Have you ever found yourself in an argument with someone – perhaps your spouse, a family member, or a business partner – and you just couldn’t come to an agreement? Perhaps it’s not totally their fault. I know, I know… You’re always right, right?
A friend of mine told me that in the past she always said her dream home was a white home with a wrap-around porch. When she’d tell her husband about this, he’d say, “No way! Brick is what we’ll have!” She’d grit her teeth and think to herself, “Why is he so controlling?!” When I asked her, “What happened?” She told me she finally gave in and they now live in a brick home – which she loves! She said, “Utilities are cheaper, it protects from the elements so much better, and the resale value is much higher than a frame house like I wanted. I’m so glad we chose brick!” I asked her to explain why she was willing to give up her dream home. She continued, “I asked myself: Is my husband crazy? Nope. Is he stupid? Nope! Does he love me? Yup! Then there’s got to be a reason for that!” She chose to consider a positive possibility rather than a negative one.
When she chose to see things from a different perspective, that perhaps her husband had their best interests at heart, she was willing to let go and accept his decision – and now she’s happier for it! After hearing this story, I began thinking of all the things in life there’s got to be a reason for. All the fights, all the disagreements, and all of the decisions we make! I began to dig a little deeper and concluded that in life, we tend to make up stories about why someone does what they do. Sometimes, those stories are true; and sometimes they aren’t!
On the way to a hike, my son and I were driving by the casino when the car in front of us turned into the parking lot. It was 7:45am! I said, “That’s sad.” My son asked why it was sad and I told him, “If someone was pulling in to the casino that early, they must be an addicted gambler.” I was an addicted gambler years before and identified with them. He then said, “How do you know dad? They may be celebrating their birthday with family and meeting everyone there for breakfast.” Man, what wisdom! What a different perspective! He looked for a positive possibility rather than a negative one.
Later on the hike, I told that story to my Bootcamp and one of my trainees said, “She might have been going to work to provide for her kids.” WOW! That’s a possibility, too! Why am I so judgmental when I don’t know the real story? And the only way I’d know the real story is if I asked.
So many times in life, we make up stories and judge people by our own deductions of what their true intentions are. Perhaps we should just ask what they are rather than assuming something negative! If my friend had asked her husband why he wanted brick, he could have explained it to her. Maybe no argument would have ensued!
Then I thought if I quit judging people so harshly, I’d see the positive possibility instead of automatically gravitating to the negative one. And I promise; if you’re the one who gravitates to those negative possibilities, you’re not alone! Many people come to The Journey Training with behaviors that create unnecessary friction, drama, and negative outcomes in their life – and they don’t even know why! By the time their training is over, they’re not perfect; but at least they know some of why they do what they do. Then, if they choose, they can begin to change it – and in turn create a better life!
I promise you, whether you tend to choose the positive possibility or the negative possibility, there’s got to be a reason for that. Are you ready to find out why? Sign up for Threshold class in The Journey Training and open your eyes to a whole new world!
In life, I believe we have all been equipped to do whatever we want to do. I hear people say “I can’t” over and over again. As Henry Ford once said, “If you think you can or you think you can’t, you’re right.” I know, I know… Your circumstances currently don’t support that saying. Well, circumstance rarely does.
For years, I’ve always said, “When you’re ready, willing and able, you can accomplish anything you set out to do.” Recently I’ve changed that saying to, “When you’re ready and willing, you can accomplish anything you set out to do.” You see, you’re able. You’ve always been able.
I hate the term “disabled.” I have a long-time friend names Mike McTheny, who I have known since the 2nd grade. I’ve known him most of my life, and one thing has always been consistent: he’s in a wheelchair. I’ve rarely seen him as disabled. The times I have, I was wrong. You see, Mike has always been able to do more than many I know that can walk. He can shoot a mean game of pool, and back in the day he was a formidable foe when playing foosball. He also used to push me around the high school in his wheelchair. Yup…you heard me right. HE pushed ME!
Mike represents something in my life called WILL. Have you ever heard that other saying, “Where there’s a WILL, there’s a WAY”? I like that saying much better. The way appears when the will is present. But when there is no will, it might as well be impossible. That, in a sense, is being WILLING.
I’ve often told people who want help losing weight to come back to me when they can say “CAN” more than they say “CAN’T.” The fact is that they’re just not READY. I hear every excuse in the book! “I don’t like broccoli” or “I can’t exercise” or even “It’s a texture thing – it makes me gag.” Well, when I went to The Biggest Loser, I was READY! Did I love broccoli? Only when it was smothered in cheese! But when I became READY to lose weight, I was WILLING to put on my big boy pants and eat broccoli. And do you know what happened? I DIDN’T DIE! In fact, I learned to love broccoli without all the cheese, and I also lost 239 pounds. Sometimes you just have to Lose the Lies to get what you want. The excuses have to go, and that happens when you are READY for change.
So don’t tell me you’re not ABLE. I Don’t Do “ABLE.” You can tell me you’re not READY. You can tell me you’re not WILLING. But I know you’re able. When a man like Mike McTheny, who no one would blame if he sat in his chair for the rest of his life CHOOSES to fight to walk – even if it hurts – I know you can Lose the Lies and do anything you want to do. You’re able; but you also have to be READY and WILLING!
Have you ever heard the saying “You tend to create what you most fear”? Well, most of my life, I’ve been looking for trouble!
I don’t know about you, but it’s sometimes hard to understand why Murphy’s Law used to be the theme of my life. Over the years, I began to see a correlation with what I was seeking and what I was finding. Let me explain:
In Matthew 7:7 (NIV), it says “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.” I always viewed this with asking God for your desires, needs and wants. Lately, I’ve began to see a different perspective.
My pastor Orlando Juarez of The Bridge Church in Bixby told me a story. It went something like this:
There were two young boys who went to visit their grandfather. They loved to visit Grandpa because he had this awesome tractor they could play with in the back yard and a garden they could explore! When they arrived, they ran in and said, “Grandpa! Grandpa! Can we go play in your backyard?”
He answered, “Of course you can!” Then he added, “But don’t you spit on my bush!”
The boys just looked at each other in confusion and shrugged, and then they ran outside and shut the door behind them. The grandfather peeked out the window and watched as they walked out, looked at the bush, looked at each other, and spit on the bush before running to play! Why did they do that? Spitting on the bush would have never come to mind if Grandpa hadn’t brought it to attention. But when he brought it to attention, the kids gravitated to it. I now look at life the same way.
When we speak and think of the worst case scenario, we can tend to subconsciously set into motion things that will bring that scenario into existence! Most of the time, we don’t even realize it! It’s kind of like the guy that says, “I can do anything but that…anything but that and I’ll be alright!” And then he does that!
Whatever you seek you will gravitate to and find. This can also be seen in Job 4:7-8 (NLT). It says, “Stop and think! Do the innocent die? When have the upright been destroyed? My experience shows that those who plant trouble and cultivate evil will harvest the same.” In my life, what I have concentrated on has generally come to pass. Not always in black and white, but in general, we reap what we sow. And the choice is ours.
Galatians 6:7 (NLT) says, “Don’t be misled—you cannot mock the justice of God. You will always harvest what you plant.” So why do we point out spitting on the bush? Why do we dwell on the negative – the rules – what not to do and who we should NOT be? Let us focus on who we are, what we truly want, and who we should be.
Don’t go looking for trouble; chances are you’ll find it!
In all of our lives there are special people who cross our paths and make an indelible mark, a lasting impact.
I often talk about everyone having the ability to influence someone else. Like throwing a pebble into a pond, ripple after ripple grow out touching others and changing what is around them. That’s you! And each one of us can affect and influence others just by being who we are.
Rewind to seven years ago.
Truett Cathy was raising money for the Winshape Foundation, so I bought him in an auction. That’s right. I BOUGHT him. The auction was to raise money for a great organization, so there was a lot of participation. Truett was gracious enough to offer a day with himself as one of the top prizes. The day included airline tickets for 4, hotel rooms, and a day with Truett at a car show on his property. When I won the auction, I invited another Chick-fil-A store owner and his 13 year old son to accompany Connor (my oldest who was 10 at the time) and me.
We decided to go a day early to tour the Chick-fil-A corporate office to see (among other things) the Batmobile from Batman 2 that’s there in the building. While we were there, Truett ended up inviting us to tour his office and then took us to a speaking engagement with him! I will never forget how he was with our boys. Truett has taught boys this age for decades, so it’s no surprise that he masterful with them. He leaned in to the 13 year old and asked him, “Has your father had the sex talk with you yet?” You should have seen the horror in the boy’s eyes. “Uh, yes sir, he has” he stammered, looking to his dad for approval. Then Truett leaned in toward Connor and I was sure the same question was coming. I was nervous because I had not had The Talk with him yet, but Truett threw a curve and inquired, “Do you want to know the secret of Chick-fil-A?” Connor nodded. “Can you keep a secret, son?” Connor nodded again. “So can I!” said Truett as he walked away with a smile…
We started traveling at 5am that morning and by this time it was nearly 11pm, so Connor was wiped out. Truett decided to take us to the very first Chick-fil-A called the Dwarf House. When we arrived, he handed Connor a bag of plush cows and said, “keep up with me!” and proceeded to walk through the restaurant giving everyone a cow. When they were done, the three of us took seats one barstools. Connor looked over at me and whispered, “He spit on me!” “Who spit on you?” I asked. “Mr. Cathy!” “Forget about it. Go ahead and eat your food.” I figured that sometimes people may spit a bit when they talk, so that’s likely what happened. A few minutes later Connor made a face and looked at me again – and he looked pretty irritated. “He SPIT on me!” I looked over at Truett and he’s just sitting there giggling!” For a moment I thought, “Did he really…?” Then Truett looked up and I followed his gaze to an air conditioner condenser covered in water and realized what was happening. We all had a good laugh and I’ve never forgotten that day.
Truett loved to quote Proverbs 22:1. “A good name is rather to be chosen than great riches.”
Truett Cathy was a great man and when his name comes to mind, I don’t think of his wealth or the company he built. I think of his gentleness with my son. I think of how he connected with people and wanted to see them truly prosper. We don’t have to do amazing feats to change our world. All we have to do is start with what you have that’s right in front of us just like Truett did every day.
Start where you are.
Have you ever been looking for that ‘perfect opportunity?’ Well, guess what? It will never happen. The opportunities to serve are the ones you will choose to engage in. YOU, will make them happen.
Don’t complicate it. Here are things that will NOT happen:
- You will never have enough money to do it right.
- You will never have enough time to do it right.
- You will never have the right weather to do it right.
- It will never be in the right place for you to do it right.
Face the facts… It will never be the perfect opportunity.
Use what you have.
In the book of Judges in the Bible, Samson slays 1000 Philistines. If he spent a lot of time looking for the perfect weapon to slay 1000 people, we may still be waiting on him today. He used what he had. What he had was the jawbone of a donkey.
Use what you have when serving. If all you can do is open a door, do it.
- If you can let that person pull in front of you, do it.
- If you can volunteer in the children’s department 1 weekend a month, do it.
- If you can, give a homeless person $1, do it.
- If you see a turtle crossing the road, pull over and move it.
Do what you can.
If for some reason you think these things don’t matter, think about it:
- That person you held the door for may have their hands full.
- The person you let pull in front of you may be late for their first date, and it could impact the rest of their life.
- That child you loved on could come from a broken home and that’s the most love they had in a while.
- That $1 you gave to a homeless person could be the difference on they getting a meal or not.
- Moving the turtle could actually save its life…
Small gestures can have BIG results, but if you do not put it into practice you will never make something happen. Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can. It will make a difference.
