In my career in Land Surveying, which spans 37 years, I’ve learned a lot about the profession. To say I’ve reached the destination of knowing enough would be a stretch for sure, but to say I’ve learned a lot would be the truth.
In our lives, we learn a lot from our experience. I teach an experiential self-development program in Tulsa called The Journey Training which I helped create with some other incredible people. It helps people find out what they don’t know about their actions, lives and beliefs. To explain how it works, as a child you were probably told at one time or another, “Don’t touch that stovetop, it’s hot!” And many of you reading this “tested” that theory you were told to find out it was true, and never touched the hot stovetop again.
When you have an experience like that, the information moves from knowledge in our head to belief in our heart (or wisdom), and you never have to think much on the subject again – you just know the truth! In the training, we “remove the blinders” people have been wearing in their own lives that has been keeping them from what they really want. These unknown truths are the false beliefs we keep defending, but are often what holds us back from knowing the real truth, and in turn getting the outcome we truly want.
And then there were my car-wrecks. It took a rather large insurance bill to wake me up to the truth that a 17-year old boy with two wrecks on his record would cost me. I had to figure it out the hard way when it became rather hard and costly to keep driving because of that insurance bill. I have a 17-year old son today, and quite frankly, I give him as much information as I can – and I hope he has ears to hear!
Know it All
Unfortunately, you were burned if you touched the stove to test the theory (like I did) and it hurt. In our profession, experience is the best teacher. But to save on the cost of learning this way, learning from the experience of others can be a far cheaper, more valuable lesson to us!
I’ve heard many people say with dread, “The conference is coming up. Oh I do NOT want to sit through another one of those.” I remember my first Oklahoma Society of Land Surveyors Conference (OSLS). They were showcasing the latest pen plotters that were available. I remember watching it draw the plat and wondering the logic of why it drew the way that it did. It would begin drawing a word, then the arm would swing away just before finishing the word to draw some lines in the far corner of the plat. Then it would swing back to finish the letters of the word, swing away again, and then come back to dot the i.
Then my dad took me into the conference room and I sat through a 3-hour session about “River Surveys.” It was like a sermon in church to a 12-year-old (I was 12 years old) and I couldn’t keep focused on the speaker. But then a hand flew up in the front and the Surveyor asked a question while the other surveyors wriggled around in their chairs. I think the question was more of a trap for the speaker than inquisitive, and the speaker quickly corrected the Surveyor and perhaps embarrassed him. It seemed the Surveyor asking the question had been doing these surveys wrong his entire life and never realized it. The embarrassment he felt was probably a God-send to the other surveyors in the room who had been making the same mistakes, or had never done a River Survey. His experience, although quite embarrassing, was very valuable to the entire room.
Over the years, I’ve heard many questions in the OSLS Conference classes, and I’ve learned from every one. I’ve learned what I’ve been doing right, and on occasion, what I may have been doing wrong. Both were valuable to me as affirmation or correction, and sometimes just opening my eyes to what I don’t know. Like I say in The Journey Training, “You DON’T KNOW what you DON’T KNOW.” Sometimes it takes experience to find out what that is, but the more we develop ourselves by learning from the experience of others, the more we will create value in our lives without it costing us dearly. And to this day, I’m still learning how smart my dad was. As a man told me on a plane once when he heard I had a young son, “The older he gets, the smarter you’ll be.”
Ask yourself the questions
Let me finish with a story of a woman and her daughter. As the woman was cooking the ham, she took a cleaver and chopped off the bone of the ham before putting in her rather large pot. Her daughter asked, “Mom, why do you chop the bone off the ham before cooking it?”
She answered, “I don’t know, my mother always did, so I do it too.”
Her curiosity got the best of her, so she called her mother and asked, “Mom, why did you always chop the bone off the ham before cooking it?”
Her mother answered, “Because I didn’t have a pot big enough to put the whole ham in.”
Sometimes the question we need to ask ourselves is why we are doing what we do. Sometimes, learning why we do what we do can cause us to change, and in turn do things better. The ignorance of just following suit without knowing the reasons can be more damaging than not knowing how to do something in the first place. At least then we seek to learn how to do it right. Now, that kind of experience is something that can benefit us all!
If you want to find out why you do what you do, please join us for the next Journey Training. I hope to see you soon!
Listen patiently. Listen attentively. There’s nothing frustrating like having a thought or ideas and having the listener ignore you or maybe not quite “connected.” Listen to what they have to say. Don’t be in a hurry to make excuses. Listen first. This sets the stage for turning the conversation more productive. Frustration can also be on your end later. How many times have you been frustrated at not getting all the information and realize, you were the one that didn’t effectively listen to all the facts? Listen patiently. Listen attentively.
Apologize.
Apologize for what happened. Don’t take it personally. It’s not likely something you did directly, but apologize anyway. More often than not, the listener needs to hear you recognizing what happened and to take responsibility. “I am so sorry!”
Solve.
The next step is to actually solve the problem. That’s the least we can do. Create a systematic solution in a creative and loving way. Did you offend the listener? What could you do differently in future conversations? How can you make the interaction better and create a better understanding for the next time you need to have a crucial conversation? Most of the time the listener wants… wait for it… to be heard and apologized to (“Listen” and “Apologize.) No excuses. Listen. Apologize. Then solve the problem, going the extra mile whenever possible.
Thank.
Thank them? Absolutely. Many times a listener will not say anything further to us, but if they bring something negative to our attention, that is an opportunity for us to get better at serving them. Yes, I said serving.
Proverbs 15: 31-33
“If you listen to constructive criticism, you will be at home among the wise. If you reject discipline, you only harm yourself; but if you listen to correction, you grow in understanding. Fear of the Lord teaches wisdom; humility precedes honor.”
We should always be serving others with understanding. That alone deserves a “thank you!” That heartfelt gratitude on our part may be all it takes to turn them from frustration to acceptance and appreciation.
My wife, Noell, says a phrase all the time: “Would you rather be right or happy, because you can’t always be both!” We even have an exercise at The Journey Training about being right or happy.
When I am operating within my mission, it keeps me going.
How can I teach when I do not know?
Being stuck does not allow me to learn.
How can I inspire when I am stuck in a hole?
I need to keep pushing forward.
How can I serve when I am stuck?
Look at it this way; if you were a waiter, could you serve the table if you are sitting in your chair?
As a leader, it is my role to set the example for others; getting stuck is not what I choose to do. WAIT, unfortunately sometimes it does, so what do I do?
I surround myself with people that energize me.
I am not looking for those who are in a pity party; otherwise I will end up in the pit with them. If you put a crab in a bucket and it can climb out of that bucket, it will climb out. But if you put two crabs in the bucket, when one of the crabs tries to climb out, the other will pull it back in. Neither will ever escape. It doesn’t matter that it’s possible to escape, the crabs will hold each other back from doing so, that’s why its important to choose driven and like-minded people to be in the bucket with you. Thrive15.com is an “edutainment” company created to help you succeed; I choose to be surrounded by mentors that help me stay driven. I enjoy being around those that encourage me to be a better version of me. The Journey Training allows me to be around people that encourage me to pause in my life and take action on things I may be putting off.
Listen to music that uplifts me.
There are certain kinds of music that uplifts our spirit, others that supports our misery. I choose uplifting. I also listen to soundtracks from movies. I think and you think of happy things, it changes your mood.
I go for a walk
When you exercise it releases endorphins, and it puts you in a better mood. I was recently on a walk, and irritated by my own decisions. I came across this HUGEMOUNGOUS, UGLY spider. It was eating its own web. I sat there for 30 minutes. No radio, no TV, no distractions other than the occasional bird, or dog barking, and watched it. It was almost like the spider was taking up the webbing that it had made, and put in the wrong place and was eating it. I read later that spiders do that to get back the energy and protein it needs. It helped me realize that some of the decisions I made may have been wrong, but I can learn from them, and they can make me stronger.
The solution here is when you get stuck, get moving! Take action! Hiding, going to bed, addictions, watching TV, all of these are easy ways to stay in your rut, in fact they are ways to continue to stay stuck.
When you are ready to make a change, you will take action. This is one of the many reasons I am a HUGE supporter of The Journey Training. You want to get unstuck, go thru this training. I will guarantee this will help you. Why? Because you are taking action, taking a step.
Being stuck is a just that – stuck! Want to be Unstuck? Get UNSTUCK!
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Not long ago Holly and I were at a friend’s house enjoying a visit on their back patio. It was a beautiful warm evening, and I looked up and noticed a large and ornate wind chime hanging securely from a branch high above us. I watched the wind chime as it danced around making a beautiful soft song in the breeze. It’s funny how God often uses simple objects in nature to teach me life lessons – it was time for another one of those teachable moments.
As I looked up at that wind chime in the tree I noticed the gentle tension it’s weight was placing on the cable line it was hanging from. All the pieces were aligned and hanging neatly in place, ready for the wind. As long as that wind chime’s cable line is straight and securely anchored to a strong branch of the tree, all of the other separate parts can work together in harmony and make beautiful music when the winds begin to blow. It is the deep strength of the tree and its branch that allows that Wind Chime to operate at its full potential, becoming what it was created to be – an instrument that makes beautiful music in response to the winds of adversity. The chime was correctly aligned vertically to that branch, which made all of the other parts aligned as well. Had that same wind chime not been securely fastened to a strong tree branch, the same winds would have brought it crashing to the ground.
God reminded me in that moment that this is an example of my life. Recently I experienced strong head winds blowing against me in my life through a recent job loss. It forced me to completely reevaluate my priorities and that what I was drawing my security and strength from. Through my relationship with God, the love and support of my family and friends and the training I received from The Journey Training, I am able to see the season from a different perspective. I am resisting playing victim and am using those winds as a valuable tool to build my faith and trust in God – and to deepen my love for Him and for others. It hasn’t been easy, but being anchored into HIS tree and branches has made all the difference as the winds blow!
Think about this – what “branches” are you placing your trust in? What is your anchor to bring security in your life? Is it a career? Money? Health? Possessions? Relationships? These branches give us only false security in life and bring us temporary happiness and fulfillment that is fickle and fleeting. When the winds and storms of life’s stresses come and begin to blow on us from every side, what or Who do we cling to?
Remember this – the wind chime makes beautiful music when the winds are blowing. When it’s completely calm outside the instrument is silent. It was not created for the calm, but for the wind. Likewise, we were created to reflect His glory through the ups and downs on our Journey through life. The bible tells us in James 1 to “count it all joy when you face various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect work, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.”
We all need times of rest and renewal, but remember this – trials and challenges are a part of our journey. God uses these times to carefully shape and strengthen our character and reflect His glory and power back to the world. John 15:5 says, “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.” Rather than going through life carefully trying to avoid all hardships, focus on anchoring deep into The True Vine, accepting that we will face adversities. And know that when the winds of life blow hard on you from all directions, your life will make beautiful music to everyone around you and bring glory to Him!
I betcha won’t ever look at a wind chime the same way again…
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I’ve found that investment always produces return. Sometimes it’s not what we expect, but the law of conservation of energy states that energy cannot be created or destroyed, but changes form or is transferred. I know that the amount of investment I put into something is directly proportionate as to what return I get. The trick is to take the time to invest!
What to invest
Well, most would say, “I have no money to invest, so that leaves me out.” Really? What about time? What about effort? What about knowledge? There are so many things you can invest that you are left out only if you choose to be left out.
My college music professor once asked me, “Danny, how often do you practice?” My reply went something like, “Well, these days I usually don’t practice much because I’m playing all the time.” Then he said it – “Remember something Danny. There’s someone out there with half your talent that will go twice as far because they take the time to practice.” That piece of advice has stuck with me my entire life!
Being “salty” takes investment
Being a musician, I can say that the better I know a song, the better I can make it sound. Last Sunday I was hired to play a service. A few of the songs I knew really well, and then there were 3 pieces I’d never heard before. I can sight-read music, so I could play it. But I couldn’t add much “salt” to it. This means I had to keep it simple and basic so I hit correct notes instead of doing funky licks and runs – which can make an average song really stand out!
The more I practice a song, the better I know it. The better I know it, the less I have to think about it. The less I have to think about it, the more I can think about what cool things to do to make it something really special! But if I don’t spend any time practices and getting to know the music, I’m just being average, or even below average!
What to invest in
I use music as an example, but what about your job. The better you know your job, the less mistakes you’ll let slip by. You’ll be able to spend your time polishing your work instead of just trying to figure it out. This is why continuing education and hands-on experience means so much.
What about relationships? Would you say the better you know your spouse or your kids, the easier it is to be the best you can be to them? Spending time learning the love languages of those around us can pay huge dividends! I mean, if I’m always buying my children gifts when what they really need are words of affirmation, I’m getting a diminished return on my investment! They’ll love the gifts, but they’ll really love the encouragement! Taking the time asking them, “How can I love and support you” can be a simple way to learn someone’s needs – and save time trying to figure it out.
And especially, in my walk with Jesus Christ, the more I know the heart of the Father, the better I can see what he’s trying to do in my life. Instead of wondering why I’m going through the things I am going through, I try to get in the word and see what God might be trying to teach me in this moment! I know one thing, my Father’s heart is for my good, not for my demise (Jeremiah 29:11) and He wants to give me the desires of my heart (Psalm 37:4). I think for too long I’ve been praying for God to change His mind about what I want when prayer wasn’t meant for that. If my prayer is constantly trying to change His mind, I am wasting my time! God never changes. But what does? Our hearts can change.
My prayers lately have been to help me align my thoughts and desires with what God desires for me. When I come around to His way of thinking, I’ll have the peace and contentment I am looking for. So instead of “wrestling” with God, I think I’ll invest my time to get to know His heart more. I’m going to end this blog now so I can read some of His word. Happy investing all!
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