Giving Gifts

Giving Gifts

 

Christmas! The most wonderful time of the year! A time filled with breaks from school, parties, shopping, pictures with Santa Claus, decorating the tree, hanging the stockings, family get-togethers, huge meals, cookies, and opening gifts. As children, we dream constantly about all the gifts we want and hope to get. As adults, we strive for finding the perfect gifts for everyone on our lists and the anticipation of watching the happy reactions of our loved ones and friends as the gifts are opened. What a wonderful time indeed!

The True Gift

The wonder of this holiday season and the gifts we give and receive can be so overwhelming that we often lose sight of the real reason for the season. God gave us the true gift of Christmas when He placed His love for all of us in the form of a baby named Jesus. “And when they came into the house, they saw the young Child with Mary His mother, and fell down and worshipped Him. And when they had opened their treasures, they presented gifts to Him: gold, frankincense, and myrrh.” (Matthew 2:11)

Our Gift to God

God came down to earth as a baby to ultimately show us how to love one another and to be in communion with Him. So what can we give God in return? I don’t think He’s looking for more gold, frankincense, or myrrh. It’s actually much simpler than that. We can give gifts back to God everyday by the way we live! When we choose to treat each other with kindness, mercy, grace, compassion, and love, God receives an incredible gift. That is what our Father would want more than anything and He gives us a way to do that in His word. It costs us nothing but our time and action. “Therefore encourage one another and build one another up.” (1 Thessalonians 5:11)

Giving Gifts

In The Journey Training, we teach a simple tool for following God’s word. We call it “Giving Gifts”. Gifts are all positive words used to affirm the best things about another person. All you have to do is go to the person you want to give the gifts to, look them in the eyes, and say “The gifts I see in you are…” If I were doing this with my beautiful wife, Lisa, it might sound something like this: “Lisa, the gifts I see in you are unconditional love, patience, courage, a sweet, sweet spirit, a great mom, and captivating beauty.” That’s really all there is to it! You can do this with anyone at any time. You will make the other person feel better about themselves and you will feel better about yourself. It can completely change the dynamics of the relationships in your life and even change you!

Merry Christmas!

Giving Gifts

 

I encourage you to try using this tool with your family and friends throughout this holiday season. You really have nothing to lose by trying, but you have everything to gain. The person receiving your gifts might just cherish your words more than any gift you could buy. Life is short and it is precious! How we live  is our gift to God.

 

From the entire Journey Training team, we wish you a very
MERRY CHRISTMAS!

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Thanksgiving by Lisa Vrooman

Thanksgiving by Lisa Vrooman

As we approach this week’s day of Thanksgiving, each of us will most certainly be taking time to pause and reflect on the blessings in our lives. When we enter into gratefulness, we open ourselves to the abundance of God’s love and His gifts, such as peace, faith, and joy. We naturally feel the impulse to express those feelings and what better way to bless ourselves and others than a simple expression of thanking them for being them. Not only can this lead you in growing spiritually and increasing your grace for others, it is said to be beneficial for mental and physical health. It’s a win-win!

Don’t wait to give thanks

All of this is done while being mindful of what others don’t have. We would be remiss if we don’t also pause to reflect and pray for France in the wake of the Paris terrorist attacks. It is a painful reminder of the changing world we live in today, as well as the fact that none of us truly know if we will have another day with those we love. So don’t wait to express your gratitude. “Gratitude turns what we each have into enough.” (Melody Beattie)

Give thanks to heal

ThanksgivingPresident Lincoln urged Americans to pause and give thanksgiving and praise in 1863. In the midst of our nation being ripped apart by civil war, he issued the Thanksgiving Proclamation declaring it a national holiday. He stated, “It has seemed to me fit and proper that they (gracious gifts from God) should be solemnly, reverently, and gratefully acknowledged, as with one heart and one voice, by the whole American People.” He also asked Americans to lift up in prayer “to His tender care” those who had suffered from the war and to ask for Him to “heal the wounds of the nation and to restore it … to the full enjoyment of peace, harmony, tranquility and union.” Certainly his statements and sensibilities still ring true for not only our people and nation, but also our nation’s position in world affairs today.

Don’t allow Thanksgiving and gratitude to be “just a day” but a “way to live!” Feeling an increased sense of gratitude and all of the blessings that come with it is just one of the benefits of attending The Journey Training. It is a great way to bless yourself and those around you!

 

Give thanks for each new morning with its light
For rest and shelter of the night
For health and food, for love and friends
For everything thy goodness sends.

– Ralph Waldo Emerson

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Listen and Learn

Listen and Learn

Great customer service is one of the cornerstones Chick-fil-A is built on. I would love to tell you that we never have any complaints from customers, but that would not be true. Sometimes we miss the mark. When that happens, we need to respond quickly and act compassionately. We have a training that involves the acronym: L.A.S.T. We can also use this in everyday life. How many times have you had a confrontation with a co-worker, friend or family member? How did that interaction go? When you left, did you feel like you could have handled it better? Use LAST!

Listen. Apologize. Solve. Thank.

Listen.

Listen patiently. Listen attentively. There’s nothing frustrating like having a thought or ideas and having the listener ignore you or maybe not quite “connected”.  Listen to what they have to say. Don’t be in a hurry to make excuses. Listen first. This sets the stage for turning the conversation more productive. Frustration can also be on your end later. How many times have you been frustrated at not getting all the information and realize, you were the one that didn’t effectively listen to all the facts? Listen patiently. Listen attentively.

Apologize.

Apologize for what happened. Don’t take it personally. It’s not likely something you did directly, but apologize anyway. More often than not, the listener needs to hear you recognizing what happened and to take responsibility. “I am so sorry!”

Solve.

The next step is to actually solve the problem. That’s the least we can do. Create a systematic solution in a creative and loving way. Did you offend the listener? What could you do differently in future conversations? How can you make the interaction better and create a better understanding for the next time you need to have a crucial conversation? Most of the time the listener wants… wait for it… to be heard and apologized to (“Listen” and “Apologize.)  No excuses. Listen. Apologize. Then solve the problem, going the extra mile whenever possible.

Thank.

Thank them? Absolutely. Many times a listener will not say anything further to us, but if they bring something negative to our attention, that is an opportunity for us to get better at serving them.   Yes, I said serving.

Proverbs 15: 31-33
“If you listen to constructive criticism, you will be at home among the wise. If you reject discipline, you only harm yourself; but if you listen to correction, you grow in understanding. Fear of the Lord teaches wisdom; humility precedes honor.”

We should always be serving others with understanding. That alone deserves a “thank you!” That heartfelt gratitude on our part may be all it takes to turn them from frustration to acceptance and appreciation.

My wife, Noell, says a phrase all the time: “Would you rather be right or happy, because you can’t always be both!” We even have an exercise at The Journey Training about being right or happy.

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Do my kids really NEED Me and how I figured it out!

Do my kids really NEED Me and how I figured it out!

My oldest son came home from school today with his graduation cap and gown. He is a senior and will graduate 3 days after Mother’s day. I feel a combination of joy, sadness, pride, ….and nausea!  Do my kids really NEED me?

Whenever my kids have a champion moment that signifies they are growing up, I am so proud of them and happy for their future, but…it adds to a growing feeling that I am becoming less and less needed in their lives.

I decided that the best way to find out what they need from me, their mom, was to ask them, so I did and here is what they said:

My 18 year old son, Connor said, “What I need from my mom is”:

  • Advice, not instruction – “I want and need your advice from your life experiences….I also want to make my own mistakes.”
  • Privacy – “Knock before coming in my room…and then wait for me to say come in. I’m not hiding anything, I just need some privacy”
  • Respect my time and schedule – “I like being able to help you out, I just don’t like it when you assume I don’t have plans and you plan something for me.”
  • Communicate Family Plans – “I actually like family time, I just want to be able to plan around it, otherwise, it makes family time feel like frustration rather than fun.”
  • Positive Reinforcement – “ I need to be told when I do something right, not just when I do something wrong. I need to know you are proud of me”
  • Love – “I know you love me when you support my ideas and when you tell me you love me.”

My 16 year old son, Casey said, “What I need from my mom is”:

  • Communicate Family Plans – “I really like our family time, but I don’t like canceling my plans because I wasn’t told family plans have been made.”
  • Support – “I need your support when I have a new idea! I need encouragement and you to help me not quit when I want to give up.”
  • Support – “I also want your support by you going to my school functions and my orchestra concerts and me. It makes me feel like you are proud of me.”
  • Hugs – “Believe it or not, I like it when you hug me….even in public!! It doesn’t embarrass me, it just lets me (and everyone else) know that you love me.”
  • Positive Reinforcement – “I need to be told when I have done well. It encourages me to repeat the good stuff.”
  • Love – ”When you tell me you love me I know that you do…actually, everything you do for me tells my you love me!”

My 15 year old son, Chase said, “What I need from my mom is”:

  • The Basics – “I need you for a place to live, food, money, and presents!”
  • Support – “It means a lot to me when you go out of your way to go to my band stuff. I like that we have that in common. I also appreciate your help paying for all of my band trips and going on them with me!”
  • Advice without intrusion – “Basically, don’t get involved in my love life! It’s embarrassing!”
  • Sometimes a hug – “(it’s ok if it is all the time, not sometimes) I like that you hug me in public, my friends are actually jealous, cause you’re a cool mom!”
  • Obedience – “I know this will never happen but you asked what I need from my mom so….I thought I’d try to slip this one in.”
  • Love – “Making time for me and my activities shows me that you love me”

My 12 year old son, Cameron said, “What I need from my mom is”:

  • Advice – “I need your advice on how to handle situations at school…but not about girls!”
  • Support – “I need you to help me pay for my band trips (of course) but I also really like it when you go on the trips with me. I like seeing that you are proud of me.”
  • Hugs – “Any time, anywhere, in front of anyone! I know you love me when you hug me!!”
  • Communication – “I need you to tell me when family stuff is planned ahead of time. I don’t like getting ready at the last minute.”
  • Time – “I need you to spend time with me alone, just you and me!”
  • Love – “I know you love me when you give me hugs, time together, and gifts….I like gifts…”

My 11 year old daughter, Savannah “Savy” said, “What I need from my mom is”:

  • Cuddles – “I just like to cuddle with you and talk about my day! Hugs and kisses are always needed too!”
  • To be taught things – “I need you to teach me to do things that I don’t know how to do, like doing my own hair and putting on make up.”
  • To be available – “I need you to be available for me to talk to you about school and about my day.”
  • Time – “I need time alone with you. It doesn’t matter what we do.”
  • Love – “I know you love me when you help me with my homework and you make time for me.”

My 10 year old daughter, Sydney said, “What I need from my mom is”:

  • Money – “I’m too young to make enough myself so I need you to pay for stuff for me.”
  • Hugs, Kisses & Cuddles – “I like this all the time but especially when I am upset! You are my “happy place” when I am sad or upset.”
  • Time – “I like it when we spend Mom/Syd time. I get all of your attention that way.”
  • School Lunch – “I like it when you come to my school and eat lunch with me.  It makes me feel special that you go out of your way for me for lunch.”
  • Love – I know you love me when you tell me you love me and when you hug me and rock me….I’m not too old for that!!!”

 

As you can tell, I didn’t filter their lists…. I was amazed at how easily these answers came out of them as if to say, “of course I need you mom”, all the while I am telling myself a story that they don’t need me. Their needs change as they get older but they don’t go away. I still call my mom when I’m sick for her to tell me what medicine to take and for her to say, “I’m so sorry you feel bad.” Even as an adult, that still helps!

I have shared these insights from my children not to tell you that these are the needs of your children, rather, to show you what you can find out if you ask! Sit down with your kids one on one and ask them what they need from you as their mother. Tell them there is no wrong answer and let them have fun with it!

The last thing on each of their lists was answering the question of how they know that I love them. Be sure and ask them this question. Listen carefully to this answer from your children and you will hear the answer to the greatest need they have for you….your love!

The book “The Five Love Languages for Children” (or teenagers) by Gary Chapman, is a great tool that tells you how you can “tell” your child that you love them through a language that they understand.

So, do my kids really NEED me?  If you are like me, and you wonder if your kids need you or if they know you love them… ask them! It is the only way to know.

 

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Create Memories that Last Forever

Create Memories that Last Forever

“Christmas is the perfect time to celebrate the love of God and family and to create memories that will last forever. Jesus is God’s perfect, indescribable gift. The amazing thing is that not only are we able to receive this gift, but we are able to share it with others on Christmas and every other day of the year.” ~ Joel Osteen

Memories that last forever are the ones where something significant happened. When I was growing up, many Christmases were the same; get up early, run into the other room, look for presents under the tree (on the years we had one) and rip into the presents! I also remember a bowl of nuts – not normal ones – but some that were weird looking. I recognized the peanuts, walnuts, and some weird shaped triangular ones that I always used the metal nutcracker we had to open them up. If you follow my blogs you know that I am a slow learner, so I ate them every year and thought, “Yuck, why are these out?” Still there they were, every year. In fact they may have been the same nuts over and over! Then at night Mom would get drunk and what had started as an amazing day usually ended with yelling and tears.

My incredible wife Noell and I decided to make new memories. One of the things we started doing that has since caught on is giving gifts. Not just presents, but gifts. These gifts are given more infrequently than most other gifts, but are free and unlimited! And they can literally change someone’s day and make a memory that will last forever.

You don’t have to be strong to do this; just a little brave. And you have to take off the mask you usually wear, which is something many first learn how to do in The Journey Training. 

Just sit down with someone you love, hold their hand and look them in the eyes, and tell them the gifts you see in them. For example, I would do this: I hold my wife’s hand, look her in the eyes, and tell her, “The gifts I see in you are an INCREDIBLE wife, one that knows when I hurt and won’t show it, one that gently nudges me to put the phone away and pay attention to the kids. You are the mother of my kids that I prayed for all my life. Your love for others is one that is unparalleled.” Then I hug her and tell her I love her.

Then I’ll move on to my kids; I do this individually with each of them in the same way. I would share with them how proud I am of their leadership (Connor), how their optimism and smile helps motivate me daily (Casey), how they amaze me with their musical talent (Chase), how their heart for giving and to help others makes me want to do more for others (Cameron), how I love watching them take care of others around them, and that I can’t last a single day without a hug from her (Savy), and how she has the gift of tenacity and pushes through until she gets what she wants (Sydney), and how it inspires me. I do this one by one; looking each of them in the eye and making sure each of them know how much I love them.

Sure, they can open a toy that they may forget about later, but they won’t forget when time stood still, and I as the man of the house I showed them my love, and at the same time I showed them how to love others.

Try it this Christmas. I know you (and they) won’t be disappointed. You’ll give a gift that will never grow old, be forgotten, or be something they didn’t want!

If you’ve ever wondered exactly what The Journey Training is all about, this pretty much sums it up. We just show God’s love in a new and different way.

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