Lose Your Quit

Lose Your Quit

I was speaking at an event in New Orleans recently, and I told a story of a defining moment I had during my time on The Biggest Loser. I think it might be something that you need to hear, too.

On The Biggest Loser, each week we had a challenge. It might be a feat of speed that you might have to compete at (of which I would never win…I’m slow). Or it might be a feat of strength that you might have to win (and there was a contestant there that could do a pull-up on day one! I couldn’t even hang for 1 second at 430 pounds). Needless to say, this 5’11” short, Irish-American wasn’t very fast, or strong, or even confident at the time. For the first 4 weeks I didn’t do well in the challenges. In fact, I was usually in the back of the pack. But in Week 6, we had a different kind of challenge.

Your Strength may not be your strength

When we walked down to the beach and saw Alison Sweeny, we knew something was about to happen. We arrived to see 8 large sand piles on Malibu Beach, each with a shovel handle sticking out of the top. I heard the contestant next to me groan, “Ah, man! Do you know what we’re gonna have to do?” And I answered while smiling, “Oh yea, I do! We’re gonna have to DIG!”

He thought I was crazy, but what he didn’t know was that I can dig! I mean, not just dig, but if you put a sharp-shooter shovel in my hands, it’s like a 6-shooter in John Wayne’s hands! Much of my life was spent with a shovel in hand – on my Uncle’s paving crew, and while looking for property corners while surveying land – and I felt something for the first time: confidence!

The Race Begins

Alison explained that each team of four would have to dig down into the beach and uncover a treasure digging-in-sandchest that contained a key. After we retrieved it and unlocked one of four locks on a prize box, we could go back to help a teammate dig. The first team of four to unlock all of the locks would get what was inside the box.

Alison said, “On your mark, get set, GO!” and we were off! And after 25 minutes of digging, with my back killing me, my chest was nowhere in sight. I was so frustrated, because it seemed I was just making no headway!

Have you ever dug a hole in the sand? What happens? After you dig some sand out, and it looks like you’re making progress, the sides cave in and cover up all of the hard work you just did. After the 25 minutes I was getting so discouraged that I felt like giving up.

It’s not a matter of speed, it’s a matter of will

But I didn’t give up. I kept digging and digging and digging. So much so that I got angry! And finally, the shovel came down and hit something!

“Danny’s the first one to get to his treasure chest!” Those words were the sweetest words I’d heard since going to the biggest loser! I was FIRST at something! I pulled it out of the sand, got the key, and ran to unlock my lock. After doing so, I returned to see who could dig the best so I could help them finish – and my team couldn’t dig worth a darn!

I was first, but our team lost the challenge. And when I found out that the Blue Team had won plane tickets home to their families, I cried. I hadn’t seen or talked to Darci, David and Mary Claire in over a month! I was devastated.

Defining moments often come in defeat

I walked over to the hole I had just dug and looked down in it. And I saw something other than a hole; I saw my life.

Over and over I would begin to lose weight, losing 10 – 20 – 30 – even 60 pounds, only to become discouraged and quit. In fact, I lost 239 pounds in 6 months, 3 weeks, and 5 days on that show – but that was NOTHING! I added up all of the weight I had lost and regained over the 10 years before that night and was shocked. I’d lost over 1,000 pounds! I’d lose some and get injured – quit – and gain it all back. Then I’d lose some more and go out with friends – and eat pizza – and never get back on track, causing me to gain it all back and then some. And let’s face it – when you weigh almost 500 pounds likboxing-800x600le I did, and you lose 20 pounds, it seems like the sand that kept caving in on me! I’ll never be finished!

But that night, digging that hole, I didn’t give up; I didn’t quit. And I finished! I made myself a promise that night. I promised myself that no matter how hard things got, no matter how hopeless things seemed in my life, that when I set out to do something, I WOULD FINISH! I would Lose My Quit. And never again would I be a quitter.

Life is that hole in the sand

In our marriages and relationships, in our jobs, in our health, in our goals and dreams…There will always be a thousand reasons to quit. But what you need to do when you hit those times is keep going! Victory is just on the other side of that obstacle! Lose Your Quit and you will get where you are going.

No matter what you see (or don’t see), no matter what you hear, no matter how you feel, what matters is what you do – Never, ever quit. Never give up, and I promise, you’ll have a defining moment in the struggle, and your Journey will not be in vain!

In The Journey Training, you’ll have several defining moments like mine. You’ll find out things that have been holding you back, things you need to do to get you where you want to be, and you’ll also find ways to enjoy the journey instead of just racing the race! I hope you’ll join us for the next Threshold and begin digging your hole today! The sooner you do, the sooner you’ll have your defining moment!

 

 

Learning from Experience

Learning from Experience

In my career in Land Surveying, which spans 37 years, I’ve learned a lot about the profession. To say I’ve reached the destination of knowing enough would be a stretch for sure, but to say I’ve learned a lot would be the truth.

In our lives, we learn a lot from our experience. I teach an experiential self-development program in Tulsa called The Journey Training which I helped create with some other incredible people. It helps people find out what they don’t know about their actions, lives and beliefs. To explain how it works, as a child you were probably told at one time or another, “Don’t touch that stovetop, it’s hot!” And many of you reading this “tested” that theory you were told to find out it was true, and never touched the hot stovetop again.

When you have an experience like that, the information moves from knowledge in our head to belief in our heart (or wisdom), and you never have to think much on the subject again – you just know the truth! In the training, we “remove the blinders” people have been wearing in their own lives that has been keeping them from what they really want. These unknown truths are the false beliefs we keep defending, but are often what holds us back from knowing the real truth, and in turn getting the outcome we truly want.

And then there were my car-wrecks. It took a rather large insurance bill to wake me up to the truth that a 17-year old boy with two wrecks on his record would cost me. I had to figure it out the hard way when it became rather hard and costly to keep driving because of that insurance bill. I have a 17-year old son today, and quite frankly, I give him as much information as I can – and I hope he has ears to hear!

Know it All

Unfortunately, you were burned if you touched the stove to test the theory (like I did) and it hurt. In our profession, experience is the best teacher. But to save on the cost of learning this way, learning from the experience of others can be a far cheaper, more valuable lesson to us!

I’ve heard many people say with dread, “The conference is coming up. Oh I do NOT want to sit through another one of those.” I remember my first Oklahoma Society of Land Surveyors Conference (OSLS). They were showcasing the latest pen plotters that were available. I remember watching it draw the plat and wondering the logic of why it drew the way that it did. It would begin drawing a word, then the arm would swing away just before finishing the word to draw some lines in the far corner of the plat. Then it would swing back to finish the letters of the word, swing away again, and then come back to dot the i.

Then my dad took me into the conference room and I sat through a 3-hour session about “River Surveys.” It was like a sermon in church to a 12-year-old (I was 12 years old) and I couldn’t keep focused on the speaker. But then a hand flew up in the front and the Surveyor asked a question while the other surveyors wriggled around in their chairs. I think the question was more of a trap for the speaker than inquisitive, and the speaker quickly corrected the Surveyor and perhaps embarrassed him. It seemed the Surveyor asking the question had been doing these surveys wrong his entire life and never realized it. The embarrassment he felt was probably a God-send to the other surveyors in the room who had been making the same mistakes, or had never done a River Survey. His experience, although quite embarrassing, was very valuable to the entire room.

Over the years, I’ve heard many questions in the OSLS Conference classes, and I’ve learned from every one. I’ve learned what I’ve been doing right, and on occasion, what I may have been doing wrong. Both were valuable to me as affirmation or correction, and sometimes just opening my eyes to what I don’t know. Like I say in The Journey Training, “You DON’T KNOW what you DON’T KNOW.” Sometimes it takes experience to find out what that is, but the more we develop ourselves by learning from the experience of others, the more we will create value in our lives without it costing us dearly. And to this day, I’m still learning how smart my dad was. As a man told me on a plane once when he heard I had a young son, “The older he gets, the smarter you’ll be.”

Ask yourself the questions

Let me finish with a story of a woman and her daughter. As the woman was cooking the ham, she took a cleaver and chopped off the bone of the ham before putting in her rather large pot. Her daughter asked, “Mom, why do you chop the bone off the ham before cooking it?”

She answered, “I don’t know, my mother always did, so I do it too.”

Her curiosity got the best of her, so she called her mother and asked, “Mom, why did you always chop the bone off the ham before cooking it?”

Her mother answered, “Because I didn’t have a pot big enough to put the whole ham in.”

Sometimes the question we need to ask ourselves is why we are doing what we do. Sometimes, learning why we do what we do can cause us to change, and in turn do things better. The ignorance of just following suit without knowing the reasons can be more damaging than not knowing how to do something in the first place. At least then we seek to learn how to do it right. Now, that kind of experience is something that can benefit us all!

If you want to find out why you do what you do, please join us for the next Journey Training. I hope to see you soon!

 

 

Balance By: Alison Loyd

Balance By: Alison Loyd

“The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance.” Psalm 16:6

People are always striving to balance work life and personal life. Through an exercise in my “Simply Lose It” coaching group, I stumbled into balance!

The exercise: a spreadsheet with the days of the week running across the top and daily activities running down the side. The activities included SLEEP, GROOMING, NECESSITIES (like eating and cleaning), WORK, and FUN AND LEISURE. For each day and activity, I put the amount of my day I put into each activity in increments of 15 minutes. The idea is to see where your time goes and then, at the end of the day, identify whether you spend more or less than 24 hours. It’s a personal reflection exercise from there.

My times for the WEEK:

SLEEP: 46.5 hours
GROOMING: 5.75 hours
WORK (Mon-Fri): 50.5 hours
FUN AND LEISURE: 49.25 hours
NECESSITIES: 15.5 hours

What jumped out most to me was how close my times were between SLEEP, WORK, and FUN AND LEISURE! They are within 3 hours and 45 minutes of each other. I call that balance!

How did I do this? We can debate the ability to multi-task all day long, so I’ll identify some key points of equality.

Commute: I moved to an apartment closer to work. I work with fabulous people who drive me to and from work. I’m having quality time with friends WHILE commuting to work!

Spirituality and Fellowship: Much of my spiritual time was spent in worship services with friends!

Meal prep: I am at my healthiest when my meals are planned, prepped, and ready to go. Not only do I make healthier choices, but it also frees up time later in the week for other activities.

A veteran teacher I work with is great about organizing social activities. She says, “Work will ALWAYS be there.” As a teacher, there is always something I can be doing for work. But if I focus too much time there that’s burn out, not balance.

Where are you spending most of your time? Work on the exercise mentioned above to help you find out.

What can you do to find balance in your life? Maybe it’s walking with friends, setting some alarms on your phone, or making reminders for yourself.

In The Journey Training, participants are given tools to help prioritize the important things in life and manage commitments and time. Do some multi-tasking and enroll in the next Threshold class. You’ll give time to you, your work, and your relationships!

 

Listen and Learn

Listen and Learn

Listen. Apologize. Solve. Thank.

Listen.

Listen patiently. Listen attentively. There’s nothing frustrating like having a thought or ideas and having the listener ignore you or maybe not quite “connected.”  Listen to what they have to say. Don’t be in a hurry to make excuses. Listen first. This sets the stage for turning the conversation more productive. Frustration can also be on your end later. How many times have you been frustrated at not getting all the information and realize, you were the one that didn’t effectively listen to all the facts? Listen patiently. Listen attentively.

Apologize.

Apologize for what happened. Don’t take it personally. It’s not likely something you did directly, but apologize anyway. More often than not, the listener needs to hear you recognizing what happened and to take responsibility. “I am so sorry!”

Solve.

The next step is to actually solve the problem. That’s the least we can do. Create a systematic solution in a creative and loving way. Did you offend the listener? What could you do differently in future conversations? How can you make the interaction better and create a better understanding for the next time you need to have a crucial conversation? Most of the time the listener wants… wait for it… to be heard and apologized to (“Listen” and “Apologize.)  No excuses. Listen. Apologize. Then solve the problem, going the extra mile whenever possible.

Thank.

Thank them? Absolutely.  Many times a listener will not say anything further to us, but if they bring something negative to our attention, that is an opportunity for us to get better at serving them.   Yes, I said serving.

Proverbs 15: 31-33
“If you listen to constructive criticism, you will be at home among the wise. If you reject discipline, you only harm yourself; but if you listen to correction, you grow in understanding. Fear of the Lord teaches wisdom; humility precedes honor.”

We should always be serving others with understanding. That alone deserves a “thank you!” That heartfelt gratitude on our part may be all it takes to turn them from frustration to acceptance and appreciation.

My wife, Noell, says a phrase all the time: “Would you rather be right or happy, because you can’t always be both!” We even have an exercise at The Journey Training about being right or happy.

Getting Stuck

Getting Stuck

I was asked what I do when I get stuck, and it has taken me a few days to really think about it.

I am very fortunate; I have an internal drive that many do not have.  I wish it was as easy as that, but there is more.  My mission is to Teach, Inspire and Serve.  

When I am operating within my mission, it keeps me going.

  • How can I teach when I do not know?

              Being stuck does not allow me to learn.

  • How can I inspire when I am stuck in a hole?

             I need to keep pushing forward. 

  • How can I serve when I am stuck?

            Look at it this way; if you were a waiter, could you serve the table if you are sitting in your chair?  

As a leader, it is my role to set the example for others; getting stuck is not what I choose to do. WAIT, unfortunately sometimes it does, so what do I do?

  1. I surround myself with people that energize me.  

I am not looking for those who are in a pity party; otherwise I will end up in the pit with them. If you put a crab in a bucket and it can climb out of that bucket, it will climb out. But if you put two crabs in the bucket, when one of the crabs tries to climb out, the other will pull it back in. Neither will ever escape. It doesn’t matter that it’s possible to escape, the crabs will hold each other back from doing so, that’s why its important to choose driven and like-minded people to be in the bucket with you. Thrive15.com is an “edutainment” company created to help you succeed; I choose to be surrounded by mentors that help me stay driven.   I enjoy being around those that encourage me to be a better version of me.  The Journey Training allows me to be around people that encourage me to pause in my life and take action on things I may be putting off.

  1. Listen to music that uplifts me.

There are certain kinds of music that uplifts our spirit, others that supports our misery.  I choose uplifting.  I also listen to soundtracks from movies. I think and you think of happy things, it changes your mood.

  1. I go for a walk

When you exercise it releases endorphins, and it puts you in a better mood.  I was recently on a walk, and irritated by my own decisions. I came across this HUGEMOUNGOUS, UGLY spider.  It was eating its own web.  I sat there for 30 minutes. No radio, no TV, no distractions other than the occasional bird, or dog barking, and watched it.  It was almost like the spider was taking up the webbing that it had made, and put in the wrong place and was eating it.  I read later that spiders do that to get back the energy and protein it needs.  It helped me realize that some of the decisions I made may have been wrong, but I can learn from them, and they can make me stronger.

The solution here is when you get stuck, get moving!  Take action!  Hiding, going to bed, addictions, watching TV, all of these are easy ways to stay in your rut, in fact they are ways to continue to stay stuck.

When you are ready to make a change, you will take action.  This is one of the many reasons I am a HUGE supporter of The Journey Training.  You want to get unstuck, go thru this training.  I will guarantee this will help you.  Why?  Because you are taking action, taking a step.

Being stuck is a just that – stuck!  Want to be Unstuck?  Get UNSTUCK!

FREE Mini Journey Training

Discover How To Find More Passion and Purpose In Your Life!

Click here for instant access to FREE Training