t see the answer – even when the answer is staring right at you. Many times our past experiences cause up to make up the story that we’re right when we’re actually far from it!
When Arthur and I get together, he tends to get frustrated with me. The nature of my job for the past 35 years has been to find out what’s wrong with something and fix it. I am a Land Surveyor and a musician. If I let a mistake go by, it could cost millions – or make a song sound really bad! So I have become very good at seeing the one thing – or note – that’s wrong, and it sometimes impairs my ability to see the things that are right. This can have value, but it also can be detrimental!
Arthur hates it when he brings an idea to the table and the first thing I say is, “Well, that won’t work because…” He says it frustrates progress. Why? Because it’s not whether the idea will work or not, but sometimes the most beautiful and powerful things were created through something that didn’t work or was a mistake – or perhaps just outside the box. If we are determined to immediately point out the flaw, something incredible might be forgotten before a different perspective can be seen and an amazing solution can come to light. Sometimes you need to stare at a problem for a while to see the solution. I tend to move on to a solvable problem that my intellect agrees with and leave the problem I’m so sure won’t work behind. And the result is often a missed opportunity. I’ve learned with Arthur to say, “That just may be crazy enough to work!”
Wrong can be AWESOME!
How in the world can being wrong be awesome? When you have an open mind. There have been few successes without failure first.
WD-40 hit store shelves in 1958. Almost everyone has seen WD-40 at the store, and there are literally thousands of uses , but the most important thing to know about WD-40 is what the name stands for: Water Displacement perfected on the 40th try. Yes, it took 39 failures to create one of the world’s most known and best-selling products. And it was perfected because of tenacity and open-mindedness – being willing to accept that they were wrong, and looking for other solutions – often where they didn’t expect.
In The Journey Training, we teach that seeing others’ opinions and perspectives is a vital part of life. Sometimes, the perspective of others is exactly what we need to see to choose differently. Each month we see people learn that they are not always right, and that’s a good thing! Sometimes, being willing to see differently is all someone needs to find a solution to the problem they’ve been facing for years.
One of the most shared traits of history’s richest and most successful people is open-mindedness. And that same trait is shared in some of the best marriages, happiest people, and most successful goal achievers. Instead of leaving your next problem behind or choosing to fight for your belief, why not open your mind and choose to see it differently. You just might find the solution you’ve been looking for!
Have you ever found yourself in an argument with someone – perhaps your spouse, a family member, or a business partner – and you just couldn’t come to an agreement? Perhaps it’s not totally their fault. I know, I know… You’re always right, right?
A friend of mine told me that in the past she always said her dream home was a white home with a wrap-around porch. When she’d tell her husband about this, he’d say, “No way! Brick is what we’ll have!” She’d grit her teeth and think to herself, “Why is he so controlling?!” When I asked her, “What happened?” She told me she finally gave in and they now live in a brick home – which she loves! She said, “Utilities are cheaper, it protects from the elements so much better, and the resale value is much higher than a frame house like I wanted. I’m so glad we chose brick!” I asked her to explain why she was willing to give up her dream home. She continued, “I asked myself: Is my husband crazy? Nope. Is he stupid? Nope! Does he love me? Yup! Then there’s got to be a reason for that!” She chose to consider a positive possibility rather than a negative one.
When she chose to see things from a different perspective, that perhaps her husband had their best interests at heart, she was willing to let go and accept his decision – and now she’s happier for it! After hearing this story, I began thinking of all the things in life there’s got to be a reason for. All the fights, all the disagreements, and all of the decisions we make! I began to dig a little deeper and concluded that in life, we tend to make up stories about why someone does what they do. Sometimes, those stories are true; and sometimes they aren’t!
On the way to a hike, my son and I were driving by the casino when the car in front of us turned into the parking lot. It was 7:45am! I said, “That’s sad.” My son asked why it was sad and I told him, “If someone was pulling in to the casino that early, they must be an addicted gambler.” I was an addicted gambler years before and identified with them. He then said, “How do you know dad? They may be celebrating their birthday with family and meeting everyone there for breakfast.” Man, what wisdom! What a different perspective! He looked for a positive possibility rather than a negative one.
Later on the hike, I told that story to my Bootcamp and one of my trainees said, “She might have been going to work to provide for her kids.” WOW! That’s a possibility, too! Why am I so judgmental when I don’t know the real story? And the only way I’d know the real story is if I asked.
So many times in life, we make up stories and judge people by our own deductions of what their true intentions are. Perhaps we should just ask what they are rather than assuming something negative! If my friend had asked her husband why he wanted brick, he could have explained it to her. Maybe no argument would have ensued!
Then I thought if I quit judging people so harshly, I’d see the positive possibility instead of automatically gravitating to the negative one. And I promise; if you’re the one who gravitates to those negative possibilities, you’re not alone! Many people come to The Journey Training with behaviors that create unnecessary friction, drama, and negative outcomes in their life – and they don’t even know why! By the time their training is over, they’re not perfect; but at least they know some of why they do what they do. Then, if they choose, they can begin to change it – and in turn create a better life!
I promise you, whether you tend to choose the positive possibility or the negative possibility, there’s got to be a reason for that. Are you ready to find out why? Sign up for Threshold class in The Journey Training and open your eyes to a whole new world!
